A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:It was a week before his sister's wedding when my boyfriend told me we needed to work on the talking portion of our relationship. I said alright, and began working really hard to fix that part of it. It then became clear that I was going to be the only one working on it. He then stopped saying he loved me. After days of holding it off, I asked if there was someone else, he said I don't know. Then I asked if it was his ex. They only dated for two weeks vs our year (50 weeks); he told me he had to go. She is madly in love with her now boyfriend; she is also my friend. He tells me he wants me to attend the wedding with him. I still have an immense amount of feelings for him still. The situation hurts me a lot however, I'd rather keep him as a friend above all else, just so I can be in his life. I think he only thinks of the bad parts of our relationship, unlike me, who thinks of all the great things. What should I do?
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female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (19 March 2010):
 "I'd rather keep him as a friend above all else, just so I can be in his life."
This sentence, I hate reading this sentence. This situation leads to you forever chasing after him, hoping for something to happen again and for him to fall back in love with you. While he then gets to keep you around as a back up plan. This theory usually pushes them farther away.
I'm not clear if you're actually broken up or not from this. If you are broken up, or pretty much, I think you should skip out on the wedding. Send his sister a "congratulations" card and gift. But, show him that you're not just going to be his back up plan and you'll never be the "friends with benefits". If he doesn't want to commit to you 100%, he shouldn't get the benefit of your presence at this wedding. You need to give him lots of space so that he can realize what he's let go and he can remember all the good times that he's missing out on.
(Not to mention, all of his family will be like "where's that great girlfriend of yours" and he'll have to say, "yeah, well I broke up with her" and then his family will be like "ARE YOU CRAZY!??!".)
Distance really does make the heart grow fonder. And you need to give him room to appreciate what he had. If he doesn't figure out how wonderful you are and come running back - his loss. In the meantime, move on and feel awesome about yourself. You don't need a man for that. But, start on the journey towards recovery and healing your broken heart. Good luck, sweetness!!
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