A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I got back together with my boyfriend of four months recently after two weeks apart. I broke up the relationship but realised I wanted to try again and he was very willing to give it another go. The problem is while we were apart he slept with some one else. I was shocked to hear this (he told me himself)and am not sure he could be as in love with me as he says if he could do that in such a short time apart. Is he sincere and should I stay with him? Help!
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male
reader, Yos  +, writes (2 March 2007):
 I think men like to perpetuate the myth that we are 'different' so we can sneak in some casual sex. To be frank, if he was really in love with you then he'd not be having sex with someone else.
I'm not saying that the relationship won't work. But his actions in your break show that he's not head-over-heels in love with you. If you do resume, enter with your eyes open and handle with care.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2007): I think men can do that without really thinking much of it. But to lie about it and say it was only once then you find out it was more than once. er, i don't i would be too chuffed or easy with the situation. Do you want to be together with him, knowing that at the blink of an eye he could be off and sleeping around. Does he still have contact with this other person? Find out more and decide for yourself, but i would be inclined to get rid, sorry if this is not what you want to hear, but you will have a lifetime of what if's.
Take care
xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks to everyone who responded so quickly to my question.. I was speaking to him last night about it and he confessed that he was with this person a few times and not just once! Now am really in two minds about whether to stay with him even though hes very keen to be with me.. I dont know what to do for the best
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A
female
reader, xxxsoulsistaxxx +, writes (1 March 2007):
 I don't think he can love you as much as he says he does if he could jump into bed with someone else so fast. I know this sounds harsh but I don't. I know if I split with my partner, he would not be able to touch another woman for months and rightly so. When you're in love, it doesn't just disappear like that.
Some people may say that men think differently to women. This is the case especially when it comes to sex, as they seem to be able to separate this from love. So, although he still loved and cared for you, he could quite easily have sex with another woman who meant nothing, as he doesn't see sex and love as part of the same thing.
I guess only you know this man: is he the sort of guy who would take ages to get over someone? Or could he jump into bed with one woman whilst still in love with another? I wouldn't take my partner back, as I want a man who can't separate love from sex, but sees them both as part of the same thing.
Good luck
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A
male
reader, R71 +, writes (1 March 2007):
I have been "him" in the same situation. I would tell you not to read too much into the fact that he slept with someone else. I know that's hard for you, but if you broke up with him, he may have been hurting and decided to "get even".
Whatever the reaston, the fact that your relationship was so young (4 months) means that it is early days. If you think it will go somwhere and you are capable of forgiving (not "forgetting") then move ahead with him.
Talk to him openly about it and give him the chance to apologise and explain.
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A
male
reader, Abacadaba +, writes (1 March 2007):
 my brother and his girlfriend broke up for a week and she slept with somebody else. Chances are he slept with her for 'sympathy sex' as i call it, he didnt like the break up and so went to somebody for sympathy. If he told you himself then i think thats what it was, seeing as he wasnt trying to hide it, yes its not a nice thing to happen, but well, it happens. If he was eager to get back with you its obviously shows he DOESNT want to go out and have sex with other girls, it shows he wants you. If i was in your shoes i would treat it as a 1 off, a mistake. Its up to you tho, time heals all wounds, remember that.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2007): It's whether you can move on from this or not. A two week break isn't that long and considering he slept with someone else in less than two weeks after you were in a tempory finish of the relationship might mean that the relationship wasn't that serious to him (after all you've only been with him for four months). Maybe he thought that this break meant the end of the relationship and that's why he went and slept with someone else (also so that he'll get over you quicker). If you see this as a issue and can't forgive then move on.
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