A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I feel like I've totally screwed up my life. I don't have any friends in my area. I always hide behind work. At work I'm very sociable and bubbly but when they ask me out I don't want to go. I don't want anyone getting close to me although deep down of course I do. I feel like I've isolated myself. I feel like people will judge me and how I live my life. I wish I could just be authentic and have great friends who got on with me. I have friends from the past but they don't live near me and I feel like I'm going down a road to more loneliness. I meet guys and they are nearly all sleazebags. I just want to find a soulmate. I'm becoming more withdrawn. My brother and sister have lovely families. Why not me? I'm a nice person. I'm scared of relationships as so many have gone wrong in the past. Battle scars. I have times when I'm really positive but other times like now it seems that effort is futile. I feel like I'm becoming more and more hopeless. Nobody would know as I seem a very friendly and warm person. Underneath I'm less and less like that person as time goes on. I don't know what the point of it is anymore. I might as well have never been here. Even talking to friends is a trial now and I think I must be boring them. I've changed my number and hardly told anyone the new one. People go out partying and I just sit there watching them all having a good time. I thought my life wad going to turn out better than this. Now winter is coming I feel it is only going to get worse. what should I do?
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (16 November 2012):
 Honestly, it sounds like you could be suffering from depression, it is not uncommon for people who are depressed to WANT to socialize but isolating themselves.
I do think you need to consider talking to your doctor as well. I'm not saying a pill will cure all but if it is depression you might wanna nip it in the bud.
YOU can do this, why not "make" yourself go out once a month or even twice - JUST to get more used to it?
Yes, people judge - EVERYONE does - but why are you letting that stop you from living your life? You think you will be judged any less if you hide?
Come one, I bet they keep inviting you because they genuinely WANT YOU to come.
A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (16 November 2012):
 Please know that many many people from all walks of life feel like this at some point in their lives.
We are so conditioned from an early age to believe that having a family or a fulfilled loving relationship is the only key to a happy life and this just isn't the truth.
We have expectations when we are younger and when life doesn't go the way we think it should, we can be left feeling a failure...feeling lonely...feeling that things are coming to an end.
Sooner or later it becomes easier to turn your back on the world and develop a social anxiety or even go into a depression.
Seek help from your doctor (i know that sounds cliche and dull) who will maybe prescribe you some medication to life your mood and help you see things in a different way. It's hard to imagine your thinking can be changed when it has been driven so deeply into one particular rut, but meds, talking therapy etc can help you step outside of yourself and see what other options there are available.
You seem to have developed a negative perception of yourself, based on how a few people have treated you in the past. Some people are able to shake these negative experiences off and others can't. The negativity becomes like a shield around you and deflects people and opportunities away...it's not so hard to get comfy behind that sheild and after all, if people can't get near us...we can't get hurt can we?
When that sheild starts to become a prison, is when we need to take steps to change small things so we do learn to reach out and accept invitations again.
I am not a believer in fate or lucky charms or psychic phenomena, but I am a believer that every new day that comes is ours and we get to choose how we deal with people and places we come into contact with.
In order to come into contact, we have to go out and about, because it wont come to us...
Don't think your life has less value or meaning just because you arnt swimming in partners or friends, maybe you are just waiting for the right time to present itself and the right person to come your way...it could still happen, and even if it doesn't, there are so many other things to enjoy.
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