A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm confused, my partner of 2.5 years finished our relationship. he has always been aware of the fact that I slept with one of his friends before I ever knew him. This was a long time ago and although I have tried to reassure him that this is nothing, he says that he can not take our relationship to the next level and as he has this mental block and can not rid himself of this fact it is better to end it now. ???? Any one else know what going on here? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (20 February 2007):
 I agree with the aunts, you are better off without this guy. IF he's telling you the truth, and after 2.5 years he hasn't gotten over this, he never will. You deserve better.
A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (20 February 2007):
 It's possible that this has been bothering him for 2 1/2 years and he's just got tired of trying to deal with it. He may have been suppressing / compartmentalizing it, and just not communicating with you about it. Perhaps he was hoping it would go away, and it didn't.
This kind of thing can make a guy feel that a woman can be short or medium term girlfriend material, but not good for long term commitment (eg marriage and kids). Men have these two categories for partners, and something like this can be a deal breaker for the long term. The unfortunate thing is, men don't always realize they're categorizing women like this, nor do they communicate about it. He may have not really known what was going on, and just been forced into this by his feelings.
Either way, you are probably better off without him, as it is unlikely that he would have gotten over it without a lot of effort, and it would have led to increasing problems in the long run.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2007): Sorry but he has used an excuse to finish the relationship. You deserve better and he just isn't worth worry about. If he still feels that way after all this time then he is never going to get it out of his head and therefore you two would never be happy. Good riddance. You will meet someone bigger and better.
Take care and i wish you well
xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2007): Yeah maybe he is using it as an excuse but there are many, many questions posted on here from usually men who can't deal with the sexual past of their partner, often they battle with it for many months. Two and a half years though is exceptionally long. I guess you know if it has actually bothered him throughout this time. Personally I don't think you should assume he is using it as an excuse just because you may not understand the reason he gave. You need to try and talk it through with him, it is the only way you will understand the situation better.
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A
female
reader, cd206  +, writes (20 February 2007):
 So he's managed to be in a sexual relationship with you for the best part of 2.5 years without this event from your past acting as a turn off? I think your "he's lying" bells are ringing for a reason here. Maybe he's just using it as an excuse to finish with you or maybe it really does bother him but it's unlikely he's ever going to be happy with you or with anyone else if he can't let go of a past that doesn't even concern him.
CD
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