A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:frist i want to say i love my boyfriend we've been togther for 4 years now. but things are getting wierd . like sex between us is almost nonextint and if we do all he wants is for me to go down on him . and if i dont drop every little thing im doing for him then he gets all mad and says im mean . im really begaing to think that he dont love he just wants a mommy . thats how i feel . i cant talk to any one not even family with out him . but he can talk to who ever he wants . i cant go any were unless he gos. so my question should i stay and take care of him and just accept the fact that this is how it is or should i go and try to find some who atentive and romantic Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2012): how about a third option, which is to prepare yourself emotionally to leave him, but don't leave him yet. instead tell him of your dissatisfaction in this relationship and how you perceive that he's being controlling and selfish, and that you want him to change and if he doesn't change you are prepared to leave him. this way you're giving him a chance to change if he wants to keep you - if he does change you could very well end up happy and with a much better and healthier relationship. If he doesn't, you're emotionally prepared to leave him so you won't be making an empty threat. (empty threats mean nothing and get you nowhere).
A
female
reader, amandang1208  +, writes (26 February 2012):
 Oh God Girl,
Leave him, and do it quickly. The fact that he only wants you to go down on him proves that he is not interested in pleasing you. Second, he doesn't want you visiting your family without his approval, means he has pyscho jealously problems. He is no good, baby, I promise. I have been through this before. Leave quick!!!! There are good guys out there! I promise.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2012): You need to ask youself, am I happy?
It sounds like he is more of a pet than a man. I think you need to find someone that is more independent. If you wanted a pet, you would buy one. Good luck!
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A
female
reader, PeanutButter +, writes (26 February 2012):
 Some women are very right for a man that needs a lot of attention and other women are better off looking for men who give as much attention as they get.
I don't thin your guy is bad for the way he is but im not convinced that he is the right man for you. I agree with the previous poster that you may do better moving on.
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A
male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (26 February 2012):
 After four years of dating, I think you need to ask yourself if this is the man you want to invest any more time in?
It sounds like you are beginning to see the real him -- or -- it could be that he assumes that he doesn't need to try anymore.
Part of keeping a relationship working is going the extra mile for your partner. When they get lazy in the bedroom, or in general around the house, even the strongest of relationships can be rocky.
I think its time you sit down and have a talk with your boyfriend. Explain to him the hurt and pain that his actions are causing you. Tell him that you feel "used" when it comes to your sex life and that you feel unappreciated. Tell him that you love him, but you don't see a future with him if his actions continue to drive you away. Also, be aware of what he tells you... there may be some areas that he is having issues with you as well. It takes an effort on both sides of the equation to make a relationship work harmoniously.
I think after four years, you owe him and yourself that much. It won't be easy and it'll likely take some time for him to adjust, but hopefully the fear of him losing you will make him react in a positive manner. It isn't a rose garden being single...
I wish you the best...
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (26 February 2012):
 I find it very disturbing that there are men selfish like this and can't see it. You should definitely leave him. You don't accept him, and you shouldn't.
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A
male
reader, Daniel the love doctor +, writes (25 February 2012):
 If you say you love him and you leave him without working things out, it's like you're just throwing 4 years away. Now don't get me wrong, he should be the one making more of an effort to fix the problems in the relationship. But what you need to do on your part is communicate with him. Let him know exactly how you feel about things. I would also suggest couples counseling. If you don't see any improvements or efforts put in on his behalf, then that's when you seriously consider the idea of breaking up with him.
You deserve someone that's going to treat you with the same amount of love and care that you give. And understand also it's not your job to take on a mommy role. When you're in a relationship, you're a couple... not parent and child.
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