A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have a problem no one seems to be able to resolve and its breaking my relationship up. my boyfriend and I have been together 18 months and got engaged last summer. He has a problem with anyone I have ever dated in the past and has ended up depressed and on anti depressants and attended therapy but it didnt work.anything can trigger this depression and I cant see a way out.its getting worse by the day. we avoid situations that will trigger his depression, for example going out, where he might see one of these men.his thoughts are taking over, can anyone help?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2007): You cannot cure his depression. You should be careful here. Supportive yes, but I would not marry someone with these issues. Marriage is a very serious thing, if you don't want to end with heartache and possible divorce don't rush into marriage with him yet. Wait until you are VERY sure he is mentally healthy. Remember you did not cause this and cannot cure it.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2007): Tellulah is so right. Stick with it and don't give up. He is beating himself up about something that happened and cannot be unchanged. Don't you beat yourself up either, you need to be strong for him and yourself. Just keep telling him how much you love him and are in love with him.
Take care
xx
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A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (13 March 2007):
 Therapy and anti-depressants are the most you can do about this. That and being supportive in the way Tellulah suggests.
If those aren't working you need to seriously consider if you should be staying with him in a relationship. If you can handle being with him without it causing big problems with you then you're ok, but don't stay in the relationship if it's making you feel really bad most of the time.
I'm afraid to say that it's very possible that he'll never get over it and this behaviour will remain for as long as you're in a relationship with him. Sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind: it might take him losing you for him to confront his demons and change his life in the way he needs to. Sometimes you don't realize what you had until you lose it.
You have to ask yourself if what you have with him is worth this suffering. Only you know the answer to that question. Answer that question for yourself, not him.
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A
female
reader, TELLULAH +, writes (13 March 2007):
 I have been in your boyfriends situation, so I know how he feels. Although mine was not as drastic as his, I still used to make myself feel miserable over it.
The only thing you can do is be patient with him. My boyfriend and myself nearly broke up over my insecure feelings. I didnt meen to question him all the time or cause rows, but still words came out of my mouth before I could think about what misery I was causing to us.
Your boyfriend maybe like this, but you can help. Try to make him feel as secure as possible. Tell him you love him and no-one else has ever come close. Make him feel you are proud to be with him. And give him some confidence.
Tell him not to drive you away, as you dont know what you would do without him.
It will be hard for you, he will sometimes make you feel like going crazy.
But it has worked for me. And now I dont care about the ex's. If they were that great he would be with them and not me.
XXX dont give up.
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