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... Send *untyEm a private message | | | *untyEm's profile:Hello, there. I am a 49 year old mother of two girls.
What qualifies me to give advice?...well I guess because I have had a pretty hard time and have learned a lot in my lifetime.
Divorce, teenage kids, money worries, relationship worries...all manner of things I have coped with and I am still here to tell the tale.
My answers will be pretty hard hitting. This is because I will tell you what you NEED to hear and not what you WANT to hear. This isn't always popular but I would rather get to the heart of the matter and tell it like I see it rather than give someone false hope or a misleading answer that could make them even more confused.
God Bless all who take time to give precious advice here, it has restored my faith in human kindness :-) xxxxx |
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| Latest articles: Happy Christmas: My thoughts on DC
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 December 2009: To everyone on DEAR CUPID, Having been an 'Aunt' on DC for a couple of years I have to say that I absolutely love and adore this site. It confirms to me that in a jaded cynical and unscrupulous world there are still people who care enough abou...
A Survival Guide for the serial Dumpee!!
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
17 July 2007: Are you continually getting dumped?, Do you never get passed the first date? 1) Never assume love. The more you think you like a guy, the more you must let him chase you.Don't lose your head and think you love him, before things have evn gott...
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Sex Survey: how often do you want it?
Q. Questions for married women ages 40-50 in long term marriages. How often would you like sex? Once a week? Every day? How often does your husband initiate? Please state your age, years married and sex frequency you'd like. Also state your % est...
A. 16 November 2012: I am 47 and I am celibate.... (read in full...)
My boyfriend says I keep him on the straight and narrow. When I'm not around he's out drinking with friends
Q. My boyfriend is lovely to hang out with, but if he's not with me, he just goes into town and spends the evening drinking. Yesterday I was with him and he was saying he was still poorly so didn't want to do much. But he was just hungover from two ...
A. 16 November 2012: He's a lazy bum, short and sweet and he is taking advantage of the fact that you love him, to charm his way to staying unemployed and getting trashed with his mates...perfectly good for him but hell for you.
Here is a man who absolutely refuses ... (read in full...)
Is it inappropiate for a female coworker to continue to text my husband
Q. Is it inappropiate for a female coworker to continue to text my husband, of 22 years? He says they are just friends and he is doing nothing wrong. She only text him when he is at work, they work opposite shifts. I have seen some of the texts and ...
A. 15 November 2012: If you knew for sure that it was only about work, would it still bother you? Do you have reason to mistrust him?... (read in full...)
Help me leave my wife
Q. I am not happy in my marriage. My wife is my best friend, but there is no real desire or passion. In addition, she is an alcoholic. We've struggled with these issues for a long time and I have reached the end of my rope. My problem is that I...
A. 15 November 2012: Do you have kids? If you do, then you need to think of their financial support before you think of your own.
If no kids, you need to see a lawyer and find a way to save money (maybe get a second temporary job?)
Keep your paperwork straig... (read in full...)
I'm an intelligent woman losing her wits over a crush on my professor!
Q. Adult Woman Crush on Professor, This is extremely distracting to me. I have not been able to fully focus in class, I got my first B+ in a class that is an easy A+ (due to the fact I was more concerned how I looked prior to class than going over ...
A. 15 November 2012: I don't see it as a problem once your course has finished and if he isn't married and is into you.
I would definitely cool it down a little and try to just focus on your work. Some crushes fizzle out once you start thinking straight and it would... (read in full...)
Girlfriend and I have a fight over why I didn't take a shower???
Q. Need some advice on an argument I had with my girlfriend. So a few weeks ago, we were invited to my godson's birthday party. My gf decided she didn't want to go, so I went alone. A couple weeks later, my gf and I go out to brunch, but before we ...
A. 14 November 2012: I too find this really frustrating that such a nice guy has gotten hooked up with a very selfish and uncaring woman.
Nobody can tell you what you MUST do, it's up to you how long you are going to put up with this, but life is short and people d... (read in full...)
We cant be together because of the distance, but cant bear to be apart either!
Q. Ok so here's my question.. Do I keep trying or do I give up? I met a wonderful man last year and we began dating, it was never easy as he lives 200 miles away but we managed to see eachother once a week for a year and things were great, we went on ...
A. 14 November 2012: Really difficult this one!
Unless he decides to move closer to you, I don't see how things can work, but in todays economic climate jobs arn't so easy to find.
You don't say how old your kids are but I am guessing still quite young, so to tak... (read in full...)
My husband of twenty years has been cheating on me for over half of our marriage!
Q. I have been married to my husband for almost 20 years. I am 48 and he is 65! I recently found out he had been seeing this girl in her 20's "off and on" (whatever that means) for 14 years! They hooked up when she was 17 years old! I never ...
A. 14 November 2012: Like I said, eventually you will run out of reasons to stay.
Sort your finanaces out right now, look around for more work and start to save. Make sure you have access to important paperwork, especially savings accounts, mortgage statemen... (read in full...)
Did I do the right thing by walking away when my fiance was staring at a woman? He didn't try to find me.
Q. My fiance stares a lot at women in front of me. I've talked to him about it, but to no avail. His staring can get blatant, up and down looks, looking at their rear. No matter where we go, he looks or tries to sneak a peek in. I see it all even if ...
A. 13 November 2012: You don't trust the guy TBH so playing games by hiding in the bathroom ain't going to change him.
Tell him to his face that you want him to stop checking out other women. If he doesn't stop then it's safe to say this is one 'hump' in the road you... (read in full...)
My husband of twenty years has been cheating on me for over half of our marriage!
Q. I have been married to my husband for almost 20 years. I am 48 and he is 65! I recently found out he had been seeing this girl in her 20's "off and on" (whatever that means) for 14 years! They hooked up when she was 17 years old! I never ...
A. 13 November 2012: This did happen to me in a similar circumstance. My husband was a drinker, a gambler and a cheat (we also never had sex for the last 5 years of our marriage). I was desperately unhappy and never thought I would escape. I didn't have a full time job ... (read in full...)
Need advice, I'm having trouble getting over my ex-girlfriend.
Q. So... I'm having trouble getting over my ex-girlfriend. The thing is we've been on and off for almost a decade. This year though we've been getting really far apart. earlier this year I backed off because she wasn't showing interest at all, ...
A. 13 November 2012: It's a stuck record, she isn't 'the one', just a bad habit.
She will only be able to hurt you if you are 'there'
Don't 'be there'
Accepting things are over is the hardest part, but it's the part that sets you free.
Your next relationship ... (read in full...)
Sleeping with my friend who I want a relationship with, but he is not being honest with me about what he wants!
Q. Ok my question I have is about a guy who has become a great friend in my life over the past 4 months. About a couple of weeks ago we slept together and I was ok with it. Than it happened again. I have realized in the meantime that I would sometime ...
A. 12 November 2012: just using you for sex and being vague to keep you on the hook.
He doesn't see you as relationship material, so unless you want your heart ripped to bits, get away from him and forget he exists.... (read in full...)
Would you break up with someone over something like this?
Q. My boyfriends exes have all looked very similar, tall, very thin with a flat chest. He's not particularly tall, 5'10''. I'm quite short, I have broad shoulders, big boobs, but small waist and hips with muscly thighs. I'm not fat so I don't have body ...
A. 12 November 2012: I think you need to accept that it is you who has the major issue here and maybe you feel a bit inferior because you imagine your not good enough for him and he should be with someone tall skinny and flat chested.
Do you think this because ... (read in full...)
Can anyone give advice about facebook features?
Q. Hey the new facebook 'seen' feature has me in a quandry. Looked up and messaged an ex boyfriend, no reply, was surprised then saw recently that it was never 'seen'. What now? Is this feature reliable? Don't want to message again in case it...
A. 12 November 2012: No you misunderstood. The new app does not allow a person to mark a message as 'unread' it just means he hasn't logged in and seen the message yet...as soon as he logs in the status will change to 'read'.... (read in full...)
I thought my husband has stopped cheating but he hasn't!
Q. i caught mt husband having sex in the house we share and on our bed.i have caught cheating before but thought he stopped.i am confused and dont know what to do....
A. 12 November 2012: Ok he's a serial cheat, this means he most likely will never stop.
My Granpa was a serial cheat all his life. My granma stayed with him, knowing he was a cheat and she died of a stroke at the age of 63. He has been cheating with the same woman fo... (read in full...)
Boyfriend going through existential crisis. How Can I Help him & Our Relationship?
Q. I don't know where to begin...well my boyfriend and I have been together for just over 2 years. Everything has been amazing, he's everything I've ever wanted in a guy and so much more. We have talked about a future together, getting married, kids, ...
A. 12 November 2012: Ok I read your post twice and it reveals a LOT, but you are so young and I have no wish to confuse you, but I am going to try to break it down.
Firstly you say:
'I don't honestly believe that you can be so in love, like we were, and then j... (read in full...)
Is it unusual for married spouses to travel alone?
Q. Just want to get some opinions on that. I m In my 40s with grown children that are independent. I finally got in a stage of my life where we are comfortable with money. I help my husband in our business, but during summer it's slow, so I have ...
A. 12 November 2012: I think it's quite an outdated view to have to ask permission from a nusband or partner. Of course there is no harm in having an adult discussion about things you want to do, so you both know whats going on, but permission???...No.
Some women ar... (read in full...)
Can anyone give advice about facebook features?
Q. Hey the new facebook 'seen' feature has me in a quandry. Looked up and messaged an ex boyfriend, no reply, was surprised then saw recently that it was never 'seen'. What now? Is this feature reliable? Don't want to message again in case it...
A. 12 November 2012: 'When someone sees your most recent message, it will be marked as seen. That way, you always know who got the message, and who didn't.
Messages are marked as seen if the person is actively chatting or checking their messages.
This feature is ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend broke up with me for interfering with her job
Q. Hi There, I wanted to get your advice about a bad breakup I’m currently going through. I started dating my co-worker after I resigned from the company. Even before I resigned her work schedule bothered me. Our manager would call, text, and IM her...
A. 12 November 2012: The only reason you wanted her to change her job was because it was affecting you!!
I am not surprised she dumped you. Did it not occur to you that it's her life, her job and she was quite happy with things before you started rattling her cage.She... (read in full...)
Should I stay with a violent husband for the sake of the children?
Q. My husband has violent outbursts about 3 -4 times a year. Something small will usually set him off, but everyone in the family knows to run for cover. I have three children (8,11,13) who have witnessed him exploding in a rage. The last time it ...
A. 12 November 2012: Staying in a violent relationship for the sake of your children is the worst possible mistake you will ever make.
If you no longer love him and have the means to leave, you absolutely should leave. Go to the court to arrange access so you do not h... (read in full...)
My girlfriend wants to remain a virgin until marriage, but what if she breaks up with me and has sex with the next guy?
Q. my girlfriend and i have been dating a year now, but she still a virgin at the age of 25. we fool around alot and i go down on her and give her alot of orgasms and my finger gets more sex than me and i havn't had sex for over a year. proble...
A. 12 November 2012: If she wants to wait for sex and you don't, then clearly you arn't right for eachother.
I think your point about her having sex with the next guy is unfounded. She wants to wait until marriage, so she is going to wait who ever the guy is, you have... (read in full...)
Identity crisis!
Q. Sex has been an issue for a while in my relationship. My partner of 11 years was very quiet yesterday so I asked what the matter was. She asked whether it is normal not to desire the other person all the time. She told me she dislikes my hair style ...
A. 11 November 2012: 'She asked whether it is normal not to desire the other person all the time'
I think this statement from her is much more revealing than the image issues she is stating...sound like an excuse.
I'd ask her if she is still happy in the relations... (read in full...)
What on earth is he playing at???
Q. Hi, I have never been very good about reading signals from men... recently at work a guy has started to make it obvious he is interested. It has been a little strange, as not the usual chatting trying to get to know me better, more he seems to ...
A. 10 November 2012: I agree with Jannie. He is obviously a natural flirt and enjoys the game but it's all about him and he's probably quite shocked that you have fronted him about it...so he has bolted back to his hole of denial.
You and your friend know what you... (read in full...)
Boyfriend playing games with his ex, how do I deal with this?
Q. Hi, my problem is my bf playing games with his ex. My boyfriend have just starting living together again after breaking up 8 mths ago. We have 2 kids. We separated because of various issues and he got himself a flat. However he didn't like living ...
A. 9 November 2012: If you split with him would you expect to have no contact at all ever in the future bearing in mind you have kids?
It's always hard to completely wipe the other parent to your children out of your life, there will always be some contact and that... (read in full...)
I haven't felt this sad or hurt in ages and I just don't know what to do. He was so nice and now he just seems to have run away!
Q. I'm 49 and I can't believe I've allowed myself to be put in this position. I've been seeing a guy and it's been like fireworks. Thrilling every time. Now, after telling me he loves getting my messages and texts (some quite racy)...he hasn't replied ...
A. 9 November 2012: One day you will have enough of being treated like this by this man...maybe no time soon but one day you will realise that he is using you, using you, using you...and then using you again.
Just how high are you prepared to jump to get his attentio... (read in full...)
Can anyone talk me back to my senses?
Q. I've been seeing a man for over a month and we get along great in all aspects and are compatible in alot of areas and have been intimate. He's been divorced for 2 years and it's been a battle over his kids from what information he's shared with me. ...
A. 9 November 2012: 'Personally, that comes off to any man as a direct solicitation to be used, which is a turn off.'
I gotta say that this statement by the anon male who answered here speaks volumes about how most men view women and how much they assume that it'... (read in full...)
Can anyone talk me back to my senses?
Q. I've been seeing a man for over a month and we get along great in all aspects and are compatible in alot of areas and have been intimate. He's been divorced for 2 years and it's been a battle over his kids from what information he's shared with me. ...
A. 8 November 2012: Im kinda the same way myself, straight answer to a straight question and all that! It's just so annoying when a guy doesn't make things clear as to where you stand and it's usually because he hasn't made his mind up or just doesn't want to be the ... (read in full...)
I want to start dating again, but can't seem to get out there or even know how to begin.
Q. dear aunts and uncles, you all have helped me in the past now i need help again. i am finding it very difficult to move on after my husband of 20 years left me for a girl half our age a year ago. i know it is time to get on with my life, we just ...
A. 8 November 2012: Definitely work on socialising rather than dating.
Socialising doesn't just mean bars and clubs... join a book group or a gym or dance class, yoga, meditation, painting, gardening club or just sitting in a coffee shop and chatting. Aim to meet bot... (read in full...)
I'm sleeping with my best friend's husband and I don't want it to end
Q. Last few months my best friend's husband and I have been sleeping together, last night he tells me he loves her and wants to break it off with me, I got mad and told him I don't want to end our relationship. What do I do? how do I keep him from ...
A. 8 November 2012: Join the queue of the multi million other women who are waiting around for someone else's husband to leave their wife...then dive headlong into the pool of a billion other women who have discovered that married men who cheat NEVER leave their ... (read in full...)
I'm really ready to break it off!!
Q. I am ready to break it off! My bf recently had a birthday, and due to unfortunate circumstances, I was a little late in asking him what he wanted to do for his birthday. I asked him the day before what he wanted to do, he responded with he was ...
A. 8 November 2012: If I know anything it is that men like clear decisive instruction and plans...they simply don't do 'second guessing' or 'mind games' or 'assumption'
Maybe it would have been better for you to ask him
'Is there anything special you wanted to do... (read in full...)
Can anyone talk me back to my senses?
Q. I've been seeing a man for over a month and we get along great in all aspects and are compatible in alot of areas and have been intimate. He's been divorced for 2 years and it's been a battle over his kids from what information he's shared with me. ...
A. 8 November 2012: Ok here is my 'outsider objective' view which I have made based entirely on the info you have given.
You dated and got intimate within a month, this means you have formed an attachment to the guy. Now the guys situation has changed radicall... (read in full...)
I'm married and had an on/off affair with a married man for three years. I ended after his divorce, but now he has someone new, and I think he wants to rekindle our affair.
Q. I've had an on and off relationship with a high school classmate. Everything was good.he got married and so did i. We were seeing each other regular. We would have sex which was good to him. I was good with it because i got the attention i was look...
A. 8 November 2012: 'I have feeling for my husband but im really trying to let my past be my past.'
This statement is absurd indeed. Your husband cannot be your past all the time you are married and living with him. Cheating on him is USING him, USING his home, US... (read in full...)
Should I give up on my relationship? I'm sick of it all now....
Q. I am sick of everything, I love my man to bits but I hate his ex he has daughter with, she is with someone else now, and has other child, he pays for her takes her three times a week we take her on holiday, I'm the longest raining girlfriend, we ...
A. 8 November 2012: Why have you chosen to stay in a relationship with this man when he treats you so badly? I just don't understand it if you have your own place and a job???
You sound like you are in absolute misery so I am baffled as to why you haven't booted h... (read in full...)
I was dating a guy who wanted to date other women so I finished it. Did I do the right thing or overreact?
Q. Hello aunties and uncles. I'm a bit confused and bewildered about a recent dating experience and I'd like some opinions or advice. I met a guy via online dating. We had several (4) really enjoyable dates over a few weeks. We chatted freely and...
A. 7 November 2012: Yup!!! a simple case of you both wanting different things, best to end it now before you get in too deep.
Good luck in finding Mr Right xxx... (read in full...)
He wants me as a booty call, what should I do?
Q. I got a friend that has lost both of his parents. We were giving an affair.after the lot of his parents he then divorced his wife. He stop calling me. Then later told me he hookup with another female. He said his relationship is great but his girl...
A. 7 November 2012: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/im-married-and-had-an-on-off-affair.html
I am assuming that this is by the same OP as has mentioned the dying parents.... (read in full...)
I'm married and had an on/off affair with a married man for three years. I ended after his divorce, but now he has someone new, and I think he wants to rekindle our affair.
Q. I've had an on and off relationship with a high school classmate. Everything was good.he got married and so did i. We were seeing each other regular. We would have sex which was good to him. I was good with it because i got the attention i was look...
A. 7 November 2012: Oh dear lord what an absolutely disgusting mess!!
It's amazing how grubby people allow their lives to become and how little they care about hurting other people just so they can get what they want!!!
Your life and his boil down to nothing more ... (read in full...)
My wife wears jewelry another man bought her and it makes me uncomfortable
Q. My wife made a new business acquaintance whose family owns a jewelry store. As part of celebrating a milestone he gave her a silver and amethyst necklace and an amethyst ring, which she sometimes wears. To be fair, he also gave a gift to my wife'...
A. 7 November 2012: This was a business gift and given to not only her, but also another colleague, so it's just that...a business perk.
I think you are being a little sensitive to this and it's a kinda dumb issue. If you got time to worry over such a trivial ... (read in full...)
Should I give up on my relationship? I'm sick of it all now....
Q. I am sick of everything, I love my man to bits but I hate his ex he has daughter with, she is with someone else now, and has other child, he pays for her takes her three times a week we take her on holiday, I'm the longest raining girlfriend, we ...
A. 6 November 2012: I think the ball is in his court when it comes to making changes with his ex and for some reason he doesn't seem to want to do that...sometimes you just can never get between certain people and looks likely that this situation will go on forever.
... (read in full...)
What does my boyfriend's behaviour mean? He's still in touch with his ex and he didn't seem keen to see me after my ten day holiday.
Q. I've just been away on holiday with 3 other female friends for the last 10 days. Spoke and texted my BF the whole time I was away, he said how much he missed me etc. Tonight is my first night back and I've missed him like crazy, I wanted to see him ...
A. 5 November 2012: I think this is one of those 'wait and see' type situations.
OK so the evidence looks stacked but give him the chance to come see you tomorrow, see how he acts then.
If you have trust issues about him being a player, seems like that may always ... (read in full...)
I was dating a guy who wanted to date other women so I finished it. Did I do the right thing or overreact?
Q. Hello aunties and uncles. I'm a bit confused and bewildered about a recent dating experience and I'd like some opinions or advice. I met a guy via online dating. We had several (4) really enjoyable dates over a few weeks. We chatted freely and...
A. 5 November 2012: It sounds as if he liked you (after 4 dates) but maybe not enough to want an exclusive relationship. He chanced his arm by trying to have sex with you but at the crucial moment he dropped the 'lets date other people' line...this was to ensure that ... (read in full...)
His friends come before me
Q. I have been in a relationship for 5 years. I have had difficulties with a couple whom my boyfriend knew before me: I had a sexual remark made to me by the couples husband. I made this know to the wife of this man. She severed communications with me. ...
A. 5 November 2012: These people have acted badly. If my boyfriend chose friends like these over me, he wouldn't be my boyfriend for long.
... (read in full...)
I haven't felt this sad or hurt in ages and I just don't know what to do. He was so nice and now he just seems to have run away!
Q. I'm 49 and I can't believe I've allowed myself to be put in this position. I've been seeing a guy and it's been like fireworks. Thrilling every time. Now, after telling me he loves getting my messages and texts (some quite racy)...he hasn't replied ...
A. 25 October 2012: Awww I am so happy for you...the power of prayer can never be underestimated xxxxx
... (read in full...)
I haven't felt this sad or hurt in ages and I just don't know what to do. He was so nice and now he just seems to have run away!
Q. I'm 49 and I can't believe I've allowed myself to be put in this position. I've been seeing a guy and it's been like fireworks. Thrilling every time. Now, after telling me he loves getting my messages and texts (some quite racy)...he hasn't replied ...
A. 25 October 2012: I am assuming he didn't reply to the text?
Delete his number if you think you will be tempted again.
You just need a little more time to get over your feelings. I know it doesn't seem possible at the moment as sadness is a heavy coat to we... (read in full...)
I haven't felt this sad or hurt in ages and I just don't know what to do. He was so nice and now he just seems to have run away!
Q. I'm 49 and I can't believe I've allowed myself to be put in this position. I've been seeing a guy and it's been like fireworks. Thrilling every time. Now, after telling me he loves getting my messages and texts (some quite racy)...he hasn't replied ...
A. 22 October 2012: It's rather rude of him not to reply and to suddenly drop you, but some people, however nice they are at first, are just like this.
How long had you known him? Did you ever go to his home or meet any of his friends and family?
It's possible... (read in full...)
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