A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've got a real dilemma here. Me and my girlfriend have been together for less than 2 months. About 3 weeks into our relationship we started having sex. We used protection each time.Anyway, her period was supposed to begin at one point during the valentines week but it didn't happen. Now I made a point of checking each condom to see if there was some kind of tear and each one seemed fine but I'm not sure if there might be one I missed.I always said I'd stick to my girlfriend through thick and thin because even though it's not even 2 months, I love her so much it's untrue. But because she's a week late now, we're both really worried.She's younger than me and in college. She said she wouldn't keep it if she turned out to be pregnant but then again doesn't want the guilt for "killing it". I don't really know what to say that I haven't already said to her. There is always the chance we're both jumping to conclusions and that every thing's fine and that she's simply late but this early we don't wanna take any chances.Does anyone have any advice? I don't want her to throw her life away but I don't want her living with guilt either.
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abortion, be pregnant, condom, period Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, natasia +, writes (22 February 2012):
 Answer 1: don't get pregnant.
Answer 2: if you get pregnant and don't want the baby, that is your fault, not the baby's. So live with it. Have the baby and give it up for adoption. It is the only decent thing to do. Frankly, though, I think you would have the baby and then want to keep it when you saw it.
Abortion is, without doubt, unless medically necessary, not an honorable or sensible way out. The anguish it causes afterwards is life-long. The joy of a child is also life-long. A no-brainer if you ask me.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionGood news: we did a test today and it's confirmed she's not pregnant. We're so relieved but we're both treating this as a big wake up call. Next time we're using extra safe condoms. Thank you all for your advice and I'll certain take all of it in consideration if (god forbid) the situation happens again before we want it to.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2012): Agreed if she has a life threatening disease that is exacerbated by pregnancy- she should do her utmost to never get pregnant than-to the point of getting an operation to have her tubes tied and burned.
All you can do is wait and see if she is indeed pregnant and THEN discuss her options and her safety with a PROFESSIONAL DOCTOR that knows and understands her condition.
Its not wise to come to the internet for such matters.
If its a life threatening situation - the Doctors usually advise abortion. AGAIN - discuss this with MEDICAL DOCTORS.
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female
reader, maverick494  +, writes (20 February 2012):
Well if her condition basically rules out getting children, abortion is the only option. It doesn't sound like she has much of a choice.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2012): Maybe invest in a pregnancy testing kit because girls can be late sometimes without being pregnant. If she seriously should NOT get pregnant then she needs to use a better form of contraception if she is going to be sexually active on a regular basis with you. So you might need to talk to her about that. IF she is pregnant and doesnt want to have an termination or keep the baby. Is there any reason why you..the father..could not raise your child?
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThere's something else I forgot to add: I don't think adoption is an option because she has a hereditary condition which mean she shouldn't have children and/or would be difficult for her to conceive. She also gets very emotional very easily and I'm afraid of what might happen if it turns out to be that.
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A
male
reader, alex74 +, writes (20 February 2012):
 My wife and I adopted our son 4 years ago from a reputable adoption agency. His birth parents were teenagers who were unable (not unwilling) to provide for their baby. They made an unbelievably mature and loving choice to give their baby up for adoption to a family of their choosing rather than terminate his life. There are so many loving families available for those who find themselves pregnant, but not ready or capable of being parents. You don't have to hand your baby over to the government and submit him or her to the luck of the draw. There are options available where you can have a say in who raises your baby. I think the guilt of terminating a pregnancy would be much worse. Every day I spend with my son, I am so grateful for his birth parents' selfless decision.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2012): Adoption is always an option
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female
reader, crummyscreenname  +, writes (20 February 2012):
which is worse- raising an unwanted child, who will know that they are unwanted, (yes, the child will know, they can sense their parents resentment and unpreparedness to have kids), and probably have a shitty life, especially because its mother would probably have to drop out of college to support it and never get a good job, so the baby would probably be raised in a lower income bracket, which makes life way harder?Or carrying a baby to term, becoming bonded with it spiritually and emotionally and then giving it up to strangers who might not treat it well?Or having an abortion and only hurting herself, not the baby? The desire to avoid guilt is selfish, and when you're talking about children, you're obligated to be as selfless as possible- which in this circumstance probably means not having the baby at all. Of course she won't feel good about having the abortion. But the fetus doesn't even have conciousness yet. She does, and that's why she needs to make the best decision for the future of this theioretical person. And sure, you say that you'd stand by her now, but if you guys did get married, whose to say your relationship would last or turn out well? You haven't been seeing eachother very long to make that kind of a commitment.
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female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (20 February 2012):
 You might be jumping to conclusions but treat this as a reality check. Only abstinence is 100% safe but if you must have sex then use some other form of birth control as well. Its unlikely that she's pregnant so dont fret too much.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2012): One week late doesn't mean anything. You have to wait a bit longer.
Keeping a baby is a huge responsibility. It will change both of your lives. The question is, are you ready to be parents? Are you stable enough? Apparently your girl isn't ready to be a mother.
You may feel guilty about abortion, but won't you feel more guilty if you let the baby come to this world, and then give it a miserable life by being lousy parents?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2012): "If my gf is pregnant, she says she does not want to keep the baby but is afraid of the guilt of an abortion. What can we do?"As a guy old enough to be your grandfather, I can tell you how my parents would have solved your girlfriend's problem: She'd suddenly leave town to "visit her aunt" for several months, during which time she'd be hidden away while arrangements were made to put the baby up for adoption, before returning home and going on with her life.Your girlfriend and you are essentially strangers to each other who conceived an unwanted child. Neither one of you is remotely ready to assume the responsibility of parenthood, luckily gf is smart enough to realize the obvious. Pardon my language, but any random female can get knocked up by a casual acquaintance if not virtual stranger, getting randomly knocked up does not miraculously bestow the saintly glow of motherhood on all such females, be realistic and accept neither you or she are likely going to suddenly transform into responsible adult parents overnight. If she is pregnant, abortion is obviously not an option for her so do what's best for all concerned (you, her, and above all baby) and start the adoption process as quickly and discreetly as possible. As you've learned the hard way, birth control is not 100% effective, actions have consequences, if you choose to have sex with a girl you barely know then be prepared for the possibility you could end up joined at the hip for the next eighteen years (minimum) if you knock her up and she decides to "keep it" (a vile expression to me, babies aren't possessions to be put on a shelf, they're human beings to be nurtured).
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2012): I was n a simular situation my self nt so long ago. I chose to have an abortion. It is a very difficult decision to make. I do nt regret my decision one bit but I do understand why ur girlfriend is worried. She needs to decide what is best for her alone nt what other people will think. You need to be really supportive, really supportive of her. Let her know that wat ever she decides u are their for her
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female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (20 February 2012):
 I think the guilt of giving it up for adoption can be greater. Do you want to live with the fact that when the baby grows up he is going to know that neither one of you would take care of him because he is unwanted? You think that all adoptive parents are going to be as nice as Jennifer Garner to Ellen Paige's child? Do you think that all emotions issues and worries will go away once the child is adopted?
The decision is hers to make but all you can do is to support whatever decision she makes and plan your life around one of the three options she is going to take. You've done your best in preventing pregnancy. Note that condoms have holes, holes that are bigger than a sperm so only abstinence is 100% safe. You can try both condoms and birth control. Once you get sexually active with someone you automatically have to think about the future. If you are old enough to have sex you are also old enough to handle consequences and responsibilities to life.
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female
reader, Sweet-thing +, writes (20 February 2012):
 She could always have the baby and give it up for adoption if she still feels strongly against keeping it by the time she gives birth. It would be the most humane thing to do, plus she may realize along the way that Motherhood is not such a bad idea afterall.
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female
reader, bardia +, writes (19 February 2012):
 Very difficult situation. First, like you said, don't jump to conclusions because she may just be late. But it doesn't hurt to have everything checked out. If she is pregnant you have so many options. It wouldn't be easy, but you can always give the baby up for adoption. Yes, you might have to deal with your families & school (if that's currently an issue) or work. But she wouldn't have to live with that feeling of guilt. Now, the idea of giving up a baby for adoption probably carries its own emotional & psychological issues. Honestly, I'm prochoice just for the fact that its my body & no one should be able to tell me what I can & can't do with it. But I'm prolife & would carry the same feelings she seems to have. It's a very difficult position. And someone in a medical clinic or family center might be able to give you both better guidance one way or another.
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