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male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: I think this is a common issue... I am not so sure. But I am in a condition that I have love/likeness for other women than my wife. I have emotional relationship with few women. we share our thoughts and flirt. I keep in touch with them always.i know it is a matter of infidelity. but I am so confused. do I love my wife!! that itself is a big question for myself!! is it due to lack of affection to my wife which attracts me to other women. Or am I a person who loves many women? Am I sharing my love between all of them with my wife!!She is 29 and we are having a good life, including sex. she always cooperates me with almost any way of sex. we try out many things of great fun.recently all these are popping up as I feel I am just considering that she is just one among all other women but being married to me.I have had sex with another women of which I told my wife, though she had big pain and difficult time she adjusted and accepted me as the way I am.My wife is a very innocent woman. All she wants is to be cared. to be loved. I think I am nuts to feel this way to other women.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2013): I believe that marriage is not for everyone. You're probably one of those people.There's nothing wrong with loving or being deeply emotionally connected to many women as long as :1) they are all aware that there are other women in your life, no one is being misled that she's the only one2) you don't get married, unless you live in a society where having multiple wives is normal and OK so the wives dont' mind.basically, if your wife is hurt that you want to have other women in your life, then you shouldn't be married to her. Otherwise you are hurting her, over and over again. Most societies nowadays have the requirement that marriage is monogamous. Thus, most women will expect that if you marry her, you are going to be monogamous.If you can't or don't want to be monogamous that is fine. But then you shouldn't get married either, that's all.In other words, marriage is meant to be a monogamous relationship. If you don't want to be monogamous, then dont' be married, it's as simple as that. if you or one of your women wants the other benefits of marriage (such as social status, merging family incomes and inheritances, tax breaks, whatever...) still, don't get married. So please, divorce your wife now and respectfully go your own way, it will be the best thing you can do for her to set her free so she can find a man who wants only her and no one else. She deserves that.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2013): Some relationships aren't meant to be monomogous. I don't think that some of you understand and are mistakenly always making the cheater to be the aggressor. well sometimes that is true but sometimes not. we are all human and not always perfect life is hard relationships are hard. You think you know someone but you really don't you just have to try and make it work. I think there are worse things in a relationship than cheating.
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A
female
reader, misskitty805  +, writes (4 December 2012):
 keep being honest about fact you have slept with other women. It's honesty and no one likes being lied too. That hurts far worse than hearing the truth about something. More people need to live their life being that honest. they'd lose only the guilt and low self esteem they now have from sneaking, lying, and not being able to live a simple good life. As far as I see things. there's nothing wrong with you accept you jumped the gun in getting married. You are now seeing that your wife is just one of the many in passing. Happens. Just do yourself a huge favor. Get the divorce and try to remain on good terms and don't get all crazy with other women until you two have called it quits. I understand you. But in society people like to judge before knowing any of the facts. women you might date after your divorce might steer clear of you and you could lose out on quality friendships. If you're just out for booty call...... well, you don't need anyone's advice on this site. good luck.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2012): thanks all. Didanyoneeverloveme gave a nice point.
I had sex with only one another woman. but emotionally attached with few.
but I will respect this forum and respect my wife.
I will love her and will let her as the only woman for me.
I cannot think of a time without her. I love her a lot.
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A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy  +, writes (2 December 2012):
 No, I don't think you love your wife. You don't respect her. She deserves better.
If you want to practice "polyamory" it has to be out in the open and agreed upon by all concerned.
I hope that you're having protected sex (using condoms) with all these women. Don't bring a child into this marriage.
If you aren't able to change and practice monogamy, you should divorce and let your wife move on while she's still young.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2012): "Am I a person who loves many women?"No, just another cowardly scumbag fishing for excuses that would rationalize cheating on your wife.
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A
male
reader, John douglas  +, writes (2 December 2012):
Some one has to knock some sense in you. Anybody can't love more than women at once, that is just impossible. There will always be an imbalance. Work things out with your wife or get a divorce and spare her the heartache of knowing your infidelity. And don't get remarried.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (2 December 2012):
 'I just couldn't help myself'
'I am so confused'
'She made me do it'
'It wasn't my fault that it happened'
'It's just the way I am'
'I have a very high sex drive'
'My wife doesn't understand me'
'My wife is always tired'
'My wife gives all her time to the kids'
'What do you expect...I am a man'
When you get married you take a vow of fidelity 'forsaking all others' the clue is here to what is expected of you.
If you cannot honour those vows, then you take responsibility and either turn to fidelity OR turn to divorce...
Most men assume they can stay in the marriage whilst having sex with other women...it's called having your cake and eating it...
Great for you...
Absolute miserable hell for your wife (as is already evident)
You want people here to justify your actions by saying 'It's not your fault'?? Ain't gonna happen!!
We all get a choice in life to do the right thing...you are choosing to do the WRONG thing so the blame is all yours...man up and accept it and God help your poor wife, she deserves much better than you.
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