A
female
age
41-50,
*opranorose
writes:Hello agony aunts,I would really love someone's outside opinion on this situation, as I don't want to read or interpret things the wrong way unnecessarily and get my feelings hurt again...I met a guy at work and we flirted for a month or two. My head was in a different place so while I was happy to flirt with him and enjoyed it, this man wasn't a focus in my life. There were a lot of held glances, him approaching me to talk, we would have a laugh and when we went out for drinks after work he would come over, put his arm around me, kiss me on the head, cheek etc So I had no doubts he was attracted to me. He is from the continent and was only over for a few months. We went out after work the night before he was going back home and everyone said goodbye and eventually it was only the two of us left and we kissed. That was it as he was leaving very early the next morning! So we have been talking regularly on the Internet (every 3 or 4 days at the very least, which to me is quite frequent). I happened to be going away to the country he lives on holiday this summer and he suggested we meet up. Things were fine for a good few months but then I felt him become different and pull away. After asking whether he still wanted for us to meet up in the summer he told me he felt the need to say something about "us"... He said he "finds it very difficult to build up a relationship as such as we live so far apart" and also that he "doesn't feel there is anything strong going on". I thought, oh, ok then.. You have initiated all of this, drawn me in to just pull away as if the months of flirty, suggestive etc talk was nothing. But, despite that he still wanted us to meet and I too was happy to do this. I have recently come out of a long relationship so I thought it was probably best for me not to be going into anything serious too soon anyway. So we met, and spent a few really nice days together. I do know he enjoyed our time as he kept saying so. He was caring, quite romantic and loving... It definitely didn't feel like we were both there for a 'dirty' weekend together or just to serve a purpose to each other. We went on a few day trips togther and even met up with one of his friends. And as it turns out he is now coming back to the uk to work in September...When he dropped me off at the station is was just a casual goodbye, I enjoyed the weekend kind of thing, we kissed and the whole car journey he had been looking at me, smiling, touching my leg...I have the tendency to kind of throw myself into things too much and let my feelings run away with me, but I a) don't want to ruin things and scare him off and b) don't want to get the wrong end of the stick if he's not that interested and just get my feelings hurt and my dignity damaged as I always seem to do. Am I reading this the wrong way? Is he only after one thing and now he has got it he won't be bothered anymore? Do I leave it til September when I could see him again? He doesnt give much away and it can be so ambiguous. I can't help myself start to develop feelings for him..Thanks for your help.
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female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (4 August 2012):
 He has spelled it out for you that he DOES NOT want a relationship.
He said he "finds it very difficult to build up a relationship as such as we live so far apart"
he "doesn't feel there is anything strong going on"
'When he dropped me off at the station is was just a casual goodbye'
These are RED FLAGS that should not be ignored, but many women choose to ignore them in the hopes that a relationship will prosper...chances are, it won't.
Men are not complicated, they pursue that which they truly want and make excuses and throw up confusing behaviour to that they don't want.
'He doesnt give much away and it can be so ambiguous'
The reason they don't tell women straight, is because they do not want to incur any wrath or come off looking like the bad guy.
This guy already got what he wanted...to have sex with you.
Has he called since?
Has he e-mailed or text you, saying how much he misses you?
If the answer is no...then you can lay money on it that he isn't thinking of you.
Of course in September he may contact you again, but if you get the same HOT and COLD treatment, then you would be best to call it quits unless you want to run your heart through the shredder!!!
Am I wrong?...well check out some of the several hundred posts here on DC about the very same thing and you will see the odds of things working out arn't good.
Don't have sex with him again, unless he comes on bended kness begging you to be his girlfriend...If he gets his leg over again sans relationship, you can pretty much expect to be relegated to the freiends with benefits bin...and that is a shitty place to be if you're a girl.
Hugs and be strong
xxx
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