A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:hey aunts and uncles, im so fed up at the moment, my husband lies to me so much, little white lies but im thinking if he can lie about something so simple, what else can he lie about.So hes been going to a martial arts class twice a week, so he says, i dont even know if he does because he lies so much. anyway, he says he got a PC from a guy at his class i found out he was lying, he actually got it from his friend who i dislike alot.I know you'll probably think he's lied because i dont like this friend but iv never once said he has to stop talking to him. Basicly when me and my husband were having major financial problems, to the point we had no food, i was worried where my then 6month old son's next meal would come from and my husband didnt seem bothered what so ever. He was obviously bitching to his friend because i saw texts phone from his friend saying my husband should kick me out, that i do nothing and pay for nothing. I was generally shocked and very upset because i gave up a career and college to have our son, everything in our house iv brought and i look after our young son full time. I had ago at his friend saying he knows nothing about my life or my relationship, he only hears one side so keep away from me and my son basicly. Anyway now hes getting a iphone from his mate and he tells me its his coach at his class, i knew straight away it wasnt, but i checked his texts again and its his friend again. I dont care who it is, its the lying about it that upsets me. How do i know hes not having an affair and seeing a girl when hes supposed be at class? i do not trust him one bit, especially with all these lies, I dont know what is real and what isnt anymore. When we had an argument a few months, i had it out with him and he still denied it even though i said i knew and kept asking why hes lying all the time and he says he isnt, so talking to him doesnt work, iv mentioned it alot to him and he denies it. He lies alot, these are just 2 examples, so how do i know my marriage isnt based on a lie? :( It gets me down that hes constantly lying to me.
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female
reader, Miamine +, writes (25 February 2012):
 Are all his lies involving his friend, or is there other stuff?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2012): "Having it out" with him and accusing him and checking his private text messages isn't the same as talking to him, so don't say that you've talked to him and it didn't work. You haven't actually talked to him you've only talked AT him and rated at him. that will get no results except to drive him further away from you and increase his lies.Also, it looks like he has big problems with you too, not just you having problems with him. You've got a problem with his lying. But apparently he's got big problems with you not working at a job cos that seems to be the content of his conversations with his friends. You say you gave up college and career to be a full time mom. Maybe this was your goal but it wasn't his idea of the kind of marriage he wanted to be in. Lots of men secretly disdain the idea of stay at home wife/mom and feel they are being used for their money earning capabilities so the wife can live the life she wants. maybe your hb feels this way, in fact it sounds like he does judging from the comments of his friend. You have the options to either leave this marriage cos you can't stand his lies anymore, or if you want him to ever stop lying it's not going to happen unless you make an effort to actually TALK to him, not "have it out" with him or accuse him. if you can't do that, then probably best to end this marriage.
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A
female
reader, Dear Mandy +, writes (24 February 2012):
 HI
trust is the foundation of a relationship, and if you haven't got it, its going to be a long bumpy ride. I dont think his having an afair, I just think his childish, and thinks his still 14, he still has a playground mentality, I think you would probably be better on your own or finding someone else to be honest .
Mandy x
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (24 February 2012):
 When you were dating did he feel the need to lie? All the lies were about finances and where he got stuff. I guess the main concern is whether he loves you and still loves you. I guess the marriage is based on the fact that you got pregnant and it was the right thing to do. There is advice on people to delay baby making so that young couples can pour out love on each other, enjoy the honey moon longer, before they take on responsibilities. His focus right now is not on loving you, because he is not financially stable yet. When a man is struggling it can seem like he is not as loving. Right now you are dependent on him, at least until you want to put the baby in daycare and start a career or go back to school. Catching his lies is not a good way to build connection, that's if you decide to stay with him. He also wants to know that you love him even though he is poor. If he feels safe around you then there would be no reason to lie. You probably don't have a strong foundation and the finances for marriage and baby but there are things you can change about this. First thing is to stop reading his texts and accusing him. You know he would continue to lie. And you are not going to leave this relationship solely because of his lying. So stop doing that and start focusing on your future independently, because you won't be a stay at mom forever.
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A
female
reader, bama_mobile  +, writes (24 February 2012):
 He is lying to you and lying about you. He has probably lied all his life. Unless you are prepared to get out of the marriage, there may be little else you can do.
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