A
female
age
36-40,
*onalisa_p
writes:I am 19 year old girl in love with a 25 year old guy. Its become almost more than 1 year that we are together. He stays with me with my family and even works in the same office. We are very close to each other and even physically involved. He keeps on telling me bad things about me which is hampering my confidence, complains that i dont talk my heart out to him and he feels alone and even when i talk, i talk in a kiddish manner. He has problems with everything i do. He feels ashamed when going out with me and even when talking to his frends. He is not accepting me the way how i am and wants me to change. He compares me to his ex-girlfriends, he does talk to other girls and compares me with them. What should i do? Any solution? I love him so much but still he abuses to me to the core. Anything wrong with me as this is my first relationship and i dont understand why he is doing like this to me even when he loves me so much
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confidence, ex girlfriend, his ex Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, JUm,JUm,  +, writes (11 April 2010):
i was in the same situation even worse.First off i was dating a Guy he was 20 and i was 16 !! he made my heart skip beats i got butterflys , i wanted to always see him , then we had a car accident that got us together and almost claimed our lives, he meant everything to me . then he started drugs , real bad . and it changed him, always accused me of sleeping around on him and what not , i got hit , pushed , shoved,kicked, bottled even stabbed and i continued to stay in the horrible relationship.He always told me i was a slut and i was nothing and emotionally hurt me , emotionally being hurt is worse then physically because bruises go away , its your relationship if you want to stay in it and try work through it do it, buh if it seriously gets worse . get out as soon as you can. because you dont know what men are capable of . take my advice, im outta the relationship now and i miss him more then ever but i guess im healing ,least i can sleep with my clothes on now !! 3 stay safe darlin .
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2008): hey I just had to input. I have just come out of a relationship with an older man.. I am 36 and he was 46.. you would have thought that I would of realised earlier but people are very conniving especially when they are control freaks and I think at the beginning stupidly I thought it was a sign of love. It wasn't it hurt leaving him and he would come round my place see a car and accuse me of seeing someone else... my confidence hit rock bottom but I am on the way up and I always sing that song I can see clearly now the rain has gone.. I got rid of my rain man and I recommend and urge you to do the same.. xx
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A
female
reader, dtks  +, writes (3 November 2007):
Listen you are 19 and he is 25. For one you are going to act younger than him. For two don't let someone make you feel like that and get away with it. Don't wait for it to be to late and you have kids together.
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A
female
reader, monalisa_p +, writes (2 November 2007):
monalisa_p is verified as being by the original poster of the questionNot even this, he complains about the way i WALK even. Tells me that i walk like one granny with no confidence in herself.
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A
female
reader, jkobeska +, writes (2 November 2007):
Wow, your putting up with way too much. It is never okay for a man to treat you like that. He should never compare you to anyone else like that! Plus he talks to other girls?? What? No way is that respectful. This guy is a loser, and you are a sweet girl who could do sooooo much better. Trust me get out now!!! This guy is just going to break you down until you don't even care how he treats you. Your so young and you don't understand what is out there. I would never put up with this from any guy, and niether should you! Go find someone who treats you with respect and loves you for you!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2007): Hi
he is talking to you like a kid, you aren't in a relationship respect is the core, you need to dump him or say 'you cant keep treating me like this' if he denies he has treated you badly straight out dump him because that shows irresponsible behavior on his part. NO-you are absolutely doing nothing wrong, i think is taking your semi innocence as a younger individual who may be up for grabs and looks to you as a sexpot. You have a soul and spirit and NO ONE has any right to look down to you. Do not tell him this when he is drunk either, he might physically hurt you and tell him just because he may think lowly of you (and that is not right) that does not give him right to tell his or your friends that, let them see for themselves. And if he calls you bad things because you dumped him, that is exactly why you did. Lastly, if you are saying 'but i don't want to dump him, if your asking dear cupid for help and he is crushing your self esteem this relationship is obviously not benefiting you, so it can only get better when you dump him and from there on out. Good Luck!
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A
female
reader, dominicanelly +, writes (2 November 2007):
sweetie ...you should remain with a guy who makes you comfortable not draines you of your confidence. He souldnt compare you to his x's because every woman is different.it seems like he doesnt love you for you...talk to him and let him know how he's making you feel..if he's not willing to compramise its deffintaly not worth it. although no one is perfect not one should make you feel so low...especially your significant other..=) smile u deserve better...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2007): Do you know what, i read this and it sounded just like me at the age of 17! I went on to marry my mistake! That is what he is. You will never be anything other than a fool if you stay with him. He will never compliment you, praise you. You will have your confidence drained until you are complete putty in his hands. Please for my sake get away from this jerk and be free. Get a job somewhere else and run like hell!!!!!
take care.
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A
female
reader, elliebellie  +, writes (2 November 2007):
please leave him. he is mentally abusing you instead of pyhsically absuing you. which person tells the love of their life that he ashamed to go out with them. please you seem so nice. leave him
lol
ellie
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2007): Good advice from 'rcn'on this one. True love does not mean being controlling and ashamed of you. Why on earth would you want to be with someone who is ashamed of you? How dare he compare you with other women and ask you to change your 'kiddish' manner? You are accepting of his behaviour, and this leads him to believe that he can get away with it. You should not be with someone who treats you badly. Do you think his behaviour will get better? Let me tell you, it certainly won't get better. It will get worse. The longer you are with him, and the more he undermines your confidence, the less likely you will be to leave him. There are so, so many people out there, and you are so young. You are not tied to him by marriage or children and are in a perfect situation to leave him. You sound unhappy in your email, and if we all trusted out instincts we would all be much happier. Best of luck XX
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A
female
reader, peaches83 +, writes (2 November 2007):
 By making you feel like everything you do, say and are is wrong he is making you feel like you have no control over anything you do.
You do not need to take this.
No one can control your life for you other than yourself.
Have you told him how you feel when he is doing this to you??
Due to it been your first relationship no doubt you will always be thiking am i doing this right etc. Nothing in a relationship is right or wrong, everything is based on trial and error.
I would advise you to get out before it gets more serious. You will find yourself becoming too scared to even go to the toilet without asking and no one should be in that situation.
I hope everything works out for you i really do. There is ultimate happiness just waiting for you out there with someone taht will treat you with the respect that you should be shown.
God luck
Peaches
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A
female
reader, beauty981946 +, writes (2 November 2007):
tell him that there are many fishes in the sea and that if he wants then he will have to accept you the way you are.i understand the age difference is quite a lot but sit him down and tell him how you fell and after 2 weeks if he continues just show him where the door is.that is my best advice.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2007): Hi sweetie,Are you sure you love this guy? Imagine being with someone who doesn't say bad things to you, instead tells you that you're beautiful. It doesn't sound like he loves you to me and you deserve better. My advice is to finish with him and find someone who will treat you right x
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (2 November 2007):
 Do you understand that love is not suppose to hurt like this? How about people who abuse are more in love with their controlling actions than they are with you. I can't believe he compares you to his ex's. If I went outside and randomly picked 100 girls, I would probably find that all 100 girls are different. Him trying to change you. That's a no no. You deserve to be loved for who you are, not for what someone else wants you to become.
Personally I'd tell him goodbye. You don't deserve to be treated this way. No one does. If he can't accept you for being you, you shouldn't be with him. You say this is your first real boyfriend. All though you say you're in love, trust me with this one, when you find someone who truly love you for you and you do the same with them, you'll look back and realize you weren't. There really is a huge almost "magical" difference between dating and what most say is love and real true love.
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