A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:im 21, and been single for a year.this time last year my girlfriend of 4 years split up with me. i was totally heart broken and it took me months and months to get over.anyway, now i am over that and want to meet new girls.but, because i was with my ex at such a young age, untill i was twenty, i feel really behind all my friends when it comes to women. most of my friends have slept with atleast 20 women and ive only slept with my ex and one other girl since. my friends are allways taking some different girl out for a drink after they meet them on the weekend and i havent taken any girl out except my ex.i really feel way behind, and i also feel like when it comes to taking a girl out im gonna be a nervous wreck because my mates have been doing it for ages(all through the time i was with my ex and now) and because ive made a big deal to myself about it.also im really concious that ive only slept with someone once in the last year, thats getting me down.when my ex broke up with me it really knocked my confidence too. people tell me im good looking and i know im in really good shape and wen im out people allways comment on how big i am, but when im out i just havent got the confidence to go up to girls. im also really conciouse of being really muscular cos it makes me look much older, people say i look about 27. it makes me feel like i look like an old perv if i was to go and dance with a 18, 19yr old girl, especially cos my mates are much smaller and look younger than me.also, i was 16 the first time i slept with my ex and the first couple of times i couldnt get it up because i was s nervous. for the next four years keeping it down was the trouble.lol. but when i slept with that other girl 6 months ago, the same thing happened, i couldnt get it up in the night, i said it was cos i was tired and drunk. i was trying for ages, i could have died of embarrassment! anyway wen i woke up after talking with her in bed and getting to know her i did get it up. but now im thinking next time i sleep with someone chances are its gonna happen again and thats worrying me too.basically i worry about everything!lol.sorry its long and not a specific question but could anyone rest my mind cos i feel like im gonna be left behind unless i change the way i am and think.thanks.
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broke up, confidence, drunk, my ex, split up Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2007): I don't know about other women my age (I'm 21) but I don't think a man is any better for having had more than twenty sexual partners, especially in your circumstances. If you feel you must, then explain about your ex-girlfriend. You put love ahead of sex; that's not shameful at all.
A
female
reader, mummyNo1 +, writes (2 November 2007):
Hey,can i give you a call. I just found ot that my b.friend has been cheating and reading your story is just what i need right now.You sound like a great guy and it is nice to know that not all men are the same!!Its nice to know that you'd rather be in a proper relationship,than sleep around,but you was in a relationship for a long time so go out and enjoy yourself,the confidence will back come with time,but its harder if you keep putting yourself down and as for being nervous when it comes to sex,just relax,the more you worry about it the worse it will be. you need to learn to love yourself and the rest will come natrally.good luck x x
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A
male
reader, rcn  +, writes (2 November 2007):
 Just because your friends are jumping from bed to bed, doesn't mean you need to do that.
I've studied relationships for a long time. What you have is a positive dating record. Many girls don't like dating guys who jump from women to women. They look at them as short term, if any.
Being single for a year is good also. I've been single for 14 months myself. Doing so shows you're not someone who falls into rebound relationships. My reasoning for being single is different. I've set a small goal to remain single for life.
But I too lost quite a bit of confidence when my daughters mom and I split up. It was hard. It's hard to get back into the swing of things. Keep looking positive, and you'll find someone.
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A
female
reader, lilgirly  +, writes (2 November 2007):
 hey,
i think that you are a great guy, because you dont sleep around cause u have something called feelings not just meaningless sex .
you need a very good girl to treat you nicely and stop trying to change something you already are, cause many girls would kill for a guy like you , everyone has been embaressed a million times in their lives (no body is perfect)wish you good luck and keep us updated byeXXX
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A
male
reader, DreamMaster  +, writes (2 November 2007):
 Hi,
Maybe you arent the kind of guy who sleeps around. Maybe you just have to accept that you are one of those guys who are happier and better in a proper relationship?
Stop trying to be someone you're not - maybe that is part of what makes you nervous. Go back to being what you are good at - being in a committed relationship. If you are with someone a couple of weeks before you try to sleep with them - it wont be this 'All or nothing' event - and then you wont be half as nervous.
You probably WILL be a bit nervous next time anyway as you will feel that you as only as good as your previous performance - so you are better off trying to make that next time with someone you trust...
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