A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I met my boyfriend 11 years ago during vacation and it was instant connection, we hit it off right away. We are in long distance relationship, YES believe it or not, we are and we kept in touch all those years. I am sure some people out there will say this no real relationship as it is missing a lot of elements, however it was not my choice not to relocate and not to move in together, he did not want to and he had a lot of excuses. We spoke about marriage long time ago and he said I am the one and he wants to get married again BUT then after 3 years in the relationship he changed his mind and he said he does not want to marry - he was married and has 2 grown up children. He was in the army, he was deployed few times in the last decade to both wars, we had and still have. I was the one doing all the travell to meet him, he said he could not come to me, so I did not mind travelling and I was trying to be helpful, did not want to increase his expenses, he controls everything, he likes to be in control, he tells me when to call him and when I can see him etc. He lost his job beginning of 2012, that was too hard for him, he became very distant, he became very harsh and rude against me at times without any rational reason, I tried to be supportive as much as I could, I gave him enough space and I let him know, I am always here for him if he needs me, but he was really taking advantage of me and he became more demanding. he does not take no as an answer. One time he asked me to call him on Sunday early morning and I slept in and was late really just few minutes he didn't pickup the phone and emailed me he was waiting for my call at 0800am and i called 0820am sorry. Two months ago he said it's my destiny to be single forever, that hit me very hard and I stopped emailing him for few days, I used to email him and text him everyday. After 2 weeks no contact, I just had to email him to check on him during hurricane Sandy, then I stopped again, I had no contact for almost a month until today, he called me early today and left me a message on my voice mail saying how are you? I emailed him back to say I got your message, thanks and now he is asking me to send him movies and music CD again, what do I do, should I email him back I say I don't want any contact anymore so why would I send him any movies, or should I just ignore his request? I really don't want to hurt his feelings but I don't want any contact and I don't think it fair to disappear just like this. Any advice is really much appreciated
View related questions:
his ex, long distance, lost his job, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (26 November 2012):
 Not only would I ignore his request, I'd block his phone numbers and email addresses so he can't contact you.
Honey I hate to say this but you have wasted 8 years on this buffoon. (I will give you the benefit of the doubt the first three years while he strung you along with his talk of marriage)
you don't want to hurt his feelings but you are ok taking his abuse and lies?
Let me tell you about men and LDRs.
I know of two men right now one is 52 and in September after 2 years he married his 40 yr old now wife. BOTH of them a first marriage. Sadly they still have to live apart for 3 more years but he's at her place 3 out of 4 weekends and when he was willing to go to early retirement to be with her and she told him no... so they solider along living apart for three more years.... but they are totally committed. nightly 2 hour skype chats and weekend visits and a MARRIAGE.
The other man I know is 39. He met a woman when he was 37 and told her point blank he wanted fun and games... he did not believe in marriage at all. "Marriage is stupid." he said. "i'm never getting married" he said.
He lived 2 hours away from the woman.... he gave up his job, his apartment of ten years and all his friends and his entire life after ONE year and moved to her home where he spent his life savings to make it clean and fresh and THEIR home. THEN he married her. I kissed my husband goodbye this morning and will seee him when I get home.
LDRs can work but only if both parties want it to. That means not coasting for more than 2 years in an LDR....
Use this experience to learn from it and not accept crumbs and scraps from men who are not truly into you.
he's a user. don't let him use you any more.
A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (26 November 2012):
 I am with Sage on this one.
Not sure what you are expecting to hear from the aunts here at dear cupid but personally I think you need a boot up the backside.
You have endured years of disgusting disrespectful and disgraceful treatment at the hands of a man who has used you, controlled you, dissapointed you, bullied you, lied to you and even now...after eleven years you are still making excuses for him.
Do you expect a medal?
or for him to suddenly change into Mr nice guy?
or for us to all go, 'there there, it's all gonna work out fine'?
I don't even buy that you want to break contact with him or for the relationship to end.
He is treating you like a dog, begging for scraps of attention and it's kinda creepy that you have allowed it to happen for so long and have put up with this shit from someone so vile and cold and cruel.
You are still second guessing him, still wondering if you have upset him!!!! Jesus christ I woulda kicked that guy out of my life a millenia ago!!!
I am being tough with you because I think in your heart you know that everything that has happend is wrong and bad for you and has made you a miserable, unrespected down trodden woman. We are not living in the dark ages, women have equal rights to stand up and say 'I am done with this shit' if they are being treated badly. We live in a shrinking world where it is possible to meet new people every day and have access to information and advice about how NOT to be treated badly...
YOU DO NOT HAVE TO LAY DOWN AND TAKE IT LADY!!! so FIGHT BACK, CUT THE CORD, TELL HIM TO PISS OFF and get back some of your self respect.
If you can't do it on your own, get your friends and family on board to tell him to get lost and go out into the world and find yourself another life where you have self respect and can hold your head up and expect happier times.
GRRRR you made me angry!!! I hope you take my kick up the butt as it's intended, to shake you out of the hole you are living in and to go get yourself something better!!!
...............................
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (26 November 2012):
 This... for 11 years?????
I believe you belong in the Guiness Book of World Records, under the heading: "Girl who has allowed herself to be foot-wipe for an uncaring, unfeeling guy for the longest of anyone in the world."
C'mon... open your eyes. You have a lot of time left on this planet.... and sitting silently, by yourself, adrift in the fantasy that what "goes on" between you and this guy constitutes some sort of "relationship" isn't the best way to spend it......
Good luck......
...............................
|
