A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:hey ive been sexually active for about a year.. ive just been wondering.. I don't know if im sexually frustrated or not but i think i am. I've had sex about a good fifteen times in the year or so since i lost my virginity and it just doesnt feel good, i just never really seem to enjoy it much at all and i usually get my hopes up and then when it happens it sucks for me but the guy seems to have really enjoyed it. I try not to let it bother me or i try not to get upset but honestly i do sometimes like i dont even like to talk about sex because i dont want to get my hopes up please help me i want to be sexaully satisfied... :(
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, adamantine  +, writes (21 February 2012):
 Casual sex isn't for everyone, and there are those who get much satisfaction from it, and those who don't, like yourself. If you don't want a relationship, I would consider maybe finding a friend with benefits if you just want the sex. It's a little bit safer than sleeping with just anyone, and you can build up a foundation of trust as well minus the feelings.
Plus you haven't really had sex a whole many times to be able to gauge whether you like it or not. Maybe you just haven't found the right person with the right amount of chemistry. I imagine sex without chemistry to be pretty boring.
I only lost my virginity to my boyfriend in July and I'm 20. We can't get enough of each other. I don't think I would enjoy it as much if it wasn't with him. He knows what turns me on, what makes me feel good, what I like/don't like. He knows where I'm sensitive and he knows my limits and I trust him to noy go beyond those limits. And vice versa. This all together makes for an amazing experience.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2012): women's wiring kick in around 21. Slow down it sounds like you are using sex as a way of escaping your current situation.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (20 February 2012):
 I became sexually active at 14
I have had lots and lots and lots of experience.
sex didn't get good till around age 35... this is a very common pattern for many women...
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (20 February 2012):
 Well very few women orgasm from intercourse (around 25% ever have). The vast majority of women need direct clitoral stimulation to orgasm. Your vagina is one of the least sensitive parts of your genitalia so that doesn't cause orgasms in the vast majority of women.Most women need either oral sex, fingers (rubbing clitoris), or a vibrator to have an orgasm.
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A
female
reader, crummyscreenname  +, writes (20 February 2012):
oh, and i forgot to say that if you have ever been sexually traumatised, it may be really hard for you to enjoy sex, and you might need a therapist
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A
female
reader, crummyscreenname +, writes (20 February 2012):
totally normal. it can take a long time and a lot of practice to a) figure out what you like from someone else; b)figure out how to communicate what it is that you need to your partner, c)find a partner that you have good sexual chemistry with, who really "does it" for you.The following is a bit explicitly detailed, I apologise...some women like lots of foreplay, some like none, some like a light touch with soft strokes all over, some lik a firmer touch, some have a particular erogonous zone, some have entire bodies that are one big erogenous zone. many can't come during physical intercourse (very common, so if this is your problem, its totally normal), but need oral sex or manual stimulation or a vibrator to orgasm. (don't worry, most guys have no problem holding the vbrator for you- they jut like seeing a woman get off!) Some find it more satisfying to use sex as a tool to get horny, then to mutually masturbate. Many women find that penetration leaves them unsatisfied, or even hornier, or find it uncomfortable at first, or need a man to be a certain width or length. some like dirty talk or other women or a little bit of bondage or romance and candles and "i love yous", some like it fast and some like it slow...we're all different! I've been sexually active for almost 10 years, and I've only ever had 2 partners who were "in tune" with me and could make me orgasm. If it doesn't gross you out, sometimes older guys who are more experienced, can really help you. (Sometimes they have gotten set in their ways as selfish lovers though, so watch out).It sounds stupid, but sex is like anything else... it doesn't really come naturally to be good at it. (hard to believe until you remember that humans don't even know how to eat instictively, we must be taught lol!)so yes, practice makes perfect... as long as you are always practicing safe sex of course!The other thing that might help you is masturbating. I don't mean just giving yourself an orgasm, but actualy taking time out to explore different things like women's erotica (i like the "herotica" series, which is written by and for women and is very woman-friendly... some erotica is more about a man's idea of what women are supposed to like lol), woman-friendly pornography or romance movies with love scenes that get you hot, romance novels if you can ignore the bad writing and just get into the stories- you could even check out guy-oriented porn; it doesn't work for all women, but some women find it very arousing. And take time to experiment with touching yourself (sorry)- not just your privates, but exploring your body all over to see what kind of things make you respond. don't worry, your problem is very common. the media makes it seem like sex is the single greatest and most important thing in the world, ever, but sex is like wine for a lot of women- an aquired taste.oh, one other thing- while you're starting out, you can be pretty emotionally vulnerable. I personally think that it is better to experiment with a long-term partner that you love, who loves you, and who is gentle, patient, understanding, and willing to work with you to help you figure out how you like it. Some men are very selfish in bed- more commonly the ones that are inexperienced, but some never grow out of it. So if your partner "just wants to get laid", and his idea of helping you get comfortable with your sexuality means that you have to spend all of your time on your back while he does his thing and you feel like crap- don't put up with it.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2012): Some girls need to "learn" to enjoy sex. 15 times in a year is a bit more than once a month. Not enough to get to any conclusions.
You are new to sex, so sexploration is very important. Try to learn about your body and mind. Think of what turns you on, and try it. If it didn't work in the first time, don't give up. Give it a few more tries while you try other ideas as well.
Have him explore you too. Give him time to learn how to please you. Communicate with him and let him know about your sexual desires. If you can't talk, use your body language. Don't worry, guys like it when you ask them for sexual favours.
I'm sure it will eventually start to feel good. Most girls I know had the same experience.
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A
female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (20 February 2012):
 For a lot of women it does take some practice before they enjoy sex. It took me 3years before it stopped being painful. It's difficult to realise this in our sex-obsessed age. The books and the movies make it seem like good sex just happens and everyone is born knowing how to do everything. Nope, it's a skill just like any other, and you really need the right tools.You don't say if you masturbate and find pleasure by yourself. But knowing your own body and what you like and what you don't helps you to know what to tell the guy to do to turn you on. You don't say if you love the guy or find him attractive. It's hard to have good sex if the guy isn't the right one. You don't say if you and the guy have enough foreplay before hand. Many people rush into penetration before the woman is ready. You need lots of foreplay so you can get aroused and excited, miss this bit and your still dry and it can hurt.You say that the guy enjoys himself no matter what. Of course he does, men are built differently, they don't need love or much foreplay to get aroused. Sex also doesn't hurt them the way it can hurt us women. Men find it easier to get stimulated and find it easier to orgasm.You also don't say if your just lying there and waiting for something to happen, or if your joining in, touching him and telling him what feels best. Good sex is not just given to us, we also got to work at it, by participating. Maybe the position is wrong, many women prefer to be on top, some like to lie down, what is right for me maybe wrong for you. Some women never have an orgasm through penetration, and need either oral sex or they need their clitoris to be touched, so doggy position might be more suitable.So much different things to factor in. You haven't really told us enough information to work out what would help you in your situation. Dump them hopes, hoping and wishing just puts pressure on yourself. Your so worried about what should happen, that your not actually feeling the sensations that your actually having. Close your eyes the next time, and instead of worrying about how sex should be, I want you to listen to the breathing, pay attention to how sex smells, feel the movements, and relax and try to see what bits of sex you actually enjoy. And make sure you and him kiss, touch and sex play for a long time before.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (20 February 2012):
 Good sex does not just happen, especially if you are just waiting for the guy to pick up the signal and hoping he knows what satisfies you. Has he tried oral? Does he last long enough? Is he affectionate? Do you have preference towards rough passionate sex, or gentle romantic love making? Don't give up on sex yet. You have a long life ahead of you. You have more control over you think. You don't mention who this guy is. Were you just going over the motions because there is no love involved? Are you even attracted to him?
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A
male
reader, MikeEa1 +, writes (20 February 2012):
 for a man sex is completely automatic, but for a woman to achieve orgasm a lot of fine tuning is required. when automatic person has sex with finetuning person some allowances have to be made. even if is is slow and romantic something like 45% of women can't orgasm anyway. I think its better if both people try and turn the sexual experience into something more holistic than an orgasm. try to think more about the rest of your body and try and encourage your partner to slow down.
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