A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Ok, wow! I don't really know where to begin! I have been with my boyfriend for 1 year and 8 months. I love him so much and my feelings for him have not changed in the past year and 8 months. I always think about our future together and am so greatful to have him. I have previously thought about moving out of home and *possibly* having him live with me, but from his reaction I know he is not ready for this, which is fine by me. In the past couple of months, I have felt him changing a bit.. not putting in as much effort as he used to in the beginning. I have figured that he had just grown a bit comfortable with me and maybe gotten lazy in the romance dept. Well, basically the past few days for us have been really rough. I had previously asked him to attend a family function with me (told him weeks in advance). Well, he forgot and instead made plans to go away for the night with some friends. I told him it was fine, but honestly I wished he had chosen to come with me instead. After that happened, I sent him an email explaining how I felt about the situation. I also told him that I felt like he didn't put much effort in our relationship. I told him I felt like he was trying more to make plans to see friends than me and that he didn't try to make me feel as special as he used to. To make a long story short, he told me that he wasn't sure if he wanted to be in a serious relationship at the moment. I was absolutely shocked and really hurt. He said he felt like he was too young (we are both 20). I was (and still am) absolutely heartbroken. He told me it had nothing to do with wanting to see other people. I'm shocked cause I have always made sure he felt free to go out and do whatever he wanted, and I know that I can trust him 100% so I'm not sure whether he should, or does, feel restricted. We broke things off for a bit and talked yesterday. He told me he isn't sure if he feels as strongly for me as he used to and he thinks that may be because the fact he has been in this relationship so long scares him.He has told me he loves me and is still in love with me. He said he doesn't want to break up with me. I'm in love with him and can't picture my life without him. I'm not ready to end it. We decided to keep trying. What scares me the most is that he told me he wasnt sure if his feelings for me were as strong. I know he is hurting as well because he said he hates the feeling and wishes he wasn't feeling that way. I know he loves me. I feel so happy with him, but he is afraid he is going to hurt me.Can someone please help me? I'm so upset and just need some advice about what this all means and what I should be feeling/thinking.
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female
reader, angel of love  +, writes (3 November 2007):
 in my opinion girl to girl....he like most men are just really scared to commit...what am i saying...i'm scared to commit as well...i have been in so many relationships that were great at first but at the first mention of marriage or living together i am so heading for the hills...those things require a whole lot of commitment...for someone like myself...we are afriad of such commitment...afraid to hurt the ones we love...just give him time...take things slow for a while and see where it takes you...just try not to overwhelme him with so much commitment stuff... at twenty you should go out and enjoy yourselves...explore! hang out with your friends and just be adventurous....dont be so in a hurry to tie yourselves down just yet...you have your whole lives ahead of you for all the commitment stuff...just sit back, relax, and enjoy the ride...
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2007): Hi and thanks for your reply.
In response to the previous comment:
I think most of my boyfriends friends are not on serious relationships. There are a few, but I think the majority are not.
At this point I feel as if we are fine in our relationship. We are both fairly young, so marriage or anything else isn't on the cards, neither is moving out of home since we both can't afford that at the moment.
I'm honestly not sure why he brought this up with me. He said he thinks he is afraid of being in a relationship this long. He said this isn't about anyone else, or about me because he says he still loves me very much and doesn't want to break up.
I basically still don't understand. He loves me but isn't sure he wants to be in a relationship? We were both so upset when we were talking about this. I can't understand why he would want to leave me if he feels like he doesnt want to do that!
So confused..
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A
male
reader, rcn  +, writes (3 November 2007):
 How many of his friends are in serious relationships? It sounds like it's either fear based. Or it could be peer pressure. It's difficult to be in a serious relationship if no one else is at the point.
I'd chat with him more. This could be answered a bit easier if we had some more information about him and his reasons for not moving forward.
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