What can I do to not destroy friendships?
Q. Hi. well i am 16 years old and i just broke up with a bf of me. A friend of mine keeps messing up my relation. everytime i got a new bf she always messes it up. She messed it this time up also. Well where friends since we where babys. We are like ...
A. 16 November 2007: If that's not 'it', she needs to tell you what 'it' is... ask her. And don't let her avoid answering the question truthfully. It's good that you're dealing with this by trying to talk openly about it. Stick with that approach.... (read in full...)
What if she takes it the wrong way?
Q. Ok, well, i slept with a friend of mine, that i havent known for all that long, guys have used her in the past for sex but we got drunk, 1 thing led to another, and yea. But i genuinly like her, what happened happened i cant do anything about that, ...
A. 10 November 2007: Ask her to be your girlfriend. Be her boyfriend, and be a great boyfriend. Show her respect and care. Don't talk about the former men in her life, forget the ever existed. She doesn't want to be reminded, neither do you.
It sounds like she may ... (read in full...)
What can I do to not destroy friendships?
Q. Hi. well i am 16 years old and i just broke up with a bf of me. A friend of mine keeps messing up my relation. everytime i got a new bf she always messes it up. She messed it this time up also. Well where friends since we where babys. We are like ...
A. 10 November 2007: This sound like typical girl jealousy. Perhaps she needs a boyfriend too? Once she has one she'll be busy enough not to mind if you have one. The good news is that if one or the other of you has a nice boyfriend, they tend to have other male ... (read in full...)
I want to make plans for our future as a family but he won't talk about it. How should I deal with this?
Q. It may sound crazy but I've been dating my boyfriend for a little over 3 months and I know I want to be committed to him. It literally took us 3 days to fall in love. I've been engaged twice and been in other long-term relationships, but I knew ...
A. 10 November 2007: I'll give you a male perspective on this.
Pushing a man towards 'full commitment' and having a family after 3 months of a relationship is much too soon for most people. You'll scare him off if you keep this up. You'd scare most men off if you did ... (read in full...)
How to get him intrested in me again - we got back together after splitting 2 yrs ago, and we've always had a rocky marriage. Meanwhile he's signed for a dating agency but says he regrets it.
Q. me and my husband got back together after splitting nearly 2 yrs ago we have always had a rocky marriage and since we split we have been on and off. things was great at first but now we never have sex (althouh we have never been ppl for having sex ...
A. 10 November 2007: He sounds like he could have commitment issues. Strange to say for a man who was willing to get married, but the place between 'fully commited' yet 'fully separated' is where commitment-phobes like to be, and that's where he seems to be keeping your ... (read in full...)
Ex dilemma
Q. My ex boyfriend has been calling and texting me for a while now. We broken up last January because he had a child with his girlfriend before we were together I was completely unaware about their child until after 2 months the baby was born. The ...
A. 10 November 2007: I'll give you a guy's perspective on this.
He's already demonstrated he's not open and honest with you.
He's already demonstrated he's a cheat; he's cheating on the mother of his child with you right now.
My opinion: he's telling you stories... (read in full...)
She is taking my baby away from me before it is even born. What can I do?
Q. My ex girlfield is about to have my baby and is trying to stop me from having contact see is back with her ex of 4 years and is getting married next year see says she will put his name down as the father and he has agreed although he knows he is not ...
A. 10 November 2007: To correct a typo, I meant...
"1. HER ex's husband goes on the birth certificate." ... (read in full...)
She is taking my baby away from me before it is even born. What can I do?
Q. My ex girlfield is about to have my baby and is trying to stop me from having contact see is back with her ex of 4 years and is getting married next year see says she will put his name down as the father and he has agreed although he knows he is not ...
A. 10 November 2007: What a difficult situation! You have my sympathy, you must be in a lot of pain over this. Having said that, you may not like what I'm about to say.
There is only one important question you need to answer here: "What is best for the child"? ... (read in full...)
Is The Pill on its own sufficient contraception?
Q. If I am using birth control pills, are condoms still necessary? I know my boyfriend and I are clean when it comes to STDs so were not worried about that, but I dont need to make a mistake after having sex....
A. 9 November 2007: The pill is so close to 100% reliable as to be fine by itself AS LONG AS YOU DON'T FORGET TO TAKE IT!!!
That 99% statistic comes about because its easy to forget one. If you forget one be very careful and use a condom until it's reliable again (w... (read in full...)
How do I lift my self esteem?
Q. I am 23 years old and have never had a real relationship before. I have had a boyfriend in the past but it was nothing serious. There was no real passion, love or a deep emotional connection between the two of us. Thinking back, there was nothing ...
A. 9 November 2007: There is an excellent book on this that I recommend you read. My girlfriend has had major battles with low self esteem and swears by the book. It is called:
Breaking the chain of low self esteem, by Marilyn Sorensen.... (read in full...)
Am I being a jerk?
Q. It's been eight months since i broke up with my high school sweetheart of four years. She's pregnant and getting married but i still think about her. I've dated alot and got over most of the junk with a relationship that lasted three months. I'm ...
A. 9 November 2007: The way you are talking makes me think you may have some narcissistic tendencies when it comes to your choice of parter. In short this means that your self esteem is related to the 'trophy value' of your girlfriend. She is in a way an accessory, and ... (read in full...)
Is this common for men?
Q. I have been dating my boyfriend for about 4 months. Among the times that we have had sex, he has only cummed twice. Most of the time, half way through the act, he would complain that he is getting too hot or tired, and then he would stop. I have ...
A. 9 November 2007: Apparently it's the third most common problem with men after impotence and premature ejaculation. I have the same problem, so i can give you advice from what i've learned by trying to overcome it.
The most common cause for this is psycholo... (read in full...)
Why can't I get a relationship for more than three months.
Q. why cant i stay in a relationship for more than 3 months, after that i always try pushing away, finding her flaws, and making fun of her? all in all i become an asshole...
A. 9 November 2007: It sounds like fear of commitment. Once the relationship goes past three months it becomes more 'serious and committed' just because time has passed. This sets of anxiety in you, so you channel that anxiety into negative emotions and judgments ... (read in full...)
How to get him out of my head
Q. When i met my wife 23 years ago,she was dating a man who i knew and detested,she made it clear to me she had never slept with him,if she had i wouldn't have gone out with her.After a wonderful 23 years with her, i saw this man and asked her about ...
A. 7 November 2007: The answer to your problem is contained within your question. You yourself said "I need to get him out of my head". That's exactly what you need to do.
What most people try to do in this situation is THINK ABOUT HOW TO GET HIM OUT OF THEIR HE... (read in full...)
Give me some perspectives on 'what love really is'?
Q. I would like people to explain to me what they think love is, how they feel when they are in love, what they think love is...? How different is love from when you were together 6 months to 6 years to 60 years? I would just be interested in pe...
A. 6 November 2007: This is the best lecture on love I've seen. Watch it...
http://www.ted.com/index.php/talks/view/id/16... (read in full...)
Do we girls have to wait forever for a man to propose and settle down?
Q. Mom thinks that I should marry soon because I am already 31 years old. I also want to start my own family, however BF wants to wait. He claims he's not emotionally and financially prepared. I understand, but that makes me wonder. Any single NY men ...
A. 1 November 2007: It appears (at least to me) that more and more men are less and less interested in commitment. The majority of my 30 something male friends are perpetual bachelors who spend their time negotiating a series of 'friends with benefits' situations. ... (read in full...)
How many partners have you had?
Q. This is a very general question, based on the numerous questions that I see posted about couples dealing with one partner's sexual past. How many sexual partners have YOU had? Do you regret the number, be it big or small? How many "one-night-stand...
A. 31 October 2007: Male, 34. 15 total, 2(ish) of which were one-night stands.
My experience has been that this amount is pretty average (perhaps on the high side), but then about one it ten people have MUCH higher numbers. I have several friends who number over 100... (read in full...)
Most people think I'm wild but in bed, I'm not! Should I tell him I'm inexperienced, sex wise? How?
Q. (This is more like a novel than a question, it's really long, sorry) I have a bit of a complex situation, it's a bit silly and I'm probably worrying about nothing so please don't laugh.I've been on a couple of dates with a great guy, but we've been ...
A. 25 October 2007: I'm not so sure about the other responses I'm afraid. Whilst some men may be able to handle what you tell them, others will find knowing how you were raped very hard to handle, so early on in a relationship. You run the risk of him not wanting to be ... (read in full...)
Am confused and feel used
Q. I have just been dating a guy that i like a lot we have been together for 2 months,he has a girlfriend. But lately things have turned sour he lied to me saying he is sick he can't come to see me then i called him only to find out he is with his ...
A. 18 October 2007: He has a girlfriend? Well, sad to say but you got what was coming to you. How can you expect a guy to be loyal to you when he's obviously cheating from the start?
It sounds like he just wanted you for a bit of fun on the side. Take this as a lif... (read in full...)
Have I lost my virginity?
Q. hey, i am a uni student and a virgin and have been seeing this guy for about a little while but he's not yet my proper boyfriend. However, the other day we were just like fooling around in his room and then he put his penis inside of me but i told ...
A. 17 October 2007: If he put his penis inside you then you lost your virginity I'm afraid.
If you don't want to have sex you need to make it VERY CLEAR to any guy you are with. Uni students are going to try it on with you, and if you don't say NO they'll keep on ... (read in full...)
What was she thinking 20 years ago?
Q. Had a follow up question and wanted to provide an update. BTW I appeciate all the help and I apologize to anyone Ive offended here. I'm fairly emotional right now and know people sometimes see things very differently. My wife and I are working ...
A. 10 October 2007: You are in pain because of this (understandable). But where you are going wrong is trying to exact punishment on your wife for the pain you are suffering.
She has already suffered for this enough.
All you are doing now is prolonging the p... (read in full...)
Any tips on how to break up with my boyfriend?
Q. Hello! I had a little problem...which is why I'm writing to you guys (tried to figure it out by myself..turned out that got me even more confused). I've got a pretty good bf of over a year and a half, but I just don't think he's entirely the bes...
A. 10 October 2007: It sounds like things could easily happen like this:
1 - You'll go a bit far with this new guy
2 - And in a fit of guilt break up with your bf
3 - The new guy will cheat on you after a while
4 - You'll be devastated
5 - Your old boyfr... (read in full...)
Am I broken? A commitment-phobe? What???
Q. Am I a commitment phobe? I dont know what to do in this situation. I have been dating a wonderful smart beautiful lady for 2 years now. of course she wants a commitment, and I do too, but just can't seem to step up. I don't know why. I don't ...
A. 3 October 2007: "I just still don't know what I want"
The call-sign of the commitment-phobic man... (read in full...)
Am I broken? A commitment-phobe? What???
Q. Am I a commitment phobe? I dont know what to do in this situation. I have been dating a wonderful smart beautiful lady for 2 years now. of course she wants a commitment, and I do too, but just can't seem to step up. I don't know why. I don't ...
A. 3 October 2007: I recommend the book: He's Scared, She's Scared, by Steven Carter and Julia Sokol. It's a very illuminating description of what they call 'commitmentphobia'. ... (read in full...)
He keeps asking about threesomes. I've had them and they're not a good idea at all! Should I be worried?
Q. Okay i have been with my boyfriend for four years. And yes our relationship is somewhat good. But a few days ago all my bf did was ask about a threesome. I have had them in the past and they are not the greatest idea at all. he kept on begging me ...
A. 1 October 2007: If he keeps on insisting when you say 'no' then you have to question whether he respects you. And if he doesn't respect you then you should question whether you should be in a relationship with him. It's ok to ask, but it's absolutely not ok to put ... (read in full...)
Anyone know why a guy wouldn't ejaculate through oral sex?
Q. i just gave my boyfriend a 20 minute bj and he didn't have an orgasm [cum] he told me it felt really good but he was confused that he didn't and i gave him one before and he didn't have an orgasm that time either so me and him are confused why, ...
A. 1 October 2007: There are many possible reasons. It could perhaps be your technique but honestly thats probably not it. More likely is that he's not fully able to relax with you giving him oral, and that inability to 'let go' is preventing him orgasming.
The p... (read in full...)
Why did this guy stop calling me?
Q. well there is this male and we have been dating for about 12 days now and i really like him we both like the same ice cream and music. he was real sweet and we would have great convo and he was so wise and mature for a 23 yr old. I am still a virgin ...
A. 1 October 2007: Frankly, the guy sounds like an a$$hole who was just showing you his best side to try to get into your underwear. And that conversation in the car seems like you got a short dose of the real him.
Good riddance, don't look back and count yourself... (read in full...)
Reading her journal, I found out she has been with over 100 men, random men. I'm disgusted, don't know what to do.
Q. So I'm having a bit of an issue with my fiance's "loose morals" before we met. Why is this an issue now? Well, I stumbled upon her journals... I know, I made a mistake (trust me, I would have rather not known). So "A" and I have been togethe...
A. 28 September 2007: "Men are genetically programmed to care about this issue. They are not being immature, they are being male. They did not choose to feel this way, and they often suffer greatly for it. Do not punish them and call them immature for not being ... (read in full...)
Reading her journal, I found out she has been with over 100 men, random men. I'm disgusted, don't know what to do.
Q. So I'm having a bit of an issue with my fiance's "loose morals" before we met. Why is this an issue now? Well, I stumbled upon her journals... I know, I made a mistake (trust me, I would have rather not known). So "A" and I have been togethe...
A. 26 September 2007: You don't sound like a chump, quite the opposite. Plenty of men couldn't have done what you did. That sounds like it went really really well. It sounded like you handled the situation in an open way and she responded positively as a result.
The k... (read in full...)
Why do men need porn?
Q. If women get off without porn why can't men get off on the feeling alone also? Why is porn needed??...
A. 26 September 2007: Men don't NEED porn... porn has only been around in a significant quantity since the middle of the 20th century. Men somehow managed to get by for the other 100,000+ years of human existence.
But men tend to like porn very much. Porn to men is l... (read in full...)
How can I be happy when I'm torturing myself and the one I love?
Q. Her threesome in the past problem nr.#982512. How to cope with such a great loss?? After all that time I've spent on helping myself getting over something I never really intended to hear it's all over now. You see we were a dreamy couple. I...
A. 25 September 2007: This similar question was posted 2 days ago, you will maybe get some good information from it:
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/reading-her-journal-i-found-out-she-has.html... (read in full...)
He feels nothing during sex with me and sees it as a chore... He says I'm too loose!
Q. Hi everyone, I only had 2 sexual partners so far, one is my current boyfriend. My first boyfriend had a small penis however i had many orgasims and had sex many times a week. But my new or 2nd boyfriend who has a large penis says i am loose an...
A. 25 September 2007: If you feel too loose to him, its almost certainly because he's been masturbating a lot. A guy masturbating with his hand will typically use a lot of pressure, which he gets used to. After that a vagina can feel a bit loose by comparison (any ... (read in full...)
She let other guys do things she hasn't ever let me. I'm confused?
Q. Please help.... I've been with my girlfriend for 2 1/2 years and Ive mentioned here and there about either cumming in her mouth or swallowing. She said its gross and she cant do it so I understood. Last night we were talking and it came out that...
A. 24 September 2007: What isn't there to get?
She tried it and doesn't like it.
You care about her right? Then why try to get her to do something she doesn't like?
Because you're putting your selfish pleasure above hers? If that's true then you don't care abou... (read in full...)
told people i'm a virgin but now want to have sex with my boyfriend. should i tell him?
Q. im nearly 15 and havnt had sex yet. all my mates have and ive told them that i have to. a few guys have wanted to have sex with me but i have always backed down. im goin out with this dude. i love him and rather loose my virginity to him but he ...
A. 24 September 2007: Read what you wrote...
"All my mates have and I've told them that I have too."
Think about that for a moment.
Perhaps all your mates are donig the same thing you are? I'm willing to bet you that almost all your mates are virgins and are lyin... (read in full...)
Reading her journal, I found out she has been with over 100 men, random men. I'm disgusted, don't know what to do.
Q. So I'm having a bit of an issue with my fiance's "loose morals" before we met. Why is this an issue now? Well, I stumbled upon her journals... I know, I made a mistake (trust me, I would have rather not known). So "A" and I have been togethe...
A. 24 September 2007: I have been in your situation, I know how you are feeling right now. This is a subject that I could possibly write a book on by now, having spent over a year learning about it, going to therapy for it, and talking to many men who have experienced ... (read in full...)
I think I am in love with someone on this site but I have only 'spoken' to them once. Help!
Q. i think i'm in love with someone on this site. i know that sounds insane but everytime i read something they have written i think "omg this person is amazing, so understanding and everything i want". i've never even spoken to them apart from one ...
A. 20 September 2007: When there are gaps in our perception of someone, we can easily fill in the gaps with how we'd like them to be. This is particularly obvious in the internet: we have very little to go on. We start to imagine all the wonderful things that person ... (read in full...)
The experience with the prostitute wasn't the best, does this mean I will never enjoy sex when married?
Q. I once slept with a prostitute after a week of exceptional sex urges. The experience wasnt the best cause she was older than me and she wrapped my peniswith 3 condoms all at once. Does this mean i will never enjoy sex when am married or was it due ...
A. 20 September 2007: Sex is 100 times better with someone you are in love with and share your intimate feelings with. Neither of those is true of a prostitute. I wouldn't worry about not enjoying sex whilst married (as long as you marry the right person). Take this as a ... (read in full...)
Is okay to go to 2nd or 3rd base with a person you are not dating?
Q. hiya I was just wondering what peoples opinion was on the subject of going to second or third base ( ie oral sex and handjobs etc) whilst not being in a relationship with the person? Is this considered slutty behaviour? ...
A. 20 September 2007: It is considered slutty behaviour by many people, but not all. I would recommend leaving that stuff for being in a relationship with someone: you'll find that a lot more satisfying in the long run.... (read in full...)
Post breakup sex and he is playing with my head
Q. hey all im really confused, Me and my ex have been broke up for just over 3 months. It was a bad break up, but yet we have still continued to sleep together. Whenever i ask if he wants to work stuff out he says i dont know, or 'i'm never gunn...
A. 3 September 2007: It sounds like a case of 'commitmentphobia' to me. While you're recovering from your operation I recommend reading this really good book on the subject: "He's scared, She's scared: Understanding the hidden fears that sabotage your relationsh... (read in full...)
My mates have all had experience with boys. Why does noone want me?
Q. Im 15 and have had ZERO experience with a boy. All my friends have snogged boys, gave and been given oral gave handjobs, been fingered. And i have not done any of that. The most i have done is hugged a boy! I feel so repulsive. Im 5"1, 9st 5 and the ...
A. 3 September 2007: When the right boy comes along you'll know, he'll know and it will be fine. Sounds silly and the waiting sucks, but it is true. In the mean time, it might help to think of a few things: - Some of your friends are likely to be lying. Most peo... (read in full...)
I'm an 18 year old and a porn model. Most people look down on me. Why is that?
Q. I'm an 18 year old and a porn model. Most people look down on me. Why is that? What is so wrong about it? What is everyone's opinion on me? ...
A. 11 August 2007: A quote from a former porn actress, Shelley Lubben:
"It’s safe to say most women who turn to porn acting as a money-making enterprise, probably didn’t grow up in healthy childhoods either. Indeed, many actresses admit they’ve experienced sexual a... (read in full...)
I'm an 18 year old and a porn model. Most people look down on me. Why is that?
Q. I'm an 18 year old and a porn model. Most people look down on me. Why is that? What is so wrong about it? What is everyone's opinion on me? ...
A. 10 August 2007: "In the end women control porn. That can not be argued. If women don't participate in porn....it dies."
Sorry Eddie, but that's absurd. Utterly.
That's like saying the indonesian child worker controls the sneaker industry and the chinese 120 ... (read in full...)
I'm an 18 year old and a porn model. Most people look down on me. Why is that?
Q. I'm an 18 year old and a porn model. Most people look down on me. Why is that? What is so wrong about it? What is everyone's opinion on me? ...
A. 10 August 2007: I suggest watching the film Sexy Beast (not a porn movie, it stars Ray Winstone and Ben Kingsley). The main character's wife is a former porn-model. How they treat her past in their marriage is done very well. It's also a great film.... (read in full...)
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