A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I am late thirties. Whenever I go to a mall or wherever and see couples and families with children out together I get this tight sensation in my chest and I feel rock bottom sad that it didn't happen for me, as I never married or had children. I wasn't in a relationship for a long time and when I started my current relationship my boyfriend was clear about not wanting more children as he has 2. I thought I was ok with that as I was already too old. But now I can't seem to get over this horrible feeling of missing out, although to be honest even if it was possible I still wouldn't have a child because I'm too old and I know that it's a very long committment. So why do I feel like this? I have started staying at home rather than go out and see or speak to couples or parents. I feel as if I've gone mad and don't know what brought it on. Thanks for the help.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2012): You're not too old to have a child. But if you stay where you are now, soon you will be. You need to find a man who shares the same desire of having a child with you. Otherwise you will grow old and live with the regret of not having a child for the REST of your life. You only have one life to make your dreams come true. Don't wait anymore. As YouWish said, you're with the wrong guy. The right guy will SHARE your dream and you'll both work towards your guys' dream together. Start of by finding HIM. And as others have mentioned, talk to families and friends instead of bottling these emotions inside. Your boyfriend is obviously not the one to talk to or not the one for you. Breakups take strength but it's the only way to ensure both of your guys' happiness.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2012): You are not the only one, for example, all of us single people feel awful seeing all the happy couples everywhere. It is especially hard for me when I see that even women who look much worse than I can find somebody, while I, decent looking, get zero male attention.
At least you have a boyfriend, and if you want kids, you can break up with him, find a new boyfriend, or even adopt as a single mother, go to a sperm bank, etc. You have options.
Why would you sacrifice the life you want for this man? Would he do the same for you? He obviously doesn't care too much about what you want.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2012): I agree, I have a 2nd cousin who is in her 40's and she's not long given birth to twins, so you're not too old.
I think the reason you feel depressed is because your partner doesn't share the same desire to have child as you.
If you find someone that wants what you want, I'm sure you'll begin to feel enthusiastic about the idea of having a child of your own regardless of your age.
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A
female
reader, Bobbyjo +, writes (29 July 2012):
 You are definitely not too old to have a child. My sister has just had a baby and she is 41. So dont worry about that. But I would think about either having another talk with your partner, explain to him how you feel and how much you would like a baby. If he still refuses, I would then look elsewhere for someone who wanted the same things as you x
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A
female
reader, Eyespy17  +, writes (29 July 2012):
I am 34 and was feeling the same exact way when I would see babies - happy couples. I was with a boyfriend who didn't want kids or to settle down. It was almost painful when a coworker would announce their pregnancy. That was 3 months ago.
One day I gave up feeling sad, confronted the boyfriend and he admitted he didn't want a *real* future with me. We broke up. It was very painful. Still is at times. But I put myself out there - on dating sites - and clearly stated that I want a life partner/marriage and kids.
Guess what ? A month ago I met a guy who wants the same. Its obviously too soon to say if he is the one - but it gave me hope. And I don't feel the same pain as I did when I see babies/happy couples because now I see it is possible that it will happen for me too! Even if not with this guy - then another because I'm being direct as to what I want. And if no one comes along by the time I'm 38 - I will have one on my own.
Don't give up home - think of it like a mission - a job interview - and put a plan in action to start to make it happen. First step - talk to your boyfriend. Tell him everything and have a real conversation about what you want / need.
Good luck. Xoxo
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (29 July 2012):
 You arn't too old to have a child, you have at least 5 or 6 years to fulfill your dream, I just think you are with the wrong guy. Even if you had a child on your own, it's perfectly do-able and millions of women cope well.
The dream is definitely not over for you, so don't waste time upsetting yourself with negative thoughts that do not necessarilly reflect the truth.
Still loads of time.
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A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (29 July 2012):
 Hi
Somebody I know got married last week, her fella had his steralisation reversed for her. He has children from a first marriage but wanted some with her. She is 36 he is 42. They met a year ago when she had given up hope.
If you trully want a family talk to your man, then consider your options. It could be time to move on.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (29 July 2012):
 You're with the wrong guy, and I'm telling you, you are *not* too old for kids if you want them. One of my best friends has two kids, her first was when she was 41 and her second at age 44. I also saw that the average age of a mom having her first child (at least in the US, not sure about the UK)is 34.
I'm sorry you've been depressed, but I think you swallowed some untruths about yourself. You *have* time, and I'm sure you'll make a great mom if you decide to have them.
You shouldn't hold onto this depression alone. You should talk to someone, a family member, or a trusted friend, or someone like a counselor if you're feeling like you're inhibiting your life because of this feeling. But whatever you do, don't sell yourself a bill of goods, because you can still have your dream. Unfortunately, it's not going to be with the guy you're with.
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