A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My girlfriend keeps bringing up things I have done in the past, and it hurts me to be judged...Am I doing the right thing?I had a very long relationship when I was really young and when I came out of it, i fooled around a lot, with more than my fair share of women.I am neither proud nor ashamed of this (it's not something I like to talk about), but in confidence, I told my girlfriend how many women I have been with, and some stories about my past experiences (because she asked...), and she told me she'd never judge me for them, and that it was what happens now that matters.But sometimes she brings things I did up in conversation, and it hurts me to be judged by her, I care about her a lot but when she goes back on what she said it's a dagger to the heart.Every time it happens I tell her it hurts, and every time she says it's the last.What do I do?
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male
reader, Yos  +, writes (9 March 2007):
 This is a common problem (although more often the other way around). Although the solution sounds simple, it can be very hard to achieve. She needs to let go: when the feelings come she has to let them pass over rather than dwell on them and act on them. By not allowing them to acquire meaning they will lose their strength and become only a minor irritation.
This takes determination and an absolute commitment to change. It is very hard for most people. I have had the same problem and a year later it is still with me, albeit considerably less strongly than it was. Some days I am still despondent because of it, but these are few and far between.
If she is not able to do it, you should consider your future together. This can hang over a couple for decades if not flushed away.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2007): I bet she doesnt bring up her own past though. Thats if she`s being honest about it all. She`s jealous. end of story.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2007): She may have a hard time dealing with the fact the she see's what you did in the past as cheap n easy.It's up to her to decide if she can cope with the pain she feels. If she can't, she'd be better off walking away and finding someone that shares her morals.
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A
female
reader, aunty t  +, writes (9 March 2007):
 She is being very unfair to you what happened in your past is your business and you have nothing to be sorry for. You need to tell her straight the next time she does it that she is pushing you away by doing this and if she does it again you will have to think about where your relationship is going. She is holding your past over you and bringing it up when it suits her. She has no right to judge you as you werent in a relationship with her then. If she cant get over this and keeps taunting you with it then you have to make the decision whether she is right for you.
Aunty t
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