A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I’ve been with my boyfriend for 6 months now and I can’t seem to stop obsessing over his ex. He has never talked about her to me, the only thing I know is they used to live together in Florida, broke up almost a year ago and they tried to be friends but it just didn’t work. He moved back home to New York and she now resides in Virginia. When I first met him he told me that he wasn’t looking for a relationship, but over the 6 months that we have been together our friendship turned into a relationship and he is now my boyfriend. Recently his ex has been writing on his facebook wall and it is driving me crazy!! If he told me they tried to be friends and it didn’t work, why is he talking to her now after a year of being broken up?? Now, I can’t see her facebook wall cause its private, but some of the comments she has posted on his wall makes me think that he might be talking to her off of facebook. He tells me how happy he is with me all the time and we just spent valentines day together and in the card he gave me he wrote he is “so happy with me and hopes our relationship continues for a long time”. I have no doubt in my mind that he would cheat on me, he would never do that, but I can’t get it out of my head that they are talking again! He it totally into me and I’m probably just mis-interpreting these facebook posts but she isn’t over him and its obvious. Am I crazy? She lives in frigen Virginia!! Please help! I don’t know how to approach this situation and I don’t want to drive myself crazy anymore, and I really don’t want to ruin my relationship over it!!
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female
reader, el Lori +, writes (28 February 2010):
 Oh hon, I'm so glad to read that eveything work out great! :) I wish you the best of luck!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionso, just to give everyone an update- i asked my boyfriend why we weren't "in a relationship" on facebook and he said that "he doesn't go on the stupid website" and if it makes me happy to change it he would. so we changed our status and now his ex has stopped writing on his wall and she actually sent him a message saying that she is happy he found someone and best of luck! although i still haven't approached him about her writing on his wall, i feel there is no need cause it was obviously just friendly banter. but thank you everyone for your advice!
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (16 February 2010):
 See no evil, think no evil, hear no evil and speak no evil.
As long as he gives what is rightfully yours, let it be.
Respect one another's privacy .
Learn to trust your instincts and intuitions.
Think more positive always and do not let the negatives reside in your mind.
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A
female
reader, Susie Q +, writes (16 February 2010):
They "broke up almost a year ago and tried to be friends but it didn't work". Obviously, it did work and is still working. I would suggest a combination of the other replies. Definitely do not attack him with accusations and such. I would suggest to not bring it up at all and just continue to monitor from the sidelines. One of two things will probably happen. First, you will see the comments start to fade and dwindle down. Maybe she is aware of you and just trying to start something and hopefully he won't fall for it. Second, things will get much worse. Their comments will become a little to mushy or out of line for just a friendly hello. If this happens, then this is the point at which you approach him for answers or say so long, cause if he's playing both of you he's not worth your time! Hope this helps!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2010): It would be a good idea to try sending her a friend request, or whenever she posts on his wall, say something to her ( but try to keep it light ). And ,as others have said, you could also talk to your boyfriend about what is bothering you. Try not to shout at him or make it seem like you are jealous, just calmly discuss it with him.
My ex recently got into a relationship with someone else. Last friday, he wrote on his facebook that she was the love of his life, and they were having a conversation through the comments on facebook. But yet, for some strange reason, he sent me a text message on valentines day and asked how i was, and put a kiss on the message. I'm not sure if it was just a coincidence that he text me that particular day, but it was odd. We were intouch before he got with his new girlfriend, and during that time, he said he wanted to meet up with me, but he didn't, and he told me he still fancied me. I ignored the text he sent on valentines day, out of respect for his new girlfriend and because i think he just wants to mess with my head. I also have another ex who used to flirt with a girl he used to fancy in college a few years ago. She's with someone else now and has a child, but i used to get mad at him for flirting with her. So i have been on both sides of the fence, as the ex, and the girl who has been hurt by her boyfriend flirting with someone else on facebook. I really can't understand mens behaviour at times.
Please let us know how you get on and i wish you the best of luck !.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthis is all awesome advise! jealousy is an ugly thing and i hate to admit that i am! one thing i left out is- this ex doesn't even know i exist! he hasn't put "in a relationship" on his facebook profile, i've never written on his wall and there are no pictures of us posted. so his ex pretty much thinks he's single. granted, i haven't asked him to put "in a relationship" or asked him why he hasn't, but, i don't know how to approach that. i think it might be time to talk to him about it cause it's bothering me. i just don't know how to bring it up in conversation without getting in a fight or letting him know I'm pretty much stalking his wall! I'm trying to keep faith and stay positive! facebook ruins lives and relationships.. maybe its time to delete. maybe the less i know the better off i am?
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female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (16 February 2010):
 Maybe they're just being friendly. Unless these conversations seem super sketchy and unless your man has given you a reason to distrust him, I would chalk it up to just keeping in touch. It's normal to be friendly with exes, as long as they keep that friendliness appropriate.
If you really feel solid with your fella and you have faith in his faithfulness to you, I would show him what a great gal you are and not freak out about this. Sometimes, you just have to show your trust by not overreacting and having faith that he'll do the right thing if she crosses the line.
If you bring it up, be casual and non-confrontational. If you need to talk, do so - you definitely don't want to drive yourself crazy!! Good luck, sweetness!
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A
female
reader, LIVEFREE +, writes (16 February 2010):
 Hello Miss,
I can tell you that honesty is the best policy, there is always a way to get your point across without ruffling his feathers. You need to let him know how uncomfortable it makes you when his ex is posting on his facebook. Ask him to share the conversation with you, if its just catching up and friendly he'll have no problem, even with that being said the ex most likely has her own agenda, always trust your gut sister. If he truely wants to be in a relationship with you, he will have no problem honoring your wishes, make sure you don't come across like a jealous crazy girl. Your just keeping your guy close to your side. Remember you may not like the answers or responses you get, but this will help lead you down your path for the future. Have faith...
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2010): Girl just be positive and ask there is nothing wrong with wanting to know what's really going on don't acusse him jus ask .and if he rote dat on ur v-day card wow!sry that to me is a bit shockin as a man that supposly loves his girl wouldn't consider her a friend but who she is his girl or "wifey".its better to ask den have suspicions and die tryin to figure out wats wat.good luck n ope it goes well and he truly loves u....********
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2010): Ah facebook ruined my relationships with my bestfriend and boyfriend. Just battle for territory. Don't let him see that you're jealous. Write on his wall too. Send him really nice messages to lether know he's all yours. Besides, you have him- not her. Have trust in your boyfriend and ifhe does respond to her throwing herself at him, which doesn't seem likely, then he's a jerk and not worth the pain.
Good luck and stay strong. x
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2010): Just talk to him about it and tell him how you feel. Maybe he will understand where your coming from. But do not accuse him of anything or jump to any conclusions without proof!
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female
reader, el Lori +, writes (16 February 2010):
I understand what you are going through. I hate saying this but there isn't anything you can do except keep busy. When you feel really worried about his ex feelings, do something else. Pick up a hobby, go out with your friends, or take a day out by yourself. Its hard keeping jealously at bay, but it can be done. It just takes time and alot of busy work. Best of luck!
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