Does anyone else feel sickened by the increasing erosion of personal intimacy in relationships?
Q. Is there anyone else out there getting as sickened as I am by the increasing erosion of personal intimacy in relationships? I find myself amazed at the way that sex seems to be meaningless, you can have threeway, with other people while you are ...
A. 1 May 2007: I sometimes feel the same. There are some positive takes on this however, or at least ways to understand it that make it possible to cope a bit better:
The World you describe is not really the World as it is. Yes it does happen, but it happens ... (read in full...)
How can I be happy when Im with him and when I'm without him ?
Q. my boyfriend thinks very differently to me, he likes to take evry day as it comes, he doesn't feel the need to take me out for tea, or take me to cinemas, etc. he doesnt communicate very well, and doesnt really show his feelings, i have low self ...
A. 26 April 2007: He sounds like a typical teenage boy to be honest.
If you have low self esteem, you should focus on yourself and improving that. Don't look to him for too much help in that regard. Your self-esteem is your responsibility not his.
I recom... (read in full...)
I believe that sex and love are two different things, but I wouldn't have sex if I didn't love her. What do you all think?
Q. I need some opinions on a view that I have. I believe that the way I look at this is a mature, healthy way... but I would like some advice from someone older that may have been through this before. My girlfriend of nearly a year and I are sexual...
A. 23 April 2007: Sex and love are of course different. They are connected, but not the same thing at all. So don't 'disconnect them', but do see them as distinct things.
Female sex drive is very different from male. If this is something that is bothering you I su... (read in full...)
Is it possible for a person to carry other people with him to reach same emotional/spiritual level in life?
Q. Is it possible for a guy to take his partner(a girl) to the same heights that he may reach in his life? or viceversa? Broadly speaking, is it possible for a person to carry other people with him to reach same emotional/spiritual level in life?...
A. 12 April 2007: People can inspire each other to achieve great things. But an individual has to take each step themselves, no matter how much outside help they get.... (read in full...)
Should I ask a guy out on a date OR go with the theory if he really likes me he will go out of his way to make contact?
Q. Help!! Should I ask a guy out on a date OR go with the theory if he really likes me he will go out of his way to make contact? I know all about women's lib and all that but isn't it true that if guy really likes a women he will make a move?? Thanks...
A. 12 April 2007: Most guys would rather do the asking. Plus I think you have a better long term chance of having a successful relationship if he does.
What you can do is create good opportunities for him to ask you. Create a situation where the two of you are ... (read in full...)
I opened up and told my husband about my past threesome!!! He cant move on from it and its destroying us! Please help!!
Q. I have a serious marriage problem. My husband and I have been married for 15 months now. We got married while he was in the military, and we were separated for 13 months. We have been living together for 3 months now. Everything was perfect in ...
A. 12 April 2007: I don't agree with the other aunts that his reaction is totally irrational. There are reasons for it: psychological and biological ones.
Nor do I think that what happened in the past is irrelevant. Although we live in the present, the echo of ... (read in full...)
We are LD, we are engaged, and I do want to marry her, But shes talks so openly about sex with others, that Im wondering is she right for me ?
Q. I am in a long distance relationship now with my fiancee and sometimes she gets on the edge, we had a row and she told me that the fact that she loves me does not mean that when i get her upset she will not make mistakes of going out to look for ...
A. 11 April 2007: I think you probably shouldn't be marrying her. She clearly has pretty unusual views about sex in a relationship: it is certainly not 'normal' to be having sex with others whilst engaged to be married. She should not expect you to be comfortable ... (read in full...)
I have 'floppy' labia..will my experienced guy think this is weird?
Q. I'm in a relationship with a guy who is older and more experienced. I would like to have sex with him but im embarrassed as i have 'floppy' labia and am afraid he'll think im deformed. Is this common? and will he think of me as being weird?...
A. 10 April 2007: It's common and completely normal. I have seen enough to know.
He won't think of you as being weird (well if he does then he is weird), it is nothing to be embarrassed about. Good luck, and make sure you use contraception :)... (read in full...)
My husband of 5 years says I've never satisfied him sexually and wants me to be like a pornstar with him!
Q. My husband of five years said that I'v never satisfied him sexualy, and he wants me to perform like the women in his many porn DVD's. Is that reasonable? He expects me to be always ready for sex ie fully shaved (and I'm very hairy) and doing it up ...
A. 8 April 2007: To set his expectations based on porn is entirely unrealistic. Porn is not real. It is heavily edited, shot and lit from certain angles, the actors are covered in body makeup, they take breaks, they take viagra, they have stand ins, and so on. The ... (read in full...)
How long do most people wait before sleeping with their new partner?
Q. how long do most people wait before sleeping with their new partner? ive started seeing a friend of mine and was wondering how long most people wait before they first sleep together? i know it should be "when the time feels right", but im just ...
A. 6 April 2007: Longer is usually better. It's a strange feature of the male mind, but the longer they have to wait, the more they tend to feel the end result is 'worth something'. Men like a challenge, if you sleep together too soon that sometimes it makes it feel ... (read in full...)
Is there something wrong about being a virgin at 17 ? How can I reduce the tension ?
Q. Dear cupid... im a 16 ( almost 17 ) year old female and i was wondering if there is something wrong with me.. ive been with my boyfriend who is 20 for almost a month and we've started talking about sex witch doesnt bother me except that im ...
A. 6 April 2007: There is nothing wrong at all. In fact, most people are virgins when they have their 17th birthday. Meaning it is more unusual to lose your virginity at 16 or younger.
Bear in mind that some of your friends are probably not telling the truth. M... (read in full...)
Why do girls dump nice guys for bad boys?
Q. Why do girls dump nice guys for bad boys? I mean its interesting when girls say that they want nice sensitive guys but they usually date all the bad boys and the nice guys are reserved as friends. And its not just insecure girls, but even ...
A. 5 April 2007: Women are torn between desiring the powerful alpha male (usually a 'bad boy'), who will likely father strong / powerful children, and a good provider (usually a 'nice guy'), who will provide and care for her children. That's what the biologists tell ... (read in full...)
He forced himself on me I asked him to stop but he just said its a laugh and I need to get a sense of humour! I cant see the funny side!?
Q. i went to meet my ex boyfriend yesterday because he wanted to talk to me so i thought if i met him outside id be safe. we went back to his house and the door was locked so we couldnt get in because he didnt have his keys. i asked him wat he wantedt ...
A. 4 April 2007: You're not stupid at all, quite the opposite. By coming here and posting what you did, you have shown that you are smart and that you know something wasn't right.
It was rape, like the others have said. Any man that forces sex is committi... (read in full...)
He had a one night stand, phoned me immediately as all he could think about was me! Is it right to forgive him?
Q. Right here is the thing, my boyfriend has recently gone out and had a one night stand with a girl, he rung me immediately after he had done it to tell me he had done this and and we have decided to stay together and make it work. he says he started ...
A. 4 April 2007: The fact that he stopped half way, and called you straight away, is a good sign. It may have taught him how much he cares about you, because of how awful he felt doing this.
If you feel he has truly learned from this, then your relation... (read in full...)
is this pain I get after drinking alcohol my Liver!!?
Q. Everytime I drink, the next day I have a pain under the right side of my rib cage. Is this my liver and should I see the doctor? I don't drink all the time, only once a week but probably too much! No more than most teenagers though. Thanks...
A. 4 April 2007: Go see a doctor. There's lots of different things that could be causing this.
The symptoms sound like some kind of urinary tract infection, which can cause kidney pain when you are dehydrated. If it's that you'll be put on antibiotics and it will ... (read in full...)
I'm 22 and still a virgin. Can you tell if someone's still a virgin?
Q. Please, Please, Help me! I'm a 22 year old virgin and I'm about to have sex for the first time. My g/f has has a lot more experience than me. I'm a guy so of course I dont want to come off as incompetent sexually. I also dont want to tell her I'm a ...
A. 3 April 2007: She won't be able to tell if you're a virgin. As long as you at least vaguely know what you are doing that is. I imagine you've read enough about sex, and maybe seen some porn, that should give you enough information to get the general idea. The ... (read in full...)
he has made comments that women have too much power, women are inferior, women can't get anything done without emotion
Q. I have been dating a man for about a year and a half. He seems to have two very distinct sides to him. When things are going well and he is happy, he is smart, sensitive, protective, re-assuring, complimentary, loving, calm, fun and funny to be ...
A. 3 April 2007: Rainee is completely right. You are in serious danger being anywhere near this man. So are your children. And so is your unborn child: the violence against you could easily cause a miscarriage. He has very serious issues that are not going to be ... (read in full...)
Is once a day normal to masturbate when your 15 ?
Q. Hello. I'm 15 and am currently going through adolescence. I'm ejaculating / cumming once a day and am wondering if that's the normal rate someone should do that sort of thing... thanks for any and all replies. :)...
A. 3 April 2007: Completely normal. ... (read in full...)
My Bf doesnt always cum when we have sex, I take this personally and that I'm not as good as other women!!
Q. Sometimes, my boyfriend doesn't come when we have sex and I take this really personally. I think he doesn't enjoy it as much with me as with other women. He says I'm being crazy but I feel bad about it. How can we sort this? ps we have to use cond...
A. 3 April 2007: I am in your boyfriends position (minus the STD). My girlfriend sometimes has the same doubts as you. I can only tell you that there can be many reasons for it that have nothing to do with you at all... such as the condom, but also stress and ... (read in full...)
I want her to take an HIV test as shes had a few sexual partners, she says I should just trust her!! Its wrecking us please help!
Q. Hi...I came across this site during a desperate attempt to resolve my relationship which is falling apart as I type. I'm a 24 1/2 year old male who has had his first serious girl friend ever. I was a virgin before meeting her, and fell in love...
A. 2 April 2007: You probably aren't going to like what I'm about to write. But please read what I'm writing with an open mind. I could well be wrong, but there is certainly a significant chance that I'm not. Please consider it, do not reject it out of hand as you ... (read in full...)
What is that average time that sex usually lasts?
Q. what is that average time sex usaully lasts? just wondering cos i've heard 15-25 mins... Me and my bf have been sleeping together for a while but he can never go longer then 5 minutes. I don't mind cos I know he cant help it..I was just wondering if ...
A. 26 March 2007: I have read about this a lot, there's plenty of conflicting information but the consensus (and the most reliable sources) point to around 5 minutes being average. So your boyfriend would be very normal. Remember that this is just intercourse, sex is ... (read in full...)
Why cant a guy just be straight with you when they want to break up!?
Q. when a guy wants to breakup with you why can't they just tell you straight instead of ignoring your texts and calls?...
A. 22 March 2007: The answer is, unfortunately, cowardice
... (read in full...)
Im due to meet my fiance's family, Im American breed, they are British, I want to make a good impression, whats the expected etiquette?
Q. I'm meeting my fiance's family for the first time. They're British and live in London and we'll staying at their house for a week. I know this could sound silly, but I was born and raised in America in a family where "proper" etiquette wasn't ...
A. 22 March 2007: Recommended subjects to discuss:
- The weather
- How bad public transport is
- How England probably is better than America
- How England was once the most powerful nation in the World
- Why English TV is better than American TV
- The weath... (read in full...)
How many previous partners are acceptable at 23??
Q. I just got engaged to my girlfriend and have always avoided the topic of her past because of the fear of her having had a lot of exes. Somehow, recently we got talking in that line and she told me how much she liked oral sex and that she had had ...
A. 21 March 2007: You say you can't 'figure out how it all happened'.
It is important that you don't make this something you have to 'figure out'. Trying to do so is going to lead you into a vicious circle of pain, and increasing difficulties with your fiancé. ... (read in full...)
Since we broke up I've slept with 3 people, he knows about 1, should I tell him about the other 2 now we're back together?
Q. My boyfriend and I went out for 3 years... we split up for one year and kept getting together on and off. Now we are seeing how things go getting back together. While we were broken up I slept with 3 people, one of which he knows about... do i tell ...
A. 21 March 2007: Rythmandblues is most likely right. I especially agree about leaving out the details: these can create images that upset him and continue to upset him. He will want to know, but sometimes what we want and what we need are very different things.
... (read in full...)
Since we broke up I've slept with 3 people, he knows about 1, should I tell him about the other 2 now we're back together?
Q. My boyfriend and I went out for 3 years... we split up for one year and kept getting together on and off. Now we are seeing how things go getting back together. While we were broken up I slept with 3 people, one of which he knows about... do i tell ...
A. 20 March 2007: I agree with Dr Pete by and large.
What I don't agree with is the notion others have stated: that because you were split up it has nothing to do with him. In a relationship, each persons sexual behaviour and history is relevant. In the same way... (read in full...)
I have just got married but don't know for sure if the baby is his?
Q. Ok me and my boyfriend have been together almost 2 years and and we just got married March 7th and I'm 6 months pregnant with a girl which he already has 2 boys, but I cheated on him once around the same time I got pregnant but that guy said he ...
A. 18 March 2007: You need to find a medical center that can do DNA tests. They'll tell you what you need. It'll will be something that has his dna, a hair is probably the easiest, or saliva (spit). They can advise you.... (read in full...)
My fiance wants a threesome. He's had one before, I've never done it, but I'm curious.
Q. My fiance wants a threesome. He's had one before, I've never done it, but I'm curious. If I said yes I think it's gonna mess up our relationship. I really do love him. What should I do? Does this mean he's not satisfied with me? Isn't it like ...
A. 17 March 2007: Most of the time threesomes seem to eventually destroy relationships. It is very hard to cope with the emotions such as jealousy and insecurity that can easily be unleashed. Some people do manage it, it really depends on the strength of your ... (read in full...)
I have just got married but don't know for sure if the baby is his?
Q. Ok me and my boyfriend have been together almost 2 years and and we just got married March 7th and I'm 6 months pregnant with a girl which he already has 2 boys, but I cheated on him once around the same time I got pregnant but that guy said he ...
A. 17 March 2007: Bad situation!
I suggest you get a DNA / paternity test. You can do this without your husband knowing and find out if the baby is really his. I'm not sure if a testing company will insist that he knows, that really depends on the law where yo... (read in full...)
He keeps messaging me and threatening to kill himself if I don't go back with him. What do I do here?
Q. Dear Cupid, I recently broke up with my boyfriend of two and a half years, he keeps messaging me and saying he wants me back and i should give him another chance but i don't want to, I do love him but i was just so unhappy and things just weren't ...
A. 16 March 2007: You've made the right decision, stick with it. Anyone who would emotionally blackmail you with threats of suicide is not someone you want to be in a relationship with. Two and a half years is long enough for you to really get to know each other and ... (read in full...)
Was I too rough? She said it was the best sex she'd ever had!
Q. last night i had sex with my ex and i will admit it was very rough she kept moing saying it was amizing and it felt fantastic eventually she had to keep stoping cause her clit was hurting to much and she did bleed a little bit but i dont no whether ...
A. 13 March 2007: Sounds like she's telling the truth. Some girls do really like rough sex, although it's usually a 'mood' thing, very few like it rough all the time.
In my experience, it is more about 'dominance' than 'roughness'. Meaning that some women respond ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend seems to have a problem with anyone I have ever dated. He's on anti depressants for it! How can I help him?
Q. I have a problem no one seems to be able to resolve and its breaking my relationship up. my boyfriend and I have been together 18 months and got engaged last summer. He has a problem with anyone I have ever dated in the past and has ended up dep...
A. 13 March 2007: Therapy and anti-depressants are the most you can do about this. That and being supportive in the way Tellulah suggests.
If those aren't working you need to seriously consider if you should be staying with him in a relationship. If you can hand... (read in full...)
How can you tell if your gf is a real virgin??
Q. How do i get to know if my girlfriend is a real virgin? She said she is but i dont trust her enough becasue she had been in a relationship before and seems to know a lot about sex. Is it true that all women bleed on their 1st time? She is just 15 ...
A. 13 March 2007: There is no way to tell. Not all women bleed the first time they have intercourse, and you certainly can't 'feel' it.
Basically you're going to have to trust her. But then, if you don't trust her you shouldn't be having sex with her anyway! ... (read in full...)
My GF is judging me and bringing up my past, it really hurts,she says she will stop but doesnt! What do I do ?
Q. My girlfriend keeps bringing up things I have done in the past, and it hurts me to be judged... Am I doing the right thing? I had a very long relationship when I was really young and when I came out of it, i fooled around a lot, with more t...
A. 9 March 2007: This is a common problem (although more often the other way around). Although the solution sounds simple, it can be very hard to achieve. She needs to let go: when the feelings come she has to let them pass over rather than dwell on them and act on ... (read in full...)
Do women intimidate men who make the first move on them?
Q. Are men scared off by women that ask them out for a date, or is it a turn on?...
A. 7 March 2007: Men like it but be careful. Men also don't like women who come across as 'easy'. At least not as long term girlfriends. So by all means ask him out, but then once you know he is interested, make him work to win you. Show that you are keen but not ... (read in full...)
He slept with someone when we broke up, we're together again but I don't know if I can handle this. Should I stay with him?
Q. I got back together with my boyfriend of four months recently after two weeks apart. I broke up the relationship but realised I wanted to try again and he was very willing to give it another go. The problem is while we were apart he slept with some ...
A. 2 March 2007: I think men like to perpetuate the myth that we are 'different' so we can sneak in some casual sex. To be frank, if he was really in love with you then he'd not be having sex with someone else.
I'm not saying that the relationship won't work. Bu... (read in full...)
My current bf doesn't see how I could sleep with someone else when I was in love with him. What should I do?
Q. I broke up with my ex boyfriend at the start of the summer last year because I fell out of love with him... Partially because he treated me badly, partially because I'd fallen for my best friend. My ex and I stayed friends until recently. A li...
A. 27 February 2007: "He doesn't see how I could sleep with someone else when I was in love with him".
Do you think you understand why he is asking this question? In a way it is a reasonable question, there is nothing in your post here that explains why you did slee... (read in full...)
When meeting guys in the future, do you think there is anything wrong with 'not' telling them about past sexual experiences?
Q. Hi everyone I've recently lost a partner because he couldnt deal with the number of one night stands I had (4) before meeting him. When meeting guys in the future, do you think there is anything wrong with NOT telling them about that stuff (i...
A. 26 February 2007: It depends. You are taking risk...
If it turns out you get into a good long term relationship then you may have trouble keeping it a secret. These things have a way of coming out in the long run. Besides, if you get into a serious relation... (read in full...)
My gf has been very graphic about her past, now the images are stuck in my head and it's too much for me. Should I end the relationship?
Q. Hi I've been seeing a girl for around 6 months now. We met at a works do and after a few drinks we got closer and we got very close to sleeping together. I'd never slept with someone in a situation like that so backed off - even though she made ...
A. 21 February 2007: I agree with Dr Pete. It sounds like you have the wrong councilor for this issue: you need someone with at least a degree of empathy for what you are experiencing. A one night stand does not qualify as a relationship in any meaningful way, a ... (read in full...)
My partner can't get over the fact I slept with his friend before I ever knew him.
Q. I'm confused, my partner of 2.5 years finished our relationship. he has always been aware of the fact that I slept with one of his friends before I ever knew him. This was a long time ago and although I have tried to reassure him that this is ...
A. 20 February 2007: It's possible that this has been bothering him for 2 1/2 years and he's just got tired of trying to deal with it. He may have been suppressing / compartmentalizing it, and just not communicating with you about it. Perhaps he was hoping it would go ... (read in full...)
I didn't have sex w/ her b/c I'm against one night stands. She wants to get closer and I like her, but don't like how she is so "loose" w/ guys!
Q. Hi, I wanted to ask for advice. I went to a works weekend and shared a flat with a friend and two girls. After lots of drink one of the girls started getting very close with me. Then she started kissing my mate (i didnt know this until after the ...
A. 19 February 2007: She may well 'truly regret' acting that way. The real issue is can you get over it? Are you willing to accept that she did this, accept it, and move on without dwelling on it or allowing it to be an issue.
It is important that she is over it, othe... (read in full...)
My gf has been very graphic about her past, now the images are stuck in my head and it's too much for me. Should I end the relationship?
Q. Hi I've been seeing a girl for around 6 months now. We met at a works do and after a few drinks we got closer and we got very close to sleeping together. I'd never slept with someone in a situation like that so backed off - even though she made ...
A. 25 January 2007: "A friend of mine has told me that I'll struggle to get this stuff out of my head, even with the help of counselling."
Yes that is true. It is possible, but you have to really want to and even then it will likely take a long time. If you really l... (read in full...)
My gf has been very graphic about her past, now the images are stuck in my head and it's too much for me. Should I end the relationship?
Q. Hi I've been seeing a girl for around 6 months now. We met at a works do and after a few drinks we got closer and we got very close to sleeping together. I'd never slept with someone in a situation like that so backed off - even though she made ...
A. 24 January 2007: This question comes up a lot. Have a read of some of the previous responses and if you have any further questions post again here.
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/obsessed-with-my-girlfriends-sexual-history-should-i.html
http://www.de... (read in full...)
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