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... Send *anniepeg a private message | | | *anniepeg's profile:I am 34, married a second time. My son is 9 years old and 2 cats. He keeps me busy. My hobbies are movies, recreational games like xbox games, darts, badminton and dear cupid of course. I used to play the piano but stopped. I have been here for 6 years. Every year I see myself change. Every day is a surprise, an opportunity for growth while some days are just coasting along wondering what the point is. My relationship views are a mix of traditional values and modern, open minded ones. I still believe in long term monogamy as it feels right to me. Other than that I feel there are too many rules in a relationship that I would like to get rid of. Dearcupid is a source of my learning about relationships. I am too young to form a conclusion of what love is. I guess I will grow old with this site.
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Do you remember how/why you found Dear Cupid and did it help?
Q. Not a dating/relationship question as such, but just curious...Do you remember why/how you came across Dear Cupid and do you take that into account when answering questions? E.G. When you tell someone to move on/dump their partner, do you ...
A. 28 February 2012: I found this when I typed in someone's name, someone I knew from school who didn't like me back. He was using his real name for his account. I wasn't looking for relationship advice. Now I am hooked on this site.
It was easier to tell someone to m... (read in full...)
He has a g/f, but am I reading his actions the wrong way?
Q. Hey, I’ve got a question concerning my friend. I’m a bi-curious guy so perhaps i’m reading into it to much, but this has been bugging me for a while now. Me and my housemate are quite good friends, but some of the stuff he does kind of makes me ...
A. 27 February 2012: Have you told him you are bi curious? Maybe he sensed that you are different and it could be his way of testing whether you are bi but felt it would be inappropriate to ask you directly. If he keeps doing that then ask if he is attracted to you and ... (read in full...)
How can I get my buddy to stop bugging me about my girlfriend?
Q. Hello Dear cupid-ers! So, I have a question for ya'll I would ask my friends but .. Its about them really haha! So, Ive had a girlfriend for the past year and a half and i love her with all my heart, she is the one for me without a doubt and we r...
A. 27 February 2012: He is jealous of you and can't stand the fact that he is still single. Wonder when you lease is up. He is not your buddy anymore. He has this ignorant attitude of "men can't show feelings, men should treat women only as playmates." Don't let it get ... (read in full...)
I really want to change my promiscuous ways! Please help!
Q. I was a very promiscuous girl, from 18-24. I would sleep withguys (oral sex mostly) without knowing them that well, it was REALLY easy to get me in bed. I couldn't form lasting relationships b/c of this. I didn't want to be with a guy i slept ...
A. 27 February 2012: The problem is not having sex early, but the guys you picked. I don't see why a fresh couple can't be having sex and getting to know each other too. What didn't work before: you tried to have sex in order to exchange for a relationship, you only met ... (read in full...)
Girlfriend withdraws suddenly from the relationship. Is she love avoidant?
Q. (Sorry if this is too long. If you just want to know what I’m talking about jump to the last 2 paragraphs.) I’m in a (very) long distance relationship with a girl for about 4 months now and we’re planning to meet in her city in 1 month. She’s a l...
A. 26 February 2012: I don't think it's a good idea to visit her when you have the slightest doubt that she could flake on you. You are too far away from her to confirm that she is love avoidant. It could be that she does not believe in long distance love and is finding ... (read in full...)
Should I leave him to find an attentive man?
Q. frist i want to say i love my boyfriend we've been togther for 4 years now. but things are getting wierd . like sex between us is almost nonextint and if we do all he wants is for me to go down on him . and if i dont drop every little thing im doing ...
A. 26 February 2012: I find it very disturbing that there are men selfish like this and can't see it. You should definitely leave him. You don't accept him, and you shouldn't. ... (read in full...)
I've compromised so much he now thinks he is always right!
Q. Sometimes one thinks the best way of dealing with disagreements is by compromising, so much that you change a lot of what it is "You" in hopes that the other would do the same. It's like that Fergie song, "Meet Me Halfway", but what happens if one ...
A. 26 February 2012: Then you would resent him and feel like you have to bend your ways to please him. It depends on why you feel like you have to compromise so much. If you compromise because you are basically an easy going person and the issue is no big deal then it's ... (read in full...)
I don't understand why I am so caught on him!
Q. What to do what to do... I met "Jeff" 10 years ago. We dated and had a good time. He dissapeared on me only to return a year later and we reconnected for a bit. Then he dissapeared, again. At the time both of us were party people and he espi...
A. 25 February 2012: There was probably no reason why you are caught on him. I find that when there is no resolution on things, it can keep people in limbo. You are more interested to find out why he disappeared, why you were no loved than who this person really is. ... (read in full...)
Do I wait for someone who fulfills my complex needs or do I settle for kindness?
Q. So I'm wondering if this is the problem: My ex was a true dominant male. I loved the feeling of the power he had over me, physically and mentally. He was simply amazing in bed. But in the end he just didn't want me like I wanted him. The new g...
A. 25 February 2012: I am in a similar situation here. A lot of people look at the master slave relationship as resolving complex psychological needs from childhood and some people just didn't grow up needing that. I don't know what roughness do to my soul, does it help ... (read in full...)
I don't want to die without trying anal sex, so is it cheating if I hire a prostitute as my wife refuses to do this?
Q. Just something that I've been thinking about: My wife and I have been together for years. Like any other couple, we have boundaries and red flags in sex. Anal sex is a red flag for her. But I can't get it off of my mind! I don't want to die wit...
A. 25 February 2012: It's not just a hole. It is about power and control, like, "a woman let me do that to her."
Anal sex has been around since ancient years, when slavery was rampant. It has always been about control and status. Even willing partners get internal blee... (read in full...)
Two housemates are interested in me- I have no interested in either perhaps because of my condition...What can I do?
Q. Hi, I have a couple of problems I would like some help with. The first is this: I'm currently group house sharing with 4 people, two girls/two guys. My problem is that I think one of my housemates, an older man (he's 40, I'm 23) likes me. I'm no...
A. 25 February 2012: I am sure you are in a way unique, but you do have a conflict as to whether you want to be close to people. We are all trying to be normal, right. You have a special condition but you are still an adult and you can use your instinct. You have this ... (read in full...)
Why is she flirting with me, if she has a boyfriend??
Q. There is this girl in my class that I have a crush on! Shes so pretty and has the most amazing personality! I just met her about a month and a half ago. We talk in class and we kinda flirt. Smile back and fourth and she will complement me when I do ...
A. 24 February 2012: A man would be mad if his girlfriend behaved like that. Texts can be misunderstood. You have to combine that with how she looks at you, her tone of voice and her body language.
I do think she is flirting. Her thanks yous were overdone and she migh... (read in full...)
Wondering if my marriage is based on a lie?
Q. hey aunts and uncles, im so fed up at the moment, my husband lies to me so much, little white lies but im thinking if he can lie about something so simple, what else can he lie about. So hes been going to a martial arts class twice a week, so...
A. 24 February 2012: When you were dating did he feel the need to lie? All the lies were about finances and where he got stuff. I guess the main concern is whether he loves you and still loves you. I guess the marriage is based on the fact that you got pregnant and it ... (read in full...)
He was once a cheater, so what makes me any different?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been dating for six months and I can honestly say without hesitation, I've NEVER loved anyone the way I love him. However, he has a past and it's affecting me and our relationship. Before I go any further, let me give you ...
A. 24 February 2012: He has issues. He was either having open relationships or he couldn't commit, or had really had bad attitudes about long term relationships but at the same time couldn't handle loneliness. You could be a very high value woman but change has to ... (read in full...)
I don't want to die without trying anal sex, so is it cheating if I hire a prostitute as my wife refuses to do this?
Q. Just something that I've been thinking about: My wife and I have been together for years. Like any other couple, we have boundaries and red flags in sex. Anal sex is a red flag for her. But I can't get it off of my mind! I don't want to die wit...
A. 22 February 2012: You can try a silicone butt, which costs $500. It feels like the real thing. It's willing, won't scream in pain. You can be as rough as you want without stopping. There won't be disease, divorce, and crying.... (read in full...)
We dated, he dropped out of sight and then told me he fell for me too hard?
Q. I dated this man for 3 months. Then all of a sudden he just stopped calling. When I finally did talk to him, he told me that he needed a break. So for 2 weeks I didn't hear from him. Out of the blue last Friday, he called and I wasn't able to ...
A. 21 February 2012: He fell for you too hard? I think it's quite the opposite. He is making it all your fault because he feels guilty of breaking it off. When a man does that you don't really need an explanation. He is either unstable, or not that into you. For 3 ... (read in full...)
B/f gave me his password to facebook but I seen messages I didn't like should I talk to him about them?
Q. I have been dating this guy for about a month now, and he gave me his facebook password yesterday when i was at his place. I looked at some of his private messages when i was with him at his place, but i looked at some more when i got home too,and ...
A. 21 February 2012: I wouldn't want to read and decipher everything that my boyfriend says or wrote, if given that opportunity, yes even when I am married. It is a good also a bad thing that he gives you the password. We always want to focus on the positives in a ... (read in full...)
Relationship gets worse - emotional girlfriend is never happy about what I do
Q. Dear all, I am together with my girlfriend for almost 2 years and we moved together 6-7 months ago. She is in a medical doctoral program (class based) and I am in a Engineering doctoral program (research based) as well. School is very stressy for...
A. 21 February 2012: I have heard that when a person often criticizes, complains and whines constantly, it is a reflection of their own incompetence. She is not doing well in school. Some people internalize the frustration while others blame others for things gone ... (read in full...)
So with the new date, do I tell him about my ex and what about the conditions he puts on our dating? And why does my ex want to deter me from dating?
Q. Topic 1: My Ex Recently I broke up with a b/f of over a year, we didnt have any sort of falling out, we simply cant/couldnt be together because of issues outside of our control. Since we both admitted that we didnt think we could wait like 10 yea...
A. 20 February 2012: I don't think it's a good idea to keep in contact for 10 years. You will in some way be binded to each other and not free to devote all your life to a new partner. I don't think your ex was deterring you. He is simply expressing that he still has ... (read in full...)
I feel taken for granted, trapped in my flat and frankly bored.
Q. My boyfriend and I have always had an up and down relationship but great sex and alot of laughs for the first few years, he is probably the funniest person I know. Having been together for 10 years (bar a year and a half apart) I have always felt ...
A. 20 February 2012: You should not work things out with your boyfriend. If after 10 years he is still the same, he won't ever change. You have to so much more to offer than sex. He is selfish and he is basically telling you to take it or leave it. I can't call him ... (read in full...)
How can I keep and increase the communication we share?
Q. the this girl who I am chatting with on some social network, you see we started when a friend of mine introduced me to her, so we decided to go private to know each other well. ever since that day we've communicated wonderfully, talk about about ...
A. 20 February 2012: I would stay away from people who would pick and choose, especially announcing this out loud to me. One thing about dating etiquette is that once you are in a committed relationship, you focus on one person. If you find something wrong with the ... (read in full...)
I know he doesn't love me but why is he treating me like that after all I been there for him?
Q. My case is with a friend. He and I were co-workers, his girlfriend worked in the same place too. He liked to flirted with me and various people commented on that I never wanted to mess with him and do not pick quarrels with his girlfriend. He began ...
A. 20 February 2012: He is a player. You should have kept to your word. When you said you unfriended him, then stop talking to him and stop hoping that he would see how good you were to him. He is only thinking of himself and could not offer you what you want. You have ... (read in full...)
What keeps people in marriages when they are no longer in love?
Q. When you have been married to your husband for 35 years and are no longer IN LOVE with him but Love him as a person, is it possible to continue to stay married? What is it that actually makes a person stay in a marriage where you are NOT IN LOVE ...
A. 20 February 2012: You have to figure out what made your husband repulsive. Was it something he did or said? Bad body odor? Don't like sleeping in the same bed? Was he selfish in bed? I don't think the predictability in a marriage is cause for contempt in a partner. ... (read in full...)
Sex! Why, so far, has it all been so unsatisfying?
Q. hey ive been sexually active for about a year.. ive just been wondering.. I don't know if im sexually frustrated or not but i think i am. I've had sex about a good fifteen times in the year or so since i lost my virginity and it just doesnt f...
A. 20 February 2012: Good sex does not just happen, especially if you are just waiting for the guy to pick up the signal and hoping he knows what satisfies you. Has he tried oral? Does he last long enough? Is he affectionate? Do you have preference towards rough ... (read in full...)
I know I've done wrong! But how can I fix it? I still love my ex too.
Q. Okay well for a start im the Darth Vader, Joker or Lex Luther of this whole thing! I was with a girl for 2 and a half years , She was very pretty typical blond petite girl, i was clearly under the thumb! Doing everything for her! we had our brea...
A. 20 February 2012: You have not done anything wrong. The love that you are talking about is a decision, in case something would work out with your ex in the future, therefore you keep each other in a string. In that sense it is not a true sense of love. If she really ... (read in full...)
Guy is leaving abroad soon, but still wants to spend a lot of time with me before he goes. Is he leading me on?
Q. Hi Agony Aunties and Uncles!... Me and my friends went out to a student night at a nightclub a couple of weeks ago. My friend introduced me to one of his friends at the club. My friend told me his friend had seen me a week before and was attr...
A. 20 February 2012: He is not leading you on because he told you he would be going away for a year, and he did not make any promises to you. He is attracted to you and is open to making out with you and create fond memories. What you do with him he has no control over. ... (read in full...)
What keeps people in marriages when they are no longer in love?
Q. When you have been married to your husband for 35 years and are no longer IN LOVE with him but Love him as a person, is it possible to continue to stay married? What is it that actually makes a person stay in a marriage where you are NOT IN LOVE ...
A. 20 February 2012: I don't think that people simply fall out of love because the relationship ran its course. I think people choose to guard their hearts, refuse to love because being in love means being vulnerable, to hurt and frustration. As long as you are ... (read in full...)
Girlfriend no longer interested in sex at all and I feel like I have to close down a part of myself
Q. Hi, I've got a sort of luxury problem I suppose. I've been dating a girl for a few months now, and everything was perfect. We met up often, texted naughty things, said suggestive things over skype, even went a little further than just that. Had ...
A. 20 February 2012: She is the one who closed down that part of herself because she had already chosen to believe that sex is associated with unpleasantness and a burden. Sex is an important part of a relationship and you don't want to feel like you are a sexual burden ... (read in full...)
If my gf is pregnant, she says she does not want to keep the baby but is afraid of the guilt of an abortion. What can we do?
Q. I've got a real dilemma here. Me and my girlfriend have been together for less than 2 months. About 3 weeks into our relationship we started having sex. We used protection each time. Anyway, her period was supposed to begin at one point during the...
A. 20 February 2012: I think the guilt of giving it up for adoption can be greater. Do you want to live with the fact that when the baby grows up he is going to know that neither one of you would take care of him because he is unwanted? You think that all adoptive ... (read in full...)
Why won't my boyfriend come clean about how many people he's actually slept with?
Q. I have been with my partner a year but we were friends before that. I'd say our relationship is good, we talk, laugh have a good sex life (the best I've ever had actually)and can tease each other and have fun. we have discussed serious things too ...
A. 20 February 2012: Because that number might shock you and cast a series of doubts in your hearts. Things like, is he actually a commitment phobe, is he capable of loving besides in the bedroom, can he handle the responsibility of taking care of a spouse and a child? ... (read in full...)
B/f is dating 2 of us at the same time. He says he's just "pretending" to date her!
Q. I'v been dating a guy almost a month now, recently, he told me that he was dating a different girl and he's doing that to please her he disclosed to me that im the one he loves even though he's pretending to be dating her. Should i believe him? I ...
A. 19 February 2012: Just tell him you want an exclusive relationship so that means, no flirting, dating or even pretending to date another person. There are no hard feelings here. It's just that you are not agreeing to such an arrangement. You should never put up with ... (read in full...)
Girlfriend told me she sometimes doesn't feel passionate about me
Q. I've been with a girl for about a month now. Yesterday she told me that she sometimes doesn't feel connected to me when we're kissing/cuddling and that she thinks about other stuff. We haven't had sex yet because we're waiting for STD test results. ...
A. 19 February 2012: You can't force yourself to like BDSM either. I have dated enough guys and the statistics show me that the ones who are husband material would not be into BDSM, the ones who like spanking, and tying are not interested in serious long term ... (read in full...)
I cant believe my B/f has been talking to this girl behind my back, even though he promised he would have nothing to do with her
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for a year and a half now and at the start of our relationship, he was receiving texts from a girl he used to fancy before we got together (the same girl that actually delayed us getting together). Igot upset when I found ...
A. 19 February 2012: I think I would cut him loose not just because of the trust issue. If I were in your position I would always have the nigging feeling that he likes her better than I. She knows that she won't date him obviously because he is in a relationship, but ... (read in full...)
I don't understand how he could like me so much one minute, then go cold the next!
Q. I am very, very frustrated. I met a guy last year from uni, and we hit it off. It blew over before Christmas, but just recently we've started speaking again. We went on a kind of date last Thursday which was lovely, and he said he wanted to see me...
A. 19 February 2012: When this happens, you tell yourself you and him are not meant to be, then move on to the next guy because there could be a hundred reasons why he didn't contact you again. You are who you are, people get what they see and there is no point worrying ... (read in full...)
First date and my Mom is driving us! Worried this will be awkward..what can I do?
Q. hi! i have a date tomorrow and we're going to the movies. but the thing is that my mom is driving us there. how do i make conversation with her without it being awkward. i may also need help on what to do for the remainder of the date because its...
A. 18 February 2012: You should introduce your mom to her, your family. Girls really appreciate it when you have something nice to say about your family. After the movie you can talk about the movie. The purpose of the date is to get to know each other and to see if ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend has history of violence. Am I worrying too much?
Q. Long story short, I found out over the last couple of days that my boyfriend has a really bad temper. I haven't been dating him for long and i've known hes had a bad temper for a while but i'm now gett...
A. 17 February 2012: I do believe there is a difference between someone whose brain is hardwired to do harm and someone who has a lot of anger due to living in a negative environment and acting out of despair. I would like to see your boyfriend coming to terms with his ... (read in full...)
He's changed, and is there any point in being with a Bf who behaves this way?
Q. So here's my problem... I'm 15 and have been with my boyfriend for the last 13 months. At first it started out and he was so perfect, but the last few months I've been having doubts. Everything he says annoys me, he's clingy he's turned all c...
A. 17 February 2012: You didn't mention the thing that happened that caused the break up. Maybe you shouldn't have got back with him anyway. You both can be nice people but if you aren't compatible you will be miserable if you force yourselves to stay in a relationship. ... (read in full...)
She's cheated on me, hardly hangs out with me, and she's happy, I'm not, even though I love her.What do I do?
Q. I have been dating this girl for almost 9 months weve been off and on several times. In October she cheated on me at her birthday party and then lied about it till christmas. she says she loves me and that she wants to spend the rest of her life...
A. 17 February 2012: You won't be happy with her and she has never made you happy. She is happy because she gets the best of both worlds: a carefree single life and a guy who loves her no matter what. She is only saying sweet things to you to keep you there as a ... (read in full...)
Why is it when you're not looking for someone, you find them?
Q. Why is it when you're not looking for someone, you find them? I had this guy. We have a rich history and have been building up to a relationship for the past 6 months. I love him so much, if not as my bf, as a friend. I think he's the most beautif...
A. 17 February 2012: This is a saying usually to console a shy person who has been waiting for a long time but still single. After I read your story I figure that you have to be the right person to attract the right person. You don't love the second guy. Guys who can ... (read in full...)
My straight supposedly straight crush made out with me and is now blaming it on alcohol
Q. So I have had this crush on my straight co-worker for queit some time now. I always joke with my friends about my crush on him telling them how I would love for him to go gay for just one night. I say it out of sarcasm totally not expecting that to ...
A. 17 February 2012: Don't understand why you want to test his sexuality. It doesn't matter if he is gay, bi or straight now that he has to explain to his girlfriend what he did last night. If he could ditch his girlfriend on V day it means their relationship is nothing ... (read in full...)
My "uncle" is my father and I have to keep it a secret
Q. I grew up in a different city to most of my extended family, they all live near each other in one area. My mother brought me up as a single parent and we have had a turbulent relationship, as a child she would get frustrated and lash out at me, ...
A. 16 February 2012:
Many people nowadays have a private wedding at the court with a witness and no one else. You don't really want family members who are strangers and ashamed of the affair to be at your wedding. I don't think this family would ever be reunited, even... (read in full...)
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