A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hello Dear cupid-ers!So, I have a question for ya'll I would ask my friends but .. Its about them really haha!So, Ive had a girlfriend for the past year and a half and i love her with all my heart, she is the one for me without a doubt and we regulary talk about our future and we are even planning a holiday to australia next year, I love her.But, I cant talk about her in any way around my flat mate (who is also my mate and my uni friend and bass player for my band!) whenever i mention that im goin to meet her he shouts GAAAY! to me? and iv gotta admit its annoying me to the extent that when i text her back, i hid the phone so he cant see becase he will make fun of it.Im hurt by this because i dont speak about her at all to my friends because i would have to stop myself braggin because she is beautiful, clever, gets on with all my friends so i tend to not speak about her expecially since the guy who says this broke up with his long term gf just before christmas so i feel like i would be rubbing it in his face. Also, all my friends asked me to go to the dancing with them on valentines night - this is when you would write on a bit of paper if you were single or not and you go chat to people - again, this annoyed me, didnt they think i would be spending the night with my gf??also, he is always talkin to me about girls and showing me photos - i dont really care i always say "she's alright" just for the sake of saying it because if i did say "im not answering that question" or "no she isnt nice looking" i would indeed called Gay again!lately, i have been saying back to him, "wait a minute, your calling me gay yet im the only one getting laid here??" but when i told my gf what i said she got angry saying it is disrespectful towards her, but i didnt mean it at all in that manner. i just said it to just him up.my gf also doesnt like this guy, she think he is disrespectful and says i change round him interims of being romantic/lovey dovey - i dont mean it, im crazy about her! also, during the exams when i was studying with all my friends and my gf was also studying with her friends, we hardly seen each other because exams come first - we both want great jobs so we can have good future together and expecially for me, cuz i plan to ask her to marry me next year (i graduate this year she graduates next year, was thinking about proposing on her graduating day? good idea ladies or not?? ;) )so the little time we would have togeather would be in the evening when we would spend an hr with each other before going off to bed to get up to study yet again the next day - whenever i got ready to meet her my friend would do a whipping action to mean i was whipped - i dont see how??my gf thinks two thingseither he hates heror he wants us to break upplease help me:/ps i have already had a major argument with him due to uni work - this led me to move back to my mum n dads for the weekend so tensions are kinda running high and i dont want to argue again with him. thanks
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broke up, christmas, flatmate, her ex, player, text Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2012): ok you need to figure this one out yourself.. I don't know much.. but you seem to be having a problem with your girl's attitude and your friends too.. if it ould help... sit them both down and clear the air.. i am the previous poster
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2012): do you think its bad she hates him then?
she usually says this but she takes it back striaght away and says that she doesnt trust him and she is convinced he wants us to break up - she always wants me to tell him my plans tho like engagement one day but i dont want to rub it in but in her eyes my friend talks to me like this because i havent made it clear how much she means to me.
she often gets annoyed when i tell her something he has said 0 she was quite upset about the whole valentines disco thing and asked the whole if my friends even liked her because if they did they wouldnt of done that but respected that we would of seen each other.
she also got upset with me too. because she told me to ask my friends can we have the living room for our romantic meal and movie - then they came home early and started asking about the disco again and i said "theres no way i am going, this is the reason im staying in the flat and pointed to our cheesecake" she says that i must give the illusion that i dont care... i just cant win
she thinks he is a real ass which is upsetting as they used to get along great until he broke up with his ex now he acts all smug as if he is the man 24/7 and she dislikes him now.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2012): okay.. you need another guy friend... this one is way immature to help you in times of trouble... in fact he seems to be causing the trouble... I know he is your band mate and friend but he doesn't seem to be in-sync to you... you need not tell him stuff about yourself.. just be hangout buddies with him - you know the kind whom you have fun time hanging out - but do not talk about serious stuffs with him...Don't tell/share stuffs with him asap...and yes I got what you said about the getting laid comment- I guess you shouldn't have told that to your buddy.. he is immature so he won't accept any kind of defense on your part.. just think about it - that is him - that is his behavior and its no use telling him stuffs he's just gonna act like an ass to get you pissed now..He may be suffering with low self esteem or he is just a plain jerk.. so he's trying to brag and become macho.. so yea do not share anything with him.. that seems the right thing to do.. get another guy buddy.. someone who is into girls :P ...and yes your gf hates him.. she hates him like hell.. your friend is what we call an ass.. he may have had experiences to make him that way.. so I wouldn't try and blame him.. but he is an ass and your gf hates him..I can understand if you think he is your friend... but I think he's not respectful to you (that much) also so its better to not be as close to him..your gf's reaction to that food issue is funny... would she have done that with other friends? if they were your room mates?... imo, she is a lil naive she is being emotional about this situation.. see if you can ask him to pay money for food together.. that would help both of you too... if not.. he's your friend.. you can let him feed on the left overs sometime.. other times just hide it :Phonestly you have handled this better than I would have... so chill.. you are about to graduate anyways..
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A
female
reader, SSsPinky  +, writes (28 February 2012):
Clearly he is jealous. Fact is you did find a beautiful clever girl who also is sleeping with you. What more can a guy want? He wants to make you feel bad because inside he probably feels pretty crappy about himself and envies you.Instead of a confrontation you could suggest him going out to meet someone or a strip club if hes just looking to see hot girls and have a good time.You could also just tell him to stop it, that you are seriously not wanting to argue but that it has gone on long enough. You are happy and a decent person wouldn't try to ruin that for you.As far as your girlfriend goes, explain it to her just like you did to us on here, except leave out the proposal, that should be a surprise (good for you btw, Im happy for you!). Honesty and open communication are key with her and if she really loves you she will understand. Even if something upsets her during the conversation tell her that you are really trying to make the situation better you need her support.Good luck and realize that friends come and go and the true ones will listen to you when you really need them to.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2012): I know, Im scared that my gf will always dislike him for this tho ... for example, sometimes me and my gf will cook a dinner a make way too much so we will keep it and .. i have eaten a few times with my friend and she goes nuts at it - and says, "i dont spend money on food for him to eat it" and also "me and you cooked that meal together so why couldnt you wait til im there" - i see her point, but me and my gf have cooked for him lots of times too and he never returns the favour, but my gf has put her foot down saying if he wants dinner he can pay for it ... does she hate him? or does she have a point?i wish i didnt live with him at times, when i lived in my old flat with my other flat mate is was so much easier lol
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2012): Yeah, I mean he does talk about girls in that way, as if they are playmates.I mean when he was with his Ex gf he used to come into meetings late and telling us things like "sorry im late, im knacked, you should see the scars on my back from what **** done to me, ah it was so rough"and we would all be like, what the hell?I mean, when he used to tell us all this, I used to think of how me and my gf done it last night too and how romantic it was - but you dont see me braggin about it.My gf is really taking it personal cuz when he dumped his gf he was trying to get me to go out with him all the time, invitting me to clubs with him - even when she was sitting next to me - she said it was rude for him not to offer her to come and also, that it was rude for him to want me to go in the first place as he could of asked our single mates
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (27 February 2012):
 He is jealous of you and can't stand the fact that he is still single. Wonder when you lease is up. He is not your buddy anymore. He has this ignorant attitude of "men can't show feelings, men should treat women only as playmates." Don't let it get to you. It is a verbal assault so if you don't absorb what he says, ignore it, the hate would reflect back to him. His jealousy only means how much he secretly wants a girlfriend like yours.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2012): Jealousy plain and simple. That you have an amazing young woman and he's possessive of you. A Bully even.So ugly his hate and resentment that you are happy and in love- I'd even say he has socipathic behaviours or antisocial personality disorder.http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/antisocial-personality-disorder/DS00829/DSECTION=symptomsYou won't be able to reason with him about this. He has no remorse for his behaviour and he is intimidating you.He is jealous you are happy and now, you are his target. Plain and simple.Time to cut the jerk out of your life.
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A
female
reader, itcantjustbeme +, writes (27 February 2012):
 I think he's jealous. It sounds silly but it's probably true. People only really hate things they fear. Seeing you with your girlfriend happy could make him jealous because hes either afraid of you not spending enough time with him or the fact that he doesn't have what you have.
Have you expressed how his attitudes towards your serious relationship are not helping your relationship with him? Does he know about your plans for proposal?
By the way good idea on that. I think you should do it while everyone's friends and family are huddled around after the event; it seems like it would be cute.
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