A
male
age
41-50,
*by1
writes:Please ladies explain this to me. I'm on my own for the first time in my life and I'm 36 now. Two long term relationships, 2 children and I'm ashamed to say with both women.The first I thought was love.The second I walked out on in the middle for because I've never known anything to be so right, anyway my soul mate, the only woman I've ever loved and the most important person on this earth to me doesn't want me anymore due to some silly mistakes I made, just flirting thru emails texts n so on. So proved her love to me by ending the relatinship.Messed up my life basically, I've had to start seeing doctors again because I can't cope with this life without her and the children. Not once in over 2 years have I been happy, lost everything, my best friend, my 2 sons and 3 step daughters. So last week I'm in a home improvement store and just thought, why did I make our house look nice, why did I spend hours decorating until it was perfect, why do I plan anything when now I seem to have lost so much?
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best friend, flirt, soulmate, text Reply to this Question
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female
reader, oldbag +, writes (4 January 2013):
 Hi
I know somebody, a couple of years older than you, who lost everything he loved because he did as he wanted,always got the girl he was after.He was left devastated.He has grown up alot since,acknowledged his mistakes.Come to terms with it being mainly,but not all his fault.
All he did afterwards was work and drink really to get through the weeks,one huge 'pity party' crying in his beer.
He has however met somebody else now.I doubt he will ever get over what he lost but life goes on and he has grown up and learnt his lesson.
Happy New Year to you
A
male
reader, tby1 +, writes (3 January 2013):
tby1 is verified as being by the original poster of the question I take responsibility for my actions but they were of a fool, somebody who lost sight of the most important thing and person in my life. New Year's Eve she told me to f@uk off and die and I just wonder how n why this turned out the way it has. When we had the lot, chemistry, connection and more. People still can't believe we're not together due to how perfect we suited each other. I've never been 1 to give up and fail, always got what I've wanted in my life, but I've also now lost the only thing I wanted and needed. Hate myself and can't explain why I done the stupid things other than I saw a tarot and I don't believe in them at all but got told things that only I knew of my past I daren't/won't speak of. Basically I wasn't given much affection as a child and left out in cold and it seems all I ever wanted was this affection, to feel wanted and liked, needing this and was provided by Laura. But the situation changed when children around and I was then given less affection so seeked some comfort elsewhere without realising how wrong I was. I'm not making excuses just explaining. Best wishes for this year to all and those like me all it means is another day another year closer to leaving this nightmare forever
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A
female
reader, megsplace +, writes (26 November 2012):
 if you feel you and this lady have still got something together why did you risk it over the internet? you now must either forget it and move on or show her you still love her and prove it by showing you want to start again and with a date night take her out for a meal and spoil her.she will be still hurting so you must take her feelings into consideration
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2012): If you cannot accept responsibility for your own actions, then it says that you have not learned from your mistakes.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2012): You are showing the same disrespect for her now, as you did back then. You carry on disregarding her feelings even after so long. She deserves respect.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2012): "So proved her love to me by ending the relatinship."
You proved your lack thereof by flirting with at least one woman thru emails texts n so on.
"I can't cope with this life without her and the children."
Then why are you so quick to judge, patronize, condescend to and essentially insult HER for her response to what YOU did to her?
". . . why did I spend hours decorating until it was perfect, why do I plan anything when now I seem to have lost so much?"
Why did you NOT marry the mother of your first child?
Why did you NOT marry the mother of your second child?
Why did you NOT marry your soul mate, the only woman you've ever loved and the most important person on this earth to you?
Why DID you disrepect the mother of your second child, your soul mate, the only woman you've ever loved and the most important person on this earth to you by flirting with at least one woman thru emails texts n so on?
Why did you NOT consider your two children and their siblings by their mother(s) before flirting with at least one woman thru emails texts n so on?
Why are you NOT taking one speck of ownership for what YOU did by flirting with at least one woman thru emails texts n so on?
Why are you NOT learning from your mistake?
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A
male
reader, somewhere_between +, writes (17 November 2012):
 You need to occupy your mind with something to help you move on. I dont mean things like sex texts, chat rooms or dating sites etc. You could take up a sport or a college course. Of course you are depressed right now. You will be, because you got your arse busted and got caught cheating. Taking up a hobby wont make your ex lose her senses and go back to you but it will help take your mind off things.
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A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (17 November 2012):
Hi
'some silly mistakes I made just flirting thru emails texts and so on'
Thats not a silly mistake thats disrespecting your 'soul mate' thats in effect cheating.You broke the trust and for what? You do not do that to people you love.She must have been devastated.
This wasn't a silly mistake it was a dealbreaker in your relationship.You took a risk and it blew up in your face.I hope you get your life back on track and learn from your huge error.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2012): I'll have to echo the other comments on here. You don't seem to be accepting YOUR responsibility for the end of your relationship. It wasn't a 'silly' mistake, you betrayed your partner. You abused her trust and she threw you out.
Rather than asking yourself why you spent time decorating the house, a better question would be, why did I cheat on my partner? Until you accept that YOUR actions are what have led to your situation, there is no chance that she would give you another chance.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2012): It was not a mistake you made. You did it on purpose and you knew what you was doing. The mistake was getting caught. You will have to move forward because you messed up on that one. There is nothing you or a Doctor can do about that now. Anyone would have dumped you. Soul mate or no soul mate. I really dont think you know what love is.
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A
male
reader, Byron Temple  +, writes (17 November 2012):
Was it the first time she caught you or had you pushed your luck much too far that time? Somehow, I dont think you have any thought about what you did or the hurt you caused. I dont believe you even think you did anything wrong. Well, she has got every right to refuse the disrespectful treatment you threw at her. You might find nobody will accept your way of doing things no matter who it is.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2012): it's good that you've admitted to your mistake, but it was not really a silly or harmless one. Did you apologise to your wife? is she willing to give you a second chance. You should not blame her for ending your relationship, she is hurt, won't you be hurt if the person you love dearly cheat on you? Were you expecting her to accept what you did and carry on her as if nothing has happened. You would have doubt her love to you if she has accept knowing you flirted, don't you agree? You don't need an explanation to what happened, you know what happened, you know what you did and you know the consequences. What you need to do now is try to speak to your wife, apologise, ask for forgiveness and see if she'll give you a 2ND chance, everybody deserves a 2ND chance and we all make mistakes. Hope this help. Good luck
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2012): You are having a hard time adapting to being single. It`s probably not as hard for you now, as it was for your "soulmate" back then, when you was "cheating" by email and text. You havent even thought about what she must have felt like being disrespected so much. Hopefully, you havent put her off men for life, and she lives on to find the love and respect.
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A
female
reader, Jeanette82 +, writes (17 November 2012):
 I have been on the receiving end of what you did. You sound exactly like my ex did after being caught numerous times. You have no thought about the hurt and mistrust you caused. Do you actually know that what you did was wrong? You have lost everything, but something about it was worth the risk. I think you are doing the best thing seeing your doctor. I dont believe your online life whilst being in a relationship is necessarily over until you accept it as being wrong.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2012): Your question is confusing. Have you been caught cheating online?
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (17 November 2012):
 You sound very emotional at this time but I also think you are in denial.
You quoted that the lady you were with was your soul mate, the only woman you had ever loved (so what about the first woman??)
People who love their partner and claim them to be a soul mate DO NOT flirt with other women via e-mail, texts or any other way...thats just a total deal breaker and is the fastest way to destroy trust...Are you serious that you didn't know that???...
Or did you just think you could get away with it?? and then you make a statement:
'So proved her love by ending the relationship'
This make sit sound like you are blaming her...this was your stupid fault, this was all YOU...have the balls to own that man!!
It doesn't matter that you decorated a house or built a life with her and the kids...what matters is that there was only one person who tore it apart...AND THAT WAS YOU!!
Maybe now you are alone it's time to learn a few lessons in life.
1) When you are in a relationship you have to put your partner and kids first before yourself.
2) Texting, flirting, e-mailing...any kind of salatious chat with other women is cheating and showing direct disrespect to your partner and your children and a complete disregard for any love between you.
3) When you make a mistake you need to acknowledge and take responsibility for it without trying to diffuse it onto other innocent people.
Yes women cheat, but men do much more so, for whatever reason, but it's a game where you risk to lose all...and this is what has happened to you...so I say...you engineered this so you may as well take a big whiff of the havoc you created.
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A
male
reader, bronzed adonis +, writes (17 November 2012):
 Which is true: You walked out? or, she threw you out for flirting through emails and text? It sounds like you are missing a lot of details out.
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