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... Send *untyEm a private message | | | *untyEm's profile:Hello, there. I am a 49 year old mother of two girls.
What qualifies me to give advice?...well I guess because I have had a pretty hard time and have learned a lot in my lifetime.
Divorce, teenage kids, money worries, relationship worries...all manner of things I have coped with and I am still here to tell the tale.
My answers will be pretty hard hitting. This is because I will tell you what you NEED to hear and not what you WANT to hear. This isn't always popular but I would rather get to the heart of the matter and tell it like I see it rather than give someone false hope or a misleading answer that could make them even more confused.
God Bless all who take time to give precious advice here, it has restored my faith in human kindness :-) xxxxx |
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| Latest articles: Happy Christmas: My thoughts on DC
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 December 2009: To everyone on DEAR CUPID, Having been an 'Aunt' on DC for a couple of years I have to say that I absolutely love and adore this site. It confirms to me that in a jaded cynical and unscrupulous world there are still people who care enough abou...
A Survival Guide for the serial Dumpee!!
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
17 July 2007: Are you continually getting dumped?, Do you never get passed the first date? 1) Never assume love. The more you think you like a guy, the more you must let him chase you.Don't lose your head and think you love him, before things have evn gott...
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My relationship is a complete mess and I don't know what to do.
Q. Someone please try to advise me. I cannot believe the awful situation I now have in my relationship. Were not married, but I live with my 4 year old daughter and her mother. Her mother does not love me, she only wanted a child to trap me into a r...
A. 4 December 2012: No idea what country you are in but you need to go back and see the lawyer yourself. If the child and her mother were born in the country you now live in, it's unlikely you will be able to bring your daughter back to the UK without her mothers ... (read in full...)
Should I leave my wife and 2 kids for my mistress?
Q. Should I leave my wife and especially my 2kids for my 4years realtionship with mistress? I cant seem to leave my mistress, she is 11 years younger than me, I bn married for more that 13 years, soon 14. I dont want her to meet soomeone else, the more...
A. 4 December 2012: I guess all the pain and confusion you are feeling is the price you pay for cheating and lying your way through a marriage and having sex with women you have no business getting to know in the first place.
You need to leave your wife and kids, to... (read in full...)
She is a weak woman who thinks with her heart and not her head. what is wrong with her?
Q. hi i got myself into a tissy and i my conscious is getting the best of me. sometime ago i connected with a woman on a dating site. i didnt tell her i was bi and not divorced and occassionally sleeping with my husband and my man boss. she thinks...
A. 4 December 2012: Lady, you ever read the vows you took on your wedding day?
I just wondered where it said in them
'Thou shall be free to have sex with whomever thou choosest with the agreement of thine beloved in the vain and shallow hope that thine marriage n... (read in full...)
What is the key to being single and happy?
Q. I am a 24 year old female. I have a good head on my shoulders, I'm career oriented, and for the most part, lead a very balanced and fairly busy life. But ever since I started dating in high school, I've noticed that I've never really been happy when ...
A. 4 December 2012: I don't think you can ever be happy single if it's not in your heart to be single.
You are young and have life ahead of you and events can change in the blink of an eye.
I think there is a fair amount of prediction in your words, you are a... (read in full...)
Why do I get so angry and obsessive in these types of scenarios?
Q. A friend and I had a falling out three years ago. She dropped me when I was going through a difficult period because she didn't want to deal with my "instability." At the time, I was upset. I mourned the relationship for a month or two, but I ...
A. 4 December 2012: I don't think there is anything wrong with getting the hump when people who let you down, suddenly turn up like nothing happened, maybe it's just your level of anxiety over it that's a bit off kilter.
It's really annoying when ex boyfrien... (read in full...)
We sleep in separate beds, and I worry it’s killing our relationship
Q. My boyfriend and I sleep in separate beds. We have different sleeping patterns – I’m an early riser and insomniac; he sleeps late and needs a lot of sleep. About a year ago, he started kicking me out of bed in the middle of the night, saying I was ...
A. 3 December 2012: How is the rest of your relationship? Are you affectionate with eachother at other times? Would you say you have a good, loving and happy relationship? Do you spend quality time together?... (read in full...)
My husband is spending Christmas in Australia without me!
Q. My husband of a year and 9 months decided to go on hols to Australia for 6 weeks (he only works at peak seasonal times) - i couldn't get off work. He rang at weekend saying he was gonna stay with his mates over christmas and new year. I am totally ...
A. 3 December 2012: Not acceptable, not by any standard. If he stays for christmas and new year, he may as well stay for good.
To say 'you will get over it'...Those are the words my ex husband said to me when I told him I wanted him to quit drinking and gambling... (read in full...)
I'd just like to have be married before 30 and start having kids around 30?
Q. well here is my situation. I have been dating my boyfriend for 3 and 1/2 years and we are very happy together. We have been living together for a little over a year now. He's got a 4 year degree and I'm just about done with mine. The thing is, I'm ...
A. 3 December 2012: He does understand you and what you want...he just doesn't want the same right now and although your reasoning is a perfect plan for you, it isn't perfect for him.
His dream is to go to medical school and that is going to take 100% focus and comm... (read in full...)
15 months after breakup we are still friends. I know I need to end things all together but I'm too weak!
Q. Hi everyone I have been on this site before and had some lovely replies. My partner who I loved deeply end our relationship just over a year ago. I was totally devastated. (we are both mid forties). Then 6 months after the split we started ...
A. 2 December 2012: I think I remember that people here before told you to go cold turkey, but obviously you haven't and now it's hurting you immensely.
Truth is that there is no magic wand or secret potion, no words of wisdom or alternate universe in which you will... (read in full...)
New man wants to take a break because of my crazy ex husband
Q. I'm currently going through a divorce from an emotionally/verbally/physically abusive marriage. We have been separated for 4 mths and divorce is in process.. I started dating one of my good friends about a month ago.. This past week ex started ...
A. 2 December 2012: I think he is being very sensible by backing off. You are technically still maried and only separated for 4 months, that is not enough time for things to be sorted out and settled down, especially if your ex is violent/agressive.
It was also a h... (read in full...)
In love with my friend but she wants me to leave her alone. She's my best friend and I miss her ....
Q. Hi I'm back. I'm female and been in love with my best friend also female. This summer she been in and out of mental hospital for bipolar disorder. We recently been back friends. I want us to be more than friends but she only want to be just fri...
A. 2 December 2012: Leave her alone, find another friend.... (read in full...)
Do I love my wife? I like/love other women too. Am I a person who loves many women?
Q. I think this is a common issue... I am not so sure. But I am in a condition that I have love/likeness for other women than my wife. I have emotional relationship with few women. we share our thoughts and flirt. I keep in touch with them always. i...
A. 2 December 2012: 'I just couldn't help myself'
'I am so confused'
'She made me do it'
'It wasn't my fault that it happened'
'It's just the way I am'
'I have a very high sex drive'
'My wife doesn't understand me'
'My wife is always tired'
'My wife gives all h... (read in full...)
What gives girls the right to be angry with men who did not respond to their advances and rejected them in the past?
Q. A little over a month ago I moved back to my hometown after many years of absence. Since returning I have had a few "blast from the past" encounters (in the shape of eye contact and non-verbal communication only, mostly over the frozen chicken isle ...
A. 2 December 2012: It seems that you haven't even spoken to any of these past women so it's impossible to know what they think to be honest.
I could see a woman bearing a grudge over many years if, say, she'd been jilted at the alter or cheated on by the love of ... (read in full...)
She is a weak woman who thinks with her heart and not her head. what is wrong with her?
Q. hi i got myself into a tissy and i my conscious is getting the best of me. sometime ago i connected with a woman on a dating site. i didnt tell her i was bi and not divorced and occassionally sleeping with my husband and my man boss. she thinks...
A. 2 December 2012: Your rant is like a rabid dog trying to bite it's helper.
It's apparent you are uneducated and perhaps not developed enough to make an informed caring judgement about your 'situation' I accept there are people such as yourself in the world, b... (read in full...)
How can I express my dissatisfaction with my boyfriend more effectively?
Q. how do i tell my boyfriend of 3 yrs im not happy, he hardly touches me anymore, i want to try for a baby but he dont, it dont seem like we r in a relationship its like we just exsist, we live together we argue 50% of the time, aand half the time it ...
A. 1 December 2012: Probably not the best time to have a baby, unless you want to be a single parent. If you are telling him, nagging him, asking him, pleading with him and he isn't listening then maybe it's time for 'time apart' to see if it's sink or swim.
For b... (read in full...)
How do I shake off this feeling that he does not love me? Could be be using me for something else?
Q. I am seeing a man from Africa. I don't know how he feels about me nowadays. Nor if he loves me. We only see each other once a week. I am american and am used to a lot of attention when I am in a romantic relationship. He works and goes to sc...
A. 1 December 2012: How long have you been together?
Where did you meet him?
How long has he been in the US?
How old is he?
When you first met was he loving and attentive?
More detail needed.... (read in full...)
She is a weak woman who thinks with her heart and not her head. what is wrong with her?
Q. hi i got myself into a tissy and i my conscious is getting the best of me. sometime ago i connected with a woman on a dating site. i didnt tell her i was bi and not divorced and occassionally sleeping with my husband and my man boss. she thinks...
A. 1 December 2012: I don't feel one bit sorry for telling you that from what you have written it is evident that you are a selfish, lying, untrustworthy individual who has no problem deceiving people, manipulating them to get what you want with the inability to accept ... (read in full...)
Why are married men attracted to me?
Q. Well I am going to start off saying this I don't understand why married men seem to be attracted to me I don't flirt with them under no circumstances they seem to aim my way.I am not the one to break no ones home up I don't believe in doing this ...
A. 30 November 2012: In england we have a sexual harrassment law, where by it is illegal for an employer to make lurid sexual or unwanted personal comments or contact to employees which make them feel uncomfortable or under threat in their jobs.
If you have the same... (read in full...)
He says we have sex less often because I've put on weight. Could this be the real reason?
Q. hello, i have a problem. i have been with my boyfriend for 7years. we only have sex sometimes once a week or once a month. he says it's because i've gained weight and it feels different. Can this be true? Also i sometimes think he's cheating ...
A. 30 November 2012: 'Also i sometimes think he's cheating on me, but i do trust him'
If you think he is cheating, then you DO NOT trust him or maybe it's because you feel responsible for gaining weight.
I know there are many circumstances where a partner should h... (read in full...)
Would these be deal breakers? Does it suggest I should be calling the wedding off?
Q. My boyfriend, now fiance are planning our wedding and deciding on a wedding date. We have been engaged for one year. Dated for a year prior. I don't know if it is butterflies in my stomach but a few of his behaviors I am starting to ques...
A. 30 November 2012: I am just wondering why you would even consider marrying a guy you clearly don't trust?
You know all this weird stuff about him (taking pics and oogling women) and yet you have agreed to marry him?? why is that?
It never fails to amaze me how ... (read in full...)
Why does someone dump you and then come back acting like he wants my attention?
Q. I dated a guy for six months. We were really close--I thought. He told me he loved me AND cared about me-- AND showed it as well. Two months ago he told me I was beautiful, intelligent, AND perfect for him but something was "missing" AND ...
A. 30 November 2012: Congratulations, I am glad you guys sorted it out xx... (read in full...)
I'm finally ready to move in with him after a year and a half of long distance relationship. Now he says he doesn't think we're right for each other.
Q. I have been in a long distance relationship for a year and a half. We have been very happy and planned to move in together. He has alway said he wanted to marry me and now that i am in a place to move in with him he has said he is not sure we are ...
A. 29 November 2012: Different country, different religion, long distance relationship??... How much time have you actually spent in each others company?
He has been living in a fantasy of non commitment with you and now it's all getting a bit real, he's backing ... (read in full...)
He's been separated for 6 years but wont get a divorce, am I a mug for staying with him?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for 18 months, he has been separated from his wife for 6 years! But still isn't divorced! He says she means nothing to him and its only a piece of paper. We have bought a house together and I have 1 child and he ...
A. 27 November 2012: Not to be morbid or anything but if he died, she'd get everything that is in his name. You need to protect your assets by keeping records of anything you buy or any house repairs you pay for.
He is being short sighted by staying married to her a... (read in full...)
My partner is wanting to move out because he feels numb...
Q. My partner want to move out... he has been in depression for 2 years... He has started counceling but after 4 months quit, because he felt the councelor was really not helping..He is taking 150 ml of zoloft. He has been saying that he is numb, not ...
A. 27 November 2012: It sounds as if he needs some adjustment to his medication as feeling numb for any length of time is not good and not really addressing the reasons for his depression.
It's very difficult to encourage someone to seek help again when they have bec... (read in full...)
How to get many answers to your question.
Q. So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
A. 27 November 2012: Excellent suggestions and very true...If I see a post that is just a massive block of text, I also tend to avoid it...white space is good.
I'd also like to add that if you wish to write to a specific aunt via private mail, sometimes it's better t... (read in full...)
She says she hates me and that I have no empathy! What do I do now?
Q. i never thought id be doing this but here i am. Im in a 2nd marrage and have been for 10 years. No bio children but 5 between us, mine are 25 to 30. my wife recently told me she's had enough, hates me, and i dont give anything back while she give...
A. 26 November 2012: I think you should have marriage counselling to help you communicate better with her. There is always room for improvement and if she is actively telling you what she wants and you cannot respond, perhaps you need help to learn how to handle her ... (read in full...)
I don't want any contact with my "boyfriend", what Do I Do Now?
Q. I met my boyfriend 11 years ago during vacation and it was instant connection, we hit it off right away. We are in long distance relationship, YES believe it or not, we are and we kept in touch all those years. I am sure some people out there will ...
A. 26 November 2012: I am with Sage on this one.
Not sure what you are expecting to hear from the aunts here at dear cupid but personally I think you need a boot up the backside.
You have endured years of disgusting disrespectful and disgraceful treatment at the... (read in full...)
Do you think he contacted me because he wanted to move on and close this door for good?
Q. I met this man over a year ago after chatting online. We hit it off. He lives in another state but he flew in to meet with me and have dinner. We had a great time and he went home. He contacted me the next day to say he wanted to come back again ...
A. 26 November 2012: A lot of guys continue to make some kind of contact with ex's but it rarely means anything. I don't think they know themselves why they do it but it happens a lot...I myself have had texts and email from a few ex's...short simple messages and then ... (read in full...)
Trying to strengthen our relationship has hurt her, what should I do?
Q. I've been with my girlfriend for about 7 months. My previous relationship ended 4 months prior. (At the time prior to meeting my current girlfriend, I had already made up my mind to move on and get back in the dating world.) Unfortunately I found ...
A. 25 November 2012: You made several primary mistakes so no wonder your girl is backing away.
You dumped your ex because you wanted to date other people and then you go back for closure??? WTF!! how selfish, I bet she was shocked to see you!!
You bad mouthed your... (read in full...)
I fell for him and my heart is broken
Q. Hi aunts and uncles. I am suffering extreme heartache and I would like to know how to get over it or reduce the pain. I'm waking up at 6am crying as reality hits that he doesn't want me and has left me and for someone else. It's going to sou...
A. 25 November 2012: Just accept that you were duped by him, accept that it was never meant to be because he was lying from the start and accept that you need to move on quickly and forget him. Hanging it out and clinging to hope only means you will suffer for longer ... (read in full...)
He thinks he should "be alone". Does anyone have any advice or insight about the way he broke up and why after 11 months?
Q. We're both 44 and divorced. We've been dating about 11 months. We get along well, enjoy hanging out and his kids really like me a lot. All is going well. We tell each other "I love you". While my house was being finished I lived with him and t...
A. 25 November 2012: If you didn't now better, you'd think that something has been said between him and his ex wife as it seems all this came from the point he had a conversation with her about the kids.
Perhaps there are issues that you don't know about?, maybe fi... (read in full...)
Does he not really want me, or is it all in my mind?
Q. Right this is a long story cut short. I met someone a yr ago and for the first couple of months it was all good and then cracks started to appear. He had more female friends than normal, especially one who was his ex that would txt him flirty ...
A. 23 November 2012: Seems he can bend over backwards to help anyone, but that doesn't include you.
He is obviously a guy who likes a lot of hangers on and has a reputation for flying into action when a damsel (or a mate) is in distress and the fact that he has defe... (read in full...)
Do I send him a note???
Q. Ok there is a guy at the gym, he is one of the trainers, I am always in a hurry and barely ever get a chance to stop and talk to this guy but I have liked him for ages. Whenever we do talk he is quite shy with me and often looks away when I ...
A. 23 November 2012: Sending a note is a bit weird and you can't assume he's single. As honey said, try to strike up a convo with him, maybe ask him to help you train and see how he reacts.... (read in full...)
Should I wait for him to contact me?
Q. I have been with a man for a year now..first six months just dating. I wouldt commit to him due to a new divorce, which drove him crazy to the point he was ready to give up on me...so with that in mind I gave in. I had great feelings for him and we ...
A. 23 November 2012: In all honesty the guy isn't a chess piece on a board. You cannot move him around to suit you or treat him like shit if he doesn't do something you expect him to do.
You blasted him for not texting you enough and then ignored him when he did?...h... (read in full...)
Is it common for people to be in a relationship and signed up to online dating sites?
Q. I have noticed this kind of question comes up a lot on this website. Is it very common for people to be signed up to dating websites whilst in a relationship. I have found my boyfriend to be doing it and lying about it. when he is not able to lie, ...
A. 21 November 2012: I dated someone for 3 and a half years who continued to lie and use internet dating/hook up sites. Even when we lived together for a while, he still did it.
The guy had a very strange view of women, was an extreme flirt and cheated on me so many ... (read in full...)
What is going on with the married man I'm involved with?
Q. I am involved with a married man who came on strongly via email and text. He has a very stressful time consuming job, but found time to spend with me on the phone, and write long romantic letters. We have seen each other twice. At the beginning, he ...
A. 19 November 2012: Of course you are perfect for him..
You are always there when he needs an ego boost, you won't ask for nothing, won't complain when he never leaves his wife, won't complain when he is still having sex with his wife and you have no expectat... (read in full...)
I feel ashamed that I have let him have such power over me. Please help me!!!
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for 8 years. I know he is probably a good person, but he makes me so sad most of the time. He literally critiques almost everything I do. Just to make sure I wasn't crazy, which he frequently tells me I am, I started ...
A. 17 November 2012: Where ever you are, in whatever room, you go to that big oblong shape in the wall, turn the handle and leave.
You are in a controlling abusive relationship and at it's worst, your life could be in danger.
Your family want you to leave him bec... (read in full...)
I feel I've lost so much. How can I get my life back on track after breaking up? Life's really tough for me right now.
Q. Please ladies explain this to me. I'm on my own for the first time in my life and I'm 36 now. Two long term relationships, 2 children and I'm ashamed to say with both women. The first I thought was love. The second I walked out on in the mi...
A. 17 November 2012: You sound very emotional at this time but I also think you are in denial.
You quoted that the lady you were with was your soul mate, the only woman you had ever loved (so what about the first woman??)
People who love their partner and clai... (read in full...)
I flirt with my wife's slutty friends. Could this be a reason for her going cold on me?
Q. My wife has friends who are slutty and easy but when we go out I tend to flirt with them and carry on like i'm interested, but really I only like the thought and sometimes the occasional petting. I dont want my wife to freak if I'm ever caught in a...
A. 17 November 2012: I think you should give her a divorce to allow her to find someone decent who has more respect for women.
Referring to women as 'slutty' in this day and age is derogatory, bigoted and vile.
You have more 'issues' about you that you are unaware ... (read in full...)
I push friends away even though I want them. What do I do?
Q. I feel like I've totally screwed up my life. I don't have any friends in my area. I always hide behind work. At work I'm very sociable and bubbly but when they ask me out I don't want to go. I don't want anyone getting close to me although deep down ...
A. 16 November 2012: Please know that many many people from all walks of life feel like this at some point in their lives.
We are so conditioned from an early age to believe that having a family or a fulfilled loving relationship is the only key to a happy life and... (read in full...)
Sex Survey: how often do you want it?
Q. Questions for married women ages 40-50 in long term marriages. How often would you like sex? Once a week? Every day? How often does your husband initiate? Please state your age, years married and sex frequency you'd like. Also state your % est...
A. 16 November 2012: I am 47 and I am celibate.... (read in full...)
Why does someone dump you and then come back acting like he wants my attention?
Q. I dated a guy for six months. We were really close--I thought. He told me he loved me AND cared about me-- AND showed it as well. Two months ago he told me I was beautiful, intelligent, AND perfect for him but something was "missing" AND ...
A. 22 October 2012: Yes I agree with soveryconfused, block him from facebook, if he really can't live without you, he'll come running. If he doesn't get in touch, at least you will have your answer.
I think FB can sometimes be a lazy way to keep peripheral contact ... (read in full...)
Why does someone dump you and then come back acting like he wants my attention?
Q. I dated a guy for six months. We were really close--I thought. He told me he loved me AND cared about me-- AND showed it as well. Two months ago he told me I was beautiful, intelligent, AND perfect for him but something was "missing" AND ...
A. 22 October 2012: I remember you posted the exact same question quite a few weeks ago and were given several different answers.
I am guessing that not much has changed in the past few weeks and the guy hasn't come back to ask you out again.
It seems like he ma... (read in full...)
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