A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been in a long distance relationship for a year and a half. We have been very happy and planned to move in together. He has alway said he wanted to marry me and now that i am in a place to move in with him he has said he is not sure we are right for each other. We are 6 years apart, from different parts of the world, different religion. These issues he now has, have never been brought up before. He says he needs time and space that he knows i am the one but needs time?
View related questions:
long distance Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (29 November 2012):
 HE LOVED the idea of the two of you together as a fantasy. But when it came to REALITY he had to find an excuse as to why it isn't going to work. It's called "cold feet" or just plain simple REALITY CHECK.
I think it is BETTER you know NOW that this relationship has no future then AFTER you moved to where he is at and "burned" your bridges.
Doesn't mean it doesn't hurt to find out that the relationship was more of an ideal to him then an actual relationship.
Honestly if he can't do this now, he will not be able to later on either - that would be my guess and my bet - BUT he would like to keep you around - hence the asking for more time.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (29 November 2012):
 Ah the truth about an LDR comes out… for the last year and half this man has been playing happy little relationship. I think sometimes folks that do LDRs are doing it to avoid real life. BUT this depends on a few more things I need to know.
I need more details…
1. You are LDR for a year and a half. Did you know each other IRL before you started the LDR or did you meet on the internet? How did you meet?
2. How far apart are you? How much time have you spent together? How often did you two see each other in the last 18 months?
A six year age difference is not much if he’s the older partner since you are 22-25… If he’s the YOUNGER partner, well that’s going to speak to his lack of maturity.
Different parts of the world? Do you still live there now? How different?
Different religions? Are you both practicing? Because if you are, and the religions have fundamental differences (Jews and Christians come to mind mostly for me) that could be a big issue.
He needs time? He’s had 18 months! Are you planning on moving IN with him or just to his area? Do you have a job or will you be dependent on him?
Personally I have no problem with TRUE LDRS… but what I mean by that is that you are a couple IRL too you just live in different places. You see each other regularly… as in at least once a month…. Or more. When my hubby (who is 13 years younger than I am, of a different religion and never married) and I met IRL we lived 2 hours apart by car. ONCE we got serious (which was about 3 months into our starting to spend time together) we saw each other EVERY weekend…. Till he moved down to be with me in what is now OUR home…
So tell me more details so I can give you better advice…. I can tell you if you have not met IRL that I’d let it go.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2012): He's actually contradicted himself in what he's told you. He says he doesn't think you're right for each other yet he knows you're the one for him? How does that one work then...
Honestly, I don't really know what's going through this guys mind. Maybe he wanted to experience what a relationship would be like (albeit from afar), but not actually want anything serious and now he's backing out.
Or he does want to be with you but its all happened too soon for him, and all the same - he's backing out.
Whatever the cause, there was a communication failure along the way, hence you received the wrong information.
...............................
A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (29 November 2012):
 Different country, different religion, long distance relationship??... How much time have you actually spent in each others company?
He has been living in a fantasy of non commitment with you and now it's all getting a bit real, he's backing off. Could it be that his religion is putting pressure on him?...could the age gap be worrying him?...Could it be that he doesn't really know you enough to commit to living with you?
The guy is walking away, asking for space and time, you have no choice but to back off too as I think you are also fantasizing a little about how it will be when really neither one of you knows if you are really suited.
...............................
A
female
reader, sugarplum786  +, writes (29 November 2012):
 Hi, he is weighing his options. Be glad he did not just move in with you, use you and then say its not working out. I would give him the space, and that means no contact at all. I suggest you try and move on as I would not want to be with someone that cant make up his mind about me two years later.
...............................
|
