A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:What to do what to do...I met "Jeff" 10 years ago. We dated and had a good time. He dissapeared on me only to return a year later and we reconnected for a bit. Then he dissapeared, again.At the time both of us were party people and he espically an alcoholic. We have mutual friends so its hard to not know about each other thru the years but we havent really communicated with the exception of a few random emails in 6 years now.But, i was told recently that he got clean and changed and I was happy for him. I also thought it would be nice to be friends with the new him so I sent a friend request on FB (no message though)He accepted and wrote me back and really kind email saying that he had thought of me and was glad to hear from me.Then we starting talking (Im) just friendly...But then he asked me to coffee and I said yes. It was strange seeing him but basically all the old feelings I had for him came back but I cant tell what he is thinking! Are we just friends now? Is he interested in more? There was some flirting, he gave me a few very sweet compliments and we had fun...couldve stayed for hours, but I had to go to school. When I left he told me we should get together next week. He's out of town this week.But the texing/im'ing has slowed to a crawl and that bugs me. I know he's busy but I feel like he's lost interest already. Im having a hard time not obbsessing about him andI dont want him to hurt me again. I dont understand why Im so caught on him either. Id like to see where things could go.HELP!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2012): Thanks again. I'm going to try and move on but still
Hard :(
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2012): I would really look at why you are trying to secure love and attention from a person who has shown and is still showing they aren't going to give it to you. That's really destructive to yourself.
He isn't into you. He isn't even a consistent friend. Please move on for your own sake.
Set yourself a new rule: only the men who call you just about every day and want to take you out several times a week can you obsess about! The others are not worthy of such attention because they don't like you enough.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2012): Wow .. sorry that is even badder news.. if possible...
1) he is not the marrying type
2) even when you've had a baby with him he won't marry you
3) and he seems like a womanizer - romancing girls -l eading them on
Okay If I tell you something like he is just not interested in you.. because he disappeared on you before.. and did that again (it seems he has more feelings for this previous woman - who he has a baby with - and whom he used to date when he stopped dating you- probably) would that make you hate him? and put things into perspective?
-umm.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2012): Thanks for the feedback guys! So helpful :)
I have to add another little piece of information
He has a kid now. With a woman he doesn't love anymore (she lives far away) they never got married etc.
But is tying to be a good dad
He's out of town this week with the son
Is it ok that he hasn't had time for me then?
I hate this :(
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A
female
reader, amandang1208  +, writes (26 February 2012):
 Hi,
It sounds like to me you have your hands full. I am an ex-user myself and know its hard to stay clean. But I have, for 6 years now. I don't know for sure about your guy, it is hard to tell. But baby, if he is into you, he would be responding, no excuses. If he is not responding, he is doing bad stuff again, or he is just not into you. My advice is to move on. You sound like a good person, you can do better.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (25 February 2012):
 There was probably no reason why you are caught on him. I find that when there is no resolution on things, it can keep people in limbo. You are more interested to find out why he disappeared, why you were no loved than who this person really is. Just because you spent time and effort on this person does not mean that he is worth your attention. A lot of the times when a person does not respond the way you want him to, it's time to forget and move on. When you meet a person who is consistent, loving and caring there would be no room for questioning and wondering.
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