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... Send *ytwocents a private message | | | *ytwocents's profile:I'm not your typical urban male living in a major US city.
I have a blend of traditional and modern, unconventional views on life and relationships. I draw directly on my own experiences and observations for my advice, and I'm not afraid to share some of my own problems to help others. I think real-life examples and humor are more effective devices for delivering helpful advice than dramatic, worn-out appeals to follow the norm. In a world with abundant advice for women by women, but very little advice for men by non-women, I like to think of my views as masculine, but progressive. In other words, I offer advice to both genders from the perspective of a modern, educated man--hopefully, with a fresh perspective.
Although I may not always get it right, I aim to give thoughtful, thorough responses to what people are actually asking. My answers may not always be popular or uplifting and positive, but they're always sincere, and usually the product of a realistic assessment of the situation. I don't think people come here for inconsiderate, three-word answers; lengthy religious sermons; or cheesy, and unrealistic, pep-talks. |
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The girl I like just lost her virginity to a 19 year old guy! What do I do?
Q. I am a 15 year old boy with a problem. This is my first time writing my own question on this site. I really like this girl that lives near me. She is only 14 but that is because she is born in December, so we're basically the same age. She is a very ...
A. 17 July 2009: This stinks--I know. That happened to me a million times at your age.
But, hopefully you’ve learned a lesson that a lot of guys don’t learn until they’re much older (and some never learn at all): when you like something, you have to act right aw... (read in full...)
Gay guy wondering about a date with a girl
Q. Well I am a 23 year gay guy. I have never been with a women. I still suffer with self acceptence, im working on it. But I have wanted to try it with a girl, but never really pursue it. This afternoon my boss was talking with me (no one knows im gay ...
A. 16 July 2009: I agree with quiet-echo here.
Going on a single date (or even a couple of them) is a relatively harmless way to explore your sexuality and get some answers. I don’t think it would be cruel to this girl at all, since even if you were 100 percent ... (read in full...)
She says she wants to be with me yet wants to lose her virginity to a guy
Q. Hey I've been with my girlfriend for 3 months. I too am a girl n for her this is her first lesbian relationship yet it is my third. However it is my first sexual lesbian relationship. Were both 17 and I have fell in really deeply and it seems sh...
A. 16 July 2009: I have to agree with auntylil on this one.
Your girlfriend is definitely crossing a boundary here. If you two are in a serious, monogamous relationship, she needs to respect that. She obviously sees the relationship between you and her as casual e... (read in full...)
My dream of being a model is shattered and I'm depressed!
Q. ive just turned 26 and feel like im in a rut. I work at a hospital in administration and the job is well paid but very mundane although it has a lot of reponsibilities and is quite a respectful job. My dream though is to be a model. I have tried to ...
A. 14 July 2009: Modeling is equal parts luck and “look.”
You can’t feel bad because you didn’t have the luck (yet). You have to be in the exact right place at the exact right time. It’s like you have to be pretty AND get struck by lightening--either thing is... (read in full...)
He wants to spice things up in our sex life should I go along with it?
Q. i am 16 and have been having sex with my boyfriend for ages but he wants to change it and try tying me up and adding spice to it but i feel like it means that normal sex with me is boring and thats why he want to spice it up. am i just being stupid ...
A. 14 July 2009: Maybe this will make me sound like an old man, but I never understand when someone as young as 16 says they “need to spice up” their sex life.
That’s understandable when you’re 41 and you’ve been with the same person for 13 years. But 16? Ther... (read in full...)
Would it make things more complicated if we have sex? Surely there's no harm, right?
Q. Dear Cupid, an ex-girlfriend's mother is currently staying with me. I split up with her daughter years ago and she has since moved to Australia. It wasn't a bad split or anything, we were just young. Her mother and I kept running in to each other ...
A. 14 July 2009: I say go for it full-speed-ahead. You’ve gotten the go-ahead on all fronts, and you’ve obviously thought this out (in other words, it’s not an impulsive thing).
I can tell you from experience that an attractive, recent divorcee is one of the hott... (read in full...)
Help! My girlfriend's transforming into a sack of lard!
Q. Alright, I've been going out with my girlfriend for about five years now, since we were sophomores in high school. We've survived the transition to a long distance relationship in different universities and are completely committed to each other. I ...
A. 14 July 2009: Even though I don’t necessarily agree with your choice of words (the already criticized “fat sack of lard” description), I totally understand your frustration.
I can be upsetting for men AND women when their partner lets themselves go. But for ... (read in full...)
I'm forcing myself to throw up because I want to be a model
Q. My boyfriend is freaking out cause he caught me making myself throw up (been doing this for a week). I mean I'm 18 so I'm legally adult and its not like I'm killing myself. But he nags at me because "hurting" myself and he doesn't want to be like ...
A. 6 July 2009: I’m sure people have already told you, but: pursuing a dream should make you happy, not mess you up for life--physically OR mentally.
Besides, the days of the super-skinny model are over. Look around, people want a “meatier” look.
... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is going on dating websites looking for a discreet relationship.
Q. My boyfriend is going on dating websites looking for a discreet relationship. I confronted him about it and he took down the page saying that he was just stressed about us and it was stupid. But then two weeks later I find another one! We live ...
A. 1 July 2009: I'm sorry to say this, but this might be a little worse that you're realizing.
Let's start at the beginning. I know this isn’t the point, but I can tell you, from experience, that he’s VERY UNLIKELY to succeed at meeting anyone this way.
Most... (read in full...)
I think my husband is cheating or is going to. Or am I paranoid?
Q. First, I want to say thank you for everyone who takes the time to read this and respond. My Husband of 3 years, I believe has/or has the intention of cheating. We have a 3 month old and a 2 year old. Lately, he has been hanging around a new friend ...
A. 1 July 2009: Unfortunately, I don’t think you’re being paranoid. I’d hate to say it, but it seems like the only evidence you DON’T have is pictures of him in the act. In other words, it doesn’t look good. If he hasn’t already cheated, he probably has eve... (read in full...)
Would you date someone who got divorced at 25?
Q. I met someone I fell in love with when I was 22 years old. We instantly fell for each other, about 4 months later we moved in together and spent pretty much every day together for the next 2 1/2 years. Because we were from different countries, I ...
A. 30 June 2009: I'll give you a guy's perspective--since you asked.
I’d hate to put it in such crude terms, but it's the truth: most guys (even quality guys, not just sleeze-bags) will be happy that you're hot, young, and great to be around. Of course there’s ... (read in full...)
Our sex life is nonexistent.
Q. I've been going out with a girl for about five years now. Things are pretty good but our sex life is nonexistent. This year we've only been intimate 3 times and last year it about 10 times. I've tried to talk to her about this but I cant seem to ...
A. 30 June 2009: You basically just described my life. Boy, could I tell you stories. I'm sure you sort of already know that you only have two choices (two-and-a-half, really): 1. Bite the bullet and break up with her now since she's not meeting what's obvious... (read in full...)
Was it cheating or just acting? And should I tell my husband, or let him think that Jim was wearing underwear?
Q. I need some advice, both to make myself feel OK, and what to tell my husband. My husband and I have been together for almost 10 years, we have 3 kids together. I have some college, but never finished (kids). My husband has an extremely good job, and...
A. 29 June 2009: When it comes to cheating, INTENTION is everything. Let’s imagine a ridiculous example for a minute: you get all dressed up one night, go out to a bar hoping to meet a guy, meet one, talk him up, and leave for a motel room with him. But, nothin... (read in full...)
At what point is sex expected?
Q. Lately I have come into contact with many people who believe that sex is expected after the 3rd date. Since, I have asked some of my friends and other people I know and 3 seems to be the magic number. In some cases, people said they would not have ...
A. 23 June 2009: I think the 3rd-date rule is more cliché than anything else these days. There is no magic number.
I dated ONE girl that made it laughably obvious that she was adhering to that rule. It’s actually a cute story--at least to me--and has a moral at... (read in full...)
10 years on and after so many time of saying she will give me oral it just doesn't happen!
Q. I know this has been asked many times. I've been with my wife a little over 10 years, she has never even tryed to give me oral, never touches me. She says she will and wants to but still won't. She knows I like oral etc. I always do for her. What ...
A. 17 June 2009: I agree with Betty Black. It’s time to play hard ball. The soft approach hasn’t worked for a decade.
It’s not like you’re asking her to do something uncommon or strange, so your frustration is totally justified. I think you have a choice of a few... (read in full...)
I want to have sex and yet am repulsed by it
Q. I've never heard of anybody who has this problem. I am a man in my late 20's, who like most other men is desperate to have sex, yet at the same time I'm repulsed by it. The reason why is because I despise the human race, I view all emotions as ...
A. 12 June 2009: You’re probably a pretty smart guy. Unfortunately, being smart can sometimes do more harm than good--making you feel isolated and repulsed by others. It’s not uncommon for smart people to become misanthropes, especially as they grow older. But ... (read in full...)
Break up because of no sex?
Q. If your girlfriend doesn't have sex with you is it a valid reason to break up with her after you have tried communication?...
A. 11 June 2009: I like GinsengMeow’s view on this (even though I don’t know any of the fictional examples he’s cited outside of Rick-Minmei).
I don’t know what qualifies as a “valid reason” for you. But if it were me, she’d have to have a very compelling (and tem... (read in full...)
He made a bet to take my virginity, I found out and hit him
Q. My `boyfriend` is 23 and im 17 I recently gave my ``boyfriend`` my virginity (we both wanted it). Well I fonud out he made a bet with his friends that he could have get me drunk and have sex with me on his birthday. I was so mad that I punched h...
A. 11 June 2009: This was definitely an a-hole, immature move, though it doesn’t necessarily mean you were used or that having sex with him for the first time meant nothing. Presumably, you had enough good experiences with him to WANT him to be your first in the ... (read in full...)
How can I not be so excited?
Q. how can i not be so horny? Okay, so i've always been like this, when a girl tells me she's going for a shower or getting changed im thinking about it, but today i reached a new one. I was sat in class, and this attractive girl asked to go to t...
A. 5 June 2009: When I was your age, I had a similar issue. It’s totally normal. Honestly, it’s probably not just horniness that you’re experiencing, but also a certain degree of longing and frustration. The best way to deal with it is to harness your int... (read in full...)
Guys -- how long do you usually last during a bj?
Q. This is for the guys out there. When getting a blow job about how long does is take for you to ejaculate. I give my boyfriend head but there's no way I'm letting him cum in my mouth so I only do it for a while then carry on with a hand job just in ...
A. 3 June 2009: That depends on so many factors that it’s impossible to gauge. I’ve lasted as few as three minutes and as long as 25 (which is about when a girl decides to move on to something else). It depends on how long it’s been since my last time; how much I ... (read in full...)
Is this normal for a friendship or do you think it's becoming something more?
Q. My best friend says our flirting confuses her :S Were both 19 and both in relationships with two guys. We've been best friends for about 4 years. And we have always had a special connection with each other. We flirt constantly, give each other ...
A. 3 June 2009: It sounds like she was testing the waters. It’s a semi-aggressive, semi-careful move. That’s exactly the kind of remark you tell a friend (of the opposite sex) when you start to fancy them and want to see if they’re feeling similarly or whe... (read in full...)
Would it be a waste to stop having sex till we are married?
Q. My girlfriend has recently been having issues with premarital sex. We have had sex, and we both enjoy it, but sometimes she feels guilty about it. It goes back and forth. She is getting closer to God, and Im all for that. She has a very promiscuous ...
A. 2 June 2009: I agree with you that it would be a hollow, silly gesture to stop having sex at this point, only to resume after marriage. Like the saying goes, that’s a little like closing the barn after the horses have already gotten loose. Not having sex with ... (read in full...)
What do you think is the common things you have to think about before losing your Virginity?
Q. What do you think is the common things you have to think about before losing your Virginity? Ive heard that most people really regret it. all my friends lost theres on a one-night stand and they all agree that they would love to go back in time,...
A. 1 June 2009: I agree AND disagree with these views. Allow me to give you a slightly different perspective.
I think it’s a great thing that you’re not just going around having sex with whomever. It’s nice when a girl is selective about who she actually sleeps w... (read in full...)
Do we need to talk about what happened while we were watching a movie... or was it was just a fooling around thing that got out of hand?
Q. Something happened 2 weeks ago, and now there is a lot of tension and strange quietness between myself, my wife, and a very good friend of ours. My friend, I'll call him 'T' has become good friends with my wife also. He is now divorced and many ...
A. 1 June 2009: I agree with anonymous below--this is NOT a minor thing.
You need to realize several things BEFORE you can correct this situation.
First of all, you need to accept that T basically got a hand-job from your wife. Wake up. You don’t massage a ... (read in full...)
How to deal with chest hair?
Q. i have a pretty hairy chest, but i dont really want one anymore, ive tried to shave it but all that it left me with was multiple ingrown hairs, rough stuble. I want a smooth hairless chest, is there anyway to get that?, maybe waxing?...
A. 29 May 2009: You don’t need to wax your chest. If you’re like me, it’ll look unnatural because you have little hairs on the rest of your trunk area (stomach, rib cage)--especially if you're kind of a hairy person anyway. Then, you'll have a stubble chest for ... (read in full...)
How important is it that a girl is pretty?
Q. i`m wondering how important it is that a girl is pretty? i`m a 17 year old girl, and i have never been in a relationship. i`m really ugly (people have called me man-face and so on) and fat, and have no selfesteam what so ever. i feel really alone, ...
A. 29 May 2009: I won’t give you a pep talk since I think other people will take care of that and that’s not what I think you need right now.
Unfortunately, looks DO matter. You know that already. Guys want and seek pretty girlfriends (just like girls want coo... (read in full...)
Is it innapropriate?
Q. Dear Cupid, is it inappropriate/creepy for me, 20, telling a 14 year old girl (albeit mature), that i think she's beautiful and if i were younger, i would ask her out? opinions to be appreciated...
A. 28 May 2009: I'm going to be honest here. I don't think this is an issue of appropriateness.
Pretty girls (even young ones) hear that they’re pretty, one way or the other, on a daily basis. If she doesn’t already hear it, she will very very soon. I don’t th... (read in full...)
Grilfriend physically cannot give head. Move on, wait, or accept it?
Q. Hey I have posted this question before but didn't explain enough so the advice I received wasn't particularly relevant. The problem I seem to have is that I am in a 5 month ongoing relationship- we are both 21 and I have never received head to...
A. 27 May 2009: I don’t think you’re being selfish at all, and I hope I can offer you some balanced advice that you can actually use.
You asked why some posters are so quick to dismiss a man’s needs as selfish. I’ll tell you why. Unfortunately, a number of (most... (read in full...)
Attraction to my daughter's teacher
Q. I really fancy my daughters teacher I can't stop thinking about her. I am a women so that makes things so difficult, there is chemistry between us most definitely what do I do? ...
A. 27 May 2009: I say you GO FOR IT! If you do it strategically, you run a low risk for a potentially big pay off. Who cares if she’s your daughter’s teacher? She won’t be her teacher forever. All you have tell your daughter is that you and her teacher have become ... (read in full...)
How can I overcome my hatred of my small boobs?
Q. I'm so disappointed with my body. With my breasts actually. They're small. However, I'm not "athletic". I'm not fat, but I'm not a skinny, long-bodied beauty. I'm medium framed, huge hips, most of the fat goes there, actually. I've always been ...
A. 22 May 2009: I can confirm what red-headed anonymous girl wrote below. Nipples are often as (or more) important than overall boob size. A nice pair of nipples can make a small pair of boobs absolutely glorious. A lousy pair of nipples can render a large pair of ... (read in full...)
How can I overcome my hatred of my small boobs?
Q. I'm so disappointed with my body. With my breasts actually. They're small. However, I'm not "athletic". I'm not fat, but I'm not a skinny, long-bodied beauty. I'm medium framed, huge hips, most of the fat goes there, actually. I've always been ...
A. 22 May 2009: I agree that this isn’t a problem you can solve with “positive thinking.” I also agree that getting the surgery is a bad idea. Small-and-real beats large-and-fake any day of the week. I don’t know how any other guy can even get near those things. ... (read in full...)
Honestly guys, do you really like the taste?
Q. My boyfriend goes down on me a lot and when he kisses me I can taste it and its so gross! He says I taste good but I feel like he is just saying that to make me feel better. Do guys really like how a girl tastes down there?...
A. 21 May 2009: It depends on the girl. The "taste" varies from girl to girl. And taste doesn’t mean "flavor." It’s generally a subtle thing that includes the texture of the lips, consistency of your moisture, and your natural smell. It sound gross, but you h... (read in full...)
He proposed to me in the shower and then did doggy style!
Q. Like many couples, after sex, my boyfriend and I shower together. This usually leads to more erotic play; oftentimes it is the highlight of sex for me, especially since I find the water incredibly stimulating. My boyfriend is aware of this and ...
A. 18 May 2009: Perhaps I'm looking at this the wrong way, but hear me out.
There is no ONE type of proposal. There are wildly romantic ones, like the guy that travels 6,500 miles into the jungles of Africa to meet his researcher girlfriend and propose to her i... (read in full...)
Is it realistic to expect a guy in his 20's to be content with taking things slow?
Q. I've been reading lots of questions and answers on here and there seems to be a general consensus that if a guy truly likes you as a person and is interested in pursuing a relationship with you he will wait for sex/intimacy, won't pressure you and ...
A. 15 May 2009: To answer your question: yes AND no.
As a man, I don't think there's anything wrong with talking it slow. In fact, I think it's admirable to be selective about who you're intimate with. But I do think that having this requirement narrows the fiel... (read in full...)
Should I hire a PI to follow my wife???
Q. I found 2 texts on my wife's phone. 1 sent to her, and 1 was her reply. I checked her contact list and the text was from a guy named Jim. That's it, only Jim in her contact phonebook. His text was 'so, how do you like my hang-down?' My wife's reply ...
A. 15 May 2009: I'm willing to bet my own "hang-down" that's something's up here. It’s not an open-and-shut case, but something definitely smells funny. She never mentioned this guy before? She "loves" his hang-down (whatever that is)? Even if he's not referring to ... (read in full...)
I want to have lots of sex and willing to cheat for it
Q. I'm tempted to cheat on my husband, we've been married for less than a year. While dating we had great sex but now he's not into sex like before and I'm horny all the time. I met a guy and we've talking about sex a lot, he wants me to meet him at a ...
A. 15 May 2009: I understand your dilemma. Unfortunately, I'm a similarly difficult situation with my gf. It's like everytime I'm starving for a big, hot meal, all I get is a small, cold snack. I walk around with a rumbling stomach most days. Then, to make things ... (read in full...)
I explode very fast
Q. Hi there. I'm 18 and have been having sex for over a year now. On average I last about 5 seconds!!! I've tried everything to last longer in bed. I've strengthened my PC muscle, start and stop etc. On mine and my girlfriends one year anniv...
A. 14 May 2009: You can't go the rest of your life only having decent sex after big meals, so let me try to figure this out with you.
I've also heard the dozens of (sometimes contradictory) advice on this issue. I even read somewhere that hanging somethin... (read in full...)
Sleeping while partner has sex with me
Q. hi plz help, in a normal relationship is it right that u should wake up and find your partner has had or is having sex with you this has happend so many times. xxxxxx...
A. 13 May 2009: It really depends what you deem "normal." I'll tell you my story.
I had a girlfriend years ago that absolutely LOVED this. In fact, it's still one of my fondest sexual memories. I discovered it by chance late one night. She was a heavy sleeper ... (read in full...)
He wants to see me in my underware on webcam
Q. i've fallen in love with this guy i met online, i trust him completely... i know it sounds dodgy but, he's a friend of the family and they all trust him so i guess he's ok. i really like him, we speak every day but recently he's been wanting to see ...
A. 13 May 2009: I don't get a full sense of your relationship with him (like how long you've known him; how well you know him; or if you've actually met him in person before). But, if you actually know--and trust--him and you're just having a long-distance ... (read in full...)
Getting to Second
Q. I'm 13 and im having trouble getting to 2nd. every girl ive dated never wants to go that far. Do you have any tips on moving from 1st to 2nd?...
A. 13 May 2009: Kid, it's been so long since I've heard that terminology that I've forgotten what "second" even is. Is that hand-under-the-shirt? Maybe it's been updated since I was your age. Plus, I think you have to be American to know it, because these Brits ... (read in full...)
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