A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:A friend and I had a falling out three years ago. She dropped me when I was going through a difficult period because she didn't want to deal with my "instability." At the time, I was upset. I mourned the relationship for a month or two, but I moved on with my life and rarely thought about her.She contacted me a few months ago, leaving a very casual message on voicemail, as if nothing had happened. It has angered me tremendously and I can't stop thinking about it. Before her message, I almost never thought about her. If I did, I still had happy memories about our friendship. Now I think about her all the time and I don't have a single positive thought about her.I've noticed that this is a pattern with me. The same this happened with a former boyfriend. We had an ugly break up. I moved on and then he contacted me about six months later (for sex). It sent me into an anger spiral.Why do I get so angry and obsessive in these types of scenarios? I have no serious issues dealing with the initial break up, but I get livid when contacted again.I should probably discuss this with a therapist, but I don't have the time or money to see one. Please share your thoughts.
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female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (4 December 2012):
 There's nothing wrong about the way you feel, in fact it is pretty aggravating when a "friend" whom you have fallen out with just calls up and behaves as if nothing has happened. Same with an ex. They're ex boyfriends and ex friends for a reason and are best left in the past. You move on from them without any expectation of ever getting back with them because as far as you're concerned, its over. There is no friendship or relationship left for you to hang on to or revive.
When these people call you and expect to get back it angers you because for you its over and you cant understand why they feel the need to bother you again after you've buried the old feelings and memories. You dont want anything to do with them and it pisses you off that they have the cheek to want to get back with you
A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (4 December 2012):
 I don't think there is anything wrong with getting the hump when people who let you down, suddenly turn up like nothing happened, maybe it's just your level of anxiety over it that's a bit off kilter.
It's really annoying when ex boyfriends just turn up out of the blue and the fact they do it just for a shag is a reflection of how disgusting they are and not a reflection of you...so you have every right to be pissed off.
Same for a friend who doesn't have the decency to apologise and expects to be forgiven...it's irritating and maybe you have some of that 'fast dissapearing from humanity' trait left in you called moral decency and when you know other people don't display that to you, after a while it can become a little obsessive and consuming.
You don't need a therapist, you just need to realise that your a good person who is sick to the back teeth of other rude and ignorant people undermining your life.
We are all expected to take it on the chin and turn the other cheek...well I say 'screw that shit' If someone treats me badly and then comes back to do it again, I have no qualms about telling them to F-off.
Strangely enough, it's a lot easier to stop obsessing after that!! :-)
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