A
female
age
51-59,
*el K
writes:I am involved with a married man who came on strongly via email and text. He has a very stressful time consuming job, but found time to spend with me on the phone, and write long romantic letters. We have seen each other twice. At the beginning, he spoke of finding " the one", because his wife of 20+ yrs will never be " the one." He has teenaged children that he says he loves very much and with whom he is very close. He was up front immediately that he will never leave his wife, because of the pain it would cause the children. I believe this is true, and have made it clear that I don't want him to leave the family. He has been incredibly sweet to me, says I am perfect for him, but suddenly says he is afraid he will hurt me.What is going on with him?
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male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (20 November 2012):
 It sounds like he realizes where this relationship is going. He obviously has feelings for you and he senses that you are falling for him as well.
Unfortunately, he knows that he can't leave his wife because of his children / commitments. He knows he is toying with his own emotions and risking his marriage. He is also likely seeing the writing on the wall if his wife finds out: child support, alimony, and being labeled a cheater. It is certainly understandable that he has suddenly withdrawn.
I think you need to ask yourself why you would be happy with this situation. He's been honest with you (as best as he can anyhow) and you've been willing to take what little scraps that he can provide. Why would you settle for this? Did you hope maybe he would change his mind and leave his wife? I know we all want to be loved, but why chose this?
Hopefully his cooling off will give you some time to collect yourself. His silence may be a blessing in disguise: it may allow you to find the true love that YOU deserve. Don't interject yourself into a failing marriage and hurt his children and his wife... That is one guilt you'll have to live with for the rest of your life.
Eddie
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2012): Clearly you are NOT "The one" for him, nor will he find "The one" if he continues to play silly games like this. He needs to get a back bone and either leave his family, or let you be free to find someone who is willing to commit to you and ONLY you.
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A
female
reader, Mel K +, writes (19 November 2012):
Mel K is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your replies. His cloak and dagger tactics have me exhausted anyway. It will be over soon.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (19 November 2012):
 Of course you are perfect for him..
You are always there when he needs an ego boost, you won't ask for nothing, won't complain when he never leaves his wife, won't complain when he is still having sex with his wife and you have no expectations of the relationship...
All this that you have told him is bull sh*t to be honest, because you WILL eventually want more, you WILL want him to leave his wife and you WILL expect him to put you first.
Get real, be honest with yourself or is having his scraps enough for you?
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (19 November 2012):
 Honey he's married. What wrong with him is probably that his wife is starting to figure out that he's got a little bit on the side and he's not going to risk upsetting her.
Why do you think so little of yourself that you are willing to accept sloppy seconds from a man who is using you for nothing but sex?
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (19 November 2012):
 His "message" to you is clear.... and it has NOTHING to do with "hurting" you. He's "saying":
I know that I have you on the hook and can have s*x with you.... BUT, I've been rudely awakened to the fact that, if/when we do that, my wifey will have all the power in what remains of our "marriage".... AND, I stand to get SCREWED (and lose just about all I've ever worked for.....) when I am cited for adultery......
You, unfortunately are the "collateral damage" in his brief attempt at a "fling"....
Sorry... and good luck in the future...
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