A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I wanted to ask for advice.I went to a works weekend and shared a flat with a friend and two girls. After lots of drink one of the girls started getting very close with me. Then she started kissing my mate (i didnt know this until after the weekend!).Soon after she started kissing me, and when we got back to the flat was uncontrollable. She wanted us to have sex but i made out i was too drunk and not up for it etc... because morally i don't like one nite stands/casual sex. Within half an hour, she came back to the room that i was sharing with my mate and sat on the edge of my bed and started masturbating herself. I pretended that i was still alseep because i didnt want to join in (morals) and i also didnt want to embarrass her.She now wants to get closer and see me more. What should i do (bearing in mind how 'loose' she was with me and my mate). I do like her but i also feel a bit of sadness towards her in the was she puts herself towards guys.
View related questions:
drunk, kissing, one night stand Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIs there anyone that has anything positive to say about this from a male point of view that has gotten over this problem?How did you manage to get over it and do you still reflect back and think about it years into the relationship?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionDoes anyone have any more advice on this? We agreed to have some time apart to see how i feel.
I just can't see how i can change my mindset and reading so many peoples postings on here saying that they suffered the same problems and still do TEN years into a relationship. I just don't want us to be in this position in ten years time.
...............................
A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (19 February 2007):
 She may well 'truly regret' acting that way. The real issue is can you get over it? Are you willing to accept that she did this, accept it, and move on without dwelling on it or allowing it to be an issue.
It is important that she is over it, otherwise you'll struggle to trust her and likely get jealous easily. Only you can judge that: from her behavior now.
See how it goes. If you find her actions do fit with her words and you become less bothered by this over time, then things may well work out for you two. But you may also find that things don't get better and this keeps on bothering you, and causing problems in your relationship. If this happens, be ready to move on as you are unlikely to be helping her if this is the case. If you end up making her feel like she has to feel guilty then that's not going to help her self esteem in the long run.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWhat if she truly regrets acting this way? Or is she just saying that to keep me?
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the responses and the over-whelming advice NOT to get involved.
Here's the tricky bit. I already did. And she is head over heels in love with me. We've been seeing each other for a few months now and she says that she's never had a relationship like this (everyone else has used her for sex). One nite she revealed all her past to me including a fair amount of casual one nite sex (no surprise really). It plays on my mind a lot and i've tried to leave her because it bothers me so much. She just says that she's found herself because ive taught her to respect her body and that she only slept with guys because she thought they would stick around for a relationship. I just don't understand how anyone could make a mistake like that half a dozen times.
Everytime i try to finish it, she seems to know all the right buttons to press to make me want to stick it out and have one more try...
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2007): I understand you have some feelings for her but DO NOT make the mistake of starting a relationship with her. She lacks not only morals but wisdom and self-respect.
...............................
A
female
reader, Jendorset +, writes (16 February 2007):
Well, like you said...she doesnt edzactly play hard to get does she. She either doesnt have alot of self esteem, or shes just plain out for the fun of it. I would say that maybe she needs someone to love her and show her she doesnt need to masturbate at the end of someones bed to get affection and love. Maybe she only tried it on a secound time because she couldnt beleive you didnt go for it at first. I think shes worth a try, but...i dont think you deserve to be with a girl that shags around. Also if she wasnt going to wear any contraception. Perhaps you should just leave it, enless she shows some seriously significant reason to be trusted and loved.
...............................
A
male
reader, kakaman  +, writes (16 February 2007):
I would not get romantically involved with this woman if she has been loose in your eyes. It just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen. If she was acting this way with you and your friend, imagine how you would feel when you found out all the other things she may have done. I would just stick with being her friend.
I'm glad you didn't do what most guys would have done in that situation. It's nice to know there are some guys out there who aren't just looking for a quick bang to brag about with their buddies.
...............................
A
female
reader, Shley919 +, writes (16 February 2007):
Yes, this girl is very "loose" and obviously feels the need for a tremendous amount of attention from guys, whoever they may be. My advice, dont put all your egg shells in one basket~in other words, dont get too hooked on this girl. I tell you this because girls like this can break the heart of a guy who isnt ready for her type. You seem like a really good/morally correct type of fellow, and i feel if you put all your time into her, she can dissapoint you. Just the fact that she was kissing on ur mate when you were there and then tried to get you to sleep with her..it could have been your mate if it wasnt you so obviously she just wanted sex. I dunno, maybe she's just really cute and outgoin and thats what makes u find her attractive...but theres alot of cute and outgoin girls out there that dont drop their pants for the 1st guy. So let this one go b4 u get hurt~
...............................
|
