A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I met this man over a year ago after chatting online. We hit it off. He lives in another state but he flew in to meet with me and have dinner. We had a great time and he went home. He contacted me the next day to say he wanted to come back again when my daughter had an access visit with her father 2 weeks later...I agreed the rest was history...was all good but we had a few issues but we really loved each other and had great times together. After a year i knew I couldnt continue to see him if he didnt plan to move closer ( which he said he would do from the start). We went back and forth for a while and he discovered he really could not make the move for various reasons so i gave him my blessing and we went our separate ways. He kept contacting me via text saying he missed me each time we broke up and we would get back together....then the time before the last breakup i said to him ...no contact if we break up again...i need to find someone who can be here for me...so let me go if you cant move....3 months passed....he text me for my birthday and said he hoped things were working out well for me...I responded saying thx and saying i was doing my best and wished him and his children well. I guess i hoped he had changed his mind but i didnt hear back....do you think he contacted me because he wanted to move on and close this door for good? Its been 5 days since i responded
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2012): Hi just an update...he did contact me again telling me of his plans for xmas and wanted to know what I was up to....
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 November 2012): Thanks for your advice. I did not include every bit of info but I think perhaps he felt guilty about the way we parted. I had asked him to maintain regular contact after he had last visited and had made a plan for him to move. Here. I believed that as we had committed to a long term relationship I should receive some contact from him each day as he had done in the past but he viewed this as controlling. I was going through a lot myself and just wanted to have a little comfort each day that he thought of me but he wasnt willing to give that to me. I suspect because it confronted him about his intentions to me. He was a man on anti depressants who suffered with anxiety and panic attacks on a regular basis. I accepted this and assisted him through the episodes when they occurred. I had also supported him through some pretty awful stuff with his ex and their kids so I had hoped he would do the same for me I guess, Anyway my friends were not keen about him and hoped he would stay away as they thought he was too much trouble for me. I did love the man and accepted him warts and all but it wasnt to be. I suspect if I had not demanded anything of him he would have just walked in and out of my life as it suited him. I knew I had to put the brakes on that for my own sanity.again thank you for your willingness to help me..all the best to you
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (26 November 2012):
 I agree with Sage here. I think it was a birthday greetings no more, no less.
However, if he keeps "popping" into your life here and there to "check up" on you he is HOLDING you back from moving on. Because YOU will keep harboring hope that he will be the guy you believed him to be.
Let him go. Wish him well.
And get out and met people NOT on the internet, but in your own graphical vicinity.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (26 November 2012):
 A lot of guys continue to make some kind of contact with ex's but it rarely means anything. I don't think they know themselves why they do it but it happens a lot...I myself have had texts and email from a few ex's...short simple messages and then nothing more so if I get any messages now I tend to ignore them because they don't really mean anything to me.
The only thing that would change the relationship between you and him is that he move closer to you...clearly that isn't going to happen so the relationship isn't viable.
Who knows why he's contacting you...if he wanted you to know the reason, he'd tell you the reason. You have done well to move on so ignore him and just keep going.
Also you are right that you need someone closer who can give you the relationship you want, so hold out for that.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (26 November 2012):
 I suggest that you give this guy "the benefit of the doubt" that his birthday greeting to you was simply a genuine, meaningful way for him to make a contact with you.... but do NOT take it as a "reopener" to the relationship that has soured.....
Good luck.....
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