A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am a 24 year old female. I have a good head on my shoulders, I'm career oriented, and for the most part, lead a very balanced and fairly busy life. But ever since I started dating in high school, I've noticed that I've never really been happy when I was single. For the past 8 years, I've been a serial monogamist -being involved in relationships as short as a couple months to as long as a couple years. And I've never been single for more than a couple months. I understand that it's natural to yearn for companionship, but I actually wake up feeling depressed every day when I am single. I just can not seem to be okay with being alone. Aside from just keeping myself busy with hobbies, social life, etc., does anyone have any advice on how to truly obtain happiness while single? What type of mindset is best to have? Anyone ever been in my position and was able to overcome this feeling?
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male
reader, Serpico +, writes (4 December 2012):
For whatever reason you want to attribute to this, some people just have a harder time being alone than others. For me, I always thought it was better to be alone than to be wasting time with the wrong person. Im 44 now and engaged for the first time to someone that was worth waiting for. I dont regret one moment I spent alone.
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (4 December 2012):
 One way to get a great view on being happy whilest being single, is to come on this site and read about all the B/S that so many of your contemporaries endure when/while/as they try to make a relationship with one of us guys!!!!
Good luck....
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (4 December 2012):
 When I was younger I was happy when I was in a relationship.
Now in my 50s I have a partner (a new husband) and I'm happy but I can easily see being single and happy too. I never could as a woman in my 20s and 30s... and I think that if you are busy and active and still yearning for that warm body in the bed at night you will not be happy till that yearning ceases.
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A
female
reader, Euphoric29  +, writes (4 December 2012):
Thank you for this post, because I feel just the same. And I am so happy somebody said that they feel like this, too.I loved being in a relationship and since I am single, I am not as happy as I used to be. I was a good girlfriend, I loved being caring, tender, funny, I loved the intimacy, that somebody was such a good friend to me. Now I feel alone, even though I have many friends and a lot of stuff to do. My solution to this problem is that I try to find someone new, instead of telling myself I should settle as a single. I am not happy this way, so I try to change it.I've been online dating a lot and I didn't get lucky so far. But hey, I just keep on looking, maybe now I stop to find people over the internet and try something else. I don't give up and wait till my boyfriend finds me. I also keep looking for him. If you really want to find happiness being single, I hope you're better at it than me. Almost three years now and I am still moping around, unable to really cope with it deep inside. On the outside I am strong and independent and happy, but I cuddle my pillow at night and I cry a lot. The only thing that helps me, when I am very frustrated, is that I look at some of the dysfunctional couples I know and then tell myself that I'm so much better of than them. I know it's mean, but in a way, to see the fighting, the public humiliation and the open criticism of certain people that are in relationships makes me feel blessed as a single. Sometimes, when my friends meet their partners and don't have the time to go out, or are having drama again, I also tell myself that this lifestyle has some big advantages. But honestly, while being single DOES feel better than being in a bad relationship or being in the middle of a heartbreak, it still feels worse than being in a good relationship. At least for me.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2012): If its companionship that you long for then being single is never going to make you happy, and no amount of keeping busy is ever going to replace companionship, end of. The only way you're going to be happy being single is if you have a bad experience in a relationship or with a guy, and it puts you off guys, and the idea of a relationship no longer appeals to you. You'd also have to be happy with your own company, and content with your life as it is if you were to find happiness being single.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (4 December 2012):
 I don't think you can ever be happy single if it's not in your heart to be single.
You are young and have life ahead of you and events can change in the blink of an eye.
I think there is a fair amount of prediction in your words, you are almost planning for a single life to diffuse the dissapointment of not having met a life partner up to now...thats a bitter pill to swallow when you don't really want it.
Being single isn't really a mindset until you actually just suddenly know, without much thought that you feel happy with it.
I am on the opposite end of the scale to you. I divorced after 20 odd years. I thought I would only be happy if I found another relationship, dated several men but none really suited me and as I have a good life on my own, I suddenly realised that I really rather preferred the freedom (having fought so hard for it) than having to force myself into another union.
Spent years worrying about being on my own, but when faced with the prospect of settling with someone again, I just couldn't do it. I don't rule out living with someone in the future but it's not a priority and it would have to be someone really special to me.
I think that your view will be different to mine as you are much younger and there will be things you want to experience (maybe having kids etc), don't rule out future relationships because they will occur naturally as you move through your life. If you convince yourself that only the single life awaits you, it's going to make you unhappy.
Be optimistic and open minded about your future, you have as much chance as anyone else to meet someone and who knows whats around the next bend. There is no rush, it's not a race and nobody is judging you.
Every day is precious and has lessons for us to learn whether we are single or attached...don't discount the future because there is not a single person on this planet that knows what tomorrow will bring.
Keep your chin up xxx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2012): Hi there! There are so many things that can make you happy being single. You may be single but it doesn't mean your alone. You said, you are career oriented. So that's great to know. Focus on your career, its something you can control, you can manage, give your time and effort to. maybe in time you will get promoted or something. Its best to own a new house, a new car than to have a love that will just cause you trouble and heartache. For now i guess, just think how lucky you are that you don't have to worry about those crazy things that love can bring.Having someone is great but its not what makes a person happy and complete. Its within yourself. If you choose to be sad then you will be sad. if you choose to be happy, you will be happy.Its just a matter of choice. Happy Holidays.
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