A
female
age
30-35,
*aliMoore
writes:I've been with my boyfriend for a year and a half now and at the start of our relationship, he was receiving texts from a girl he used to fancy before we got together (the same girl that actually delayed us getting together). Igot upset when I found out and asked him not to talk to her anymore and he agreed, he cried because he was so sorry and didn't know it would upset me so much.So over a year passes, and just a few days ago I went on Facebook to write a message to my friend, I went onto my inbox and realised it was left logged on his profile. Then I saw the girls name.. I opened up the message, and there were a couple of messages to her that were sent just before Christmas. They were innocent messages, but the fact that I got upset last time and he promised me he had no feelings towards her and that he wouldn't talk to her anymore upset me. Especially when it wasn't long after our first year anniversary and I thought that we were closer than ever. I confronted him, he called me crying, begging me not to leave him. Eventhough he seem genuinely upset, I can't get it out of my mind that he did this, all this time I've been thinking that he's lovely and the one I want to spend the rest of my life with and he's betrayed me. He's promised he won't talk to her again, he's deleted her number and all other ex's as well as his Facebook.It's been 2 days since I found out and I still feel down and every time I try and act normal with him, I feel like I'm faking it, it's like I feel he doesn't deserve hugs, kisses and I love you's yet. Do you think this feeling will pass? Because I don't want to break up with him and I do love him, when I forget about it all and act normal it's great, but it just takes one thought and i'm back to feeling annoyed and upset.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (20 February 2012):
 This guy has lied to you, cried crocodile tears, lied some more, then begged and managed to drag thing back to normal. Do you think he's sincere? If he knows that talking to that girl makes you mad, then he shouldnt do it, its that simple. He is in a relationship with you, not with her and its his responsibility to see that YOU are happy, not some other female.
Maybe he still fancies her? Or maybe he likes it when she talks to him because of the old feelings that he had for her? Look OP, you cant brush this under the carpet and pretend everything's normal. Things dont really change by deleting phone numbers and facebook accounts, its up to the individual himself as to how much he actually WANTS to change. I agree with the other aunt who said that the tears are a way to manipulate you, because they are. That girl didnt point a gun to his head and force him to talk to her, he did it himself.
Ultimately its your choice. Trust your instincts. Hold back on the kisses and hugs and love-you's for a bit till you actually mean them. Take some time off and think. Remember, you cant keep an eye on him all the time, at some point the trust has to kick in and you just have to let him go. Ask yourself, do you trust him? Can you trust him? Think about this.
A
female
reader, OscarsMummyReturns +, writes (19 February 2012):
you are bound to be upset you feel he has decieved you.. the good thing is they were innocent messages, he obviously values her freindship but i would wonder where those innocent messages would lead... she obviosuly likes him - i honestly think it is just friendship on his part that said i wouldnt like it either, i want a man who has no female freinds well not that close but is it really possible ?? i couldnt handle it personally and i agree with the other guys here he probably thins he can cry and that will make you forgive him... maybe give him an ultimatum, and give yourself maybe 2 months if you are still feeling like this in 2 months then you probably always will x
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (19 February 2012):
 I think I would cut him loose not just because of the trust issue. If I were in your position I would always have the nigging feeling that he likes her better than I. She knows that she won't date him obviously because he is in a relationship, but she likes the attention and feels flattered that he is still in touch with her. She wants to see how far she can go with this. Even when the messages don't spell "affair," they are never innocent. It is the intention of the messaging. I believe we are allowed to have friends, but only when they don't cause any suspicion or hurt to the person. It's true it has been 2 months since the last message. But what if you guys argue about the trust issue when you have a down moment, is that going to tempt him to contact her again? I see the word promise on this site a lot. Remember, untrustworthy guys promise. Decent guys never have to, because the women feel so secure in the relationship.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2012): The question is, do you trust him deep down? It sounds like he tries to manipulate you with those crocodile tears of his. Most grown men don't start genuinely crying every time they're found out. I think the tears are fake and he's manipulative.
If you really do want to be with him then give him another chance but if he does something again and starts "crying" don't fall for it.
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