A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupid,I'm single I have been single for quite sometimes by choice now that my children are grown im ready to mingle I have often been told I have a beautiful personality but my attitude is different.What could it be? I'm a beautiful person im not stuck up I treat people with respect could it be men don't see me as dating material.Help?? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (24 February 2015):
 Ah ok- it' s not that bad, it's something that can be worked over. You do not have to change personality- you can't, and you should not if you could !- but maybe, just make yourself a little more approachable, less defensive.
Relax, the world is not out to get you and the wolves are not at your door . Wait : I take it back, there are actually pack of wolves in the dating world :), it's good that you keep your eyes open, take your time, and maintain your high standards. But, with less fear ; remember : ultimately YOU are in control. And everybody is innocent until proven guilty, so maybe you want to approach men / let them approach you, showing less suspicion and defensiveness. Knowing you can afford it, because ultimately they can't take advantage of you or mistreat you ,if you do not let them or allow the conditions for mistreatment. And in the meantime, while you get to know them, and suss out what they are about, you can allow yourself... I don't know, little changes. Smile more ? laugh a bit more ? be a little bit more open in conversation about your life, your tastes, etc ?. Or adopting a less close-off body language ?....
It seems the friends who know you well have the pulse of what's going on and what's the attidume " problem " ( if such we want to call it ). Maybe they can coach you and suggest the adjustments...
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2015): Yes CindyCares you hit it on the head I am very shy but sweet person you have described me to a T.Im not stuck up but they think I am. I just feel I deserve a guy with values.And I won't settle less I have been dealing with men who was good to me and for me so now I want to just take my time I don't want to mess up again.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (23 February 2015):
There are not details enough to give you reasonably reliable feedback; as quoted the words you have been told may mean anything.
My guess- but it is only a guess- is they meant that , once they get to know you, it comes out that inside you are really a beautiful person, but the first impact is not particularly positive/welcoming. Are you perhaps someone who is gruff / standoffish / aggressive out of shyness ? who sends out aloof vibes while having a warm gentle nature ?... something like that.
What you have been told would suggest to me that somehow the inside ( the real beautiful you ) is not aligned with the outside ( the way you speak, act, relate to people etc. ). Your friends seem to be suggesting you bring into alignment the outside with the inside.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (23 February 2015):
 Can you tell me more? Your post has very little information in it.
What is your attitude, and who was it that gave you the feedback on your personality vs. attitude? Why is your personality described as "beautiful", but your attitude described as something else?
What makes you believe that men don't see you as dating material? Have you been on dates, and if so, how did they go?
How long has it been since you have dated, and what is it that is motivating you to mingle? Your kids having grown?
How many kids do you have, and what is your relationship to their father? Was your divorce bitter, or do you have a civil relationship with your ex, or any relationship??
I ask the latter questions because I've seen where the more acrimonious the relationship was, the residual negative feelings subconsciously spill into future dating attempts.
Last question - how set in your ways would you believe you are?? Is your life one that invites a partner?
Okay, one more question - what hobbies do you have? Do you still work?
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