My wife to be revealed her sexual past. I feel sick to my stomach
Q. I am 31, she is 29. She is drop dead gorgeous. We fell in love a year and a half ago when she was one of my day nurses when I had spent some time in the hospital recovering from a tumor in my knee (non cancerous) During our time dating, I would ...
A. 30 April 2011: I hope what I wrote earlier made sense. Now, here's my idea of how you could approach this. I've not personally experienced anything close to this, so the advice from the posters who've been through this is much more relevant. But I tried my best ... (read in full...)
My wife to be revealed her sexual past. I feel sick to my stomach
Q. I am 31, she is 29. She is drop dead gorgeous. We fell in love a year and a half ago when she was one of my day nurses when I had spent some time in the hospital recovering from a tumor in my knee (non cancerous) During our time dating, I would ...
A. 30 April 2011: Damn! You're in a pretty bad situation... I empathize with your shock, feeling of betrayal (yes, you're idea of the woman you thought you were going to marry has been betrayed) and the confusion (you have become deeply involved with her and there's ... (read in full...)
What's wrong with being sexually conservative?!
Q. I felt strongly about the kind of misleading advice / negative overtones that are often present in the responses to people who've been sexually conservative (or abstinent) and are disturbed to find their SO (significant other) have not. They are ...
A. 7 March 2011: YouWish wrote: “To become retroactively jealous of a woman who has had a sexual past is hypocritical since your main source of sexual stimulation came from sexually non-conservative women.” It’s not really the way you are trying to paint it, you know... (read in full...)
What's wrong with being sexually conservative?!
Q. I felt strongly about the kind of misleading advice / negative overtones that are often present in the responses to people who've been sexually conservative (or abstinent) and are disturbed to find their SO (significant other) have not. They are ...
A. 7 March 2011: Cindy, I did get what you wrote earlier… my question was more around why you felt the need to ask such questions in the first place, trying to fit your views on the right kind of motivations for being sexually conservative onto me. I completely agre... (read in full...)
What's wrong with being sexually conservative?!
Q. I felt strongly about the kind of misleading advice / negative overtones that are often present in the responses to people who've been sexually conservative (or abstinent) and are disturbed to find their SO (significant other) have not. They are ...
A. 7 March 2011: Hmmm... a couple folks here seem very upset that I view porn and feel that's hypocritical and that I have no business to have any expectations from someone I date simply because (in their eyes) I'm someone who is doing deeply disquieting and ... (read in full...)
What's wrong with being sexually conservative?!
Q. I felt strongly about the kind of misleading advice / negative overtones that are often present in the responses to people who've been sexually conservative (or abstinent) and are disturbed to find their SO (significant other) have not. They are ...
A. 7 March 2011: Phew, this has been a long long series of posts (mostly my posts) but I believe I was able to convey adequately what I had in mind. The point is that, yet again, as a sexual conservative I was forced to go to great lengths to clarify my choices ... (read in full...)
What's wrong with being sexually conservative?!
Q. I felt strongly about the kind of misleading advice / negative overtones that are often present in the responses to people who've been sexually conservative (or abstinent) and are disturbed to find their SO (significant other) have not. They are ...
A. 7 March 2011: Hi YouWish,
"With many women, the stimulation is not visual. It's the emotional and physical in their connection that satisfies their "humanness". Let's say that they cheated on no man. What's the difference between a few casual meaningl... (read in full...)
What's wrong with being sexually conservative?!
Q. I felt strongly about the kind of misleading advice / negative overtones that are often present in the responses to people who've been sexually conservative (or abstinent) and are disturbed to find their SO (significant other) have not. They are ...
A. 7 March 2011: Hi male anony,
"I think sexual conservatism must be held within certain reasonable frames, to make that clear. Like if you find out your partner was not as virgin when you married as you thought, I would not say you should break up the marriage... (read in full...)
What's wrong with being sexually conservative?!
Q. I felt strongly about the kind of misleading advice / negative overtones that are often present in the responses to people who've been sexually conservative (or abstinent) and are disturbed to find their SO (significant other) have not. They are ...
A. 7 March 2011: Wow! This has been a revelation for me! So much to learn and understand, especially about people's perceptions (or misconceptions should I say)... All of this just goes to highlight the point that I was making earlier! It's alright to be sexually c... (read in full...)
What's wrong with being sexually conservative?!
Q. I felt strongly about the kind of misleading advice / negative overtones that are often present in the responses to people who've been sexually conservative (or abstinent) and are disturbed to find their SO (significant other) have not. They are ...
A. 7 March 2011: YouWish, "What chance would the sexually conservative woman have once the "newness" of your conquest wore off? Porn is oftentimes progressive like a drug. You need more and more extreme stimulation to keep up the satisfaction level. After the newn... (read in full...)
What's wrong with being sexually conservative?!
Q. I felt strongly about the kind of misleading advice / negative overtones that are often present in the responses to people who've been sexually conservative (or abstinent) and are disturbed to find their SO (significant other) have not. They are ...
A. 7 March 2011: YouWish, "You *use* the women you would otherwise devalue in a real life relationship. You are regularly stimulated by the actions and behaviors of sexually NON-conservative situations, yet you want a sexually conservative woman." Believe me, th... (read in full...)
What's wrong with being sexually conservative?!
Q. I felt strongly about the kind of misleading advice / negative overtones that are often present in the responses to people who've been sexually conservative (or abstinent) and are disturbed to find their SO (significant other) have not. They are ...
A. 7 March 2011: YouWish, I have been a habitual porn viewer for the past 8 years. I do not like anal sex (isn’t that supposed to be painful for most women), nor do I like very extreme stuff (I have watched a bit of it to know what I’m talking about… it’s a turn-o... (read in full...)
What's wrong with being sexually conservative?!
Q. I felt strongly about the kind of misleading advice / negative overtones that are often present in the responses to people who've been sexually conservative (or abstinent) and are disturbed to find their SO (significant other) have not. They are ...
A. 7 March 2011: Hi Cindy, This is what I feel about porn (also mentioned in the same post that you referred to): "I think this is a normal thing to do. I'm aware that it is not at all fulfilling or meaningful at any level and I'm only using it as a filler / outle... (read in full...)
What's wrong with being sexually conservative?!
Q. I felt strongly about the kind of misleading advice / negative overtones that are often present in the responses to people who've been sexually conservative (or abstinent) and are disturbed to find their SO (significant other) have not. They are ...
A. 6 March 2011: Lastly, C. Grant, or CG (can I call you that?) your post was the most interesting. It made me think from a new perspective (one that's in stark contrast to what I've been socially conditioned to, in my country)... so thanks a lot for making me think ... (read in full...)
What's wrong with being sexually conservative?!
Q. I felt strongly about the kind of misleading advice / negative overtones that are often present in the responses to people who've been sexually conservative (or abstinent) and are disturbed to find their SO (significant other) have not. They are ...
A. 6 March 2011: "I agree with what others have written, but especially Shawncaff phrased this in a good way (I think): "The thing I have never understood, however, is how a person can date someone for a while before getting married or getting settled into a ... (read in full...)
What's wrong with being sexually conservative?!
Q. I felt strongly about the kind of misleading advice / negative overtones that are often present in the responses to people who've been sexually conservative (or abstinent) and are disturbed to find their SO (significant other) have not. They are ...
A. 6 March 2011: Hi Chigirl, Firstly, you wrote: "The view that has been portrayed here, in the question specifically, is leaning towards a negative outlook on humans. Humans, or women, are prone to lie, about the sexual past, but perhaps other things as well. Ma... (read in full...)
What's wrong with being sexually conservative?!
Q. I felt strongly about the kind of misleading advice / negative overtones that are often present in the responses to people who've been sexually conservative (or abstinent) and are disturbed to find their SO (significant other) have not. They are ...
A. 6 March 2011: Hey Anoymous123, "Being sexually conservative is a choice and a very good one at that for many people." Well please check how the sentence is worded to better understand me. It IS a choice and since no choice in this matter is perfect for ev... (read in full...)
What's wrong with being sexually conservative?!
Q. I felt strongly about the kind of misleading advice / negative overtones that are often present in the responses to people who've been sexually conservative (or abstinent) and are disturbed to find their SO (significant other) have not. They are ...
A. 6 March 2011: I see that my post has riled up folks around here! If you look at the heading of my post, as well as read it carefully enough, you'd realize that while I was only painting a perspective of why someone (like me for e.g.) would think it benefici... (read in full...)
What's wrong with being sexually conservative?!
Q. I felt strongly about the kind of misleading advice / negative overtones that are often present in the responses to people who've been sexually conservative (or abstinent) and are disturbed to find their SO (significant other) have not. They are ...
A. 6 March 2011: 'That's why I find retroactive jealousy , beside pointless, also vulgar and ungenerous' Perhaps that is the case, but I can also understand the torment someone might feel when their idea of someone they love is shredded to bits and that's why they... (read in full...)
What's wrong with being sexually conservative?!
Q. I felt strongly about the kind of misleading advice / negative overtones that are often present in the responses to people who've been sexually conservative (or abstinent) and are disturbed to find their SO (significant other) have not. They are ...
A. 6 March 2011: Hi YouWish.
Other than little misconception, I think what you wrote here:
"However, he was never up front with her on that requirement. Rather, he got her heart and then decided that it was a deal-breaker"
"It's a man's responsibility from ... (read in full...)
What's wrong with being sexually conservative?!
Q. I felt strongly about the kind of misleading advice / negative overtones that are often present in the responses to people who've been sexually conservative (or abstinent) and are disturbed to find their SO (significant other) have not. They are ...
A. 6 March 2011: Hi Cindy,
No one is shoving down their morals down anyone's throats...
I think it is fair to think that you & your partner should share values / morals in all areas that are important to you.
Again, this is NOT about painting the other p... (read in full...)
What's wrong with being sexually conservative?!
Q. I felt strongly about the kind of misleading advice / negative overtones that are often present in the responses to people who've been sexually conservative (or abstinent) and are disturbed to find their SO (significant other) have not. They are ...
A. 6 March 2011: btw, a small note:
"sex is an expression of emotional attachment, something to be celebrated & enjoyed, so we'd love to try out new stuff... in fact give anything a try at least once" -- I meant this is how I perceive sex... not trying to defi... (read in full...)
What's wrong with being sexually conservative?!
Q. I felt strongly about the kind of misleading advice / negative overtones that are often present in the responses to people who've been sexually conservative (or abstinent) and are disturbed to find their SO (significant other) have not. They are ...
A. 6 March 2011: Thanks for taking the time to respond, everyone.
dirtball, firstly, I neither said nor implied that the points I listed are *foolproof* guarantors for successful relationships. In fact nothing is... relationships shouldn't be taken for granted ... (read in full...)
How do I control my sexual urges?
Q. I have a bit of a problem... I am in my early twenties and well, I am a virgin, and have had next to zero experience with men... which I may add, is normal in my culture... in fact, more than acceptable, it's preferable... However, as far as I am ...
A. 21 February 2011: Hey there! I'd like to add something to the excellent points already made by the other aunts since I've been in a similar situation (although the frequency of engaging in the kind of "activity" you mentioned was much more!). 1. Do NOT resis... (read in full...)
How Personal Bias and Gender Stereotypes can Influence Advice
Q. I write this article knowing full well it will not be received very well by some. I can only hope that this article will still be allowed due to the merits of the argument I am presenting. I have noticed on multiple occasions a prevalent double...
A. 20 February 2011: I'll add a few biases (& their negative connotations) that I've observed as well:
1. Men are sex-crazed puppies & less selective than women
(Many men might have strong sex drives but this doesn't translate to being sex-crazed & unrestrained... (read in full...)
How Personal Bias and Gender Stereotypes can Influence Advice
Q. I write this article knowing full well it will not be received very well by some. I can only hope that this article will still be allowed due to the merits of the argument I am presenting. I have noticed on multiple occasions a prevalent double...
A. 20 February 2011: Wow, Dirtball! I was thinking along the same lines & was searching for similar posts on this, but your "experimental post" was carefully setup to be more or less identical to the original in all matters except gender and acted as a nice "control". ... (read in full...)
How can I hide from my husband that I'm not a virgin
Q. im not virgin and im going to married in 1 year and so how can i hide from my husband...
A. 20 February 2011: To the OP,
If this might be something important to your husband-to-be, disclosing this upfront will allow you to know right away if this is a deal-breaker & allow both of you to find more suitable partners. Hiding the truth in this case, would no... (read in full...)
I can't stand it that my girlfriend is not a virgin
Q. Im 17, im a virgin, and I have recently found out my girlfriend is not a virgin. She is my first 'real' girlfriend and our relationship is starting to get more physical. We both love eachother, but my problem is, is that I can't stand it that she is ...
A. 6 November 2010: Your feelings have to do with the fact that you have certain values (when it comes to the question of with whom, where and how you have sex) that are different from those of your present girlfriend. Values are decided by each individual, and ... (read in full...)
Are there any men in their early 20's who know for a fact they would not cheat on their partners?
Q. Are there any men in their early 20's here that know for a fact you would never cheat on your signifiacant other? How do you know you would never? Do you try to stay out of situations where you may be tempted? (Like going to bars stc without your ...
A. 8 June 2010: I think cheating is the result of a choice made by the individual (just like so many other things in life) & therefore is largely under our control. I find it strange that people have come to paint cheating as something inevitable, a case of just ... (read in full...)
Does cheating empower women?
Q. Is infidelity in the male/female relationship immoral or empowering for the women? Religion can be a factor in the answer if needed....
A. 15 December 2009: Wow!
Although I have nothing to add to the sensible points already made, I want to express my joy on reading such wonderful posts (considering that I'm new to DC & romantic relationships in general & have been spending a lot of time here over the ... (read in full...)
How do I find the RIGHT kind of woman...?
Q. I'm a 25 yr old from India and work as a software engineer. I'll be moving to the US for grad school (Computer Science) soon (by Jan 2010 or Jun 2010). I've had a pretty interesting and different childhood. I've got an extremely strong interes...
A. 10 December 2009: I guess I was overplanning, eyeswideopen.
Thanks for ur sensible suggestion.... (read in full...)
Angry about the double standards of sex
Q. Ok, I don't want to be polemic here, but I'm really shocked and angry with the double standard. You see, my boyfriend suffers with retroactive jealousy, even though I wasn't a slut (I was a virgin when we met, granted, I was just 17 so it was normal ...
A. 8 December 2009: While a lot of people might use scientific theories & studies to make us believe that we have little control over our behavior, this is NOT true at all. I see even less reason in comparing behavior amongst other species to us!! Sexual behavior in ... (read in full...)
Just what do guys find sexy in females?
Q. What are good ways to tell someone you want to have sex with them without coming on too strong? And what is sexy to guys.....
A. 8 December 2009: Well, different guys find things sexy in women.
Personally, I love a pretty face (specifically large lovely eyes, luscious lips, beautiful nose, medium to long hair...)
I also love breasts (not too large & they must be natural... there... (read in full...)
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