A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I found out I was pregnant four weeks ago. Today I had the consultation appointment for a termination which is due to happen on Saturday.My boyfriend of 5 years definitely does not want to keep the baby, nor do I. For various reasons we are not in a position to raise a child and I will not appreciate anyone judging me or my boyfriend for our decision as it is exactly that.However, my boyfriend will not talk to me about what is going on, nor does he want me talking to anyone else about it. So I feel like I cam carrying this massive problem on my shoulders with absolutely no outlet. My boyfriend whilst I love him is not the most sensitive of guys and his attitude is to internalise everything and just get on with it. He doesn't like showing emotion - I think he thinks it is a sign of weakness.He is coming with me on Saturday and I am hoping he is going to be supportive and understand if I feel emotional.Any advice would be much appreciated. If it helps my boyfriend and I are in our early 30s.
View related questions:
abortion Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you to those who responded. None of you judged me althugh I could do with less of the 'in your 30s' and it might be too late after to have a child. Children are a life choice also. I am a sensible woman and we were using protection as we have done throughout our entire relationship so this was extremely unfortunate and a total shock to the system. I have evaluated all the pros and cons behind my decision and I know that this is the right one. I just wish my boyfriend could support me a little more, rather than bottling up his feelings and pretending that this isn't happening.
Thank you all again.
A
female
reader, TasteofIndia  +, writes (19 February 2010):
 Hello, my dear.
I imagine that your boyfriend has a lot going on in his head and just simply does not know how to deal with it. I suspect that both of you have a lot going on right now. I do understand that you need an outlet, and he's the closest to you... so he should be the one who you can go to for support.
I think you should have a really good talk. You should be straight with him and tell him that while you know this is hard on him, this is going to be really tough on you too and you're going to NEED his support. Tell him that you're going to need hugs, kisses and "it's okay"s. Be clear on what you need so he knows exactly what to do to help. He might not know what you need. If you've been together for 5 years, you should be able to talk about the serious stuff. Tell him you need to be supported.
Also, remind him that tons of families/couples go through this and it's nothing to be ashamed of. It's a really tough thing to go through, but it's not as if you should keep this your huge deep, dark secret. If you have someone who you trust and want to open up to, you should. I wonder why your boyfriend is so closed about this and doesn't want you talking to anyone about it?
I wish you luck and support. This will be hard on both of you, I hope you can use all those 5 years of knowledge gained about each other to support each other the best you can.
Good luck, sweetness!
...............................
A
female
reader, leogirl18  +, writes (19 February 2010):
I think you should consider keeping it. I have heard that people who are waiting to feel financially secure before having a baby, will never be ready. This is because you get used to living with a certain amount of money, and then if you add a baby you will feel drained. But a baby will bring much more joy and you will learn to budget.
As you are in your early 30s as a woman your safe time to have a baby is nearing the end. You may want to talk to a doctor about the risks of having a baby later on, as it is riskier after 35.
But if you decide to go ahead with the abortion, it does NOT ruin your fertility.
I don't know whether to tell you to go ahead with it or not, that's up to you and what you feel is right in your heart. Just keep in mind, a baby is a gift and a miracle and if you decide to keep it, you will fall in love like you never have before when you see his/her face.
Good luck.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2010): You are in your early thirties and you are having an abortion?
You don't exactly have much time left to have a family and settle down you know.
Th older you get the harder it is going to become, as your body basically loses its ability to successfully carry a child, little by little.
Paradoxically, men are as potent with our sperm in old age as we are in our 20's. Its our delivery system that sucks at that age.
As to the situation with your boyfriend. We males are taught from damn near borth to be as stoic as we can. That showing emotions in any but a few situations is a sign of weakness.
However, during the trying times when you decide to killerize your unborn child (and I using the word ABORT jus makes it sound less like the actual killing of a tiny human and more like the closing down of an unwanted computer application) bot of you need each other. And he is being selfish in not providing that.
If there was any situation where a man needs to let his emotions surface, this is definitely one of the.
Flynn 24
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2010): Watch out you do not go on a guilt trip years later....I did. Be very very careful. After the abortion in my case he tried keeping the relationship going but I just did not want to see him anymore. He searched me out after years, I still did not want to see him. Of course your boyfriend does not want to speak about it, he probably feels guilty and that is why he does not want you to speak to anyone about it. But for your own sanity you must...this is not something to go in lightly like throwing away an old dress. You need some sort of counselling and I am sure there is in your home town. In addition if you decided to keep it you are old enough to look after a baby. Think about it very carefully because while you do have the freedom to dispose of him or her, you may not have the opportunity to have any in the future or you may end up not feeling the same about your boyfriend anymore. It does not seem that way at the time but the bomb hits you months or years later.
...............................
|
