A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I found out, drip by drip, that my partner of 8 years cheated on me. At first i discovered a document he had wrote saying that he fancied some 'foreign' student in his night school class (he's an adult education teacher)and how she sent him flirty messages and how he wanted desperately to bed her and was falling in love. After confronting him he told me it was all a story he had written and none of it was true. After pushing him he later confessed that they had kissed several times, texted each other, would go to my local pub and he would give her lifts home. Apparently it had only lasted a few months and she had left his class. However i went through his phone records and discovered that he was texting her for months after, but had stopped a couple of weeks before i found out. My main problem is that he is not in the slightest bit remoresful, insisting that he didn't know why he had done it other than he was unhappy in our relationship (i have suffered from severe depression for years) and that it was my fault he had done it. He will not give me any details of what happened between them (i dont want to know every gory detail but i need to have a handle on what level of intimacy they had together).He lies about everything and i have recently discovered he has been spaeking to a so called long distance work mate all the time - i found a text sent from him giving her another email address to send a photo of herself to. He said i would have got the wrong idea if i had seen her photo and he lies so he doesnt have to explain himself. I'm a mess, i can't get over what hes done and the lies and mistrust is killing me. I feel like he just doesn't care about hurting me and has zero respect for me. Its always 'my problem' and that i should not be dictating to him over who he can and cant talk to - i'm not! but i cant stand his lies esp. after what he's done. What can i do? I feel like i have no self respect and am not allowed to stand up for myself.
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cheated on me, flirt, long distance, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2008): I agree with the first answer. You need to treat yourself well, you need to find someone who will treat you well, and you need to get curious. Curiousity is a way out of a lot of depressing situations. You can start to wonder about your partner, wonder about his heart and dreams, and see if you really want to be with this person. Then, you can get curious about the people around you--find out about them and what makes them tick. PEOPLE ARE ATTRACTED TO YOU WHEN YOU ARE INTERESTED IN THEM. You may meet a better match in the future.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2007): Hunny,
I agree with rcn totally,
You need to be taking care of you now, No respect no trust you are probably seeing a counsellor, If not do, You will not get anywere asking him any questions he sounds judgmental of you and cant see the woods for the trees himself.
Get help hunny for you and get strong and get rid he has a job where he has supposed to be the teacher, Shagging the students are not the perks hunny PLEASE TAKE CARE LOVE MANDY xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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A
male
reader, rcn  +, writes (2 November 2007):
 It sounds like he really doesn't care, and thinks he can do whatever he wants no matter who it affects. Tell him to get lost. If he's blaming his actions on you, he doesn't take responsibility. You need to demand respect in any relationship. The way this guy is treating you is really below any standard of respect. Get rid of him, then start working on yourself and your depression.
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