A
female
age
30-35,
*hna
writes:hi my younger sister who is nine not yet ten, father died last night we both have different dads. im 18 and we dont have a great relationship if even a relationship. shes not taking the death very well and of course everybody is worried about her but everybody has turned to me now my own dad and my aunties and have told me i have to be the one to get her through this because im her big sister i have to become her best friend.But the thing is i dont no how to do that ?? we have no relationship what so ever an we both like different things i think thats the main reason why i dont get on with her because shes very sporty its not that we fight its just that we dont talk what so ever every one just keeps telling me to be there for her but i dont no how when i dont even have a relationship with her ?? can somebody just tel me how am i supposed to be there for her ??
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male
reader, foz88  +, writes (4 March 2010):
well in this case i think you need to be patient. She will talk when shes ready, just make sure your around when she wants to talk.
A
female
reader, TasteofIndia  +, writes (2 March 2010):
 My condolences to you and your sister and her family. This must be really tough for you all.
I think a good way to be helpful would be to hang out with your sister and spend some quality time with her. Your sister is young and you will definitely be a powerful influence and help in her process of getting back on her feet. So, I suggest that you spend some extra time hanging out together. Take her to the mall, the zoo, to sporting events that she would enjoy. Go buy some nail polish and rent a movie and have girls night. Do things that any 10 year old would enjoy! Take her out to dinner or to an arcade.
I feel that if you go out and have fun with her, you'll be giving her lots of opportunities to open up. Whenever my little sister is bumming but won't talk, I use my secret weapon - Denny's (the restaurant). I take her there and by the time she's getting her milkshake, she's spilling everything. Quality time means a lot to family, and while she may not recognize the amount of love and caring going into these outings, she'll feel it and remember it in the future.
Right now your sister needs support, love, family and a little bit of distraction. Be there for her as much as you can and get involved in her life. She'll remember you as the most amazing, supportive sister for the rest of her life.
Good luck, sweetness!
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A
female
reader, shna +, writes (2 March 2010):
shna is verified as being by the original poster of the question no my mum is still alive its very hard to no what to do for her because she wont really let anybody help her if u ask if if she wants anything if shes ok?, or tell her your there for her she just responds yea . . there's nothing else she can say i can understand its just hard to no because she is being so .. . . .like this ?? any time shes cries we can hear her but even if we try and quietly go up to her room she will know no matter how quiet we are an then shes stop crying so we dont see her . . .
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A
female
reader, shna +, writes (2 March 2010):
shna is verified as being by the original poster of the questionno my mum is still alive
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A
male
reader, baddogbj  +, writes (2 March 2010):
 The death of a father is very difficult at any age and potentially traumatic at 10. It doesn't really matter that you don't have much of a relationship up to now THIS is exactly the kind of situation in which you form your relationship with her. One hour spent with her in this situation is worth more than 100 hours at less important, less stressful times.
You don't have to become her best friend but you do have to become her big sister, the two are very different things.
Without knowing what kind of kid she is it is very hard to say exactly what you should do. Make sure she eats and drinks. Hold her if she wants to be held (maybe she's not that kind of girl). Help her with practical things. Don't judge.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (2 March 2010):
No one can tell you other than her. The advice you're being offered by your family isn't all that good to be honest. You're not the only one who needs to help her get through this, you're one of many. I think though, that this is an opportunity to get to now her. Only she can tell you what she needs from you, so the best thing to do is just sit down with her and ask her what you can do to help her and tell her that you're there for her.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (2 March 2010):
 Is your mother also deceased?
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A
male
reader, foz88 +, writes (2 March 2010):
my hearts with you. Try geting her a present, wait until shes alone, sit next to her hand her the present and ask if shes ok. Thats the ice breaker, if she cries cuddle her till shes calm asure her its going to be ok.
Then as time passes try to get involved with her hobbies ask how school is, help with homework, take her out to the pictures. I realy hope everything works out for you and your sister.
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