A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm a senior in college and went through a messy breakup about two months ago. Since then I've decided that I don't want a serious relationship with anyone for a while and I would rather try dating casually. I met this girl while helping out a friend on a film project and we really hit it off. We ended up going out on a date and we made out. Since then I've seen her 2 or 3 times and whenever we were alone we would usually make out. At one point I said I wanted to talk to her about our situation. She said "well what do you want it to be?" I said I didn't want a serious relationship and she was fine with that. Now during the time we've been seeing each other (about a week and a half) we've made out and one time I got to second base. But the second I reached for her pants she instantly stopped me. I was fine with that and backed off. Since that I haven't tried again. I'm wondering if I should try again or I should wait a while. Any advice?
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female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (22 March 2010):
 I would keep things cooled off. I know if it was me who rejected going further and then you immediately tried again, I'd be completely turned off from you. Maybe she's just not ready to go that far with a relationship that is so new and with someone who she knows is only looking for something very casual.
So I would back off and try to respect her space. Definitely wait a while. And then, hey - talk to her about it. That way you can know each other's comfort zones. Good luck, sweet!
A
female
reader, Entirely Unique  +, writes (21 March 2010):
 The reason for her not wanting to move onto that part of things might not have anything to do with you being in a serious relationship with her, it might just be that she's just not ready for that side of things yet, she might want to wait no matter what the situation is.
On the other hand it might have everything to do with it, she might feel she doesn't want to share that with someone she's not seriously involved with.
The best thing you can do is talk to her, ask her what she wants from the situation, ask her what she's happy and comfortable with doing together etc.
If you don't want a serious relationship but are wanting this side of things and the reason for her not wanting to is because the relationship isn't serious then you have to decide whether this girl is more important than what stage you want to be getting to.
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A
female
reader, veronika  +, writes (21 March 2010):
 Perhaps discuss sex with her and see how she feels about it? It's much better than just reaching for her zipper and assuming she wants to have sex with you. And if you wait without saying anything, you'll kind of be in limbo because you won't know what to expect.
Although sometimes it happens naturally. I've had sex with a guy I'd only known for a week when we started dating. It felt right. She obviously didn't feel it after the 1.5 week mark.
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