A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Well I am going to start off saying this I don't understand why married men seem to be attracted to me I don't flirt with them under no circumstances they seem to aim my way.I am not the one to break no ones home up I don't believe in doing this it is utterly sad .Anyway I have been working at this one place for a while and this guy is the boss there and for some reason I don't know why he makes it his business to be in my face everyday it's starts with how are you to I want you to cook for me then he ask me did I want a ride home I told him no my brother is picking me up.He would be standing off somewhere staring me down I wouldn't know until I turn around and catch him and he stands there and smiles at me.I have not given this man no reason to feel this way about me. It's all wrong he's married and I will not be playing second to her.If he was single I would take him but I will pass on this one.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2012): I'm not reacting on you OP, is there honestly anything in your question that says he likes you?
I'm no there OP, I see nothing in what you wrote that says that.
What's the whole 9 yards?
Surely if there were any inappropriate touching or comments or any overt displays of attraction you would have listed those instead of eye contact, offering you a lift and saying "good morning".
I just don't see those as signs of interest OP.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (30 November 2012):
 Ok so it’s not ALL married men. It’s ONE guy, it’s your BOSS… and clearly you find him attractive… (the comment “if he was single I would take him” speaks volumes)
He is not sexually harassing you if he’s not saying “you do this and I’ll give you a promotion” or anything related to work.
He is not asking you for sexual favors or coming on to you. He offered you a ride home. As far as the cooking for him goes, maybe his wife is a lousy cook… my hubby hates my cooking…
You say he’s “staring you down” and you don’t know it till you turn around. For all you know he turned at the same time and smiled at you to be kind and then goes home and says to his wife “I don’t know why this woman at work stares at me and thinks I’m hitting on her”
I’m with Cerberus I’m not picking up a bad vibe here either.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2012): Cerberus you don't see what I see when this guy approaches me its every thing from eye contact the whole nine yards so stop being so quick to react on me.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2012): He sounds a bit more than interested, he sounds a bit creepy. If I were attracted to a woman even that strongly, I wouldn't stand there staring at her like some fixated freak lol. Surely that alone would make a woman feel uncomfortable and put her off.
You said "Married men" as in this happens a lot, but you've only mentioned this guy in your post. Maybe this particular guy is just an obsessed creeper to watch out for.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2012): OP I literally see nothing in what you're saying except for a boss who's being friendly. Nothing. No flirting, no sexual misconduct, nothing like that at all.
I think this is in your head because you said you'd take him so you obviously kind of like him.
He's your boss, some bosses are in your face but from what you wrote there is nothing at all happening here except a boss who is a boss who is making you feel uncomfortable about how friendly he is.
I have to disagree with AuntyEm OP hugely, nothing here says harassment at all. This is a huge problem these days, can't even offer a woman a lift home from work without being accused of harassment, asking "how are you" every day is harassment, being a boss and checking up on the job your employee is doing is "staring you down" now too. Give me a break ladies, just because we're friendly doesn't mean we want to jump your bones, get over yourselves. If "how are you" or offering you a lift, watching you work (your idea of being stared down) is too much for you go work somewhere where the boss is nowhere near you. I think you'll find mots bosses like to check up on employees, most good bosses will welcome you in in the morning, most bosses will ask if you're okay going home. Sounds like he cares about his workers OP. Damn, you really do like to assume a lot don't you?
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male
reader, Serpico +, writes (30 November 2012):
The short answer is in your age bracket, a large %age of men are married.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (30 November 2012):
 Yes, aunty em, it is the same here.
To answer the question directly. He is attracted because you are available. You are trying to let him know that you are not available to him. Legal action would certainly send that message. It may also make working there intolerable.
My favorite way of sending the message is to talk about their spouse, or your guy.
-J-
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (30 November 2012):
 In england we have a sexual harrassment law, where by it is illegal for an employer to make lurid sexual or unwanted personal comments or contact to employees which make them feel uncomfortable or under threat in their jobs.
If you have the same in the US I suggest you threaten him with legal action, because when a person is at work they should be free from this kind of unwanted attention.
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