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... Send *untyEm a private message | | | *untyEm's profile:Hello, there. I am a 49 year old mother of two girls.
What qualifies me to give advice?...well I guess because I have had a pretty hard time and have learned a lot in my lifetime.
Divorce, teenage kids, money worries, relationship worries...all manner of things I have coped with and I am still here to tell the tale.
My answers will be pretty hard hitting. This is because I will tell you what you NEED to hear and not what you WANT to hear. This isn't always popular but I would rather get to the heart of the matter and tell it like I see it rather than give someone false hope or a misleading answer that could make them even more confused.
God Bless all who take time to give precious advice here, it has restored my faith in human kindness :-) xxxxx |
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This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 December 2009: To everyone on DEAR CUPID, Having been an 'Aunt' on DC for a couple of years I have to say that I absolutely love and adore this site. It confirms to me that in a jaded cynical and unscrupulous world there are still people who care enough abou...
A Survival Guide for the serial Dumpee!!
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
17 July 2007: Are you continually getting dumped?, Do you never get passed the first date? 1) Never assume love. The more you think you like a guy, the more you must let him chase you.Don't lose your head and think you love him, before things have evn gott...
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I may have been too honest with her about my feelings, but I never thought I would find another woman who I could be with, and I don't know how to handle things.
Q. Right, after the awful life I've had and been put thru by my ex gf and struggling to do anything for last 2n half years, somehow I've managed to find another lady out of the blue, because she knows of my past and my dislike for women and seeing them ...
A. 4 January 2013: Read the first line of your original post...
Were things really perfect and magical...you said they were awful...so which is it...magical?...or awful?
You are in a state of confusion it seems and contradicting yourself.
You were professing l... (read in full...)
I may have been too honest with her about my feelings, but I never thought I would find another woman who I could be with, and I don't know how to handle things.
Q. Right, after the awful life I've had and been put thru by my ex gf and struggling to do anything for last 2n half years, somehow I've managed to find another lady out of the blue, because she knows of my past and my dislike for women and seeing them ...
A. 3 January 2013: Unless you get over your ex, it will be impossible to move on, but some people prefer to carry the torch for their whole life.
Would you want to be involved with someone who wasn't over their ex?...it just doesn't work.... (read in full...)
I may have been too honest with her about my feelings, but I never thought I would find another woman who I could be with, and I don't know how to handle things.
Q. Right, after the awful life I've had and been put thru by my ex gf and struggling to do anything for last 2n half years, somehow I've managed to find another lady out of the blue, because she knows of my past and my dislike for women and seeing them ...
A. 3 January 2013: Oh so now it turns out you were just stringing the woman along because really you were in love with your ex...nice guy!!
I agree, you will probably be alone forever because you seem to like punishing all women for the misgivings of one.
Probabl... (read in full...)
FWB occasionally over si years .What did I do to turn him off so fast? And why build up expectations?
Q. I have a guy who was a friend for a while and became a fwb about 6 years ago. We only would see eachother when not in relationships. I was fine and he was fine and although we have always been attracted to each other, our jobs are different an...
A. 17 December 2012: If I were you I'd block his FB account so you won't be tempted to view it and analyse every little thing that he puts on there. Really it's obvious that it is consuming you and the only way to 'cure' yourself is to toss it out of your life and find ... (read in full...)
FWB occasionally over si years .What did I do to turn him off so fast? And why build up expectations?
Q. I have a guy who was a friend for a while and became a fwb about 6 years ago. We only would see eachother when not in relationships. I was fine and he was fine and although we have always been attracted to each other, our jobs are different an...
A. 16 December 2012: Maybe he is still really sick and is not in the mood to contact you? If you were his girlfriend then he probably have gotten word to you but as you are just a FWB, then it's fair to say he doesn't have to keep you informed.
All the sweet talk etc... (read in full...)
Anyone know this average?
Q. What is the average number of men a 26 yr old girl has slept with?...
A. 16 December 2012: 0 to 300...somewhere on that line.
The real answer is probably none of your business!!... (read in full...)
Stupid or not? Can having too much sex make you gain weight?
Q. hey all.. Im gonna keep this short..im a black girl and i was wondering if maybe a myth i heard could be right...the myth is HavIng too much sex can make you gain weight'?? I disagree.. I think its stupid. But its going around at the moment...
A. 15 December 2012: Only if you get pregnant!... (read in full...)
How do you go from being friends to friends with benefits?
Q. How do you go from being friends to friends with benefits. Heres the short version. I Met a guy december last year, foundnout gis nane and added him on fb. I basically told him straight out i only wanted sex and he did to. Well we.flirted (quite ...
A. 15 December 2012: Not all guys are out for sex and the thought of it served up coldly on a plate can be quite a turn off.
Even if he flirted with you at some point doesn't mean he wants to go all the way. It makes no difference if you are hot or up for it...if ... (read in full...)
Did I get my Gf pregnant in the last four weeks? In view of past medical advice I received?
Q. Me and my partner have been together 9 weeks and I have major medical problems since I was born, and a few years back I was told that because of my operations there would be a very low chance of me having children as I can't ever ejaculate. During...
A. 15 December 2012: I agree with Aiden, low chance does not mean no chance. Even pre cum can contain sperm and a woman can still become pregnant through penetration even when ejaculation does not occur.... (read in full...)
Any insights please? Is he trying to let me down gently?
Q. Confused. I have been seeing a guy for a few months, trying not to get to serious about it as i wasnt sure if it would go anywhere. I'd be happy to explore it however, if it did. Things were going well, or so i thought. He left the UK for home...
A. 15 December 2012: "i feel like you want more and i'm not sure i can give you that".
That is a definitive statement isn't it...it directly says what is on his mind.
As you have been a little cautious in the relationship, maybe he could get away with just having... (read in full...)
How does my friend really feel about me? He rejected me and moved in with his girlfriend, but cant say if he still has feelings for me...
Q. im a bit worried as to how this will get read so please help if you can ok here goes, during the summer i got close to my best friend. we never had sex but kissed a few times. hes in a problematic situation with his girlfriend of 5 years so what hap...
A. 15 December 2012: Anyone who fools around with another whilst they are in a relationship is best avoided. Anyone who gets involved with someone already in a relationship is just setting themselves up for pain and misery.
Hang around, pine and wait for him if you w... (read in full...)
I had a vasectomy 4 years ago...so why was my wife was taking birth control pills?
Q. Quick question for any women out there. I am married for 12 years, 3 kids, no "issues" per se. I’m a good dad, provider, etc. My wife is a good mom, hard worker and loves me. We went through a period though about 2-3 years ago for around 12 ...
A. 14 December 2012: I am on birth control pills to regulate my periods during peri menopause, not for actual birth control.... (read in full...)
Thoughts regarding retrograde jealousy....is a person's past really not any of the current relationship's business?
Q. An observation from a straight guy: I CALL BULLSHIT on people who claim that lovers are not accountable for how their sexual past is non of their current relationship's business. What if you only ever had one girlfriend, and before she met y...
A. 14 December 2012: I don't think anyone can anticipate what their sexual future will be or how it will appear to a future spouse/long term partner.
Sexual experiences are way too complex and most are lived in the moment, mistakes are made, everyone is entitled... (read in full...)
Why is he talking to me again?
Q. i was really good friends with this guy for 2 years. But then he got a girlfriend, and then stopped talking to me. They broke up really soon, but we still didn’t talk. Now, after a year, he’s commenting/liking my statuses and messaging me on fb ...
A. 13 December 2012: I think this is very male behaviour, they can blow hot and cold and leave you feeling very confused.
The fact that you were just friends might have given him the idea that it was ok to drop the friendship whilst he was occupied with a girlfrie... (read in full...)
Should I tell her my true feelings? She is very friendly with everyone and I'm not sure if she will accept me?
Q. Am a guy of 22 ,handsome and very jovial with everyone espercially with girls which makes them to be fond of me to an extent that whenever they are doing something they will always want me to be by their side for jokes. There is this particular girl ...
A. 13 December 2012: What a lovely post...life is too short to keep your feelings of love inside.
She has given off signs that she really likes you and worries when you do not get in touch.
Ask her that when you next see her you would like to ask her on a date, j... (read in full...)
How faithful can a girl can be in a LDR when temptations are everywhere?
Q. Hi, im in a ldr for about 7 months and we both are in love. due to our job and school compromises we wont be able to move together until in 2 years or so. so far we have been seeing each other every two months and will be on the same basis, maybe ...
A. 13 December 2012: I am of the opinion that long distant relationships only really work where there is lots of love and complete trust, together with a plan/goal for the future that you are both working towards.
My daughter is in a long distance relation... (read in full...)
Why does the man I used to love show more affection to his other family and not ours?
Q. I have a question I dated this one guy for many years .We ended up having two kids together then the relationship went down hill.He met someone else had kids by her and lied about it. Long story short I was this man's first love and I just don't ...
A. 13 December 2012: I am really sorry that this has happened to you.
It seems that he is just more emotionally invested in his new family and it has been easy to sweep you and yours under the rug and forget about you...
It's not fair, it's not right and it's a... (read in full...)
Is it possible to have feelings for this guy knowing he is in a relationship ?
Q. Hello all I was just thinking of this guy that I have been knowing for two months already and we talk to one another from time to time but he is in a relationship. I like him but I am not a home wrecker. Could I be attracted to this guy knowing he i...
A. 11 December 2012: Four words:
Stay Away
Self Control
That should keep you out of trouble.... (read in full...)
Why did she lead me on when she was in a long term relationship??
Q. Not to sure why I am writing this, I think I know the answer, but maybe this will make me feel a bit better? A young Lady in my work environment seemed to try to get my attention by turning up at certain times, not going into much detail, e.g. whe...
A. 10 December 2012: Shocked that someone flirted with you even though they were in a relationship??
Happens every day and both men and women do it.
Why do they do it?...to get attention.
I also agree with YOUWISH about the ex thing.
You would not accept th... (read in full...)
My daughter's bizarre behavior has the whole family concerned. What should we do? Stage an intervention? Get her counselling?
Q. My 19-year-old daughter has recently started acting bizarrely and, to be honest, I don't know why. I highly doubt it's drugs, as we live in a fairly middleclass area and everyone knows everyone else. She's started binding her breasts down (I found...
A. 10 December 2012: I agree with fishdish, it sounds like a transgender issue. The fact that she feels compelled to do these things and doesn't know why suggests that she is having an internal struggle.
There are some very good online websites and support groups t... (read in full...)
Is he genuine? Every time he's 'going to leave her' something comes up. How do get more strength to cope with him?
Q. First of all I know im an idiot for getting myself in this situation and I do regret it more than you could know which is why I could do with some advice. I had feelings for a guy that I've known for a year and stupidly let him kiss me a few mo...
A. 9 December 2012: I have had to do this and it is HARD with a capital H, so I sympathise.
You already know that being weak and going back has not changed things and most likely never will, he is unlikely to ever leave because he has things pretty good and two womw... (read in full...)
I'm confused about how abrupt he became after sex. What could be his problem?
Q. Hi everyone, I have been feeling incredibly confused and feel that I need some advice before I can let this go.. Im 29 and the guy in question is 26.. we dated for only 3 weeks. He is quite an introvert and definitely not the player type. The...
A. 9 December 2012: He wasn't shy about telling you about the premature ejaculation and you were understanding about it so I doubt it's because he has got a sudden attack of shyness. Maybe there is some or orher reaction that he wants from women over his 'problem' and ... (read in full...)
LDR of 3 years--she sent me fake photos of herself from porn sites! Why did she lie to me?
Q. I feel like such an idiot. I've been in a long distance relationship for more than three years. I'm in the UK and she's in Australia. We met on the internet, but quickly moved on to talking on the phone, and we'd talk for hours every day. For v...
A. 9 December 2012: Have you never seen a real picture of her? How do you even know how old she is or even if she is married?
I think if someone was lying to me over such a long period of time, I'd wanna know why.
I also am amazed that you guys never saw eachot... (read in full...)
Did my Ex ever really move on? Why does he still get so mad at me? How am I annoying him?
Q. Ok everyone, here it goes. Sorry if I am rambling a bit. Lately, I have been having trouble with my EX. I should add that it has been a year and a half since we split…..we are both in our 30's. He broke it off with me, saying he wasn't ready...
A. 9 December 2012: If you block his profile on FB, he will not be able to see any posts you put on other people's profiles so yes BLOCK BLOCK BLOCK and IGNORE!!!... (read in full...)
Did my Ex ever really move on? Why does he still get so mad at me? How am I annoying him?
Q. Ok everyone, here it goes. Sorry if I am rambling a bit. Lately, I have been having trouble with my EX. I should add that it has been a year and a half since we split…..we are both in our 30's. He broke it off with me, saying he wasn't ready...
A. 8 December 2012: Nope I don't think he still has feelings for you but maybe he's just one of those people that when they are miserable, they like to make other people miserable and since you are the ex, you make a good whipping post.
I suggest you drop him a li... (read in full...)
Am I texting too much? Do my old classmate and I have a budding LDR or not?
Q. I recently saw an old classmate on FB. He graduated 79 and I 80. So he sent me his number and I called well at first it was merely to just chat with the guy that caught my eye way back when but I was with my boyfriend who later became my husban...
A. 8 December 2012: 'I thought it could be more, take care and I wish you the best in life'
I didn't get this part either. Did he say it? If he did then it's a definite goodbye.
If you said it, I don't understand why you would if you like the guy so much?? Unless... (read in full...)
Am I texting too much? Do my old classmate and I have a budding LDR or not?
Q. I recently saw an old classmate on FB. He graduated 79 and I 80. So he sent me his number and I called well at first it was merely to just chat with the guy that caught my eye way back when but I was with my boyfriend who later became my husban...
A. 8 December 2012: Ok I'm gonna break with tradition and tell you what you WANT to hear.
For someone who you arn't in a relationship with who is long distance, who hasn't officially asked to be with you and maybe just wants to meet to see if there is a possibil... (read in full...)
Am I texting too much? Do my old classmate and I have a budding LDR or not?
Q. I recently saw an old classmate on FB. He graduated 79 and I 80. So he sent me his number and I called well at first it was merely to just chat with the guy that caught my eye way back when but I was with my boyfriend who later became my husban...
A. 8 December 2012: It does not seem that he is very interested in you for a relationship.
OK so he invited you to visit him, but that doesn't really mean you are in a relationship with him and you got on his case when he didn't text you and this has given him the ... (read in full...)
How do I handle the fact that he keeps pictures of his ex-wife in our bedroom?
Q. My live in boyfriend of 4 years has been hiding pictures of his ex wife around our bedroom. I found them while cleaning. One was even tucked in a photo album that I made for him for last Xmas. It is right by his side of the bed. I would not even ...
A. 8 December 2012: My parents have been married for fifty years, my dad is 76 years old and to this day, he keeps a photo in his wallet of a lady he dated before my mother. It has always bugged my mum and over the years it's almost become a kinda family joke, but I ... (read in full...)
How can I stop being hurt by the break-up with my husband when he was never good for me in the first place?
Q. How can I stop being hurt by my husband when he was never good for me and over the idea of getting back together with him for our child's sake? Been married 6 years, currently separated (2nd time) and have a two year old son. Lots of bad stuff hap...
A. 8 December 2012: Where there is abusive behaviour in a relationship, it' is always better for the child to be taken away from that environment as soon as possible, so you have done the right thing and should not be feeling any guilt.
Your child can still have a f... (read in full...)
Why has my husband started acting 'distant' towards me?
Q. Sorry.. this is a long story. My husband of 2 years and father of my young son has recently gone on a business trip to Eastern Europe and during the trip... he has been speaking with me in such a distant manner like I am an acquaintance or ...
A. 8 December 2012: Your marriage has huge cracks in it that have been left unattended. The fact that he left you before when you were pregnant and the lack of sex suggests that he isn't happy and rather than leave you permanently, it looks as if he thinks he can keep ... (read in full...)
Can I forgive my girlfriend for not supporting me when I was at the lowest point in my life?
Q. I was bereaved 15 weeks ago. My son died in a fatal car crash. My girlfriend and i had a petty row and she walked out on me. I asked her not to go because i had shouted at her. I was bang out of order. My emotions were all over and i was dreading my ...
A. 7 December 2012: Aww bless your heart. Your story and update has brought a tear to my eye.
I think that what is amazing is that despite your grief you have had the strength to face up to the fact that your relationship was damaging, so many other people would ha... (read in full...)
Could he be seeing someone else?
Q. My boyfriend and I were dating for 3yrs, I helped him financial when needed for his mother's meds or and family members including his kids etc.everything went well or so I thought.he will be retiring the armed force in Feb next yr,and now all of a ...
A. 7 December 2012: I agree, he is telling you in a roundabout way that things are over and he is moving on.
It's irrelevant whether he has found someone else or not, he just hasn't had the balls to tell you verbally that he has ditched you but his actions say he h... (read in full...)
I may have been too honest with her about my feelings, but I never thought I would find another woman who I could be with, and I don't know how to handle things.
Q. Right, after the awful life I've had and been put thru by my ex gf and struggling to do anything for last 2n half years, somehow I've managed to find another lady out of the blue, because she knows of my past and my dislike for women and seeing them ...
A. 7 December 2012: You are REALLY REALLY INTENSE...
Do you know that?
Ok I get the mistrust of women. I have a fair amount of mistrust over certain men through being treated badly, but you have now found a woman who you like and want to give things another t... (read in full...)
I'm having doubts as to whether I should give him another chance
Q. I married a man about 3 years ago and about a year after found out he was still married to his first wife...which made our marriage illegal and void... Seems like things started going down hill since then. We stayed together because we did care for ...
A. 6 December 2012: It sounds as if you two have never been able to elevate your relationship beyond frienship and what with having a child and his bigamy making your marriage a sham and the whole non-affection and not having sex...I seriously cannot see why you would ... (read in full...)
If you were single for a while and somehow got out of the dry spell, how did you do it?
Q. I've been single for 3 years and consider myself a good catch. For the first two years of that period, I wasn't actively looking. I'd go to clubs every now and then, and I'd also keep up-to-date with my female friends, but nothing every materialized ...
A. 6 December 2012: I have had a few dating disasters in my time since divorce, which have tested my impressions of the opposite sex...it is difficult to meet someone you feel you can go foward with and the best connections are those you are not really paying attention ... (read in full...)
How do I forgive a cybersex affair?
Q. I met a new guy three years after my divorce . online dating he was very newly seperated ( i didnt know this at first)I think his wife cheated . she moved out with another man. But anyways .. Everything was great He was great . Lot in common, ...
A. 6 December 2012: With respect you are absolutely perfect for him...
Vulnerable, trusting, needy, reliable, easily manipulated, sense of decency that wouldn't allow you to believe that he is such a peverted low life, you are also a woman of a certain age, probably... (read in full...)
Did I take my daughter's happiness away? I think her and my new stepson have feelings for each other
Q. Summer 2012, I got married for the first time at age 52 to a 37 year old woman. We met on eHarmony Spring 2012 and things just clicked. She was married once before for two years and has a 20 year old son. I have a 19 year old daughter. My issue is ...
A. 6 December 2012: Doesn't it sound obvious that you and your wife met and fell in love, so perhaps her son and your daughter have the same kind of connection.
They arn't related by blood and haven't grown up together, so I don't see a problem in them dating..... (read in full...)
I just had a baby, walking around on eggshells because husband has panic attacks if I try to talk about our problems!
Q. Hi, Wanted to ask opinions about my relationship difficulties, as I am feeling a bit stuck right now... I have been married for 5 years and just had our first child, who is now only a few weeks old. Husband is a good, kind man and loving and su...
A. 6 December 2012: From what you have described, it sounds as if your husbands panic attacks may be the result of a childhood aversion to critisism or change and he has brought those attacks into his adult hood as a kind of defence mechanism against dealing with ... (read in full...)
I thought we were in a committed relationship, but he's been dating someone else while dating me.
Q. I have been dating a man for 9 months now. All along I have considered this a serious, mognogamous relationship. I recently found out that until about a month ago he had been dating another woman as well. I was crushed, but he said until now he ...
A. 5 December 2012: Blimey I have heard it all now!!!
So he's been two timing you for the whole time you have been with him...you find out whats going on and suddenly he's telling you he's ended with her and chosen you!!!...Lucky old you!!!
Not to mention accus... (read in full...)
Is he a player if he's busy on the weekend?
Q. Hi, I just met a lovely guy, he's South American and seems like the perfect guy. He's sweet, attentive, funny, complimentary etc. We met only 3 days ago and slept together on the first night - there was so much chemistry and we were both pretty ...
A. 5 December 2012: "Actually, I think sleeping with someone on the first date is a nice way of getting rid of the misogynistic and old-fashioned guys who are so quick to judge a woman on their sexual activity'
If this is your fail safe method, one has to wonder w... (read in full...)
Is he a player if he's busy on the weekend?
Q. Hi, I just met a lovely guy, he's South American and seems like the perfect guy. He's sweet, attentive, funny, complimentary etc. We met only 3 days ago and slept together on the first night - there was so much chemistry and we were both pretty ...
A. 5 December 2012: I agree with Blonde, by your own actions you have relegated yourself into the 'I am nothing special' pile in his opinion.
I am sure he will be back for more 'no strings' sex but I doubt you will be able to elevate your worth in his eyes, cos you ... (read in full...)
I feel like my perceptions ate getting twisted and I'm not even sure what I want anymore.
Q. I broke up with my boyfriend because he wasn't listening to me or taking my feelings seriously but he kept on trying to meet me and after 2 months I met him again. I told him it was just to talk about stuff, try and help him get clarity as he had so ...
A. 5 December 2012: It's really common to feel isolated after a relationship breaks down. After I divorced, I lost a lot of my married friends either because they didn't want to choose sides or felt threatened (like my divorce shame was going to infect them)...it's ... (read in full...)
I feel like my perceptions ate getting twisted and I'm not even sure what I want anymore.
Q. I broke up with my boyfriend because he wasn't listening to me or taking my feelings seriously but he kept on trying to meet me and after 2 months I met him again. I told him it was just to talk about stuff, try and help him get clarity as he had so ...
A. 4 December 2012: I thought it was a bit odd that you were in a relationship with him, yet he had never been to your flat??? or did you move after you split with him?
You have probably allowed yourself to be sucked back in because nobody better has come along ye... (read in full...)
My relationship is a complete mess and I don't know what to do.
Q. Someone please try to advise me. I cannot believe the awful situation I now have in my relationship. Were not married, but I live with my 4 year old daughter and her mother. Her mother does not love me, she only wanted a child to trap me into a r...
A. 4 December 2012: No idea what country you are in but you need to go back and see the lawyer yourself. If the child and her mother were born in the country you now live in, it's unlikely you will be able to bring your daughter back to the UK without her mothers ... (read in full...)
Can I forgive my girlfriend for not supporting me when I was at the lowest point in my life?
Q. I was bereaved 15 weeks ago. My son died in a fatal car crash. My girlfriend and i had a petty row and she walked out on me. I asked her not to go because i had shouted at her. I was bang out of order. My emotions were all over and i was dreading my ...
A. 15 October 2012: She probably thinks that because three months have passed since the loss of your son that you are over it.
You are going through hell and she couldn't stand by you?
Even asking for an apology from you is cruel and wrong because evn though you d... (read in full...)
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