I want to know about her previous sexual encounters, she says it doesnt matter, should I let it lie ?
Q. My Girlfriend when she was 16 she cheated on her boyfriend with someone she knew for a whilie now she's 20 with me i wanna know what she did. she told me she jerked him off While he fingered her (which she told me she never liked anyone doing) sh...
A. 8 December 2006: This isn't about her, this is about you. Your own sexual insecurity is causing you to put your girlfriend in a difficult situation. I understand why you 'want to know', its really understandable and a natural response. But all that will happen is ... (read in full...)
My bf can't handle my past and doesn't want to hear anymore about it - we love each other, so how do we solve this mess?
Q. i need a solution so plz be fast help me out.i have a loving bf the problem is my past troubles him a lot he thinks of it all the time and comes wth weird thoughts,how do i stop himhe lves me a lot and i love him too, and i dont wanna lose him no ...
A. 6 December 2006: I understand your situation, and your reaction. I know how bad it can be, and I think that it is very hard for anyone who hasn't been in that situation to empathise. It's not what it seems to be, and not at all easily dealt with.
This comes up... (read in full...)
Are most men sex-mad beings who hop from female to female? Any thoughts?
Q. Are most men generally sex-mad beings? Who if finished with one girl they happen to be seeing or been with, go straight onto the next, without a thought of the person they had been involved with before?? Just curious on your opinions with th...
A. 6 December 2006: Some. But people change too, I think most men change as they get older. Immaturity is part of it. I think making a relationship work takes open yet non-accusitory discussions about our emotions. Being able to ask for things wiithout making the other ... (read in full...)
Want to share some research on the effects of porn in relationships. Read this and tell me what you think...
Q. I would be interested to see what other think of this latest research and how it relates to the never ending stream of people being hurt by porn in their relationships....seems for some people porn may be ok and have little impact in the beginning ...
A. 6 December 2006: You'll be pleased to know i'm quoting some of this in front of a room full of advertising people on friday. Should be fun :) ... (read in full...)
How do I go about finding someone who is also a virgin???
Q. Hi, I've been looking for someone who shares a similar sexual history as myself. I am a virgin and want to meet a girl who is as well. In fact my desire to be with another virgin is the primary reason I have waited. I think it would be a bit h...
A. 6 December 2006: Join a church?... (read in full...)
I'm getting a colonoscopy - will the doc know I've partaken in anal sex?
Q. I am getting a Colonoscopy and want to know if the Doctor will beable to tell that i have had anal sex?...
A. 6 December 2006: If they do notice, they won't care in the slightest. ... (read in full...)
My gf was invited to a house party by her friend, but doesn't want me to go b/c I wasn't invited!
Q. My girlfriend told me the other night that her friend asked her to go to a house party. I automatically assumed that she would want me to go but when i said this to her she said that her friend had invited just her. I was a little hurt by this ...
A. 5 December 2006: To be clear, I wasn't advising not letting her go!
What I mean is that if she doesn't want you to go, she needs to be clear with you. And give you her real reason. That reason might just be that 'I feel like a night out with my friends without ... (read in full...)
My gf was invited to a house party by her friend, but doesn't want me to go b/c I wasn't invited!
Q. My girlfriend told me the other night that her friend asked her to go to a house party. I automatically assumed that she would want me to go but when i said this to her she said that her friend had invited just her. I was a little hurt by this ...
A. 5 December 2006: You should ask her to get you invited. In fact, since she is your girlfriend, any invitation for her to go to a party automatically applies to you too... in my book anyway. Unless its an all-girl party, which its not.
She should be prepared... (read in full...)
Am I really shallow?
Q. My boyfiend of two years broke up with me, and I was devastated. I thought I wanted him back desperately, but have realised that what I miss most is the feeling that I kne where my life was going and was a success. He was on paper my perfect man - ...
A. 5 December 2006: No, admitting you have boxes you want ticked is not shallow. It's honest, and thats commendable.
However, my experience has been that love ignores checkboxes, and that sometimes the best relationship can come from where you least expect it to. S... (read in full...)
He has women's numbers and texts saved under men's names in his phone!
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for 3.5 years. We have been having problems and I have found a number of text messages to 3 different women he has listed on his phone as men's names. He says that there is nothing wrong with this and that I am ...
A. 5 December 2006: The other aunts are right. This is a very suspicious thing, and for your boyfriend to say 'there is nothing wrong' is also a problem. Sending flirty texts to women whose names he is hiding is clearly wrong!
I suggest you go back to him and try ... (read in full...)
What kind of girls are guys really looking for ?
Q. What kind of girls are guys really looking for ?...
A. 5 December 2006: I'm looking for the perfect woman.
Youthful yet worldy and wise
Beautiful yet modest
A virgin in the world, a whore in the bedroom
Strong and independent, yet gentle and vulnerable
Incisive and rational, yet emotional and feminine
A woman wh... (read in full...)
Does the pain of jealousy due to insecurity ever end?
Q. I've lived with the same woman (my first) faithfully for the last 10 years. since i was 17. i met someone else while i was out of town and attempted to cheat on her. the new girl teased to death but had a conscience blast at the last second and ...
A. 5 December 2006: Yes most people will tell you to 'get over it', or that 'the past is the past' or similar. Whilst they have good intentions, this advice is about as effective as firing a bb-gun at a tank.
I have been in your position, and to a lesser degree I... (read in full...)
Obsessed with my girlfriend's sexual history. Should I look at the hidden computer files?
Q. I have had problems with my girlfriend's sexual past before and sometimes I think I am getting over it. However, last night I was using her computer and I noticed that there were some hidden files that I could not access. Judging from the file names ...
A. 5 December 2006: I have come to many conclusions about this.
Perhaps the darkest one is that as men who do this (I have been one myself) we are continuing in the great tradition of the hundreds of generations of men that have come before us. Namely to use 'moralit... (read in full...)
She has given me unconditional love but there are parts about her I just don't like...
Q. If I have someone's unconditional love, should I be "blinded" by feelings ? To get a bit more into details, I'm in a relationship with a woman that trully loves me for who I am and I know she would just do anything for me. I do love her too,...
A. 4 December 2006: In a way I know how you feel. My girlfriend is a bit older than me, she too has a past that's been very hard for me to swallow, and intellectually we are very different (I tend towards extreme-rational, she tends towards extreme-emotional). And she ... (read in full...)
His text said he couldn't stop laughing about how she fell off the bed. Is he cheating??
Q. My boyfriend was out with some of his work the other nite and some of them went back to one of the girls house. I looked on his phone and he'd a message in his sent items to her saying he couldnt stop laughing when he thought about her falling off ...
A. 4 December 2006: They could have been sitting around in her bedroom and she fell off the bed drunk or whatever. It's not necessarily the case that anything bad went on. Having said that, you do have reason to wonder what happened...
Of course you shouldn'... (read in full...)
He says he struggling because of the condom and my lack of "tightness"!
Q. i just started having sex with my bf for the first time, but he says with a condom it decreases the sensation and i'm not "tight" enough for him to come easily. i lost my virginity to this guy, so why would i be too loose already? what should i ...
A. 4 December 2006: It's not you, it's him. He is probably masturbating a lot, what that does is makes him get used to the very firm pressure he can give with his hand. That makes it hard for him to come through intercourse because your vagina cannot be as tight as his ... (read in full...)
He wants to know everything about my past bf..and I don't want to tell him anything! What should I do?
Q. Hi. im in a new relationship for about 3 months now.Everything is perfect but he wants to know about my past especially with regards to a guy i was involved with previously.We all reside in the same community. i told him that i wasnt in love wit...
A. 3 December 2006: Don't tell him any more information. Not any time soon anyway.
Your boyfriend is obsessing about your past boyfriend. He's comparing himself to him, and being insecure. The more he knows the worse it will be, because he'll have more informat... (read in full...)
We are on a 'break' but she still wants to see me?? I'm confused..isn't this whole 'break' thing mean ..not seeing each other??
Q. Ok so, me and my girlfriend have been dating for over 3 months and we see each other almost EVERYDAY! Well, a few days ago she said she wants a break because it's like I'm holding her down and she can't have fun anymore! So, I agreed and now she ...
A. 3 December 2006: Welcome to the crazy world of 'breaks' where up is down and black is white.
Seriously, the concept of a relationship 'break' is nonsense if you look at it closely, so trying to figure out what 'reasonable behaviour whilst on a break' is is not g... (read in full...)
Everytime he wants sex and I don't, he gets mad at me then goes to bed. What should I do?
Q. I took my boyfriend's virginity and he keeps telling me that we need to slow down, now everytime that he wants to have sex and I don't, he gets mad at me then goes to bed. What do I do?...
A. 3 December 2006: The problem here is one of communication, and sexual differences. And not the ones you think I mean.
Men are VERY sensitive to sexual rejection. Much more so that women in general, something that is not well know by women because:
- women aren't... (read in full...)
He has a hard time with my past! He was addicted to cocaine..did the drugs mess with his head?
Q. ive been with my partener over a year now,and he just cant accept ive had a past..he gets really wound up and jealous....a good few years ago he was addicted to cocaine but hes been of it for 4 years now!.do u think the drugs are messing with his ...
A. 30 November 2006: Well the drugs don't help. Cocaine has a way of making you paranoid, and too much of it over a long time can make you permanently paranoid. But if he's ok otherwise in his life then its probably not that. Many guys struggle with their partners past, ... (read in full...)
He dunps me! Then he says he go out with me again if ..I have sex with him! What do I say to him?
Q. My boyfriend broke up with me after going out 6 months. He texted me and said if I have sex with him he will go back out with me. What do you I suggest I say to that? We are both under 16....
A. 30 November 2006: He clearly doesn't love you if he's making demands like that. If he did care about you then he wouldn't put any 'conditions' on being with you. Stay away from him, it sounds like you are better off without him... (read in full...)
Are the myths about penis size true?
Q. Are the penis myths true? Does height and size of a man's hands and feet determine how big or small his penis is? I've heard if he's tall, or has big hands, or feet he will have a big dick and I've been checking out these areas on guys lately. I ...
A. 29 November 2006: Being 5'9" with smallish hands I'm glad its not true. And I can testify that it isn't ;)... (read in full...)
I like her but she's never alone! Why do girls travel in packs?
Q. there is this girl i really like, she is in the year below me (probably about 6 months younger than me) and im in year 11. what do i do? i really dont nowhow to tell here, and why do women always travel in packs?? she is never aloun......
A. 29 November 2006: You're not meant to say anything in particular. In other words you need to try to say something amusing / funny etc. Not easy. The best thing to do is to get her talking... try asking some questions about her that give her the chance to tell you ... (read in full...)
I think everyone judges everything about me. It's ruining my life! Help!
Q. Hi all. Okay, this is going to sound really (really, really) stupid, but here it goes: I have a huge problem thinking that people are judging me about everything I do or say. (And I mean EVERYTHING.) It has impacted me on so many levels that...
A. 28 November 2006: I doubt you want sympathy but you have mine anyway. I feel for you, it must be really tough trying to cope with these feelings. It's hard to say whats really going on, perhaps very low self-esteem, or maybe some paranoia. Certainly you are very ... (read in full...)
My conservative friends jokingly call me a whore and it's really bothering me!
Q. my new guy friends at the uni often tease me, they call me a whore and slut. i dont know why, they dont know me much its only our first yr. the only reasons i can think of is because i voice my opinions and am vocal about sexual stuff, i dress in ...
A. 28 November 2006: It is TOTALLY unacceptable for you to be called a whore and a slut. And by your friends?!? Are you sure they are your friends? Friends don't call another friend those things. They are hurtful and demeaning.
Here's what you need to do: stand up... (read in full...)
Need advice on how to tell my gf, my real feelings for her!
Q. Dear cupid i am in my teens and me and my girlfriend have been going out for a couple of months. we both have feelings for each other but i dont think she has the same feelings as i have. how can i get her to now my real feelings for her...
A. 28 November 2006: Throw caution to the wind.
Go sit somewhere quiet. Hold her hands in yours and look her deep in her eyes. And then open your mouth and just let it all come out. Don't worry about how you sound or what you say. Just speak from your heart and don'... (read in full...)
I like her but she's never alone! Why do girls travel in packs?
Q. there is this girl i really like, she is in the year below me (probably about 6 months younger than me) and im in year 11. what do i do? i really dont nowhow to tell here, and why do women always travel in packs?? she is never aloun......
A. 28 November 2006: Girls travel in packs for protection from roving predators... like you!!
But seriously, she just likes hanging out with her friends. You're going to have to get up the nerve to talk to her with her friends around. Now that is hard! But if you do i... (read in full...)
Having sex for 3 years and I never had an orgasm..what's it like?
Q. hey im 16 and i have been having sex since grade 9 and im in grade 12 now and i just wanted to no what an orgasum is i dont think ive had one and like to no about it ...
A. 28 November 2006: I find it ironic that the anonymous advice tells you 'find the right woman'! Be cautious of advice you receive over the internet ;)
I agree pretty much with camille. To orgasm many people need to feel relaxed and comfortable. At such a young ag... (read in full...)
Before me, my wife had a real 'wild' past..trying to deal with it. Any advice?
Q. We hear all this about men having chequered pasts as in 100 women , But I have the reverrse I am married to a woman who came clean and admitted to having sex with 16 different men most of the time these liasons were adulterous, some were one night ...
A. 28 November 2006: This is something that comes up here a lot. Men struggling to deal with their partners sexual past. I myself had this problem and went to therapy for it. It's why i started writing on this site. I know from direct experience how difficult it can be ... (read in full...)
Why did my bf go on dating site. if he loves me?
Q. Just found my long term boyfriend on a dating site. He started texing a girl, i found the messages, i knew something wasn't right. He tells me he loves me and its the biggest mistake of his life. I am very confused. Why did he do it? ...
A. 28 November 2006: There are many reasons why he may have done this. Probably the best way to find out is to ask him, although he may not really be able to tell you clearly. He may not know himself.
Most men fantasise about other partners from time to time. It's qui... (read in full...)
Should I be insulted that he didn't orgasm after giving him a BJ for the first?
Q. hey i gave my bf a blow job for the first time the other day, but he didnt cum! he realy seemed to enjoy it, and i think i didnt everything right, however should I be insulted he didnt cum, or can boys enjoy BJs without cumming!! advicee plzz x...
A. 28 November 2006: Don't be insulted. There's lots of reasons why this could have happened.
If a guy has masturbated a lot, or recently, then its going to initially be harder for him to orgasm. A blow job is a very different sensation to his own hand, and takes so... (read in full...)
Hooked up my brother's friend and now..my family is upset and my brother wants to beat him up!
Q. I accidentally hooked up with one of my brother's friends this past weekend (we are 3 years apart in age, 2 grades apart in school) and it became a huge ordeal. My parents found out about it and so then my brother found out and got really upset with ...
A. 28 November 2006: You don't explain why everyone is so upset with you. Why would the have a problem with this? Is it because he is in some way a 'bad guy'? (in which case why is your brother a friend of his?), or is it because you are very young? And 'hooked up' is a ... (read in full...)
The lipstick on his collar looked suspicious...what do you all think?
Q. With my b/f for a year. One night we were lying together on the couch and the lower collar of his white t-shirt i see a straight line thats about half an inch. To me, it looked like lipstick that wasn't mine. (It wasn't bright red or anything so i...
A. 27 November 2006: You posted this same question recently and a long list of aunts told you the same thing: you are obsessing over this and should seek help for that. It sounds from this post that you haven't taken that advice on board.
So I will try again.
... (read in full...)
He cheated on me twice then asked his friend to tell me, it was over! I still feel for him though and I want to know why he did this?
Q. About a month ago, I was 'dumped' by my 1 year boyfriend. He has told his friends he has cheated on me twice, and his friends told me. I am absolutely appauled. Even so, I still feel something for him. He has not spoken to me since the break-up...
A. 24 November 2006: You're not going to get anything out of talking to him. He treated you terribly, which means he doesn't respect you. To not even break with you in person is totally unacceptable! Don't see his behaviour as a reflection on you, see him as the messed ... (read in full...)
We used the pull out method!
Q. okay, so im 15 and my boyfriend have been together for 3yrs. we had sex for the first time on tuesday. we didnt use a condom, he pulled out. but i think he mightyhave came a little. i didnt get my period yet this month. it is pretty irregular, and ...
A. 24 November 2006: First thing is to go and buy a home pregnancy tester. These are available from most drugstores and you will now within minutes. They are very accurate.
The next this is to make sure you use contraception. The 'pull out method' isnt' a method o... (read in full...)
I'm paranoid about this mark... was it lipstick on his collar?
Q. I am in a relationship with someone for about a year. I realize that i have insecurity and trust issues with him. Although in the past he has not given me any reason to not trust him, I developed a habit of looking through his cell phone to see who ...
A. 24 November 2006: Your friends are probably right when they say you are obsessing about this. It certainly seems that way from your question. You are over-analysing the details again and again in your head, adding meanings that aren' really there. You said it well... ... (read in full...)
He treats me like a princess but I can't handle his past - please help!!
Q. I'm ready to leave the most wonderful guy in the world because I can't accept his past. He's generous, kind, funny and worships the ground I walk on. However, he's slept with over 100 women, has an STD and has no money and has absolutely no chance ...
A. 23 November 2006: This is an issue i have been struggling with over the last year, but recently it has been getting better. Search in my past posts to see some of the comments on this, although I have also written numerous things on other sites and in personal emails ... (read in full...)
Why are people's sexual pasts such an issue for some people, mainly women?
Q. Why are peoples sexual pasts such an issue for some people, mainly women? I have a problem with the number of women my man has slept with (over 100) and some of my friends do too (nowhere near that many!) What causes these problems? Why ca...
A. 23 November 2006: It is difficult because we are not naturally able to cope with the idea that our partner has been promiscuous. Remember that this is a coming together of some relatively recent phenomena: contraception, womens rights, longer lifespans, divorce, and ... (read in full...)
A past drunken cheat haunts me and I am feeling guilty. Do I tell my fiancee or not?
Q. I am getting married next year to a man who I am very much in love with and we have been together for six years. About three and half years ago I got very, very drunk, so much so that I went home with a guy and woke up the next day to discover we ...
A. 22 November 2006: If you decide to tell him, do be prepared for him to not forgive you and leave you. This is a very possible consequence of your action. Do not expect him to forgive you, you are not entitled to forgiveness. If he can, he will, but it will not be ... (read in full...)
She cheated and now I can't get the image of her and some other guy out of my mind!
Q. I've been with this girl for 3 years. She cheated and I'm trying to forgive her and give her a second chance because she realized she messed up. I am having trouble getiing visions out of my head of her giving oral and having sex with this guy. What ...
A. 22 November 2006: It is incredibly difficult for a man to trust a woman after she has cheated on him. It's the way we are made... we have part of us that is designed to 'freak out' if this happens because it calls into question the paternity of any children we might ... (read in full...)
I'm curious on how pre-martial sex is perceived!
Q. what do people think about pre-marital sex? i grew up in a religious family, but waiting until marriage made a lot more sense when i was 19. now i'm 27, and i'm curious. does anyone really wait this long? is it bad if you sleep with someone in a ...
A. 22 November 2006: Only the most religious people seem to wait until married until having sex. And a few non-religious people (like yourself), but really not very many these days. This attitude is more common in America than in Europe (where I live), America being a ... (read in full...)
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