My gf has been very graphic about her past, now the images are stuck in my head and it's too much for me. Should I end the relationship?
Q. Hi I've been seeing a girl for around 6 months now. We met at a works do and after a few drinks we got closer and we got very close to sleeping together. I'd never slept with someone in a situation like that so backed off - even though she made ...
A. 21 February 2007: I agree with Dr Pete. It sounds like you have the wrong councilor for this issue: you need someone with at least a degree of empathy for what you are experiencing. A one night stand does not qualify as a relationship in any meaningful way, a ... (read in full...)
I didn't have sex w/ her b/c I'm against one night stands. She wants to get closer and I like her, but don't like how she is so "loose" w/ guys!
Q. Hi, I wanted to ask for advice. I went to a works weekend and shared a flat with a friend and two girls. After lots of drink one of the girls started getting very close with me. Then she started kissing my mate (i didnt know this until after the ...
A. 19 February 2007: She may well 'truly regret' acting that way. The real issue is can you get over it? Are you willing to accept that she did this, accept it, and move on without dwelling on it or allowing it to be an issue.
It is important that she is over it, othe... (read in full...)
She has done oral sex and I am against that. Should I still date her?
Q. Hello everyone. I am dating this girl,who show a lot of interest in me,and she is good looking the problem is that she has told me that she has done oral sex once in her past, the thing is I am against oral sex practice. Should I continue to date ...
A. 15 February 2007: If you are only going to date a girl that has never had oral sex you are going to end up mostly dating girls that won't tell you the truth about their sexual history. Very few girls will have never done this. Very few.
You have two choices:... (read in full...)
A question for the male aunts: What do you think about women who give BJ's and swallow on their first date?
Q. Question for guys (but all replies welcome)... What do you think of girls that give BJs and swallow on a first nite? Would you have less respect for them? Do you think they are just liberated? Would it be the kind of girl you w...
A. 13 February 2007: I have a strict policy of no sex on a first night, so I guess I don't know.
Having said that, I don't see that swallowing has any particular meaning more than a blow job in general. I wouldn't read any particular meaning into it.... (read in full...)
Suspicions of prior gf's having sex with other guys caused me to break off with them. Now it's happening again! Help?
Q. Hey...I have a really peculiar problem..and I do'nt know if it affects most guys or girls, but it's killing all my relationships...Flash back...My Italian girlfriend moved back home 2 years ago..then I began suspecting that she was doing "it" with ...
A. 13 February 2007: There is one common element in all these relationships: you. So that is where the problem is. And that is where you need to look: at yourself.
This is going to keep being a problem in relationships. Trust is an essential ingredient of a healthy ... (read in full...)
I can't contain myself in a relationship w/ one girl, but I want to get married and have a family. Should I do it?
Q. I am confused about certain instincts i have. Like i think it is next to impossible for me to contain myself in a relationship with one girl, no matter what the theories on love. Every now and then i find some girl that i sexually desire and this ...
A. 12 February 2007: Welcome to the eternal dilemma of love. How can you commit to just one person when there are so many attractive girls in the World? Yet to stay single is to miss out on a family and all the benefits of a long term committed relationship. Each path ... (read in full...)
I want more from my 'friend with benefits' but he's not ready!!
Q. I really like this guy i meet a few months ago and he liked me , so we slept together after a few weeks anyway , after that he told me he just wants to be mates who pleasure each other , which i agreed to at first but now i really fallen for him and ...
A. 12 February 2007: Your story reads like every 'friends with benefits' story going. One person (usualy but not always the girl) falls for the other, and people get hurt. Your mistake was to agree to sleep with this guy not on terms that were acceptable to you. Once ... (read in full...)
I can't get over her past! What can I do to get over it? Advice greatly appreciated.
Q. a few years ago, i was in a relationship that resulted in a having a child. we were together for 3 months before she go pregnant and we were getting ready to have the baby. one day i found her diary and read about all of her sexual activities. it ...
A. 12 February 2007: I have been in your situation, I know what it is like, how powerful the emotions can be that this provokes. And I completely understand how you can both love someone and have these feelings, I've done the same thing. I can also tell you that it is ... (read in full...)
Why do guys always seem to go for matchstick blonde women?
Q. hi i am a bit confused. it seems like only all the skinny blonde, tall girls get boyfriends! i am 16 and i weigh 8 stone :s i am about 5ft 1 Brown hair. is this any boys type? or do they only go for the skinny tall girls?...
A. 9 February 2007: Well, I'm a guy and I have met attractive women of all shapes, sizes and colours. What makes a woman attractive is so much more than her shape and size, it's about how she is in the world and how much she loves herself and life. And I have met ... (read in full...)
How do I get over my jealousy? Is it time for therapy?
Q. How do I get over my jealousy? My ex of over 7 yrs. cheated on me. I can't get over him and I think part of it is because since he's with someone else and Im not, It makes me obsess about it more. As if he's Mr perfect now because he's with ...
A. 9 February 2007: The other aunts have given very good advice.
However I don't completely agree with Eve. Personally my experience has been that love and jealousy can be very intertwined. Jealousy can happen when someone we love is being taken away from us: when... (read in full...)
I seem to be eternally single! Will I ever be happy in love?
Q. Hi All, I'm feeling so lonely. It's always highlighted at this time of year (Valentine's Day). I seem to be eternally single, after having dated a number of men who just haven't treated me right. To be honest, I look at myself, and I can...
A. 9 February 2007: Eve's advice is very good. She describes an unfortunate tendency men have (that we often don't realize we have).
We put women into two categories: women we'll have sex with, and women we'll have a long term committed relationship with. The wome... (read in full...)
Or is it just me... ?
Q. Do all girls always think about male's sex organ?...
A. 9 February 2007: No, far from it. Women don't think about men all the time. And when they do, they are more often thinking about things like romance, love, caring, sharing and intimacy (including sex), rather than just genitals. ... (read in full...)
Found my girlfriend on a porn site.. but don't want her to know I've been looking at porno!
Q. I found photos of my girlfriend on a porn site but I don't know what to do. If i tell her i found them she'll know I look at porn......
A. 9 February 2007: Since almost all men look at porn at least occasionally, your girlfriend knowing that you look at porn is not a significant issue. It's not something to feel the need to hide, although as you can see from this site, it can become a problem if the ... (read in full...)
Why aren't I getting dates? Do I need to be pretty AND popular?
Q. I'm quite clever, and my family and people close to me, outside of school, say that I'm absolutely gorgeous. However, no-one at school says I'm very pretty.. and I'm never asked out by anyone. I'm not very popular so I'm expecting this to be the ...
A. 7 February 2007: Most young guys are not very confident when it comes to asking girls out on dates. They'll be especially unconfident about asking a good looking girl out. It could be that because you are attractive, the guys are intimidated and won't ask you. They ... (read in full...)
He says my friends are slags and that's why he can't trust me. I've talked w/ a counselor and he got angry! What do I do??
Q. Hi, I have been in a relationship for about 1 year and 8 months. He is 31 and i just turned 23. I know that i love him with all my heart, and our reltionship is great but he has a big trust issue with me. he thinks htat i am going to hurt hi...
A. 7 February 2007: Understand that although this feels like it is something about you, it is really only about him. By the sounds of it, he has low self esteem, and is insecure about your relationship because of this. That he says 'you are too good for me' is a clear ... (read in full...)
Why do men bed you and then tell you...they have a gf?
Q. Why do men lie to women and try to take them to bed you refuse and then they tell you they have a girlfriend and that they did not want anything but to be friends and then their upset girlfriend answers their phone when you phone to tell this guy ...
A. 7 February 2007: Men lie to women to get sex. He didn't tell you he had a girlfriend because he knew that if he told you the truth he'd have no chance of getting into your pants. Once he had sex with you, he likely would have not seen you again afterwards and just ... (read in full...)
He wants to have anal intercourse with no condom! Should I be worried?
Q. He wants to have anal intercourse with no condom, but I'm worried that it will be gross for him! We've done it with a condom, and it was really clean, but I've heard of 'pimp shitz' or something where stuff gets forced up into his penis. But I ...
A. 7 February 2007: I recommend using a condom. Not only because of the mess (and yes sometimes it can be very messy), but also because anal sex is by far the easiest way to catch something nasty. There are lots of different bacteria that live in there, a condom is a ... (read in full...)
Should I find a guy or stay single??
Q. In my "group" everyone seems to have a b/f and they are all telling me to go out with a guy. I dont want to seem concieted or anything, but even if im nice to the guy and even if i dont thnk im pretty, ppl tell me im pretty, i cant get a guy! I ...
A. 7 February 2007: To get a boyfriend because you feel you have to is a really bad reason to do it. It will lead to becoming desperate and going for the wrong guy, and ending up being hurt.
The reason your friends want you to have one is all about them, not about yo... (read in full...)
What is the 'average' size??
Q. I'm worried that my penis is too small and just wanted some advice on the average size???...
A. 5 February 2007: It's not the size of you penis that counts anyway, it's the size of your wallet.
Note: this is a joke! I am not serious, but like every joke there is a grain of truth in it.
The amusing thing about this is how the results differ if measur... (read in full...)
Worried I've broken my sex-drive by watching too much porn!
Q. I'm 25 and I was single for a few months. And lately I've been watching a lot of porn. I was only masturbating with porn. At least 1 time each day, for a long time. Now I've meet this incredibly attractive women, and we are starting a ...
A. 4 February 2007: A week isn't very long. Just stay off the porn and in due time the pornographic images in your memory will fade more and more and your sexual response should get back to 'normal'. The more blurry and faded the porn in your head becomes, the less it ... (read in full...)
I want to see her as an innocent princess again... but can't get the explicit stuff she told me about her past out of my head!
Q. How can I get over the details my girlfriend has told me about her previous sex life? I've been living with my girlfriend for around 9 months now, there is very strong love and co dependency going on both ways. We have had a rocky relationship to ...
A. 4 February 2007: You are not alone: this question comes up frequently here. Check out the answers given here:
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/my-gf-has-been-very-graphic-about-her.html
Amongst those answers I provide a list of links to other people with the ... (read in full...)
My friends are all having sex and I've never even been kissed!
Q. I am 15 and i have never kissed a boy before. All my friends are now having sex and i have never even kissed one. They always tease me and i dont like being round them when they are talking about things like that. Do you have any suggestions about ...
A. 2 February 2007: This is a hard thing to explain. But try to understand. When someone teases you it's because they are unhappy. When someone tries to make you feel bad it's because they themselves feel bad and want to push that feeling onto someone else. To make it ... (read in full...)
Could I still have gotten pregnant in June even though I still had a period in July?
Q. I was wandering if there was any way that i could have gotten pregnant around june 19th if my due date is april 11th and i had my normal period in july...
A. 1 February 2007: If you had your period in July, then you almost certainly didn't get pregnant from sex in June. If you are pregnant, then it would have happened from having sex some time after your last period. Judging by when your due date has been said to be, it ... (read in full...)
Guys! Do you like witty girls who can make you laugh or is it not important?
Q. I do have quite a sense of humor. I have always heard that it is something that women find attractive in men....does it work the other way around. Do a lot of guys like a girl who is witty and sees the humor in situations....not at anyone's expense ...
A. 31 January 2007: It probably depends on the guy, but personally I love it ;)... (read in full...)
My self-esteem issues make me think I'm not good enough for him. Any advice?
Q. Hi, Lately I've been dealing with some self esteem issues. Here's the thing...I'm in love with a really great guy, and apparently he's crazy enough to love me back and want to be with me. I just don't feel good enough for him. I mean he's an a...
A. 27 January 2007: You are worthy of him. You just don't feel that you are. Due to your difficult life experiences you have come to see yourself as not deserving happiness. But you do deserve it, we all do.
Therapy / councelling would be a good idea. Low self est... (read in full...)
Can I learn to deepthroat?
Q. my boyfriend says that the only time a girl is good at giving head is when she can deep throat. how do you do that? he's fairly large in the trouser department. 8 inches. so i'm guessing it wont be easy but i want him to enjoy it so i gotta learn ...
A. 27 January 2007: Poor girl! It sounds like your boyfriend has been watching too much porn for his own good. If it's the only way he gets pleasure then he has some very messed up ideas that are his problem, and you shouldn't make them your problem.
He is talking ... (read in full...)
Can't stop beating myself up over my past cheating...
Q. 3 months ago, I cheated on my girlfriend of then, 4 months with a friend from high school. I told her and she decided to stay with me, but I know that I don't deserve it. I never expected her to forgive me. We had a fight the night before it ...
A. 27 January 2007: I cheated in the past and the guilt I experience afterwards was unbearable. I felt what I had done was completely unacceptable and I struggled to live with myself.
In the end the conclusion I came to was that this had been a good life lesson. ... (read in full...)
I give good advice, so why are my ratings bad?
Q. Dear agony aunts, I am feeling a bit down at the moment. Why? Because like you I am an agony aunt but unfortunately my ratings have been going down and it makes me feel well (excuse my French)…“sh***y.” I don’t think I give bad advice so I don’t ...
A. 27 January 2007: My advice is to focus on answering questions where you have had some personal experiences similar to the poster. When I first started here I answered a lot of questions where I was pretty much guessing, now I try to stick to areas where I can relate ... (read in full...)
He's perfect but I have unwanted thoughts about him. How do I get rid of this?
Q. I really like this guy. He is PERFECT and one of the nice guys which is what i need too. I feel like my anxiety is way up there right now since we are getting closer to dating. I guestion myself if i really like him or not even though i do. I feel ...
A. 27 January 2007: OCD is very hard to deal with without outside help. When you start thinking about something it's easy to slip into obsessive thought patterns about it; so its hard to think about it 'constructively' instead of 'obsessively'. I recommend getting some ... (read in full...)
My gf has been very graphic about her past, now the images are stuck in my head and it's too much for me. Should I end the relationship?
Q. Hi I've been seeing a girl for around 6 months now. We met at a works do and after a few drinks we got closer and we got very close to sleeping together. I'd never slept with someone in a situation like that so backed off - even though she made ...
A. 25 January 2007: "A friend of mine has told me that I'll struggle to get this stuff out of my head, even with the help of counselling."
Yes that is true. It is possible, but you have to really want to and even then it will likely take a long time. If you really l... (read in full...)
My gf has been very graphic about her past, now the images are stuck in my head and it's too much for me. Should I end the relationship?
Q. Hi I've been seeing a girl for around 6 months now. We met at a works do and after a few drinks we got closer and we got very close to sleeping together. I'd never slept with someone in a situation like that so backed off - even though she made ...
A. 24 January 2007: This question comes up a lot. Have a read of some of the previous responses and if you have any further questions post again here.
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/obsessed-with-my-girlfriends-sexual-history-should-i.html
http://www.de... (read in full...)
Ashamed of my sexual past and he insists on knowing it all! Plus he calls me ugly names! What should I do?
Q. OBSESSION ABOUT SEXUAL PAST? I became involved with a married man 7 years ago. He was divorced in summer ‘06; separated in spring ‘05. 5 1/2 years of the 7 years was long-distance and he often sent mixed signals (duh, he was married.) The a...
A. 24 January 2007: I do think there is likely some truth in what some other aunts are saying. It sounds like there is some unhealthy co-dependency in your relationship. Having said that, I think that if there are some very good aspects to your relationship (as it ... (read in full...)
Ashamed of my sexual past and he insists on knowing it all! Plus he calls me ugly names! What should I do?
Q. OBSESSION ABOUT SEXUAL PAST? I became involved with a married man 7 years ago. He was divorced in summer ‘06; separated in spring ‘05. 5 1/2 years of the 7 years was long-distance and he often sent mixed signals (duh, he was married.) The a...
A. 22 January 2007: I feel for you and your partner. A lot of what you describe matches my experiences with my girlfriend.
There is a lot going on here.
First I agree with you that he does trust you, but cannot forgive. This seems very clear to me from your sto... (read in full...)
Does masturbating make you sterile when you're older?
Q. If you masturbate a lot when your a teenager, does it make you sterile whe your older(i.e. you can't have kids)?...
A. 24 December 2006: No. Absolutely not!
Although masturbating to too much porn can give you some strange ideas about women (like what they look like and how they are supposed to look with their clothes off). How much is too much? No idea really!... (read in full...)
I can't get over my girlfriends kissing past!
Q. Things my girlfriend did in her past are really bothering me. We have been together for 3 months and though we are quite different in many aspects we get along great. Every now and then she tells me about things she has done with guys that bother me ...
A. 24 December 2006: I am going to answer this in harsh terms, not because I want to upset you, but because honesty with yourself is the key to getting over this.
"This bothers me so much because I feel kissing is a special thing. I have kissed very few people f... (read in full...)
I feel like I am alone!
Q. I feel like I am alone.I have empty sex with guys who Im sure dont want to see me in the morning and when I feel like a man is getting to close to me I push them away.I have a couple of guys who want to date me right now but for some reason Im ...
A. 21 December 2006: Being intimate with someone always runs the risk of getting hurt. There's no way around that. At some point you have to say the risk is worth it. I'd suggest picking the guy you like the most and dating him but not having sex for a while. That way ... (read in full...)
SITE NEWS: Happy Xmas to everyone, from DearCupid!
Q. It has been a busy year here at DearCupid! We celebrated our 2nd birthday in November and had our 20,000th question and 70,000th answer published... Thanks to everyone who contributes to the site: Those who ask questions, those who answer, and ...
A. 20 December 2006: Merry Christmas to you all, and a...
...happy sticky complicated festive illict misteltoe angry ex-girlfriend we lost the condom my mother doesn't approve it hurts when I pee dear cupid new year
xxx... (read in full...)
Worried my fraternity brothers may pressure me to take advantage of females! How do I deal with this?
Q. I am 20 years old and yes still a virgin. I am currently a sophmore in college and I live in a fraternity. Lately I've been trouble by this issue because of being randomly called out on numerous occasions by my fraternity brothers. I already get ...
A. 17 December 2006: If you didn't want to be pressured by your frat brothers, why did you join a fraternity? Unfortunately this is what many fraternaties are about. They are a haven for people who need to be part of a group (at that age) in order to feel like 'they ... (read in full...)
What is emotional intimacy? And what are examples of it?
Q. what is emotional intimacy? and what are examples of it?...
A. 13 December 2006: My personal definition of intimacy is to share all aspects of yourself with someone naturally and without fear. I mean both the good parts and the bad parts. We go through our lives putting on a face to the world, one that we hope will make us ... (read in full...)
I orgasm just fine but he can't. I find this frustrating and I blame myself. Any advice?
Q. I am in a relationship with a man. When we have sex everything is fine, he has an erection and have no problem but he never comes. I have orgasms with him but then he justs asks that we stop because he can't come. It is really frustrating for me' ...
A. 13 December 2006: First of all it is him, not you. Yes it is frustrating, and its quite natural for you to feel like you are failing him in some way. But it really is his issue. The best thing you can do is be supportive and let him talk about it openly. Not easy to ... (read in full...)
I've never dated a black guy before. Should I do this?
Q. Okay, I'm so fraid that the same thing is gonna happend again. I'm so not exited about this date. Ever since I started working at Hollister Co, guys I worked with stared asking me on dates. There's this one black guy I rejected because he was ...
A. 9 December 2006: "Am I doing something wrong? Why do guys seem to be so interested at first and then after a few dates they tell me that they don't want to be in a relationship?"
Hard to answer. You don't say if you are sleeping with them or not. if you are I'd ... (read in full...)
I want to know about her previous sexual encounters, she says it doesnt matter, should I let it lie ?
Q. My Girlfriend when she was 16 she cheated on her boyfriend with someone she knew for a whilie now she's 20 with me i wanna know what she did. she told me she jerked him off While he fingered her (which she told me she never liked anyone doing) sh...
A. 8 December 2006: This isn't about her, this is about you. Your own sexual insecurity is causing you to put your girlfriend in a difficult situation. I understand why you 'want to know', its really understandable and a natural response. But all that will happen is ... (read in full...)
| *os's friends
These are mutual friends, so *os has
added them and they have added *os!
|
