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I've lived in 2 countries (2034.73 miles apart)
To me, there are 3 things important in a relationship: trust, love and humor.
I speak 4 languages.
There are 5 countries that I would like to visit in the near future: Sweden, Japan, UK, France and New Zealand.
I love people for the way they're different from each other, but still seem to follow some common logic. I spent my whole life observing them, first to be like them and fit in and then to distance myself from them and try to find my own way of life. |
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| Latest articles: Save yourself the pain - don't text!
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
9 May 2007: In all communication there is translation. Even if the communication is in your mother tongue. We interpret our partners' sentences, trying to get to the emotional core of the message, under all the words. This is of course the source of the endl...
Pep-talk for the would-be dater
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
7 May 2007: There must surely be a lot of people in this world who like each other and shyly glance at one another and never become a couple because both are too shy to ask each other out. As a girl, it's very easy to hide behind the idea that the man should ...
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I don't really want to end the relationship but he finally admitted cheating. What can I do??
Q. After being suspicious for a while after a few lies, and weird goings on, my boyfriend admitted to me last night that he had almost slept with someone else he used to go out with following a fight between us. I was devestated. I don't really want to ...
A. 16 March 2008: He almost slept with that person and that was clearly not a good thing. If you feel that he is truly sorry for his action, then he will hardly see you as a pushover for forgiving him.
On the other hand, if you find yourself thinking all the time... (read in full...)
My class mates are sarcastic to me. What can I do?
Q. Hi. In my class music lesson I had to sing a solo with no backing music. During it a lot of people looked really bored. At lunchtime on the same day they were talking about me during lunchbreak. They were going on about how I was a good all round ...
A. 8 July 2007: Keep practicing your singing and work out the flats. Some day you might be able to use those skills. You're very brave for singing in front of that kind of people without background music. It must feel a bit nervous and kind of "naked".
It's a pity... (read in full...)
Help me give my wife a night to remember!
Q. I really wanna give my wife the night of her life and seduce her. We have been married for about 8 years and are still madly in love and have a great sex life. I want to make it a night to remember for her and I want to have the best sex I've ever ...
A. 1 July 2007: Maybe the two of you are not the type for a candle lit dinner, but it is relaxing to not have to do the cooking. You can order in.
Instead of going dancing or to a fancy restaurant you can take a walk by the sea.
Or you can go with her to a spa an... (read in full...)
Does DearCupid have a leftist, liberal bias?
Q. hello everyone, over the past month i have seen your site. it is a great site for exploring relationship, sexual or confidence problems. however, i have been skeptical. I have one critism that might be apparent. getting a little off topic, le...
A. 26 June 2007: Left is relative. Relative of where you stand. Seeing as there are people here from a lot of places in the world, maybe it's not dear cupid that has a left wing bias as much as you who has a right wing bias?
If you're a very religious, pro-... (read in full...)
The guy I used to chat online with is now harassing me! He follows me to any website I visit and slanders me!
Q. Dear Cupid, HELP! My life is a bit of insanity right now. Currently, I am in a rocky long term relationship. On top of that I thought I had liked someone else. Well, I started talking to this other person via the net and realized that I ...
A. 26 June 2007: How does he find you on all the other websites? Are you always using the same username? Like if you use DaveyCee on every website where you need a username, how about changing it to something else? That should make it harder for him to find you.... (read in full...)
I can't decided if I should move in with him or not
Q. My boyfriend is married and we have been dating for 9 months now. He didnt have a job in the beging he always asked me for money. He is now working wont get divorced and he wants me to move in with him. He is a wonderful guy i love him. I just dont ...
A. 26 June 2007: Usually I'm not a moral hag, but in this case I think there's something to be said for not having relationships with married men.
Even if this guy is technically separated from his wife, he is not enough into you to ask for a divorce. In my eyes... (read in full...)
Am I doing something wrongor should I dump him??
Q. ok, I have a boyfriend and i dont know what he is doing half of the time and he does not call me or e-mail me at all. I feel like im doing somethink wrong. Maybe i should not be with him. What do you think?...
A. 24 May 2007: Maybe you should talk to him about how you're feeling. Ask him why he never calls you. Depending on his answers and feedback you can take a decision of wether to dump him or not.
You can't expect him contribute to solving the relationship prob... (read in full...)
I'm successful in my studies but have no social life and never even dated... Worried that I have a boring personality (and I'm small)
Q. Hi, I wonder if anyone could give me some useful advice.I'd be very grateful. I am 27 year old male, of small build (171 cm tall, slim, from the UK. Soon I'll be 28 years old (July). I am still at university, studying chemistry (well , I am a late ...
A. 24 May 2007: Hey, I just wanted to say that there's nothing wrong with skinny guys. Really, I would take a guy with brains any day over somebody who looked gorgeous. And seeing as there's one of me here, that means that there must be more girls like these in the ... (read in full...)
I cant get on with my bfs friends and am left sitting round the house!
Q. I don't like my boyfriends friends! My boyfriend has taken me around them, and I have tried to enjoy myself but they are the type who, if they don't know you, they don't really say anything to you. This is a problem because most of the time, my Bf ...
A. 24 May 2007: I know what you mean about feeling uncomfortable around your boyfriend's friends. I've been there too.
My advice to you would be to go out with your own friends instead. I bet having a boyfriend takes a chunk out of the time you used to spend with... (read in full...)
How could I get attracted to someone else when I love my boyfriend?!
Q. I'VE been with my boyfriend for 4 years now and recently i'm finding i'm getting attracted to a co-worker.How is that possible since i love my boyfriend? could you love two guys at the same time....
A. 21 May 2007: No, you probably don't LOVE two guys at the same time. I'm guessing you really love your boyfriend and just feel physically attracted to this other guy.
Being dedicated to your boyfriend doesn't make you immune to attraction to other people, it just... (read in full...)
How can I be with my boyfriend when the money is tight and the visas are causing a problem?
Q. well here it is. I met a guy when i was working abroad and what was supposed to be a fling became a full on relationship and we fell for each other. I have since returned home and have been back for nearly a year. Somehow we have managed to keep the ...
A. 21 May 2007: I've been through the visa mess. We got one even though he was from a country outside of the EU, but it took half a year and I had to call the authorities every now and then just to check that they're not just lying around in their office eating ... (read in full...)
He is old fashioned and expects me to do EVERYTHING around the house just because he has a full time job. Is this what marriage is supposed to be like?
Q. Further to my previous questions, I am at yet another hurdle in my relationship.... my partner just worked a 7 x day week, and came home last night, tired, hungry and cranky, he mentioned the fact that he had not eaten a thing ALL day and needed ...
A. 21 May 2007: No, in my opinion this is not how it's supposed to be.
Explain to him that you are not going to be his mother or his little servant. He can pack his own darn bags and make sure to take his lunch box with him without you reminding him. Tell him you ... (read in full...)
Can you tell if a guy gets hard if he's wearing jeans?
Q. Me and my guy were making out and I was on top of him and grinding a little bit into him and he was wearing jeans and I kept trying to see if he was hard but I don't think he was. Maybe I'm just too ugly or something. It made me feel like crap! I ...
A. 21 May 2007: Hold it! The fact that he didn't get a hard on does NOT mean that you're ugly! It can be depending on any number of reasons such as: nervousness, intoxication, psychological pressure, etc. Don't take it personally. If he made out with you I'm sure ... (read in full...)
What's the best way to stop taking birth control pills?
Q. I have been taking birth control pills and want to stop. Can I just stop or do I need to do it gradually? What is healthier?...
A. 21 May 2007: The only way I know of is to finish the map of pills you're currently on and then stop.
So for example: of you have a map of 21 pills then you eat the 21 pills. Your period comes as usual during the one week that you don't eat the pills, but when... (read in full...)
How do I stop being a sloppy kisser?
Q. my boyfriend said im a sloppy kisser how can i stop it? ...
A. 21 May 2007: Ask him to teach you or give you a few points. That should make him feel flattered. Together you can then go on a kissing extravaganza in search of a perfect kiss =)... (read in full...)
I have a bf and the ex is in town! Would it be harmless to continue seeing my ex over the next few weeks or would be a betrayal of my boyfriend?
Q. I'm currently in a happy, fufilling relationship that's lasted for almost a year. I have no desire for this relationship to end. I've never, ever been unfaithful before, but last night i cheated on my boyfriend. The reason i did was because an e...
A. 21 May 2007: I can understand that the attraction you're feeling for your ex is great. I can also see how that feeling of not having closure on your relationship is another reason for you to see him.
Whereas I can understand what you're going through I just feel... (read in full...)
When he touches me I think he likes me but he says "he's just horny!" Any advice?
Q. Ok well, I fancy this guy big time, and he would keep touching me, like dragging his hand up my leg and i get really happy coz its like yay u like me back, but he would say later, then he was just horny, god it hurts, and i tell him its unfair...
A. 21 May 2007: Girl, that guy is so not worth your affections. You've told him to stop touching you, next time he "gets horny" it's time for you to reinforce your message, preferably with a good poke of your elbow into his ribs.... (read in full...)
I cannot have an orgasm during sex. Any suggestions?
Q. I cannot have an orgasm during sex. I'm so attracted to my boyfriend, and I feel like I'm about too...I can't seem to get there! It feels incredibly amazing when he's inside of me, but I can't reach that climaxing point. Any suggestions?...
A. 21 May 2007: Try touching yourself a bit when he's inside of you. A lot of women have problems climaxing through intercourse alone, but need a bit of additional stimulation of the clitoris.
You can try being on top of him, that way you have more control over... (read in full...)
Women, how would you react to the guy you love, if he hurts your feelings in some way, knowingly or unknowingly?
Q. This is a question to women in general. How would you react to the guy you love, if he hurts your feelings in some way, knowingly or unknowingly? Would you reject him straight away or would you give him a second chance, or talk about it with him? I ...
A. 21 May 2007: Same way as I would react if any woman hurt my feelings unknowingly or knowingly:
1. I'd ask for a clarification of the statement which hurt me in order to ensure that it's not a matter of miscommunication.
2. If after clarification I still fe... (read in full...)
Is it possible to catch an STD from not wearing underwear?
Q. This has been 2 years ago. It was at my graduation and I bought a dress without washing it, b/c the next day was my big day. I went commando without wearing underwear because if i wore my underwear the people will see the shape of my underwear ...
A. 21 May 2007: No, not from just not wearing any underwear. The only thing I can think of is that if you sat down on something cold you could have gotten a urine tract infection, but that's possible even with panties on.
If you did something sexual with anot... (read in full...)
Is there an age restriction on this site?
Q. Is there an age restriction on this site??? Kriscool ...
A. 21 May 2007: Not as far as I know. But ages 10-12 is the youngest askers I've seen around here.... (read in full...)
My bf is racist! Should I tell him about the boy on the bus that kissed my hand?
Q. okay so im not racest but my boyfriend don't like black people that much cuz of how they act and he don't like whites and blacks going out cuz he don't think its right, me and him fought about that for about a week and i still don't care about white ...
A. 20 May 2007: No, if you want to be with this guy, don't tell him about the guy on the bus. He would most likely throw a fit and break up with you again, just as you said.
Your guy is not exactly a modern boy. In thinking that white people are better than othe... (read in full...)
I have low confidence in my looks. Should I just dress like all the other girls?
Q. i don't think i'm pretty enough coz all my m8s and most of the girls in my yr all wear make-up and rolls their skirts up and i don't see the point of gettin in 2 trouble for it so i neva 2 it. and after nine yrs of bein bullied for the way i look ...
A. 17 May 2007: You can always go half ways by using transparent, no-color lip gloss and some eye shadow in a more natural colour (like brown or olive green, or similar). That way your make up won't be so out there that it will the school staff. It's up to you.
I... (read in full...)
Is being chubby the only reason to why people don't like me?
Q. we had out skool prom... everione was dancin with their partener... i was stood alone... why dont guys like me... wats to bad about me... jus cos im not skinny... people always look down on me and turn their noses up at me... i...
A. 16 May 2007: Congratulations to getting a date!! =) I'm happy for you.... (read in full...)
How do I make this guy notice me?
Q. Hi there, This must be a silly question from a 24 year old woman. There is a guy at my church which I really like and would like to know how I can get closer to him and get t know him better. We are unfortunately not involved at church in the same ...
A. 15 May 2007: No, it's not a silly question. For some people it's harder to reach out than for others. Try making eye contact, or giving him a smile. See if he smiles back. If he does, go over and talk to him. Any topic is good. Ask him if he's enjoying his ... (read in full...)
When she drunk she comes onto me sexually! Is she bi-sexual..like me?
Q. hey, i'm eighteen and bisexual. recently, me and my (straight) best friend, have been doing stuff together such as fingering and kissing. but it tends to only happen when we're drunk, and i highly doubt she can ever remember any of it because she n...
A. 14 May 2007: It could be that she's just experimenting. It happened to me with a friend once too.
To tell the truth, I don't think she could be unaware of what she's doing, even if she doesn't discuss it with you after she has sobered up. Maybe she is havi... (read in full...)
She's so talented and I'm a geek. Does she really want to be with me?
Q. Okay so, I met this girl online a few months ago (just to make it clear, I am a bisexual girl myself), we started emailing each other, we would write really long ones every day and talk about everything and anything. We sort of just connected. After ...
A. 14 May 2007: I think that skiing, poetry-writing and photography take a lot of talents also. And reading comics just means that you really appreciate sequential art. Comics are so underrated by art connoisseurs... And programming is no small thing either.
S... (read in full...)
My girlfriend gets annoyed when I don't stay errect. What can I do to make her understand it's not helping?
Q. Me and my G/F have had sex about 4 times. Before we finally had sex I was a virgin and we had to try 3 times cause I kept losing my erection. Partly because of nerves and partly because of her...how should I say this...Lack of Stimulation. 2 of the ...
A. 14 May 2007: Weren't you the one who posted this question?
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/my-penis-wont-co-operate-when-it-comes.html
If I had to have sex with someone who just lies there like a log, I don't think I would be able to perform either. Especial... (read in full...)
I want my friend to accept my new style, but she calls me name. What can I tell her?
Q. I'm starting to turn into an emo. I have dyed my hair black and I really feel like one but My best mate that I have known for 8 years doesn't like them and she doesn't like what Ive become and I hang around with all the goths and emos now and She ...
A. 13 May 2007: If by turning emo you started wearing different clothes and adopted a different view on life, I can understand if your friend finds it a bit difficult to be with you. That doesn't mean that she can call you names and encouraging her mates to act ... (read in full...)
Is being chubby the only reason to why people don't like me?
Q. we had out skool prom... everione was dancin with their partener... i was stood alone... why dont guys like me... wats to bad about me... jus cos im not skinny... people always look down on me and turn their noses up at me... i...
A. 13 May 2007: I know where you're coming from. I was 19 when I first kissed someone. At 16 having a boyfriend may feel like the most important thing in the world, but trust me, it isn't. There's so many other things you could do instead of spending all your time ... (read in full...)
I worry about my girlfriend being more experienced than I am.
Q. Hi, I sometimes think of my girlfriend and get images of her and her past sex life... I know exactly what the guys she's been with look like as I've seen them. I know some of the things she did to one of them. I hadn't had a sexual partner until I ...
A. 10 May 2007: You don't like the idea of anyone else having been inside her... Is that sort of like saying other people who have been with her have sullied her?
You need to realize that the past is the past. She's with you now because she loves you, and if you ... (read in full...)
I worry about my girlfriend being more experienced than I am.
Q. Hi, I sometimes think of my girlfriend and get images of her and her past sex life... I know exactly what the guys she's been with look like as I've seen them. I know some of the things she did to one of them. I hadn't had a sexual partner until I ...
A. 10 May 2007: Imagine yourself in the opposite situation: would she have been upset about you having more sexual partners than you? Probably not.
I want to tell you one very important thing that a wise woman once told me "it's not about how many people you slee... (read in full...)
am I ready for sex? All my friends tell me to do it.
Q. Right... im 15 and i've been going out with this boy for nearly 2 weeks now. He flattered me so much and dumped his nine month GF to be with me... i love him so much and he loves me to. He's fingered me, licked me out and i tossed him off. Next ...
A. 10 May 2007: I think you're not ready.
I'm not saying it because you're 15 and underage, but because you had to post a question on the internet to find out if you're ready or not. This tells me you're having doubts. And if you're having doubts then you're not ... (read in full...)
His family excluded me for no reason, now they have suddenly invited me again and I want to snub them, but my boyfriend wants me to go with him.
Q. Dear cupid, My boyfriend and i have been together a couple of years and are very close. I was accepted by his family and invited to everything, and suddenly, for no reason, his family stopped inviting to any family gathering. They simply e...
A. 10 May 2007: First of all, I must say I am quite upset about how he went to the family meetings without you. In my opinion he should have declined to every meeting as you were not invited. Especially since the two of you are an established couple! I think you ... (read in full...)
I broke up with my LD bf to be with this guy, but I'm not sure I did the right thing.
Q. I broke up with my boyfriend but i don't know if i made the right decision. I recently broke up with my boyfriend of 4 and a half years. He is the most amazing person and i feel truly lucky to have met and been with him. For the first three year...
A. 10 May 2007: In a lot of countries there is an option to live together as a couple without getting married and still receive a permit to work and stay in that country. However, this is hardly the point now.
Moving to another country can be really exciting, and ... (read in full...)
I haven't seen her for years, what's the right way to tell her I'd die for her?
Q. so this girl I'm in love with I'm gonna see her tomorrow. how do i keep cool and not say any thing stupid? i also want her to know i love her with all my heart and would take a bullet for her how and when do i say these things although i haven...
A. 10 May 2007: Be yourself. That's really the only way to go.
Pardon my curiosity, but why haven't you seen her for such a long time? If you haven't seen her for such a long time, it might be too soon to bring up your strong feelings for her on the first date... (read in full...)
My boyfriend wants anal stimulation, does that mean he's gay?
Q. I need some advice on my boyfriend's sexual preference lol...gosh that sounds bad. Um...my boyfriend and I have been together for a while but sometimes I think he's either Bi or Gay. I mean I'm kinda boyish myself and that might be why we get ...
A. 10 May 2007: Why does it matter to you if he might be bisexual? He wouldn't be with you if he didn't love you.
As for him wanting you to do stuff to his rear, well, let's say that there are a lot of nerves there and that for some guys it feels really good. That... (read in full...)
His family excluded me for no reason, now they have suddenly invited me again and I want to snub them, but my boyfriend wants me to go with him.
Q. Dear cupid, My boyfriend and i have been together a couple of years and are very close. I was accepted by his family and invited to everything, and suddenly, for no reason, his family stopped inviting to any family gathering. They simply e...
A. 10 May 2007: It's astonishing how a really small thing can sometimes get on people's nerves. You say that the reasons they gave for excluding you were pathetic and had no weight, but maybe for them it was something important. I'm not saying that they were right ... (read in full...)
Save yourself the pain - don't text!
Q. In all communication there is translation. Even if the communication is in your mother tongue. We interpret our partners' sentences, trying to get to the emotional core of the message, under all the words. This is of course the source of the endl...
A. 10 May 2007: I love texts as well, they're excellent for sending silly messages to your friends and co-ordinate the meetings at work, but when it comes to the really important things like "are we gonna move in together?" or "are you still angry with me?", I ... (read in full...)
Worries about doing it anal...
Q. I am willing to try anal with my partner. We are both VERY nervous about this new "spice". Can you please give me information on the best tips on doing this. Will it hurt? What about his "thing" comming out 'diry'? How can I prepare for it? Thank ...
A. 9 May 2007: I agree with the other posters on that you should definitely not do this if you don't feel like it. It's the kind of thing that will hurt a lot if you're not totally into it.
If I were you I would experiment a bit on my own with a buttplug to get ... (read in full...)
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