A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My husband of five years said that I'v never satisfied him sexualy, and he wants me to perform like the women in his many porn DVD's. Is that reasonable? He expects me to be always ready for sex ie fully shaved (and I'm very hairy) and doing it up the bum with no lube. I just don't think I can live up to this.
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male
reader, DrCynic  +, writes (12 April 2007):
 Might I suggest compromise... Too much hair can be a big turnoff, so why not trim a little?... If he wants anal sex, give it to him, but insist on lube...
Then make some suggestions of your own, sweetheart and see how much he b*tches about it.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey there everyone,
Thanks for the words of encouragement. I know he's being a compleate pig. By the way I do keep it trim down there, he just likes it bald..! I had a big talk to him about all this and he did agree he was being unrealistic, and selfish. He asked me to give him another chance, so we'll see what happens. I basicaly think he's just been thinking about his own needs and no one elses for the past 5 years. I forgot to mention before that he's only given me 2 orgasms in all this time, because sex with him is just about what he wants to do. Really he dosen't know how to touch me down there, and when I try to explain it goes in one ear and out the other. Just have to see what happens.! Thanks everyone for your oppinions I'm really gratefull..
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A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (9 April 2007):
 What kind of guy would want to have anal sex with his wife and not use lube????? Is he a sickooo ???
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A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (8 April 2007):
 To set his expectations based on porn is entirely unrealistic. Porn is not real. It is heavily edited, shot and lit from certain angles, the actors are covered in body makeup, they take breaks, they take viagra, they have stand ins, and so on. The women in it are paid a lot to do it, and (unfortunately) most come from abusive backgrounds and have self-esteem issues. They use lube too, by the way. Lots of it. They just edit it out.
You may as well watch some hollywood action movie and then expect him to be like that. If he can't leap from a flaming helicopter into a speedboat then he's just not sexy enough for you. No sex for him unless he climbs up the outside of the house to get into the bedroom window with a knife between his teeth and several dogs chasing him...
It's fantasy, not reality. No one can 'live up to fantasy', like you say. Don't feel bad at all for not being able to, or not wanting to.
If he won't stop this i suggest the two of you go to a sex + relationship councilor together. They can help introduce a reasonable perspective back into his and your expectations. It sounds like he's being very unreasonable, so this might be needed if he won't drop his ridiculous demands.
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A
female
reader, BEEN THERE DONE IT +, writes (8 April 2007):
 Hi there hun,
This must be very upsetting for you considering you have been married for 5 years and he now tells you that you have never satisfied him....
It is ok to want to spice things up but if your worried about this fantasy of his you need to talk to him let him know how your feeling, if your not happy doing this tell him, find out what he wants and what your prepaired to do, don't do anything that you really don't want to do...
Porn is a diffent world to reality there job is to entertain, perform and they ge paid for it, it takes ages to make a film just like it takes ages to find out what turns your partners on, talk experiment together don't feel pressured over porn, make your own porn together but what suits you both not what is shown on a porn film....
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2007): tell your husband that being a pornstar is a job like any other you get paid and go home to your wife/husband when finished,it aint real its a film.For him to say that the last 5 years you aint never satisfied him,i believe this to be untrue you must have been doing something right as he`s still with you,as for the pubic hair i suppose you could trim it down and tidy it up to feel better within yourself,but dont let him bully you to be something you aint be yourself the woman he married.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2007): HiMy advise here is only do what you want to do, tell your husband that your interested in spicing things up in your relationship but slowly...I think it is unfair for him to tell you you have never satisfied him, he needs to tell you what he likes and you need to tell him what you like it works both ways.I know you have been married for 5 years and things do get boring at times but it needs both of you to spice the relationship up.Good luck
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