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... Send *asteofIndia a private message | | | *asteofIndia's profile:TasteofIndia here. I'm 33 years old, with my BA in Theater & Psychology. I suppose you could say that I have studied people and how to get into their heads. I've been here on Dear Cupid for well over a decade. I love Dear Abby, Ann Landers, all those advice giving goddesses... when I found this website how could I resist?? (Couldn't.) I love Dear Cupid, love being a moderator and love giving advice when I can!!
A lot of people ask if I'm from India... just to clear things up, I'm not. I'm not Indian, I just really liked that song by Aerosmith when I first made this account. I've never been to India. I'm not even an Aerosmith fan, really, but I really liked that song at the time.
I've been with my fella for 14 years, married for 10. We have two cool daughters and a pretty cool life that involves lots of adventure, art and laughter.
I adore: positivity, theater, llamas, fromage, sweatpants, earrings, and sitcoms. That just about sums it up... |
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Although I don't want a serious relationship, I want to go further than second base
Q. I'm a senior in college and went through a messy breakup about two months ago. Since then I've decided that I don't want a serious relationship with anyone for a while and I would rather try dating casually. I met this girl while helping ou...
A. 22 March 2010: I would keep things cooled off. I know if it was me who rejected going further and then you immediately tried again, I'd be completely turned off from you. Maybe she's just not ready to go that far with a relationship that is so new and with someone ... (read in full...)
Size hurts...
Q. I have quite a big penis and recently positions where I'm the deepest into my girlfriend have begun to cause her sharp pains. This never used to happen in the past and I was wondering if anyone had any advice/ideas of what it could be?...
A. 21 March 2010: Hey sweet thing,
Well, you're probably hitting her cervix. And that can cause a sharp pain. Enter into Google "sex, pain, cervix" or some combination of those words and you'll find lots of articles on this exact problem. Things you can do to solve... (read in full...)
Parent friendly ideas to surprise my boyfriend in the morning.
Q. ok well im off to suprise my boyfriend tommorrow ive planned it with his mum. im going to get to his house before he wakes up in the morning and then snuggle with him until he wakes up as he keeps wishing that he could wake up to my beautiful face ...
A. 21 March 2010: Make him breakfast!! Cuddle up to him and wake him up with the scent of his favorite girl, pancakes and bacon. I can't imagine a man alive who wouldn't swoon with joy!
Good luck, sweetness! You sound too cute for words! ... (read in full...)
How can I have some sort of honorific, like Dr.?
Q. I'm ashamed to ask this, because I realize that to most people, this is gonna sound really strange. It bothers me to be called "Ms." or "Miss" so and so (surname) as opposed to being called "Dr." or some similar honorific. It really bothers m...
A. 21 March 2010: Hey sweet thing,
Hey - I've seen your age, and you're certainly not too old to go back to school. Maybe your grades won't get you into Harvard or Cornell, but there are tons of online schools that you can earn a Masters and PHD through. Don't sa... (read in full...)
Should my friend and I stop engaging in conversation with him?
Q. I have been going to a cafe with a friend of mine quite regularly. My friend told me that the guy behind the counter kept looking at me whenever we went in. He has spoken to me a few times and touched my arm and winked but whilst that is a nice ...
A. 21 March 2010: Sounds like he's just doing his job of being friendly to the regulars and you guys are reading too much into it. He's got a girlfriend, and since he chooses to talk to you about the coffee rewards instead of your weekend plans and availability, I'm ... (read in full...)
I'd rather keep him as a friend ...
Q. It was a week before his sister's wedding when my boyfriend told me we needed to work on the talking portion of our relationship. I said alright, and began working really hard to fix that part of it. It then became clear that I was going to be the ...
A. 19 March 2010: "I'd rather keep him as a friend above all else, just so I can be in his life."
This sentence, I hate reading this sentence. This situation leads to you forever chasing after him, hoping for something to happen again and for him to fall back in ... (read in full...)
Should I dump my non christian boyfriend?
Q. Hey, im 19 and turning 20 late this year. I'm a christian i love God so so so much, i have a bf and i love so as well the thing is every time im with him i feel gulty like im commiting a sin. I realy dont know what to do, we've know each other for 3 ...
A. 19 March 2010: I would think, God would want you to love someone so much that you thank God for them. Then, God would be happy that two of his/her creations are so nicely suited for each other and in love.
If you and he have a happy, respectful, loving relation... (read in full...)
Witnessing a horrible crime a few years ago is making it difficult for me to have sex with my girlfriend
Q. I was a witness to a horrible crime a few years ago. I saw a women being raped. I have never had sex. After this happened when I have been with my girl friend I can't get aroused. I think about what I saw and I get what I think must be a panic ...
A. 17 March 2010: Wow, what an ordeal to go through. And I'm just so impressed with your bravery - that poor victim must be eternally grateful to you. You showed more courage than most people ever would. You are a real hero for what you did.
I can truly understa... (read in full...)
Should I meet his family despite their racist background?
Q. Hello.. I have been dating my boyfriend for around five month's. We have a good relationship and he is close with my family but i feel like there is a big "elephant" in between us because i haven't met his family .. and don't have any interest...
A. 15 March 2010: I agree with everyone else. If you think they will actually harm you (have they been in and out of jail? alcoholics? drug abuse?), don't go. But, if that's not a fear, absolutely you should go. You need to go. Show them how great, warm and wonderful ... (read in full...)
Would guys like a 19 year old virgin. Or would the innocence drive them away?
Q. How many people like me still a virgin? I mean as far as age goes..I'm not ashamed of it but here where I live there's very few girls who remain virgins. Reason being I just haven't found the right guy yet. I also wonder do guys usually like ...
A. 11 March 2010: Hey sweet thing,
I was a virgin at 19. I held out waiting for a special guy. I didn't know what exactly or who exactly I was looking for, but I always knew I was waiting for SOMEONE. And then, I found a guy at 19 and somehow I just knew it was r... (read in full...)
She asked me to dance... could this be the start of something big?
Q. Hello there. i need help. what do you think is the best thing to do in my situation. let me tell the story first. we were in the club last night with my friends celebrating my best friends birthday. we keep dancing and dancing. me and my brother ...
A. 9 March 2010: Sure sounds like she likes you to me! Shoot her an e-mail and see what happens.... (read in full...)
I think I had unrealistic expectations of what a relationship should be
Q. I'm currently in a relationship with a girl (I'm 17 and shes 16, I'm a junior she's a sophomore)l that I do really like but lately things just haven't been working out. I think I may have found the exact reason why... This is actually my firs...
A. 9 March 2010: Ya know, you always want what you can't have. When you had her, you wanted the single life, when you're single, you want her. That's a "grass is greener" totally normal syndrome. I think the best of us experience that at one time or another.
You'r... (read in full...)
He flirts with me but I think he likes my best friend
Q. so it all goes like this...there is this guy at school who i met about 3 months ago. he added me on msn and almost talks to me everyday. the thing is that he sometimes shows me signs that he likes me, like giving me compliments and joking around ...
A. 7 March 2010: Hey sweet thing,
Great poem. It really does make your situation really clear. So here's my advice:
I say you chill out and wait. He does seem to be interested in your friend, but seems to be more comfortable around you. So keep being his friend... (read in full...)
I think I had unrealistic expectations of what a relationship should be
Q. I'm currently in a relationship with a girl (I'm 17 and shes 16, I'm a junior she's a sophomore)l that I do really like but lately things just haven't been working out. I think I may have found the exact reason why... This is actually my firs...
A. 7 March 2010: I could not agree with RCN more. So, in lieu of writing what he said again, I'm just going to suggest you read his twice.
You're normal, and a 17 year old being curious about what's out there is what most 17 year olds are doing. However, open rel... (read in full...)
How can I help my daughter with her confidence and self-esteem?
Q. Hey all! I have a little bit of a problem. my daughter is 12 years old and has stretch marks going on her upper thigh and hip. she is very insecure about her self and thinks she is ugly. she is a teenager this year and i think she may been going...
A. 2 March 2010: Teens. Life is so tough then, and it's pretty normal for the confidence levels to take a little nose dive, so realize that it's a part of life.
But, what may help is having a girls spa day. Take her for a facial (many spas/salon have teen facial p... (read in full...)
How can I be there for my little sister now her dad has died depsite us not being very close?
Q. hi my younger sister who is nine not yet ten, father died last night we both have different dads. im 18 and we dont have a great relationship if even a relationship. shes not taking the death very well and of course everybody is worried about her ...
A. 2 March 2010: My condolences to you and your sister and her family. This must be really tough for you all.
I think a good way to be helpful would be to hang out with your sister and spend some quality time with her. Your sister is young and you will definite... (read in full...)
How do I overcome my nerves when I am meeting his family?
Q. In a few weeks i am due to meet the rest of my boyfriends family, at a surprise party for his aunt, however i am really really nervous. Just after Christmas (after seeing my boyfriend for only 3 weeks) i met a huge chunk of his family and that day i ...
A. 2 March 2010: Hey sweetness,
Well caalllmmm down. Are they a nice family? They'll be doing their part to make you feel welcome. I suggest that you wear a classy outfit (nothing too revealing. Something that an older audience will appreciate), don't have mor... (read in full...)
Interesting and unsual date ideas?
Q. Hi. I was wondering if anyone has any fun or romantic date ideas. My boyfriend and I have been together just over 10 months, and we're both 17. I was hoping for things beyond the usual movie, cinema, ice-skating, dinner sort of things. Not that none ...
A. 2 March 2010: Oooh, I love being creative like this. It depends how wild you want to be! But, here are the first things that come to mind.
- Go to your local theater. A play is ALWAYS fun, classic entertainment. It's my favorite date!
- Go to the aquarium, fo... (read in full...)
Different Race or Religion, what would your family do?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been dating for 2 years and his family doesn't know about me yet. We live in different states, but we lived together for about a year though. He's 18, so he's legal. We are still soo in love. He wants to tell them about me, ...
A. 27 February 2010: My family is quite blended. I'm the product of a happy interracial marriage, and now I'm married and we're an interracial couple. So, as you can imagine, I am surrounded with very loving, warm, accepting people, my family and my friends. It's never ... (read in full...)
I want to travel the world but my parents won't let me.
Q. This is not really a question about relationships or anything but I am only 13 and I want to travel the world and be on my own but my parents won't even let me walk around by myself! What should I do?...
A. 27 February 2010: What should you do? Save up now!! Start saving money for the biggest, baddest, most amazing trip EVER for after you graduate and can go travel the universe. Right now your job is to learn, get good grades, make good friends a toughen up for a ... (read in full...)
Spoke to him every day for fifteen years, now he's cold?
Q. Hi Guys. My questions is regarding my ex/on-off partner. We've been together for years and split up on-off over the last 18 months. We always stayed in touch and stayed friends and there are still feelings between us and we are still attracted but ...
A. 26 February 2010: No wonder you're so upset and feeling awful. Sounds kind of crappy. Well here's the thing - you don't deserve this. If you guys aren't together anymore, you need to leave it behind. It seems that he's just keeping you around as a back up plan, if he ... (read in full...)
His family doesn't like me and he's obvlious to it. Should I skip the family wedding?
Q. Please help!! His aunty hates me and posted horribly messages to him when she found out we'd split up after a stupid argument (didnt even know what had happened). It sounds stupid but its caused sooo many problems for us because i dont want to be ...
A. 25 February 2010: Definitely go to the wedding.
What I suggest is you telling the aunt that you apologize for any misunderstanding, tell her that your boyfriend is really looking forward to the wedding and that you're excited to attend. Try to mend fences a bit (e... (read in full...)
I want to rush this relationship along to make sure she is mine
Q. There's a girl. We haven't known each other for that long, but we have been going out on dates. We have talked nearly every day since we met and have really hit it off. We are holding hands, hugging, etc. She has recently gotten out of a bad ...
A. 20 February 2010: Chill out, is my best advice. You both really like each other - that's all that that you need for now. Just relax and let the relationship develop naturally. If you try and force it, you will probably get the opposite effect and you'll force your ... (read in full...)
My ex wont talk to me anymore and I can't stand it!
Q. Right here it goes.. I was going out with this lad for a really long time. We were so close and he is my first ever love. We broke up now just over a month and within that month there has been alot of big and small arguements. A then went out with ...
A. 20 February 2010: Hi sweetness,
The best you can do right now is back off and give yourself and him some time. If you chill out, your heated emotions can go down and you can see your feelings as they really are. Maybe some time will give him the space to realize ... (read in full...)
Is it right to give an engagement ring during an argument?
Q. Is it a bad idea to give a engagement ring during a argument or a break up to try to mend things back together if you really love that person?...
A. 20 February 2010: Yes, I don't think this would be a good idea. Frankly, I'm imagining what I would do if I were really fired up at my fella and in an argument... if he had asked me to marry him then, that would have not be a good scene. Actually... funny enough I ... (read in full...)
I'm getting an abortion but he doesn't want to discuss it.
Q. I found out I was pregnant four weeks ago. Today I had the consultation appointment for a termination which is due to happen on Saturday. My boyfriend of 5 years definitely does not want to keep the baby, nor do I. For various reasons we are n...
A. 19 February 2010: Hello, my dear.
I imagine that your boyfriend has a lot going on in his head and just simply does not know how to deal with it. I suspect that both of you have a lot going on right now. I do understand that you need an outlet, and he's the clos... (read in full...)
Is this what younger girls are like these days??
Q. Can some of you please explain the mind set of today's young women in their early 20's? I am in my mid-30's and have recently entered the dating scene. Although I am 35, I am in great physical condition and most people say I look 25. I married my...
A. 18 February 2010: Hi there - personally, me (being 23) would never give oral sex on the first date. Not the second, third or fourth. My fella had to wait a looong time before we got to that point. But, that's not to say that I don't know PLENTY of girls who would do ... (read in full...)
I hate my surname! Is there any solution to this?
Q. I know this problem is lighthearted compared to some of the other stuff people are going through, but it's been bugging me for a long time. I can accpet an honest answer but please don't judge me as shallow. I love my family, but I absolutely hat...
A. 17 February 2010: You've been posting this question for a long, long, long time now here on Dear Cupid and every time you get loads of responses encouraging you to change your name. So my question is, what in the world is holding you back?
http:... (read in full...)
How can I deal with my problems? Her past haunts me and makes me so jealous!
Q. I have been talking to a girl online for the past 8 months. We have had video, voice chats, phone chat, text chat. I first met her on a friendship site. We started talking on a messenger and soon we became close friends. And slowly the friendship ...
A. 16 February 2010: Well, it all comes down to whether or not you think you can really get over this. Can you forgive and forget? Because if you can't, then you just need to leave this relationship. Accept that she's a great girl and you're a great guy, you're just not ... (read in full...)
Why does she ignore me when I ask her out?
Q. there is a girl i really like, i call her like 4 - 5 times a day. sometimes i feel that she is ignoring me. what must i do ? sometimes she ignores me when i ask her out...
A. 16 February 2010: "GoodGuy11" gave you superb advice, and I'm pretty much going to repeat it.
Seems like you're completely smothering her. So, chill out and give her some space to appreciate you, to notice you, to miss you. If you call her this much, you will ree... (read in full...)
Help! How do I deal with my boyfriend's ex writing on his facebook wall?
Q. I’ve been with my boyfriend for 6 months now and I can’t seem to stop obsessing over his ex. He has never talked about her to me, the only thing I know is they used to live together in Florida, broke up almost a year ago and they tried to be ...
A. 16 February 2010: Maybe they're just being friendly. Unless these conversations seem super sketchy and unless your man has given you a reason to distrust him, I would chalk it up to just keeping in touch. It's normal to be friendly with exes, as long as they keep ... (read in full...)
Is he a little too attached to his dog for him to be this depressed after it died?
Q. My boyfriend has been depressed for about a month now ever since his dog died, is he a little too attached to his dog for him to be this depressed?...
A. 15 February 2010: A dog is a hard friend/family member to lose. People get very attached to their pets - its an unconditional pal that radiates silent love to you around the clock. It's understandable that he would still be bummed out about it. Man, I think about the ... (read in full...)
Would it be so bad to get a tattoo reminding me of him, even though this weekend will be the first time we have met up?
Q. I have recently met a younger man (3 years) on a dating website. We have texted and talked on the phone. We are supposed to meet this weekend. To add insult to injury his father passed away this last Monday. I feel a VERY strong connectio...
A. 12 February 2010: I would keep your eye out for anything special you see while out - a flower at the restaurant, a word that sticks out. Something that you can keep in your mind for a good tattoo that you get down the road. Now it's too soon! Too crazy!! You haven't ... (read in full...)
Is it wrong to kiss your best friend while your on a break with your boyfriend?
Q. Ok, my boyfriend and i got into a really big fight and decided to take a break. So, about after a week into our break i called my best guy friend over to make me feel better. We kissed. It was unexpected and neither of us planned it. We both agreed ...
A. 11 February 2010: Have you seen that Friends episode with Ross & Rachel? "WE WERE ON A BREAK!!!!" - you would be Ross here, and your fella would be Rachel. Yeah, they go through this too.
You didn't do a really horrible thing, but your boyfriend feels horrible... (read in full...)
How often do men become platonic friends with their ex girlfriends?
Q. How common is it for guys to want to be long term friends with their ex girlfriends? does this happen with alot of people, or do i mostly date guys who want to be platonic bff (best friends forever) after a breakup? not a complaint really, just a ...
A. 11 February 2010: Depends on the people involved. Me, I have stayed very close friends with all of my exes. In fact, two of them were groomsmen in my wedding not too long ago, and the rest attended and had a lot of fun. I think it really depends on the people ... (read in full...)
I asked a girl to my prom, she accepted, now I am worrying about it all
Q. Okay so I'm in 11th grade and like a girl in 9th. So I ask her to go to the prom. She says yes with extreme happiness. So for a few days I think she must like me. But now it finally dawned on me that probably the only reason she said yes was because ...
A. 11 February 2010: Well geez!! Don't be so pessimistic. You are completely in your imagination and mapping this night out to be the worst ever. She said yes, she was happy, and of course she's going to want to spend time with her date! Every girl wants to go to prom ... (read in full...)
A Valentine's Poem!
Q. Is this valentine's day poem good enough for her? she's pretty romantic so I'm hoping she'll like it You’re more beautiful than a starry night The sight of your smile clears away all my fright You’re far smarter than the average bear You put f...
A. 11 February 2010: If she's a smart one, she'll appreciate the humor and sweetness in your poem. It's not just some mushy gushy flowery poem, it's funny and thoughtful. I think she'll go crazy about this, especially at your age. I don't agree with Q this time... as a ... (read in full...)
Is it a bad idea to mention threesomes to girls that I might be risking not having 1-on-1 sex with?
Q. So I just got out of a 6 year marriage and for the last two years or so I've been obsessing about threesomes. I'm a very people-oriented guy and make friends fast and keep them for a long time. I always love being in groups and I've always thought ...
A. 9 February 2010: If you're interested in a threesome, I would perhaps go into a situation in which people are already looking for threesomes. Try Craigslist Casual Encounters or some other website or swingers club in which people are looking for the same thing that ... (read in full...)
He scares me with the things he says about sex!
Q. ok soo imm going to be 16 in 2 months. the guy im talking to will be 19 in 5 days. we have been talking on the phone and texting for about 2 months now. we`ve hung out 3 times. once in a group, once on our own, and then he came to watch me cheer one ...
A. 7 February 2010: Listen to your intuition. The part of you that says this guy is clearly a psycho and to stay away from him.
He sounds like he will really hurt you and make sex an incredibly scary and painful experience. And, he doesn't sound like he cares ab... (read in full...)
Do I carry on acting the way I am for boys to like me?
Q. hey, i always ask questions on this and either get just 1 answer or an answer that just doesn't help at all... i really need your help and to get that, i'm gonna tell you as much information as I can. The thing is, I really just want a boyfriend...
A. 6 February 2010: Girlfriend, the best thing you can do to attract the right guy is to be yourself. Desperation wears like a bad perfume, and is definitely not attractive to the right kind of guy. It usually attracts guys who are looking for an easy target, someone ... (read in full...)
Is it wrong for me to get mad at him for trying to make up after fights?
Q. I love my boyfriend a lot, but its just it's a long distance relationship, so we argue quite a bit, and basically every time we have an argument, I get angry about it and can't be affectionate as I would normally. He tries to 'kiss up' to me after ...
A. 6 February 2010: Does he do this AFTER an argument, or to try and get his way? If he's doing this to try and get his way, that's just obnoxious and manipulative, but if this is him trying to make up after an argument, then I excuse him. He's trying to do the right ... (read in full...)
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