A
male
age
41-50,
*umeme
writes:I am in a long distance relationship now with my fiancee and sometimes she gets on the edge, we had a row and she told me that the fact that she loves me does not mean that when i get her upset she will not make mistakes of going out to look for comfort from male friends. the row started when she was trying to tell me about a guy who has been asking her out. i let tried to make her understand that we are engaged and all that should not be arising now, as in she cant be complacent on such issues as someone persistently asking her out, coz i feel she is not firm enough to tell them off even though she is wearing our engagement ring.the only reason i can do a long distance relationship is that i trust her but she is beginning to crack up that trust by entertaining guys in the guise of friends(she says she cant get along with women like she can with guys). this totally freaKS me and am so afraid she will slip and do the unthinkable. she also told me she isnt saying i shouldnt sleep around but i should use protection and not infect her, becoz she is going to have sex, since we are not yet married, if she wants to but that she will use protection. do you honestly think i should be talking about marrying a woman who talks so callously about things as important as sex with others?pls am open to take any advise.
View related questions:
engaged, fiance, long distance Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, fumeme +, writes (12 April 2007):
fumeme is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks everyone, its just that i have been battling with my feelings for my fiancee, i am not a guy who is ever keen on getting married soon, my fiancee clearly made me understand from the outset that she wants to get married and not ready for anything less...and i love her so much so i knew if she wanted it as i did then why not. but from what she just said, not like i believe she means it, but the callousness makes me worry, and like eddie wrote, i tend to believe its something she has or is on the verge of doing that she is trying to justify. my mind is already drifting from her, i didnt think of her today like i have always done everyday and i think i am happy to break off the engagement if i will get this worry off my mind.
she tells me things like how guys tell her of couples they see having sex in dark corners outside school hostels, and i tell her she shouldnt be found in a situation of discussing such issues with guys at all coz its just suggestive of wot they are looking forward to get from her. it appals me that she has a ring on her finger and still cant ward guys off with that, wot if she didnt have any on?
i just keep my cool coz i really want this to work, i really love her and will like to be with no other but her but am being driven over the bend now. its really demanding keeping the relationship that if its not to be married its not worth it one bit...and if i cant trust her i really dont want to be a part of it.
i dont know where the strength is coming from, but i am feeling like i can do away with the engagement even though our both families are already involved and and the formal family introduction is due in the next one week...i think i should ask my family to call it off.
thanks and for all of you who responded to think i should move on is a good indication that i should do so and not look back.
A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (11 April 2007):
 I think you probably shouldn't be marrying her. She clearly has pretty unusual views about sex in a relationship: it is certainly not 'normal' to be having sex with others whilst engaged to be married. She should not expect you to be comfortable with that, very few people could make that type of relationship work.
Do you think she realizes how unusual her request is?
...............................
A
female
reader, Jovial  +, writes (11 April 2007):
 Dear fumeme
i agree with the other aunts 200% I don’t know if what I am about to add is what you are looking for here it goes; what I can see is you guys have different believes as far as commitment is concern. You believe in having one partner and no messing around but she believes as long as you are not married she can BED whoever she wants as long as she use protection which is total immature when she really expect you to do the same. This is something that you need to resolve between the two of you and decide on the type of relationship you want. Make your beliefs known to her and your feelings must be clear enough for her to see where you stand because uncertainties like this can break the marriage you anticipate to have in the near future. issues like this are supposed to be sorted before you even get engaged.
Communicate with her talk about these things then you will be able to know if she is worth it or not. another concern is that both of you dont seem to be excited or ready for this marriage are u sure this is what you want? not just with her but with anyone for that matter? Remember you are the only one who can make this decision for yourself.
Jovial
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2007): In my book if she was TRULY happy with you she would not feel either the need or desire to be with anybody else. I think you must question how much you really mean to her regardless how you feel about her. You cant force it - might be better to walk away now.
...............................
A
female
reader, TELLULAH +, writes (11 April 2007):
 Hi,
On reading your question I thought you both must be quite young, but then on reading this again thought it quite sad.
The question should be, why would you want to marry her anyway. An engagment is a promise to marry and be honest and faithfull to each other. I dont think she see's this, as that important at all. If you really want honest advice, I would find another Girlfriend.
Why put yourself through this misery, for a Girl who has no respect for you or herself.
I hope you can find happiness with someone who cares XX
...............................
A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (11 April 2007):
 Well it sounds like you're trying to make her something she's not.....and that is the marrying type. It sounds like she's either justifying something she's already done or wants to do. Open your ears...she wants the freedom of a single woman. That means she's not on the same page as you and you'll get hurt. Woem who want to get married think about the wedding day and future kids, not how many guys they can bang before the ceremony.
...............................
|
