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... Send *untyEm a private message | | | *untyEm's profile:Hello, there. I am a 49 year old mother of two girls.
What qualifies me to give advice?...well I guess because I have had a pretty hard time and have learned a lot in my lifetime.
Divorce, teenage kids, money worries, relationship worries...all manner of things I have coped with and I am still here to tell the tale.
My answers will be pretty hard hitting. This is because I will tell you what you NEED to hear and not what you WANT to hear. This isn't always popular but I would rather get to the heart of the matter and tell it like I see it rather than give someone false hope or a misleading answer that could make them even more confused.
God Bless all who take time to give precious advice here, it has restored my faith in human kindness :-) xxxxx |
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| Latest articles: Happy Christmas: My thoughts on DC
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 December 2009: To everyone on DEAR CUPID, Having been an 'Aunt' on DC for a couple of years I have to say that I absolutely love and adore this site. It confirms to me that in a jaded cynical and unscrupulous world there are still people who care enough abou...
A Survival Guide for the serial Dumpee!!
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
17 July 2007: Are you continually getting dumped?, Do you never get passed the first date? 1) Never assume love. The more you think you like a guy, the more you must let him chase you.Don't lose your head and think you love him, before things have evn gott...
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I got pregnant from a drunken night with my ex and he doesn't want me to have the baby!
Q. I broke up with my ex at the start of the year a few months later I met another man, things with him seemed great at first but quickly got worse as we were both still hung up on our ex's. Things came to an end but we stayed in touch and about a ...
A. 30 December 2012: I agree with all the other Aunts...do what is right for you.
Don't base any of your decisions on how the ex will feel, he has made his choice loud and clear.
If you want to raise the child, then you have to accept that he is entitled to acce... (read in full...)
I walked up behind her and surprised her. Did she think I was creepy and it turned her off?
Q. I met these 2 girls at a pub last Saturday night. And I was about to leave and they ask me to come join them. Both girls ended up loving me!! Both really really cute too. The one, I was thinking wanted to be exclusive. She even gave me her phon...
A. 30 December 2012: I still think you are putting too much emphasis on the whole scareing thing. I think it was a simple case of her not fancying you the second time she saw you...it happens to everyone at some time in their life and women who claim they love you ... (read in full...)
Is it ok to purposely mislead or lie about your past to get someone to commit to you?
Q. Ok I want to ask this and give my opinions on this subject. First let's use some scenarios. #1guy has a past of hitting women, or criminal past, but has not been in trouble for years he's "changed" as some would say. #2 women has a past of chea...
A. 30 December 2012: Dear Cupid IS NOT a forum for people to spout their passive aggressive mysogynistic views and attack people who were trying to respond to their veiled questions.
You obviously have anger issues with your wife for her sexual past, it does not give... (read in full...)
I think my boyfriend only wants material things from me
Q. I've been w my boyfriend for almost 2 years and I made the mistake in spoiling him and now I feel like the only thing he wants from me is material things. We haven't been intimate in over a year and I'm lucky enough to see him once a month. I love ...
A. 29 December 2012: Have you spoken to him about why you arn't having sex anymore? and why you only see him once a month?
It seems like you are the only one left actually in the relationship...you and your feelings of love...and where is he?
Sometimes thi... (read in full...)
A wife, another woman who I love, and kids with both. Tell me how I can fix this situation.
Q. hi there I am 33 years old man and I have been married for 4 years now but been together for 10 years and we also do not have sex my wife treats this like a job. half a year into being married I started having an affair with a woman but only for fun ...
A. 29 December 2012: The only way to fix it is to admit your marriage is over, divorce your wife and pay her child support.
You live in the UK, she cannot stop you seeing your children, even men in prison are alloed to see their cildren, so go to the court to ask for ... (read in full...)
Was I justified to walk away from a man who would not commit? I'm finding it hard to move on.
Q. Hi all. Just two weeks ago I ended a relationship with a man I had deep feelings for. He was not willing to commit to me. He and I were seeing each other for a year but he broke it off and started seeing someone else. All the while, he contin...
A. 29 December 2012: I am sorry you are feeling this way and it wa sad that your relationship ended but really it was for the best as from what you have said, it seems there were many many problems that could not be fixed.
The fact that he foound someone else quickly ... (read in full...)
Am I really just stubbornly holding onto a fantasy that is never going to come true?
Q. A little over a year ago, I met a man who I thought was different. He treated me in a way I had never been before and accepted and loved my young son from a previous relationship in a way I could only dream of. However, here were a few issues with ...
A. 29 December 2012: I know Hunny, I know how hard it is to cope with everything on your own and move on, but you have no idea how strong you can be or how much life could be better without this toxic influence over you.
You have two lovely children so you have ple... (read in full...)
Is it ok to purposely mislead or lie about your past to get someone to commit to you?
Q. Ok I want to ask this and give my opinions on this subject. First let's use some scenarios. #1guy has a past of hitting women, or criminal past, but has not been in trouble for years he's "changed" as some would say. #2 women has a past of chea...
A. 29 December 2012: There are only two possible things you can do with HURT.
1)Recover from it and move on
or
2)Keep it like a sheild around you and have it destroy the rest of your life.
Anyone who thinks their own HURT can effectively change another bad perso... (read in full...)
Did I make the wrong decision by not giving my ex a second chance?
Q. Long story short, I broke up with my boyfriend of 7 and a half years about 4 months ago. I had felt that he didnt have enough respect for me. we had almost no sex life and he didnt want to marry me , which i had come to terms with over a few months. ...
A. 29 December 2012: Life is full of regrets but deep down, I think you know you made the right decision.
It's all well and good him saying he would marry you AFTER you broke up, so why didn't he do it before??
People say stuff in desperation all the time if they... (read in full...)
I walked up behind her and surprised her. Did she think I was creepy and it turned her off?
Q. I met these 2 girls at a pub last Saturday night. And I was about to leave and they ask me to come join them. Both girls ended up loving me!! Both really really cute too. The one, I was thinking wanted to be exclusive. She even gave me her phon...
A. 29 December 2012: I agree that she maybe over reacted a bit to you 'surprising' her, but maybe when she saw you for the second time she realised she didn't fancy you and so the date was a disaster and she's decided to not contact you again.
You seem really bothered... (read in full...)
Why does this guy block me after he acts like he likes me?
Q. Why does this guy keep blocking me even after we made up? He is a guy I am very interested in and wanted to befriend with. Last year, he invited me to be his friend on facebook, which I immediately accepted. After a few months, we tried to flirt ...
A. 29 December 2012: I agree with Blonde but I think you are BOTH playing stupid games. You are both adults and are acting like silly children by worrying about facebook blocking, pretending to be friends and then getting upset and ignoring eachother...You are acting ... (read in full...)
Am I really just stubbornly holding onto a fantasy that is never going to come true?
Q. A little over a year ago, I met a man who I thought was different. He treated me in a way I had never been before and accepted and loved my young son from a previous relationship in a way I could only dream of. However, here were a few issues with ...
A. 29 December 2012: ' now I am a single mom with 2 kids who has depression and feel completely overwhelmed and like no one is going to want me.'
This is pure FEAR of the future. This is why you feel so depressed and are clinging on to a man who does not love you and ... (read in full...)
Am I enabling my 17 year old son on how to be a responsible young man?
Q. Dear Cupid, I want your opinion on this .Well my mom has fallen sick and I have to work because I have a 17 year old son at home and he watches my mom while I work so when I get paid I shower him with money and clothes and shoes. I would like to ...
A. 29 December 2012: I agree with FA. Rather than 'showering' your son with gifts, work out an hourly rate for a carer and pay him that.
When you go to work, you are not 'showered' with gifts from your employer are you?...So show your son that by being responsi... (read in full...)
Despicable actions by him in the past. So do I try to forget that? And see him again? Or say NO to him?
Q. My ex constantly said he slept with my sister whenever we would argue. He would do this because he knew that would destroy me and knew that my sister and I were very close. I confronted my sister she denied it and no longer speaks to me. As...
A. 28 December 2012: Should you get back with a man who has constantly lied to you and destroyed your relationship with your sister...ummm that would be a BIG FAT NOOOO!!!...oh unless you have a magic wand that will completely change him into a different person and ... (read in full...)
Is it only me who gets upset that some people cheat, and then want to keep that fact a secret from their partner?
Q. Some Posters seem to be condoneing cheaters and ex promiscus people. Why do people think that its ok to lie to their husbands or wifes??? I just read where one agony aunt said "don't beat yourself up over it you just felt a connection so yo...
A. 28 December 2012: As someone who has been cheated on in the past, I agree with you completely.
People who cheat will always try to justify their actions because those actions affect the lives of other people and nobody wants to be the bad guy/gal!!
Cheating has ... (read in full...)
She's gorgeous. My envy and jealousy towards her is out of control. What can I do? I'll lose her if I keep being like this.
Q. I need help bad! Please help! Im in love with a woman but Im jealous of her. Shes gorgeous. Shes everything I want to be and pretend to be but aint. She's smart, funny, kind, thoughtful, classy, generous, shapely, blue eyes, professionally esta...
A. 28 December 2012: Like I said...You are in a dangerous situation, the situation is unhealthy, based on lies and deception and your issues with control and low self esteem are instrumental in creating this fantasy you are both living in.
Seriously you need professi... (read in full...)
How long should we wait before having sex?
Q. It seems to be the biggest dilemma in dating today. With no hard-and-fast social rules, men and women are on their own to determine when is the best time to introduce a physical component to their budding love relationship. The good news is tha...
A. 28 December 2012: If you don't want to have sex with her then don't.
I'd be wary of anyone who wants to rush into sex. Often it means they have low self esteem and think they can hang onto you if they offer sex up front.
You only have to read the thousands of... (read in full...)
Is this just a lover's tiff? What caused this? And how can I make things get back to normal?
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for around three months and up until now everything has been perfect. We fell in love pretty much at first sight and it's been so intense. But something happened at the beach which might not sound that bad but made me ...
A. 28 December 2012: There is no such thing as a perfect relationship. People who stay together for years have rows and disagreements, snip at eachother and can be downright unreasonable...but they usually work it out, forgive eachother and get on with it.
You h... (read in full...)
She's gorgeous. My envy and jealousy towards her is out of control. What can I do? I'll lose her if I keep being like this.
Q. I need help bad! Please help! Im in love with a woman but Im jealous of her. Shes gorgeous. Shes everything I want to be and pretend to be but aint. She's smart, funny, kind, thoughtful, classy, generous, shapely, blue eyes, professionally esta...
A. 28 December 2012: You don't make it clear if you are in a relationship with this woman or just her friend?
You also don't make it clear if you are both lesbian?
All that aside, your jealousy is dangerous and you have already began to mess with this lady's emot... (read in full...)
My head is telling me that I have to stay with my wife for the sake of my daughter. My heart is telling me that I have found my soul mate with another woman.
Q. Should I follow my head or my heart? I have been married for five years now, but for the last year things haven't been going to good in my marriage. I am in the military and since my last deployment my wife has withdrawn herself from me. We have...
A. 28 December 2012: Did you meet the new woman over the internet? and have you met her in person and spent any length of time with her in person?...I was just wondering.... (read in full...)
We meet up, have sex and then he doesn't call! Whats it all about?
Q. I am in a dilemma here. I met a guy in September at a party, both drunk. We kissed and talked. I bumped into him at a bar 2 weeks later and we just went straight home and jumped into bed. 3 weeks later we meet again at a party and home again. We ...
A. 28 December 2012: It's only been 3 days since christmas, if he is away, maybe he is too busy to contact you so why don't you try calling him and ask him out on a date?... (read in full...)
My guy is going bald - HELP!!!
Q. My guy is going bald!!!!!! I dont want to leave him, but he looks too elder than me! What do I do? He is ready to do anything if I have the solution..Pls help me! He is just 25! and Am 23 !! :-( :-( Am so sad abt his baldness..Am trying to support ...
A. 22 December 2012: I find balness really attractive and prefer bald/shaved over men with loads of hair...it must be a personal taste thing.
It's not really up to you to find a solution, it's about supporting your husband in how he feels and what he wants to do.
G... (read in full...)
Why has he changed since we started living together? We don't have sex and he says I'm no longer beautiful.
Q. What makes a person to change when you have just stayed together a month when you have dated for years? My friend has changed a lot and no longer makes love to me and now he even told me that I'm no longer beautiful the way I was when we met. W...
A. 21 December 2012: Maybe living together has had a negative effect on how he sees you. Maybe he feels his freedom is under threat.
Moving in after such a long courtship can seriously affect some people's minds and shows a lack of maturity. It will change your rel... (read in full...)
Seven months since a guy dumped me. Any strategies to get me over this tough time, please?
Q. I was in a relationship with another guy for 7 years. It appeared to be perfect, however obviously not for him. He told me he wanted to be alone and 'find himself'. Within two months he started a relationship with another guy and seems to have mov...
A. 21 December 2012: I agree with the other aunts. The key to your healing is NO CONTACT.
It's really selfish of him to keep in touch with you and he needs to respect your privacy, since he was the one who moved on. It's none of his business what you are doing or... (read in full...)
I want to leave my cheating husband, but need to straighten out some financial matters first. How can I cope with this in the mean time?
Q. I am married with 3 children. The youngest is 9 months old and the oldest is 3 1/2. My husband is contacting women on Craigslist and emailing them with the intent of having sex with them while he is at work. He has sent pictures of his genitals and ...
A. 20 December 2012: Telling you he loves you whilst he knows you know about him trawling for sex...hmmm no wonder you want to leave.
If you have to wait for finances to be sorted, there is nothing to stop you planning, saving some cash, looking at alternat... (read in full...)
Should I be upset about my Christmas present?
Q. Ok... I'm just wanting some opinions. Last year for our first Christmas, my boyfriend bought me some electronics. such as a DVD player and a Nintendo wii. (which was nice of him.) I know it was the thought that counts, I am more of a romantic person ...
A. 20 December 2012: Give him some time to recover from your behaviour. You have apologised but maybe he wants to make you squirm a little, since you were being really unreasonable.
Maybe do something thoughful for him and make a fuss of him to 'show' you are really s... (read in full...)
I'm confused and in love. What should I do considering my wife's attitude to our marriage?
Q. What is the true meaning of marriage? My wife wants us to remain married, but i cant have sex with her. I can touch her, but i can only get a kiss from her every once in a while. She left my for her lover and now is single and not dating. She ...
A. 20 December 2012: Good grief!!! You need a divorce lawyer stat!!!
She left you, she was adulterous, She denied you your conjugal rights...She is HISTORY!!
Now she wants to dictate what you do with your life and wants you hanging around like a spare part????
... (read in full...)
Sly comments, put downs and he doesn't seem to care unless he needs my help.Can this friendship become more satisfying and positive? How?
Q. There is this guy who I have known for quite a while at first he saw me as potential. But things began to change he didn't find me attractive nor his type an he kept stating we're "friends" I was cool about it. We instantly became best friends...
A. 20 December 2012: You can't let go because you think you love him and your mind is filling in the gaps by imagining he's some kind of wonderful guy who is suddenly going to realise that you are a beautiful wonderful girl whom he is going to sweep off her feet and ... (read in full...)
Should I be upset about my Christmas present?
Q. Ok... I'm just wanting some opinions. Last year for our first Christmas, my boyfriend bought me some electronics. such as a DVD player and a Nintendo wii. (which was nice of him.) I know it was the thought that counts, I am more of a romantic person ...
A. 20 December 2012: I think it showed amazing thought that he still bought you jewellry but allowed your daughter to pick it...because you said NOT to buy you anything for Christmas.
If he had bought you 'nothing' for Christmas, would you have been happy?..... (read in full...)
What's going on??? Did I do something wrong?
Q. So my boyfriend and I are in bed sleeping and his phone goes off indicating he had a text message, it's about 12:15 a.m. He looks at the phone and the message says hi. I'm like ummm, who is that? He's like idk, they text before and when I called ...
A. 18 December 2012: If he has nothing to hide, he should be ok with you taking a look at his phone or dialling the late night number. Surely it's more important to him to put your mind at rest...he seems to be protesting a bit too much. Sounds like you have relatio... (read in full...)
Should I leave my husband of 12 years for cheating?
Q. Should I leave my husband of 12 yrs? My husband has cheated on me numerous times only 3 times I have proof of. Back in 2005 he had an affair that lasted for 7 months. I never knew anything was wrong it was a huge slap in the face. The reason for it ...
A. 18 December 2012: The love you have for him has not saved you from his cheating and it never will.
He is a serial cheat and he will NEVER be satisfied...NEVER.
My Grandpa was a serial cheat his whole life, yet he remained married to my Grandma until she died. ... (read in full...)
My head is telling me that I have to stay with my wife for the sake of my daughter. My heart is telling me that I have found my soul mate with another woman.
Q. Should I follow my head or my heart? I have been married for five years now, but for the last year things haven't been going to good in my marriage. I am in the military and since my last deployment my wife has withdrawn herself from me. We have...
A. 18 December 2012: Would you stay in your marriage if there wasn't another woman on the scene?
If you end a marriage it should be because the marriage has died and the love has gone, and you have tried everything to save it. You should not end it because you foun... (read in full...)
My boyfriend has outbursts of anger but says he's only expressing himself. These episodes make me uncomfortable!
Q. So I asked a question about my boyfriend a couple of days ago. We're on holiday and he was telling me my top was see-through. We got over that and had a really nice day, sightseeing and enjoying our time together. Then yesterday he wanted to go and ...
A. 17 December 2012: I agree to some extent with KC, the guy is communicating, but there is 'communicating' and 'communicating'.
You are on holiday and from your last post, it seems he is picking at you and being tetchy.
He is already making you uncomfortable so... (read in full...)
Should I leave my husband or not? I don't know how he will survive if I leave him....
Q. I have to make a decision regarding leaving my husband. We have been together 18 years and have no children. Life prior to marrying was magical. I could not fault him in the least but on returning from our honeymoon he became grumpy and sulle...
A. 17 December 2012: The man has you wrapped around his little finger and prepared to sacrifice your life for his. He has had you as his Mummy, his lover, his provider for 18 years, contributes little and has been manipulative and abusive...and you are worried how he ... (read in full...)
When are hugs from another woman mean more than a hug
Q. how to tell when a hug from another woman means more than a hug ...
A. 17 December 2012: Haha Sage that was funny!!!! Made me chuckle!!... (read in full...)
My husband is tired of me. How do I deal with the rejection?
Q. I'm having a very hard time dealing with rejection. I'm 30, separated after 6 yrs marriage about 4 months ago. Marriage had it's good times, but was generally not very happy and there was a lot of verbal and emotional abuse. I stayed becaus...
A. 17 December 2012: Grieving when something ends is natural...suffering is an option and suffering will not contribute or change anything about your situation.
You have not had enough time pass to recover, but it will come. Yes you gave a lot, Yes your husband ... (read in full...)
Can you really just be friends with someone you still love and will probably love for a long time?
Q. My ex and I broke up 2 weeks ago after being together for 2 years. We were each other's first serious loves and relationship. We both agree and know we're not right for each other as the people we are right now, but we still love each other very ...
A. 17 December 2012: I also don't think it's a good idea to remain friends with an ex that you still love.
It's easy to say, 'yes stay friends but don't get emotionally involved' if you love someone that's almost impossible to do.
There is also the added issue of h... (read in full...)
Do you think this text was meant for some-one else?
Q. Do you think txt was meant for someone else? Jsut want to know if you think im being paranoid or is this dodgy, A guy I have been seeing for a year now has been away to a friends birthday for the weekend. He has sent me a message everyday while he's ...
A. 17 December 2012: You have caught him out, that's why he has gone quiet...probably working on a lie to cover his arse!!
I'd love to know what his excuse is!!
The text isn't proof that he has cheated but I think it's fair to say that his eyes have been elsewh... (read in full...)
Should I confront my partner - I found out he's looking for sex on-line!
Q. I have been with my partner for 25 years. The last four years have been very difficult as I have a condition called CRPS and the pain is debilitating. I have lost all interest in sex. My partner is very supportive and has put up with a lot. I ...
A. 17 December 2012: I think you need to talk to him about this as it seems he has needs that you can no longer fulfil.
Perhaps some counselling might help and also a visit to your doctor to see if anything more can be done to help you with your pain.... (read in full...)
FWB occasionally over si years .What did I do to turn him off so fast? And why build up expectations?
Q. I have a guy who was a friend for a while and became a fwb about 6 years ago. We only would see eachother when not in relationships. I was fine and he was fine and although we have always been attracted to each other, our jobs are different an...
A. 17 December 2012: If I were you I'd block his FB account so you won't be tempted to view it and analyse every little thing that he puts on there. Really it's obvious that it is consuming you and the only way to 'cure' yourself is to toss it out of your life and find ... (read in full...)
FWB occasionally over si years .What did I do to turn him off so fast? And why build up expectations?
Q. I have a guy who was a friend for a while and became a fwb about 6 years ago. We only would see eachother when not in relationships. I was fine and he was fine and although we have always been attracted to each other, our jobs are different an...
A. 16 December 2012: Maybe he is still really sick and is not in the mood to contact you? If you were his girlfriend then he probably have gotten word to you but as you are just a FWB, then it's fair to say he doesn't have to keep you informed.
All the sweet talk etc... (read in full...)
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![kitty-cat=] agony aunt](/avatars/4e276644-588c-43d2-bf37-fe35b92660b5.png){kind=small}
