A
female
age
41-50,
*love35
writes:i met this guy i been having sex with him the last mouth he has been helping me in so many ways. he talks to my kids he tells me he wish he met me fours years ago before he met the women he is with now he wants me to wait for him for me to have no other guys, just him when he comes to my house.When he wants to he comes to my house and he has sex with me, but it's not all the time that he comes. What should i do ?Wait for him? because i do love him Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (18 February 2015):
 OH dear... really.. YOU LOVE HIM?
make a list of all the things that HE CURRENTLY does that makes you love him. NOT what you want. NOT what he COULD be. BUT what he currently is and does.
so he wants to have sex with you while dating an other woman and you are to just keep yourself chaste and pure for him to come dip his magic wand in any time he feels horny and his REAL GF is not up for it?
he comes to your house and he has sex with you? I hope it's when your kids are not home... how sad and confusing for them otherwise. He will be gone like dust in the wind eventually.
he wants you to be JUST his and sit around and wait for him while he has others? OH HELL NO!
So here's a big question... you know him to be a liar and a cheater right now (unless you have met his GF and have HER permission to have sex with her man then I stand corrected)
Let's say for argument's sake that 18 months from now SHE Has had enough of him and kicks him to the curb when she finds out about you, he then comes to you and says "I'm free and ready to be your 'real boyfriend' now. (btw that is not going to happen you are good enough for sex and nothing else in his mind)
so here you are "happily ever after" with MR. Liar and Cheater... one night, he's late for a dinner...
the next week he does not answer his phone when you call.
He never lets you see his phone or his email.
Won't you think that since he was able to cheat on her he can cheat on you? Don't you think that if he lies to her he will lie to you?
don't you see he's already lying to you and cheating you out of a real relationship.
A
female
reader, Midnight Shadow  +, writes (18 February 2015):
 You allow your cheating lover to talk to your kids?! I wouldn't let him anywhere near them, if they were mine.
This isn't love; you don't love him and he certainly doesn't love you or the woman he's with! Love is mutual, this is infatuation with a guy who gives you everything you think you want, but not what you deserve: exclusivity. This guy is charming you with words, but not with actions. He's got one hell of a nerve to want you to be monogamous when he isn't.
Ugh, this guy is a jerk - regardless of what you think of him because of what he's shown you. You and your kids deserve better and, quite frankly, you're old enough to know better than to get involved in someone else's relationship.
I strongly advise cutting it off with him completely and allowing yourself to find the kind, loving, *single* man that you deserve.
...............................
A
male
reader, benstar +, writes (18 February 2015):
My opinion is, IF you really like him, then tell him that sex is off limits, tell him that you will wait for a month, and if its not over with them by then, just move on! To me, this sounds like lust, he's telling you things to keep you sweet, this guy sounds like a tool- he is in a relationship, he has sex with you when he wants it and on top of that, he asks you to not see anyone else... from an outsider's point of you, its pretty clear that you should tell him where to go but it all depends on your feeling, just be real to yourself and respect yourself, because it doesn't sound like he respects you much because he wouldn't be doing this.
...............................
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (18 February 2015):
 His request is ridicolous. What a nerve ! He should not DARE to ask you what he can't give you himself to begin with- i.e. monogamy and exclusivity. He can say all he wants- talk is cheap- but the thruth of the fact is that he is coming around for a booty call when he fancies it AND going home to his official one for regular sexual and emotional intimacy. Is that good enough for you ? Does the unbalance , and the formal designation as bit-on-the-side, not bother you ?. Fine, you know what you can handle. But at least do keep your options open and do not accept to enter into an unilateral committment ! this does not mean that you have to go out and bed any guy you meet just to level the playing field . If unluckily for the time being you are not attracted to anybody else, you can't force yourself to be promiscuous. But at least refuse to sanction officially your status of putty in his selfish hands. It 's a bit like holding the door open for the burglar who wants to loot your house. No need to be SO nice!
Actually, this is not the best advice I could give you. The best advice is to get out real fast from a " relationship " where you do the loving unilaterally and he uses you for fun, and where this unbalance of feelings and intents is going to give YOU big grief . But some times rationality and will strength are just not enough to prevent us from being stuck into bad choices- we have to learn the hard way, as I think it will happen in your case.
...............................
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (18 February 2015):
 Not a chance. He needs to drop the woman he is with before you touch him again, much less become exclusive. His request isn't a request of love! It's territorial. That's why he wants you to be exclusive while he doesn't hold himself up to the same standard.
And - if you're saying you love him after only one month, you're in for some serious pain ahead.
...............................
|
